This is more of a vent rather than seeking guidance, but I hate how this past year has treated me, as a person and as an applicant.
Going into the application cycle last summer, I was very optimistic about my reapplication chances, I was a month into a new medical assistant job and felt I had done solid work in addressing deficiencies in my previous application too with other involvements. I had moved back home with my parents, and was working to get into a balanced mindset of being more social and active outside of work to keep me energized through this process.
However, right around the time I was getting my secondary applications from schools, I ruptured my Achilles tendon and needed surgery for it. I was suddenly on bedrest for 6 weeks because of my lack of mobility, and having to submit my secondary applications after quickly weaning off the painkillers from surgery. Instead of looking forward to being able to make new connections and involve myself in the community, I felt utterly helpless and isolated. By the time I was cleared to partially return to work 2 months later in a boot, I could only work on administrative duties, as I wasn't able to be on my feet for an extended period of time. By December/January, I could finally do limited clinical duties, but now I was about to be the most experienced person on the team due to significant turnover and had to cover for 4 people.
By late January, I thought I was turning a corner as new hires were coming in and I was wrapping up my 6th interview of the cycle. I thought I could weather the next couple of months in which I would be training the newer staff, while focusing on rehabbing my ankle in my spare time. However, those 6 interviews turned to 4 wait-lists and 2 rejections, and I wanted to hold onto that hope that I would be get off a wait-list sooner rather than later, and that I would be on the back end of my recovery.
But it's now June, I am just now at the point where I no longer have any restrictions due to my injury at the 10 month mark, but I can't say that I've improved myself as an applicant on paper over the last year as a result of this setback. And given that I'm still sitting on 4 wait-lists, I feel empty now with regards to this cycle, with regards to the effort that I've put in and the years of drive and motivation I've committed towards this process, to just get "in the door" and begin my medical school education.
I also want to add that it's not that I'm not falling out of love with medicine as a result of this year; in fact, coming from a research background to working in the clinical outpatient setting has made me appreciate it more. Everytime there's been a hurdle in the clinic or a complex access issue for the patient's, I found myself defaulting into communicating the situation to the patient in a calm and transparent manner, + looping in the relevant providers and staff in resolving the issue. But I often felt invigorated in being able to work on pushing a solution forward within my scope while learning about the clinical implications along the way from the providers I work with.
So it's not that I'm falling out of love of medicine, it's that I'm becoming disillusioned from this admissions process not loving me back.
Going into the application cycle last summer, I was very optimistic about my reapplication chances, I was a month into a new medical assistant job and felt I had done solid work in addressing deficiencies in my previous application too with other involvements. I had moved back home with my parents, and was working to get into a balanced mindset of being more social and active outside of work to keep me energized through this process.
However, right around the time I was getting my secondary applications from schools, I ruptured my Achilles tendon and needed surgery for it. I was suddenly on bedrest for 6 weeks because of my lack of mobility, and having to submit my secondary applications after quickly weaning off the painkillers from surgery. Instead of looking forward to being able to make new connections and involve myself in the community, I felt utterly helpless and isolated. By the time I was cleared to partially return to work 2 months later in a boot, I could only work on administrative duties, as I wasn't able to be on my feet for an extended period of time. By December/January, I could finally do limited clinical duties, but now I was about to be the most experienced person on the team due to significant turnover and had to cover for 4 people.
By late January, I thought I was turning a corner as new hires were coming in and I was wrapping up my 6th interview of the cycle. I thought I could weather the next couple of months in which I would be training the newer staff, while focusing on rehabbing my ankle in my spare time. However, those 6 interviews turned to 4 wait-lists and 2 rejections, and I wanted to hold onto that hope that I would be get off a wait-list sooner rather than later, and that I would be on the back end of my recovery.
But it's now June, I am just now at the point where I no longer have any restrictions due to my injury at the 10 month mark, but I can't say that I've improved myself as an applicant on paper over the last year as a result of this setback. And given that I'm still sitting on 4 wait-lists, I feel empty now with regards to this cycle, with regards to the effort that I've put in and the years of drive and motivation I've committed towards this process, to just get "in the door" and begin my medical school education.
I also want to add that it's not that I'm not falling out of love with medicine as a result of this year; in fact, coming from a research background to working in the clinical outpatient setting has made me appreciate it more. Everytime there's been a hurdle in the clinic or a complex access issue for the patient's, I found myself defaulting into communicating the situation to the patient in a calm and transparent manner, + looping in the relevant providers and staff in resolving the issue. But I often felt invigorated in being able to work on pushing a solution forward within my scope while learning about the clinical implications along the way from the providers I work with.
So it's not that I'm falling out of love of medicine, it's that I'm becoming disillusioned from this admissions process not loving me back.
