I need geeky/sciency jokes for a presentation

[gsquared]

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So I have a presentation coming up for a botany class, and the professor specifically asked us to include jokes/costumes/music/audience interaction whenever possible, provided it doesn't interfere with the content of our presentation and is appropriate (i.e. no vulgarity/nudity/etc.)

My specific project deals with the chemistry and cultural history behind nutmeg (the essential oil of nutmeg an aromatic precursor to a variety of drugs and is toxic/mildly hallucinogenic).

Any thoughts/suggestions would be appreciate- I'm not the greatest when it comes to presentation originality (esp. on such a strange topic)

 

[ChairmanMao]

Try this Joke from the movie "When Sally Meet Harry" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

Do you know what Tom Hanks said to Meg Ryan when she fell for him? "I think you're nut Meg!"

That should either send your audience rolling on the floor or elicit them to start throwing rotten vegetables at you.

 

[hal9000]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

[nlax30]

Can you incorporate video? Not sure if this would fly with the school "censors" or not (could also edit out a segment of it):

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0N0oFQjshQ&feature=PlayList&p=F3FD644645837F1D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7[/YOUTUBE]

 

[ReptarBar]

lose an electron?
yeeeeeeeee in positive.

what is CH2O?

seawater.

 

[funkymunkytoes]

What's the difference between an extroverted scientist and an introverted scientist?

An extroverted scientist looks at YOUR feet when he talks.

 

[Brent8927]

Do you have any good friends in the class? I think it'd be great if you have enough of them, to tell something really stupid and not funny (such as, "I went to the market to buy celerey yesterday, and you know what the store worker told me? That they were out!"). And you ask your friends to to laugh and pretend it's a great joke. If you (and your friends) are good, the others will join in, and it's a blast at least for those who know what's goin on.

I do think this works much better when you have a group of four picking on one person, but you could try!

 

[kia ora]

Heisenberg is cruising down the freeway in his Mercedes, blasting Kraftwerk on the CD player and putting the pedal to the medal when a highway patrolman pulls him over. Heisenberg rolls down his window; the patrolman saunters up and asks, "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No idea, but I know exactly where I am!"

(or, I suppose he could have said, "Yes I do, but where the hell am I?")

*I love geeky chemistry jokes*

 

[NickNaylor]

Are you a derivative? Cause I wanna lie tangent to your curves.

Everyone's heard of that one, though that's more of a math joke.

 

[surftheiop]

before some jumps on me, I am an engineer but I still think this one is hilarious and should get good responce in bio class.

What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personalities.

 

[crixx]

As chemists, we do it on the table...

...periodically

 

[StIGMA]

you might find some on this webpage: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php
http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/most_popular.php

 

[el aye]

*I love geeky chemistry jokes*

More a physics joke than chemistry 🙂


I don't know about the actual compounds in nutmeg, but maybe if it is a diene then you could use something like this:

http://t-shirts.cafepress.com/item/im-diene-white-tshirt/67300894

 

[hawk21]

Just say, "Do you like fishsticks?"

 

[235009]

Can you incorporate video? Not sure if this would fly with the school "censors" or not (could also edit out a segment of it):

[youtube]e0N0oFQjshQ[/youtube]

this is awesome...if you can incorporate video ...cut out a ~20 second clip of this and play it at some point during your presentation....the more sexual innuendo in the clip the better

What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personalities.

awesome.

 

[funkymunkytoes]

Just say, "Do you like fishsticks?"

"Do you put them in your mouth?"

 

[203712]

Just say, "Do you like fishsticks?"

yes, I like fishsticks....

i like to put them in my mouth....

???

 

[nlax30]

Moving onto the costume part: In addition to whatever jokes you tell you need to give the presentation while wearing these the whole time:

 

[nlax30]

OR... another idea.... instead of trying to be witty w/ jokes, you could dress up like a big walking nutmeg (go all out, like Halloween-level, big round nutmeg) BUT give a totally serious presentation, no jokes. Just walk in like a professional and give the presentation. Would work better if no one saw you in costume beforehand and you could just walk in from the hall or something.

 

[nick_carraway]

Just crack a simple joke to break the ice at the start of the presentation, maybe another one after a brief introduction to your topic, and some more just based on a figure or image in your presentation. For example when talking about atrazine's effects on frog testes, Dr. Hayes from Cal let us appreciate the image for a minute before telling us that yes, those are eggs in the testes. And no, that's not normal--even for frogs.

I imagine the whole idea of not interfering with your own presentation is that the joke should be part of the general spiel and shouldn't stand on its own as something random in the middle of your presentation.

 

[hawk21]

yes, I like fishsticks....

i like to put them in my mouth....

???

You're a gay fish

 

[nick_carraway]

You're a gay fish

How? EXPLAIN IT TO ME!!

 

[chris1264]

youve taken in so much genetic material you have a phosphate group backbone

 

[atticus27]

This is my go-to ice breaker for formal presentations:


Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

 

[utjsm08]

What did the boy enzyme ask the girl nucleic acid? Hi, my name is Helicase and I was wondering if I can unzip your genes?

 

[nick_carraway]

I thought of something today that I'll use for my gig:

"Before I get started, I'd like to thank Dr. _____ for letting us raise our grades with this presentation and the help of wikipedia. <pauses for weak laughter and transitions to next slide with image> this is actually from wikipedia and it shows..."

 

[majahops]

"I know you can tell a lot about a person by their political and ideological positions. So, I'll just lay it out there now: I'm pro-choice and anti-markovnikov."

 

[YeOldeMan]

Don't wear a shirt that says "Always Reject the Ho" (Ho being H sub 0, being the null hypothesis, statistically speaking). I made that mistake, and was attacked by some stupid women who didn't even get the pun.

 

[URHere]

This one is remarkably lame, but I love it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

A: I don't know, you can't cross a vector and a scalar!

 

[Red Leader]

I got a good one:

Me: "Before I start my presentation I'd like to ask you a riddle: What do you call an Arab flying a Boeing 747?"
Crowd: murmurs...silence...more murmurs of "oh my gosh"
Me: "Anyone?"
Crowd: silent
Me: "A PILOT YOU RACISTS!!!"

This effective technique puts the crowd on the defensive and basically makes them your bitch for the rest of the presentation. They, as racists, will feel inferior to your moral superiority and listen to your every word and be obedient for the next few minutes of you spewing bull**** to the audience.

 

[nick_carraway]

I got a good one:

Me: "Before I start my presentation I'd like to ask you a riddle: What do you call an Arab flying a Boeing 747?"
Crowd: murmurs...silence...more murmurs of "oh my gosh"
Me: "Anyone?"
Crowd: silent
Me: "A PILOT YOU RACISTS!!!"

This effective technique puts the crowd on the defensive and basically makes them your bitch for the rest of the presentation. They, as racists, will feel inferior to your moral superiority and listen to your every word and be obedient for the next few minutes of you spewing bull**** to the audience.

Red Leader is wise.

 

[DrBeks]

"I know you can tell a lot about a person by their political and ideological positions. So, I'll just lay it out there now: I'm pro-choice and anti-markovnikov."

love it

this one is not science-y, but it's still funny:
Q: Why does Tigger bounce on his tail through the Hundred Acre Wood?
A: So he doesn't step on Pooh.

 

[wurm]

If a bear from California and a bear from Antarctica fall in some water, which one will dissolve?

The one from Antarctica cuz it's polar.

 

[AdemTD]

From my very nerdy Genetics professor...

Q: How do you eat a DNA Spaghetti?
A: With a replication fork

 

[LossForWords]

The obligatory xckd post:

 

[PreMedP]

Two atoms walk out of a bar and one of them says to the other, "Wait! I think I left an electron back there."

The other replies, "Really, are you sure?"

And the atom replies, "yeah I'm positive." Buh duh ching

 

[SireSpanky]

If a bear from California and a bear from Antarctica fall in some water, which one will dissolve?

The one from Antarctica cuz it's polar.

👍 -actually very useful for the chemistry I do-

 

[danny317]

If a bear from California and a bear from Antarctica fall in some water, which one will dissolve?

The one from Antarctica cuz it's polar.

doesnt antarctica onlt have penguins? i thought polar bears live in the northern hemisphere. 😉

 

[dakker]

doesnt antarctica onlt have penguins? i thought polar bears live in the northern hemisphere. 😉

Yep. My ecology professor said he will never drink coke again because of their insidious marketing campaign years ago.