flowerpsych
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- Jan 18, 2025
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I got accepted to graduate school–3 PsyDs this cycle. I should be excited.. But honestly? I'm exhausted.
I have ADHD, and despite therapy, coaching, and medication... sometimes it feels like I'm just barely making it through. Yeah, I had a great GPA, solid experiences, strong letters of recommendation–but I still can't believe I got this far. I'm feeling this state of 'what does it matter anymore?' And some days, I just want to give up.
I keep having the internal battle: Am I questioning my career path because of ADHD exhaustion, or is this truly not the right path for me?
My mind is saying that the only reason I doubt myself is because of things tied to my ADHD. My life is perfect.. except for when I'm struggling to read, write, do ADL's, sleep, etc. People in my academic circle don't know–it's not something I could share with fear of people speaking about my work negatively, or having a bias against my abilities. I get my work done. Behind closed doors, it's hard. And there is impairment. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle, constantly trying to navigate a boat in choppy waters.
If my ADHD isn't going to get much better– and if I'm still going to be masking, exhausted, and drained despite utilizing all of my resources–then what?
Part of me believes that the people who achieve great things push past their feelings. That no matter how hard it gets, they keep going because feelings are temporary and change, but goals are forever. But I just keep asking myself: Why does this path have to be this hard? And if I'm already exhausted simply doing everything I was to get into these programs, should I make things even harder by committing to this?
My rational self knows I'd regret not pursuing a doctoral program. The flexibility of the degree, specialized training, ability to provide assessments and truly help people in the way I wanted to. It's the big awesome end goal. I can't just give that all up.. can I? It's everything I wanted. But.. I don't want to grind myself to the bone getting there.
Has anyone felt this way? How did you figure out if it was just burnout or a sign that you should change paths? Would appreciate a challenge if there is something I am not seeing about this situation because I'm kind of being a negative nancy rn.
I have ADHD, and despite therapy, coaching, and medication... sometimes it feels like I'm just barely making it through. Yeah, I had a great GPA, solid experiences, strong letters of recommendation–but I still can't believe I got this far. I'm feeling this state of 'what does it matter anymore?' And some days, I just want to give up.
I keep having the internal battle: Am I questioning my career path because of ADHD exhaustion, or is this truly not the right path for me?
My mind is saying that the only reason I doubt myself is because of things tied to my ADHD. My life is perfect.. except for when I'm struggling to read, write, do ADL's, sleep, etc. People in my academic circle don't know–it's not something I could share with fear of people speaking about my work negatively, or having a bias against my abilities. I get my work done. Behind closed doors, it's hard. And there is impairment. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle, constantly trying to navigate a boat in choppy waters.
If my ADHD isn't going to get much better– and if I'm still going to be masking, exhausted, and drained despite utilizing all of my resources–then what?
Part of me believes that the people who achieve great things push past their feelings. That no matter how hard it gets, they keep going because feelings are temporary and change, but goals are forever. But I just keep asking myself: Why does this path have to be this hard? And if I'm already exhausted simply doing everything I was to get into these programs, should I make things even harder by committing to this?
My rational self knows I'd regret not pursuing a doctoral program. The flexibility of the degree, specialized training, ability to provide assessments and truly help people in the way I wanted to. It's the big awesome end goal. I can't just give that all up.. can I? It's everything I wanted. But.. I don't want to grind myself to the bone getting there.
Has anyone felt this way? How did you figure out if it was just burnout or a sign that you should change paths? Would appreciate a challenge if there is something I am not seeing about this situation because I'm kind of being a negative nancy rn.