husbands of med students' point of view needed

[grownwiser]

I am going to be starting med school in the Fall and more importantly getting married this summer. It seems like (from this forum's posts anyway) majority of married med students are male. How about women doctors-to-be whose SO's are in non-health related professions?
I want to be able to tell my fiance what to expect when I start med school... so I wud appreciate any input from guys (as well as wives) who have or are supporting their spouses thru med school. What wud u have liked to have known starting out? How stressful was it to balance your and her work/study schedules? Are vacations and getaways manageable? Was there any way that your wife able to support/communicate to make your life better thru the years? Any input/ tips are welcome. Thanks.

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[paean]

I've lived with my boyfriend for 4+ years, and he came with me to school, so "married" in many of the practical senses of the word. There's a number of women in my class with non-medical spouses/partners. I would assume that it's similar at many other schools.

Concrete advice:

You'll get the most out of talking to people at the school you plan to matriculate at in terms of work load and free time. I have a decent amount (partly wasted on SDN, alas) but less than I did when I was working or most semesters as an undergrad. Third year is generally to hardest, because you will likely be gone a lot, and sleeping/studying when at home.

If you have fallen prey to gender roles in terms of housework, talk up front about how you will need to do less, or live in a messier house, than you are used to. Even if you go to a school like mine (UCSF) your non-school time is precious, because when you are studying, you are working hard, and will want a break, not to switch to doing housework, when you get home.

Talk about money. Keep an open dialogue about it. Are you planning on taking out loans, use savings, or is he paying for everything? What is it worth to you to have no/less debt, compared to living more comfortably? Money leads to a lot of problems (as does housework and other mundane issues) if you have different expectations about it.

Vacations: You will probably have more days off a year than he will, and if you can afford it, you can go anywhere you want. He will, however, have to take time off work according to your schedule, because until the last two years, you have virtually no say in scheduling.

Make sure you let him know that you appreciate him and his work, but also make sure that he is valuing your work (and what it means for you both in the long run.)

And congratuations on your upcoming wedding.

 

[grownwiser]

thanks paean. i agree that the work load wud vary from school to school. I actually interviwed at UCSF and it is one of my top choices. Our student tour guides seemed pretty happy but in reality, do most students there manage to have a life outside of school? do u know anything about UCSD in terms of the same? thanks again.

 

[paean]

We do have time outside of school in years 1, 2 and 4. At UCSD (well, I'm biased, because my my only friend there hates it and is trying to transfer) they seem to have less. But I know that there are some people who love it there, so it might be best to ask them.

I'm actually a lot less busy and tired than I expected to be, but I experience this odd sensation that even though I want to, and mostly do, live a balanced life, I never feel like I study as much as I should to really know the material. No problems with passing, though. Most of the class gets well above the 70% required.