I hate the rat race

[heartshaped box]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

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[redpanda]

Well, no, I haven't experienced this. If you don't like how your so-called friends are treating you, why are you friends with them? Why do you care what they think any more? You can de-friend people on social media and then you don't have to hear from them.

It is useful in adult life to stop caring what most people think about you (aside from your close friends/family/etc.) and just do what you want to do. You don't like some people in your med school class? Don't hang out with them. Certain people stress you out in person or on Facebook? Avoid/defriend/hide them. You have more choices than you think about controlling who you communicate and socialize with. Stop caring, stop putting up some facade because you think that people perceive you negatively for your career choice or whatever, and go be yourself.

 

[ericksonj15]

.

 

[DrEnderW]

Sounds like you had a great group of friends that are really worth keeping...

 

[Mdtichen]

Welcome to the real world. If they don't accept you for who you are then they obviously aren't your friends. You are going to see people like that wherever you go. Why not be proud of your accomplishments and post them? Who cares what they will do or will not do. You know who you are and who your real friends are at heart.

Sitting around keeping your accomplishments to yourself while you worry about these people is a waste of your time and energy. You should be celebrating and enjoying yourself, not worrying about useless crap like this.

 

[BABSstudent]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

You don't have to keep people friended on Facebook. I purge people all the time and only keep the people I still consider friends. I don't mind sharing my accomplishments with them because I like to hear about their accomplishments. I want to know how their lives are going, if they are getting married, graduating, getting careers started or even starting a family.

If I don't care about the person that much, I just click to defriend them and never worry about it again.

 

[RedICEE]

I don't have a Facebook anymore for some-what similar reasons. I feel that it places too much focus on presentation, and that's not what I want to do or share among my friends. A lot of people are there to compare their lives to others; not maliciously or even consciously, but it's just the nature of Facebook, which is why I opted out. You don't need it to have a social life.

 

[Loveless]

1. Post about your accomplishments.
2. Wait for bandwagon friends to "perk" up.
3. Unfriend bandwagon friends.
4. Find real friends to get ****faced drunk with.
5. ???
6. Profit.

 

[BABSstudent]

I don't have a Facebook anymore for some-what similar reasons. I feel that it places too much focus on presentation, and that's not what I want to do or share among my friends. A lot of people are there to compare their lives to others; not maliciously or even consciously, but it's just the nature of Facebook, which is why I opted out. You don't need it to have a social life.

True, but Facebook makes connecting with future and current classmates easier. On the medical school page for my future class, people are sharing scholarships, housing, where they are placed first year, plans for hikes and trips that others can come along on, pros and cons of each living area, facts about admissions and their conversations with the financial aid department.

I think it has been worth it and would not know how to handle everything without a Facebook. It has definitely been a huge plus.

 

[kami333]

I hate posting cliche stuff like this but:

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

The older I get, the more I've found this to be true.

 

[DokterMom]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

Passive aggressive much?

 

[45408]

Welcome to the real world. If they don't accept you for who you are then they obviously aren't your friends.

They're currently not accepting him for who he's pretending to be. Maybe it's obvious that he's being cagey and avoiding people, since he's not even told anyone that he's pre-med or accepted to med school. It's almost impossible to say if they're "true friends" or not.

 

[gmcguitar4]

Just sounds like you have $hitty friends. I don't go posting rants or other krap online either though. The less of me that is online, the better. Someday in the future, I feel that anyone could use old things on the internet against them, so it is just better to keep as much as possible off of it.

My younger sister goes crazy with facebook posting all this emotional krap, every action she does, her views on everything..it is just a waste of energy in my opinion and a cry for attention in the first place.

 

[mirimonster]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

I've found that generally people are less interested in what you're doing than you think they are. I think you're reading wayyyy too much into facebook. Yeah, people think you're still in your "crap job", because you haven't told them differently. Most people don't care. Sounds like you're insecure about your "crap job" and you're projecting that everyone else is looking down on you, when really they probably don't give a rat's a**.

But yeah, they'll perk up if you posted about getting into med school....because they're proud of you and people like to see their friends succeed. Don't really understand why that bothers you.

 

[loltopsy]

Most people you are just kind of 'friends' with in college rapidly disappear afterwards unless you become a celebrity pretty much. Everyone gets into serious relationships and ends up spending less time with friends in general. The friends they do spend time with are really their closest group.

That's the way everyone works. I don't think it has anything to do with prestige level of the job you work after college.

 

[Jumoke]

Very interesting posts in this thread. But it's real. Some shallow people won't respect your or pay you any regard once they feel you are not doing much with your life. It's the reality of life. The minute they see you up to something, they are interested in knowing the great things you have going on in your life and want to be a part of it. Now what you have to do is, find out who your true friends are and cut the rest off with no regrets. I don't do social media much and facebook is like a venue where you get to update all your frienemies of all the things that's going on in your life, the latest event you attended and their contact with you is just a click away. Whereas, I prefer my friends to be a phone call or a car-ride away. I prefer to see their faces not only in a picture. I prefer to touch, hug, hold, laugh together, share my joys and pains but not on facebook. I don't maintain relationships with family members on social media so why i should do i the same with any real friend? My thing is, if social media is the only way you know how to reach me, then we are not friends. That's why I deactivated my facebook 3 years ago. Getting rid of that clutter i called friendship has brought great peace. I am not interested in knowing what's going in everyone's life, can get time consuming and very distracting to the amazing things i have going on 😛

Multiple choice:
a) $friends = $1 = 4 quarters
b) $friends = $1 = 100 pennies
I choose 4 friends over 100 worthless friends, 4 friends is enough!
And those 4 friends are likely to be there and happy for me no matter what i choose to do with my life, be it a janitor or a rocket scientist.

 

[sinombre]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

You really need to make new friends. I don't think I've met a single person like this in real life. Are you sure you're not just misinterpreting the natural distancing that happens to most people after college? What do you mean by "cut ties"?

Anyway, getting in to medical school is a huge deal. I rarely use Facebook anymore, but after I got in I definitely posted the mandatory "OMGZ I'm in!!!1!one" post. Even if 99% of the people I'm "friends" with on Facebook are now nothing more than people I used to talk to in various capacities, it was cool to be able to share the good news with people that knew me in some context while I was struggling to make it along the way.

 

[DokterMom]

I've found that generally people are less interested in what you're doing than you think they are. I think you're reading wayyyy too much into facebook. Yeah, people think you're still in your "crap job", because you haven't told them differently. Most people don't care. Sounds like you're insecure about your "crap job" and you're projecting that everyone else is looking down on you, when really they probably don't give a rat's a**.

But yeah, they'll perk up if you posted about getting into med school....because they're proud of you and people like to see their friends succeed. Don't really understand why that bothers you.

This. You've shut them out and now complain that they haven't beat down your door. They may think you dropped them, feeling jealous of their relative success and/or embarrassed by your lack (crap job). Your behavior would be entirely consistent with this...

 

[La Presse]

Most of my friends suck, are stupid, or are very malicious. I am very cautious when making friends.

 

[catzzz88]

I agree with all the things said in this thread. I tried to summarize them below.

1) Don't care about what other people think. redpanda, Mdtichen
2) Don't be "friends" with people who do not appreciate you for who you really are. redpanda, DrEnderW, BABSstudent
3) Dont be passive aggressive - seems no one is being taught a lesson and everyone is for worse. DokterMom, ericksonj15, Mdtichen
4) In all, you may be overestimating Facebook. Non-close friends don't really care THAT much about what you are up to. Most of your 700 Facebook friends don't think you are doing "boring crap" simply because they frankly are not thinking about you at all ... mirimonster
5) You may be incorrect in your assumption that they are no longer friends with you because you are no longer doing "prestigious things." People move away, get in serious relationships, or buckle down and focus on school... you don't have to interpret this in such a self-centered way. Maybe they aren't talking to you for personal reasons... why does it have to be about you and what you are doing? loltopsy

I also have something to add. Why be so pessimistic? Why lie about yourself? Well, its not really lying as much as it is concealing. Please be yourself and be comfortable being yourself and if others have a problem with that ... then de-friend them if that bothers you.

Honestly, you are fighting evil with evil: you perceive others to be fake and thus you are fake yourself to prevent them from being even more fake...

But... what if you are wrong? What if they really did find you an amazing person that they want to see succeed, but they are really busy (relationship, school, crisis, etc). If they saw a post of you getting into medical school and felt happy for you and then said "congrats!" you would see them as being fake.... Or, perhaps some of your friends looked up to you and are having trouble getting motivated... If they saw a post of you getting into medical school and felt happy for you and then said "congrats!" you would (let me guess) see that as them being jealous? What if they were really just inspired and are thinking that they need to work harder?

I dont know. You sound like a very pessimistic person who is highly concerned with the actions of others to the point where it is affecting your decisions and not allowing you to show your true self. As Mdtichen said, you should probably be congratulating yourself and sharing it with loved ones and friends and feeling the glow of accomplishment and self-motivation and achieving personal goals etc. etc. rather than worrying about petty stuff like this. I am no psychiatrist, but this seems like a classic case of psychological projection. Seeking therapy may help. I am not saying you are sick in the head and crazy and need to go to a doctor... I think psychiatry can be good for EVERYONE and can help ground us, identify our own weaknesses and work on them, etc. This is obviously worrying and negatively affecting you to some extent (even to the point where you post it here on SDN), but I argue that in this case, it is you... not them.

We are not counselors... we can't help you solve your personality flaws (we all have them!). Consider seeing a counselor or psychologist if you are genuinely interested in finding out the real reasons behind why you feel this way about others to the point where you would conceal such an important life decision and go through such great lengths to hide information about yourself (creating a brand new account?!) ...

Most of all; congrats on your acceptance to medical school and good luck! Have more faith in humanity. People care about you just as much as the next person... heck I even spent the time to write this post because I was concerned ... Maybe 600/700 of your Facebook friends don't care what you ate for lunch, where you work, what city you live in, but I think most would be happy to see any person get into medical school, knowing the trials and tribulations that it takes to get there... 🙂

Best,
C

 

[red7]

I don't know your situation, and maybe I'm making wrong assumptions here, but I agree with others who've said that it's natural to fall out of touch with people after college. I graduated just last year and to be honest, I've only really kept in touch with one person from school. There are a few others whom I message/email once in a long while, but in terms of regular contact, just one person.

I'm not saying this is the case with you (maybe your friends actually blew you off when you tried to keep in touch) but for me, I've just been really busy and rarely have time to sit down and call/email someone. Plus, the longer you don't talk to someone, the less you have to talk about with them. There doesn't always have to be a reason for me to reach out to an old friend, but I'm more likely to do so if there's something going on with them. So yes, I'm sure if I posted online that I got into medical school, I would suddenly hear from a lot of people that I haven't spoken to in a long time. Sure, maybe one or two might be interested only because they now might have some to gain from me, but the vast majority are probably just happy for me, and getting in touch because there's a reason to open up a new conversation with me.

I would say, if you're talking about friends in finance, law, etc. (which is what you mentioned), those are very rough fields with ridiculous working hours - they probably aren't keeping touch with most of their friends, not just you. And when they do have free time, they might just be spending it with family or bf/gf. I think it only gets more difficult as time goes on, people start to have kids, and lose track of the friends they had when they were younger. It's something most people struggle with, and I'm definitely still learning how to keep in touch with friends whom I don't just automatically see every day anymore.

Congratulations on getting into med school! Hope it all works out for you

 

[yehhhboiii]

Most of my friends suck, are stupid, or are very malicious. I am very cautious when making friends.

I don't see how that follows.

 

[Gauss44]

As a non-trad student with multiple acceptances, I've been very cautious about spreading the good news, especially to people I have not talked to since college. I never posted about getting into med school in Facebook and I don't intend on joining my med school network on my account (will probably make a new account just for med school).

The reason for all this is because I am disgusted by how my former friends have more or less cut ties with me because I'm no longer doing "prestigious" things (keep in mind, most of my friends think all I have done since college is land the boring crap job I have right now for my glide year, they have no idea that I went back to school in my home state to take premed classes, take the mcat, apply, etc). I know if I were to announce that I'm going to med school, my friends in finance/law/whatever would perk up. Anyone else experience this?

I'm just going to go on pretending I'm (in their eyes) a failure at life on Facebook. At least I know who my true friends are.

I sort of wish I could find a man-sized rat race. I like mazes. The Berlin green subway stations are probably the closest thing I've found in the last few years, or middle of Boston (roads are based on old cow paths).

Anyhow, people's perceptions are weird. After I get a haircut and put on work cloths, strangers treat me great and friend say, "you look great." But, when I let it all grow out and throw on a t-shirt, I've had people wrongly assume I was homeless, so terrible!

My old housemate had a similar problem. He was a black guy so race may or may not have played into it. But when he wore work clothes to the electronics store, the clerk was super polite, "let me know if you need anything sir." Then that same clerk saw him in a sweats and an old t-shirt at the same store, and followed him around as though he was about to shoplift. The assumptions people make....................... I guess it's worse when it's your old friends though.

Then there's the silly assumption that people who don't talk about doing anything, aren't doing anything. You can post to Facebook a parallel story or something about silly assumptions. You can say you've been working on several "secret projects." The old saying, "if I told you, I'd have to kill you."

 

[jr93]

I agree with everyone. Anyone that isn't genuinely happy that you got into med school is a prick. Just the same, you should be happy if your friend got a promotion at jiffy lube. We all have to contribute to society somehow. Many pre-meds are decent at math and could probably go make easy money in finance but chose not to. As a potential high salary earner, drop these friends quick. You'll likely have many friends in the future that make less than you but you get along with just fine.