I Really Need Some Advice!

[Lesion Of Doom]

I have a 13 year-old son that I have been away from every since I started med school. He lives in my home town and I miss him still even though I get to see him in the summer, on some holidays and talk to him over the phone. I hate that I have not been able to be a large part of his life like I want to be. I am so envious of my brother who gets to go to his football games every Saturday and workout with him while I am hundreds of miles away imaging being there to cheer for him and run laps with him myself.


The reason why I said all of that was because I have yet to send off any of my applications for residency. I am applying through the San Francisco Match and I am still waiting for a letter of recommendation I asked an Attending to write a month ago. Time is running out I am afraid that I will miss the deadline for all of the programs in my home town, especially the most desirable ones. If I can’t get into any of those programs, it would mean my son would be an adult before I will ever get to live in the same city with him again and the thought upsets me very much.


The Attending had wrote me a good clinical evaluation. Although it was not a stellar evaluation, he said some really great things in there about me. He agreed to write the letter when I asked almost four weeks ago and I told him that the target deadline for applications were August 29th. Last week I sent him an email reminder in which he did not respond. I saw him in the parking lot last weekend and he waved his hand in greeting while driving off. I asked him if he received my email, he then nodded his head and continue to drive off.

Well, this past Thursday I wrote him another email explaining that I didn’t mean to be pushy and that I was afraid that I would miss my most desirable programs deadlines in my home town. I told him nothing of my child so he wouldn’t think I was manipulating him. I explained that it would take 3 weeks just to process my application so I was desperate about the time issue. I have still not heard from him.

I really need that letter pronto. There is really no one else I can ask to write a letter now, especially considering the time constraint. Attendings usually take forever to write the letters anyway. I just need some advice on how to approach this now without seeming over-bearing.

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[electra]

Unless this match is very different from the regular NRMP, you should be able to apply and then add the letter. You might try this, as there is more to your application than this one letter, and you likely have enough there to overcome having this letter missing.

The other idea might be to ask the attending if you should write the letter using some of the comments from your evaluation and then have him sign it.

The other idea may be that he is not interested in writing it and you are barking up the wrong tree. <i'm sorry> I know that isn't what anyone wants to hear. and your application may just have to be without it.

This is a tought situation. I know that you are anxious to be near your family again. And I wish you luck.

 

[Lesion Of Doom]

.The other idea may be that he is not interested in writing it and you are barking up the wrong tree. <i'm sorry> I know that isn't what anyone wants to hear. and your application may just have to be without it.QUOTE]


I guess you may have a point here. I just think it is just so terrible that someone would agree to write you a letter then send you through all of this knowing that the rest of your life and career is affected by such things. They have been through the same process and know how important this is for students.

I guess I will have to send off my application Monday without the letter and try to control myself when I run into that guy. I waited all of this time for him. My application has been ready for weeks. They should at least have the decency to decline writing the letter rather than agreeing and affecting your application by sending you on wild goose chases. Thanks, Electra.

 

[Gauss]

I'm gonna be an ass here and place all of the blame on YOU.
YOU asked for the letter and therefore it is YOUR responsibility to follow up on it. C'mon, you're an adult and a father here and dumping the blame on someone else.
You're not unique here, nearly all of us went through this whole waiting fiasco for letters. Personally I was proactive as I was approaching the deadline - I emailed the docs weekly, called their secretaries weekly and then biweekly and one even triweekly, I even went to their clinics to remind them in person. That's how important it was for me. How about you?

 

[Lesion Of Doom]

I'm gonna be an ass here and place all of the blame on YOU.
YOU asked for the letter and therefore it is YOUR responsibility to follow up on it. C'mon, you're an adult and a father here and dumping the blame on someone else.
You're not unique here, nearly all of us went through this whole waiting fiasco for letters. Personally I was proactive as I was approaching the deadline - I emailed the docs weekly, called their secretaries weekly and then biweekly and one even triweekly, I even went to their clinics to remind them in person. That's how important it was for me. How about you?

You are right...You are an ass. You are one because because you do not know me or what I have gone through to chase down the letters I do have and the one I am peeved about here. I could tell you every little detail here but who want to reads so much detail before telling you to get to the point? I have been more than proactive when it came to gathering these letters.

When I saw him in the parking lot last week, this was after driving to his office and discovering that he was not there. I realized why he wasn't there, he was on his way to his car in the damn parking lot. I drove over there again this past Friday and again, no one was in his office but unfortunately, I did not run into him in the parking lot.

You are an ass because I asked for advice here and not the crap you wrote above. You should have just kept your fingers away from your keyboard like so many others if you had no helpful advice like Electra. Maybe you can make a sticky thread on the Gauss level of aggressiveness that one must perform to obtain a letter. Just please stay out of this one. I have made a decsion and do not need any thing from you.

 

[mdphd2b]

The other idea might be to ask the attending if you should write the letter using some of the comments from your evaluation and then have him sign it.

Depending on how comfortable you are, the above may not be a bad option. It's actually fairly common that people get asked to write their own letters, or at least provide an outline/quotes of what it should incorporate. My thesis advisor asked me to do this, and the 1st time I felt really awkward, but now I kinda expect him to say so. Faculty are so busy, I have even been asked to write letters for junior grad students, since I worked w/them most closely.

Don't get discouraged! Be assertive, but weigh all your options. I would think the SF match would accept letters as they come rather than process everything in huge chunks! Hope it works out for you!

 

[Pacifica]

I second the above suggestion - two of my good friends have been asked to write their own LORs. At the very least this provides the doc with a starting point, which tends to be most peoples' stumbling block. You could definitely email him with this suggestion as you have nothing to lose... Alternatively, I would advise contacting him one last time and asking whether he still feels comfortable writing you a STRONG letter or recommendation. It is extremely poor form on his part to not have replied to your messages, so don't feel bad about being "pushy". You just want to ensure that he will write you an enthusiastic letter that accurately reflects your capabilities. If he says no, perhaps you could contact another attending and explain the situation, stating that your deadline is drawing close and you would be so appreciative of their help?

You have my sympathy. The application process is stressful even at the very best of times...hang in there!

 

[monkey7247]

So we're ~1m beyond the target date and still no letter. As someone who's also doing SFMatch, my understanding is that sending in a partial application is worthless. They will wait to transmit until your file is complete. At least, I think that's what I read in the CAS manual. Call this dude's secretary and work through him/her, they are used to getting stuff done.