I need MASSIVE MOTIVATION here !!!

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TurbulentWind

TurbulentWind

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Please in this post BE RUDE, BE MEAN, BE TOUGH, be whatever you want to be, just please be effective !

I'm MS1 and I cannot find any motivation to continue going. I feel like I am losing my mind.
Here's the thing : I did not come to Med school for the money, although I value the financial aspect of it. However, I truly want to become a doctor, because I truly want to take care of people, the desire in me is so huge that I am spending my each second in misery since Med school started, because I cannot pull myself together, yet I do not want to quit.
I can't even explain what happened, because in the summer before it started I was feeling awesome, I was confident and ready to do this. I think that I had a nervous breakdown when it all started, because I seriously feel like someone would have smashed my brain into pieces : I cannot focus, I am restless, I would like to run far-far away and not ever look back or remember this embarrassment.
Since I came to this forum, I was quite a douche to some members here, so if anyone knows me, please excuse me for my behavior.
It's just that I can't recognize myself anymore : I wanted this thing so bad, I love people so much, I wanted to be a doctor and be there even for my family and friends who count on me, but I seriously feel like my brain shuts down because of panic and anger, because I don't think that I can do this without feeling completely miserable in the process.

I know I don't want to quit - I would feel miserable if I do it, even though I feel miserable if I don't do it also. The only thing that I want to do is to be able to take action in spite of my misery. I don't know how to do that.
I have listened to all motivational videos possible, I have read all the books possible, I have listened to all the persons who said to appreciate that I'm here, because I could be in the army, or begging for food in the cold, or being an orphan, or living in a poor family, and none of these things works.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't pull myself together, I simply can't imagine studying all this amount of information for the rest of my life and I'm nervous, restless and I feel I can't think clearly anymore.

Give me a kick in the ass, do the best you can, PLEASE !
Thank you !
 
Pepe18 said:
Take a break.

You don't need to know everything and no one expects you to know everything. Sit back and learn as much as you can and enjoy the ride.


I don't understand what you mean when you say that your desire to help people is so strong that you have to be miserable in med school. I want to help people, but making myself miserable in order to do so will not make me a very good physician. The best physicians will have a balance (or be the crazy type of person who thrives on being run down, which you clearly aren't). I think professional counseling could help you get your thoughts in order. Best wishes!
Click to expand...

I don't mean that I have to be miserable because I want to help, but I am miserable because I feel like not being made for this, even though I want to help people so much. It's like I really picture myself as a good doctor, even others have told me that I will make a great doctor, but I can't believe how much I hate Medical school and this is the reason for why I am acting like crazy.
Thanks for trying to help by the way.
 
Sorry, but you don't need motivation. Motivation makes you feel good, but its perseverance or grit that allows you to do it even if it sucks. That comes from a foot in the ass. However- I know from personal experience that we don't do things that seem futile or pointless, like sitting on our asses all day reading, even if we are dedicated, because it take a special kind of sap to fall for the "be dedicated!" bull****.

Some suggestions:

-Go shadow. It'll remind you that medicine isn't like M1 year. Go watch surgeries or interview patients in the clinic.

-Find a more dynamic way to study. The reason most people hate studying is because it's boring. Find a way that makes you feel like a doctor instead of like a "student", and that might carry you a long way. I have no doubt that you care, but it's hard to do boring routines day in and day out.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
Pepe18 said:
So then I guess, what exactly makes you hate it? Just the memorizing of info? If that's it, I think everyone hates it and doesn't feel made for it. it's one of those sucky things that we simply have to do in order to function on a day to day basis as a phyisician.

It's miserable trying to shove this info in your head, but once you do and you start going through clinical cases it all seems so much easier. I don't have any good advice other than to grit your teeth, exercise, and have plenty of non-school related fun things to keep you going. my motivation is knowing that preclinicals years are temporary and that when I'm not in school, I'm having a great time meeting people and going out.
Click to expand...
Thanks, man, I appreciate your help.
Yes, that " suck it up " might be the answer.
I was never good at the " suck it up " part in life. I always searched to do everything out of passion, but I guess you can't find passion in everything.
 
GoodWillShunting said:
Sorry, but you don't need motivation. Motivation makes you feel good, but its perseverance or grit that allows you to do it even if it sucks. That comes from a foot in the ass. However- I know from personal experience that we don't do things that seem futile or pointless, like sitting on our asses all day reading, even if we are dedicated, because it take a special kind of sap to fall for the "be dedicated!" bull****.

Some suggestions:

-Go shadow. It'll remind you that medicine isn't like M1 year. Go watch surgeries or interview patients in the clinic.

-Find a more dynamic way to study. The reason most people hate studying is because it's boring. Find a way that makes you feel like a doctor instead of like a "student", and that might carry you a long way. I have no doubt that you care; but it's hard to do boring routines day in and day out.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
Click to expand...
Thanks, you are sooo right !!!!
 
same boat as you except I feel like quitting. Is ms1 really indicative of what the rest of med school/physicians life will be? If so, I might quit now.. It's not even enjoyable to learn this much. I probably retained like 25% of what we learned this semester
 
dabears405 said:
same boat as you except I feel like quitting. Is ms1 really indicative of what the rest of med school/physicians life will be? If so, I might quit now.. It's not even enjoyable to learn this much. I probably retained like 25% of what we learned this semester
Click to expand...

1) It's not indicative of what being a physician is like. Only similarity is that you'll always be learning.

2) You retain a lot more than you think you have. You just haven't been pushed to use it yet .


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
Effort and work is the joy in life. Any worthwhile career/calling is going to have fear, stress, and a lot of hours of doing things you don't want to do.

At the end of the day even perfect dream jobs are JOBS. Want to be an NBA player instead? You'll still have to get up at 5am, get stuck in airports, be away from family, be in boring meetings, work on holidays etc.

It's a shame the psych center at your school didn't help, they really need to have resources available to help their students. Try finding a counselor in private practice if you have insurance.
 
TurbulentWind said:
Please in this post BE RUDE, BE MEAN, BE TOUGH, be whatever you want to be, just please be effective !

I'm MS1 and I cannot find any motivation to continue going. I feel like I am losing my mind.
Here's the thing : I did not come to Med school for the money, although I value the financial aspect of it. However, I truly want to become a doctor, because I truly want to take care of people, the desire in me is so huge that I am spending my each second in misery since Med school started, because I cannot pull myself together, yet I do not want to quit.
I can't even explain what happened, because in the summer before it started I was feeling awesome, I was confident and ready to do this. I think that I had a nervous breakdown when it all started, because I seriously feel like someone would have smashed my brain into pieces : I cannot focus, I am restless, I would like to run far-far away and not ever look back or remember this embarrassment.
Since I came to this forum, I was quite a douche to some members here, so if anyone knows me, please excuse me for my behavior.
It's just that I can't recognize myself anymore : I wanted this thing so bad, I love people so much, I wanted to be a doctor and be there even for my family and friends who count on me, but I seriously feel like my brain shuts down because of panic and anger, because I don't think that I can do this without feeling completely miserable in the process.

I know I don't want to quit - I would feel miserable if I do it, even though I feel miserable if I don't do it also. The only thing that I want to do is to be able to take action in spite of my misery. I don't know how to do that.
I have listened to all motivational videos possible, I have read all the books possible, I have listened to all the persons who said to appreciate that I'm here, because I could be in the army, or begging for food in the cold, or being an orphan, or living in a poor family, and none of these things works.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't pull myself together, I simply can't imagine studying all this amount of information for the rest of my life and I'm nervous, restless and I feel I can't think clearly anymore.

Give me a kick in the ass, do the best you can, PLEASE !
Thank you !
Click to expand...
Hey dude sorry you're having a hard time. Im an M2 and I really hate the basic science courses too. I know I dont have a ton of experience but I can say that M2 has been infinitely better for me. The classes still blow, but we're being eased into clinical situations with patients which make all this suck seem worth it. Just stick it out and I think you'll be okay. If you can do it try to keep your grades up though. I ended up barely passing most of my classes and I think I may have hurt my chances at more competitive residencies
 
Any opportunity to do more shadowing? (Especially with a doctor who will let you take patient history?) It might remind you that you don't HAVE to like med school, you just have to do it, to get to what you do like.
 
I'm just a fellow M1, but either shadowing or volunteering (even if only for an hour) every week or two has helped me a ton. Reminds me of why I'm doing this and makes me feel human. Getting out into the community is a great reminder that medicine is not the end all and be all of life, and that the reason you're doing all this is to be able to have the skill to help people down the road. Do something with a group you like working with (I love working with kids). It has a really noticeable effect on me. It can totally suck, give yourself time to reenergize. You're evidently someone that cares about people, so taking time to volunteer and to serve others will really help you get through this. Eat better, exercise more (even if it's just doing a 10 minute workout to break up your studying), and talk to your friends and family. You're not alone, and I hope that the actions you take will make you feel better.
 
Volunteer/shadow, exercise and make a routine of it, eat well, sleep atleast 8 hours, and take things 1 day at a time. Everyone goes through periods of this, med school is hard on many levels, but just chug along and before you know it you will feel better and not be so stressed. My biggest piece of advice would just be to breath, exercise, and take things 1 day/1 lecture/1 whatever of a time. The curriculum is usually set up in a way that ends up being manageable (though it might not feel like it at the time).

And I've said this before but get rid of that word motivation from your mindset. Motivation is a transient thing that usually comes randomly and externally. I try to take advantage of it when I have it (ex: doing an extra lecture or two) but you can not rely on it to get where you want to be. Discipline is a virtue and is where most of the work gets done. Atul Gawande talks about it in one of his books. Its similar to a writer and inspiration, its easy to do things when you have inspiration but no writer has that all the time. The above things will help but you have to train yourself as well. Learn to grind and learn to love the grind.

Lastly, a tip that might be irrelevant to your issues, but focus on task oriented studying. Staring at words is a sure fire way to learn nothing and lose focus. Do questions. Rewrite notes. Watch lectures. Draw stuff out. etc.
 
TurbulentWind said:
Please in this post BE RUDE, BE MEAN, BE TOUGH, be whatever you want to be, just please be effective !

I'm MS1 and I cannot find any motivation to continue going. I feel like I am losing my mind.
Here's the thing : I did not come to Med school for the money, although I value the financial aspect of it. However, I truly want to become a doctor, because I truly want to take care of people, the desire in me is so huge that I am spending my each second in misery since Med school started, because I cannot pull myself together, yet I do not want to quit.
I can't even explain what happened, because in the summer before it started I was feeling awesome, I was confident and ready to do this. I think that I had a nervous breakdown when it all started, because I seriously feel like someone would have smashed my brain into pieces : I cannot focus, I am restless, I would like to run far-far away and not ever look back or remember this embarrassment.
Since I came to this forum, I was quite a douche to some members here, so if anyone knows me, please excuse me for my behavior.
It's just that I can't recognize myself anymore : I wanted this thing so bad, I love people so much, I wanted to be a doctor and be there even for my family and friends who count on me, but I seriously feel like my brain shuts down because of panic and anger, because I don't think that I can do this without feeling completely miserable in the process.

I know I don't want to quit - I would feel miserable if I do it, even though I feel miserable if I don't do it also. The only thing that I want to do is to be able to take action in spite of my misery. I don't know how to do that.
I have listened to all motivational videos possible, I have read all the books possible, I have listened to all the persons who said to appreciate that I'm here, because I could be in the army, or begging for food in the cold, or being an orphan, or living in a poor family, and none of these things works.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't pull myself together, I simply can't imagine studying all this amount of information for the rest of my life and I'm nervous, restless and I feel I can't think clearly anymore.

Give me a kick in the ass, do the best you can, PLEASE !
Thank you !
Click to expand...

Hey man, based on these recent posts and other ones I've seen from you, it seems like you're really struggling and I recommend you seek help from your counselor and then possibly and therapist or psychiatrist and that's as far as I'll go on that front.

Some Type-A personalities like yourself may wonder why do I need mental help when all the good students are fine and don't seem to use it? First off, this assumption is often not true and no one really openly divulged when they seek mental help. Second, seeking mental health isn't a path to immediate success but a potential weakness you never learnt to minimize for whatever reason. The best way to think of it is like obesity. If you're fat, you need to start thinking of ways to care for yourself. The best way is to seek care so that you can one day be a better version of yourself.

I know a lot of that was me on a soapbox and it wasn't asked for but in my experience, 99.99% of the people I recommend to seek mental help don't follow through.




Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
Also don't use anxiety as motivation. It's the easy way out and it will slowly destroy you. Work on just gritting your teeth and getting through things with a clear albeit uncomfortable mind.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile
 
Lower your expectations. Go work a job that sucks way more than lowly primary care. Get happy. Succeed.
 
I got in a little slump after the brief holiday break. It sucks going back home and seeing friends with careers, and cars, and wives, and houses...etc...
I agree with all the other posts saying that you should shadow, or do something that you know you associate with the more "amazing sides of medicine." Luckily, I got a chance to go back into the Gross Anatomy labs and do a couple of cool dissections (heart and lungs). That got me back into the swing of things. Regardless, find out what works for you and do it! Don't waste time!
How you feel now is really all based on your perspective...
Would you rather be studying for a MCAT exam? Or would you rather be studying for a CV exam? Would you rather be writing some 2,000 word BS essay on the comparisons of the poets Poe and Dickinson, for a class you should not need to take to graduate from college? Or would you rather be devoting your time to studying material that you know will make you a better physician AND allow you to better treat your future patients.
 
Jesus says in John 8:32, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." The Truth is God sent Jesus to die on the Cross for your sins, my sins, and the sins of the whole world. This is imperative because the promises in Scripture for those who believe are real. You want peace cry out to God and ask Him.

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 4: 6-7
 
M1 here liking it so far.

Dude you gotta hit the gym or play some video games. You can't go ham 10 hours a day 7 a week. All these people saying "volunteer" or "shadow" - yeah, thats great. However I know that for me that is just more work. I can't focus if all I do is work or think about work i'm not doing.

Study, gym, hang w/ significant other, drink, crash/burn, wake up and repeat.

Whatever it is, gotta have a balance of having fun with working hard.
 
FBurnaby said:
Effort and work is the joy in life. Any worthwhile career/calling is going to have fear, stress, and a lot of hours of doing things you don't want to do.

At the end of the day even perfect dream jobs are JOBS. Want to be an NBA player instead? You'll still have to get up at 5am, get stuck in airports, be away from family, be in boring meetings, work on holidays etc.

It's a shame the psych center at your school didn't help, they really need to have resources available to help their students. Try finding a counselor in private practice if you have insurance.
Click to expand...
I know that the work and effort is the joy in life, I seriously know.
Before Med school, I studied for the most part of the day and I did weightlifting 3x/week and I went to swim 2x/week and I did Yoga as often as I could.
I felt great, although literally I was only training, studying and sleeping, but it was great.

However, since Med school started, I feel that there is no joy anymore, because everything is so out of balance. I am not sure that I can create a balance, because the burden is too big for me , but I don't want to accept this, because I still hope that I haven't reached my full potential.
Each day is getting more and more darker, I'd like to see myself evolving, but I see only a crushed ego, deteriorated sleep pattern, poor training schedule, etc.
The thing is that I understand that 1st year is the worst, but I don't see this getting any easier. It's like this is the life for most physicians.
As I've said, I want to help people, but I don't think that I'm going to be able to do this if I feel miserable all the time.
 
Lower your expectations if you're freaking out about not matching derm and are going to jump off of a bridge because life just isn't fair. This is SDN after all.
 
TurbulentWind said:
I know that the work and effort is the joy in life, I seriously know.
Before Med school, I studied for the most part of the day and I did weightlifting 3x/week and I went to swim 2x/week and I did Yoga as often as I could.
I felt great, although literally I was only training, studying and sleeping, but it was great.

However, since Med school started, I feel that there is no joy anymore, because everything is so out of balance. I am not sure that I can create a balance, because the burden is too big for me , but I don't want to accept this, because I still hope that I haven't reached my full potential.
Each day is getting more and more darker, I'd like to see myself evolving, but I see only a crushed ego, deteriorated sleep pattern, poor training schedule, etc.
The thing is that I understand that 1st year is the worst, but I don't see this getting any easier. It's like this is the life for most physicians.
As I've said, I want to help people, but I don't think that I'm going to be able to do this if I feel miserable all the time.
Click to expand...

Just to offer some less-than-typical encouragement...

First, more Dan:


Something in your past has screwed you up. Every person starts out largely ignorant of the dangers of the world and most kids can make it to 4-years old without having lost the joy and curiosity of just existing to learn. If you've watched a child work on something difficult for them, you'll notice that they don't show a hint of frustration when that block tower they're building falls on its own. They can keep going at that Chopin piece until they get it right, even if it takes hours (until the tiger parent wears them down). Which brings us to...

Family and your environment. Probably your parents. First, I'd like to ask why does this idea of balance share so many characteristics with religion? Especially in the medical community. Combining it with even using the word hope, it reveals a passive locus of control, at least subconsciously. Hope and balance are for people whose parents have failed them. These people are afeared of things that will neither harm them, nor prevent them from getting what they want (assuming that their crippling childhoods have allowed them to actually KNOW what they want). Motivation is for people who have no discipline. If you seek this mythical balance that your body obviously inherently rejects, how can anything good come out of it. Did we tell soldiers in Vietnam to look for balance? Do you think Steve Jobs gave a flying f(risbee) about that? The movies about him are getting progressively more accurate, btw, but apparently still shows only 10% of his psychopathy.

In the military, at church, and now in med school - I've noticed that perceiving darkness is simply the beginning of seeing through an illusion that you know you have been falling for over the course of your life. It could be a lot of things. Usually it's noticing that a partner or spouse is cheating on you. But having two working parents meant that they probably valued money over spending time with you, especially if not once did they ever ask what you wanted from them could do it too. It could be late stage impostor syndrome.

Most likely, it's the thing that has been crushed. Why do you have any ego at all? You are training to become everyone's bit.ch literally and figuratively. Do you think people are capable of loving their savior? Let's say they can even acknowledge one. Because of savior status, they can't even connect with you. Ultimately, anything you do as a physician will not really be for others nearly as much as for yourself. And then there's the understandable, but ignorant belief that resident-preparatory school (aka medical school) is anything like what being a physician will be like. Isn't it sad that such an illogical paradigm was able to root itself in your mind so deeply that its making you paranoid? Just stop. You can do it. There is no balance. Learn to say "fuc.k it" when you fall behind, divide the material before the test up and attack it via priority, ignoring the rest. Being a **** won't get you any sympathy, contrary to popular belief. Assuming you're a man, you already know that no one is going to save you - so stop being a damsel. If you have any anger (even from this rant), learn to hate disease and human weakness. I bet cancer patients want a doctor whose entire family was taken from him/her by cancer when they get the diagnosis of ALL. Use the rage.

Get to it.
 
SansaStarkMD said:
Lower your expectations if you're freaking out about not matching derm and are going to jump off of a bridge because life just isn't fair. This is SDN after all.
Click to expand...
It's not about not matching derm, I don't even want to be a dermatologist, as I've stated before, I DID NOT CHOOSE MEDICINE FOR THE MONEY !

I have my expectations and my standards for myself, not to go into a competitive field, but I want to be the best in the field that I choose, this is why I have high standards. Not only surgeons have to have high expectations.
As for my nerves, I am going to handle them.
Thank You all for your support !
 
darknecrosforte said:
Just to offer some less-than-typical encouragement...

First, more Dan:


Something in your past has screwed you up. Every person starts out largely ignorant of the dangers of the world and most kids can make it to 4-years old without having lost the joy and curiosity of just existing to learn. If you've watched a child work on something difficult for them, you'll notice that they don't show a hint of frustration when that block tower they're building falls on its own. They can keep going at that Chopin piece until they get it right, even if it takes hours (until the tiger parent wears them down). Which brings us to...

Family and your environment. Probably your parents. First, I'd like to ask why does this idea of balance share so many characteristics with religion? Especially in the medical community. Combining it with even using the word hope, it reveals a passive locus of control, at least subconsciously. Hope and balance are for people whose parents have failed them. These people are afeared of things that will neither harm them, nor prevent them from getting what they want (assuming that their crippling childhoods have allowed them to actually KNOW what they want). Motivation is for people who have no discipline. If you seek this mythical balance that your body obviously inherently rejects, how can anything good come out of it. Did we tell soldiers in Vietnam to look for balance? Do you think Steve Jobs gave a flying f(risbee) about that? The movies about him are getting progressively more accurate, btw, but apparently still shows only 10% of his psychopathy.

In the military, at church, and now in med school - I've noticed that perceiving darkness is simply the beginning of seeing through an illusion that you know you have been falling for over the course of your life. It could be a lot of things. Usually it's noticing that a partner or spouse is cheating on you. But having two working parents meant that they probably valued money over spending time with you, especially if not once did they ever ask what you wanted from them could do it too. It could be late stage impostor syndrome.

Most likely, it's the thing that has been crushed. Why do you have any ego at all? You are training to become everyone's bit.ch literally and figuratively. Do you think people are capable of loving their savior? Let's say they can even acknowledge one. Because of savior status, they can't even connect with you. Ultimately, anything you do as a physician will not really be for others nearly as much as for yourself. And then there's the understandable, but ignorant belief that resident-preparatory school (aka medical school) is anything like what being a physician will be like. Isn't it sad that such an illogical paradigm was able to root itself in your mind so deeply that its making you paranoid? Just stop. You can do it. There is no balance. Learn to say "fuc.k it" when you fall behind, divide the material before the test up and attack it via priority, ignoring the rest. Being a **** won't get you any sympathy, contrary to popular belief. Assuming you're a man, you already know that no one is going to save you - so stop being a damsel. If you have any anger (even from this rant), learn to hate disease and human weakness. I bet cancer patients want a doctor whose entire family was taken from him/her by cancer when they get the diagnosis of ALL. Use the rage.

Get to it.
Click to expand...

Man, I really have no words to describe the value of what you just wrote....thank you.
You know, I have been thinking very much about all these things, not just looking at the surface, but the deeper significance of all this mess that I'm going through and how I got here in the first place. I got some pieces together and your answer has come just in time !
The way you write is exceptionally good....I truly feel that someone gets it. Someone who understands that "balance" is something that sometimes can't be achieved, sometimes for very long times, but that's life. And the problem I think, more often than not, is feeling guilty because we can't achieve this balance, when in reality, we should just say "F.ck it. "
I know that ideally we should all achieve harmony, but things aren't always ideal and that's fine - if we can accept that we live in an imperfect world, then we can accept all the mistakes that we do. In fact, I think it takes more guts to fight in an imperfect battle than to fight in a perfect one.

I know many people are going through the same things that I'm going through and I still want to overcome all these problems in order to also help others overcome their problems. Sometimes I feel that I'm consciously getting into problems in order to see how I can deal with them, how it is to feel truly lost and helpless, because only then you can truly understand others.

You made my night, man.
Thanks again !
 
So many people think something is wrong with them when they get depressed after memorizing 40,000 flash cards. Be the best at whatever specialty you pick, fine, but I promise that success will have little to do with how many hours you spend in a chair memorizing minutia for the boards.
 
1) Have you talked to any of your clinical Faculty about this? if not, seek them out, especially the youngest faculty, who still remember what it's lie to be a med student.
2) Find a better therapist.
3) If 1 or 2 don't work, take a LOA, and find time to heal. If you do this, do more patient contact experience. It's all about the patients.
4) IF your parents pushed you into this....then it's time for something else.


TurbulentWind said:
Please in this post BE RUDE, BE MEAN, BE TOUGH, be whatever you want to be, just please be effective !

I'm MS1 and I cannot find any motivation to continue going. I feel like I am losing my mind.
Here's the thing : I did not come to Med school for the money, although I value the financial aspect of it. However, I truly want to become a doctor, because I truly want to take care of people, the desire in me is so huge that I am spending my each second in misery since Med school started, because I cannot pull myself together, yet I do not want to quit.
I can't even explain what happened, because in the summer before it started I was feeling awesome, I was confident and ready to do this. I think that I had a nervous breakdown when it all started, because I seriously feel like someone would have smashed my brain into pieces : I cannot focus, I am restless, I would like to run far-far away and not ever look back or remember this embarrassment.
Since I came to this forum, I was quite a douche to some members here, so if anyone knows me, please excuse me for my behavior.
It's just that I can't recognize myself anymore : I wanted this thing so bad, I love people so much, I wanted to be a doctor and be there even for my family and friends who count on me, but I seriously feel like my brain shuts down because of panic and anger, because I don't think that I can do this without feeling completely miserable in the process.

I know I don't want to quit - I would feel miserable if I do it, even though I feel miserable if I don't do it also. The only thing that I want to do is to be able to take action in spite of my misery. I don't know how to do that.
I have listened to all motivational videos possible, I have read all the books possible, I have listened to all the persons who said to appreciate that I'm here, because I could be in the army, or begging for food in the cold, or being an orphan, or living in a poor family, and none of these things works.
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't pull myself together, I simply can't imagine studying all this amount of information for the rest of my life and I'm nervous, restless and I feel I can't think clearly anymore.

Give me a kick in the ass, do the best you can, PLEASE !
Thank you !
Click to expand...
 
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