I really need some help here...Single mom

[monquin]

Hello. I really need some advice.

I just had a baby in November. I really want to continue my path to becoming a doctor. I am basically nowhere near even getting a bachelor degree.
My problem is, I am about to be a single mom and I want to know what I will have to do to get through my bachelor degree.
What programs are out there for single moms? What childcare is available?
I really need some advice from other single moms...if there are any. My baby is almost 2 months old. I am starting on my bachelor again next semester and I am scared to death. Like I said, I have barely even started on my bachelor degree. I don't know how I am going to make it with a baby alone, but I seriously want to be a doctor. I know it takes a lot of time to become a doctor and I don't know if I will be able to do it if I am a single mom.
Any stories out there from other single moms? (or single dads, too!)
Thank you.

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[Prncssbuttercup]

Ok, admittedly not a single mom, or even a mom, BUT... I do pay attention to what things are available to people... just so's I'm in the know... Anyway, yes there are TONS of things available to you, 1, more financial aid, go speak with your Fin Aid dept and get stuff adjusted for your new situation. 2, see if your school has a day care for moms, mine does, and students get priority, and the lowest income get highest priority, 3, DON'T GIVE UP! I have friends who have done it, so it can be done, and there is a single mom of three going to med school on this forum, 4, scholarships, you will qualify for more than you did before, 5, you have an "obstacle" you've overcome, that's a feather in your cap when you do finish your BA/BS and apply to med school... Have a little faith, you can do whatever you set your mind to! Don't forget to ask your family and friends for help...

 

[Eik Ooc]

Hi Monquin,

First of all, I'm very sorry for the loss of your partner. Divorce (or equivalent loss of a longterm partner) is a highly stressful event, especially when a child or children are involved.

Many women who are mothers successfully navigate the premed and medical student process, including those who are single parents. There is a supportive website, www.mommd.com, which I'd recommend you visit. There is also another single mother, recently accepted to medical school, who has posted on the Non-Trad forum. Her name is Ejw5075.

Money and time are the key variables, I think, in whether you can be a successful mother and a successful pre-medical student. Your son or daughter will need your time, need the time of people who care for him or her and will also need quality nutrition, healthcare and childcare. You will need time for a good night's sleep in order to maintain your mental health, time to study, time with your child, time to attend class, time to raise money to pay for rent, groceries, tuition, etc. Being both a single parent and a fulltime student effectively doubles the requirements of your time and money.

You're going to need help. Do you have family or very close friends who can help you through this process? Can you move in with your parents or other close relatives? Will your soon to be former partner assist in the care of your child? Does your state offer subsidized daycare? Have you determined how you'll support yourself in the next months?

My advice would be this:
Apply to and attend a 4 year University near supportive family and friends. If possible, move in with supportive family. Do not work. Go to school fulltime. You can finish your degree in 2 1/2 to 3 years. Apply for financial aid through your University. Using the financial aid application you will receive grants and subsidized federal loans. You will be able to support yourself and your child. For child care, contact your state department of human services for information about subsidized child care.

Do your research. Make a plan. Recruit supportive family and friends. You can do this. The financial aid system works really well for women in your position. Use it.

Even if you don't get accepted to medical school, 3 years from now you'll have a B.S. degree and find more doors opened for you and your child as a result.

Good luck and please keep us informed of your journey.

 

[Woland]

As it is already almost 2011, I would also implore on you to search and broadly apply for scholarships. General deadlines for most scholarships are last day of January -- mid February of 2011.
It is a great supplement for general financial aid package esp. for single parents. This might require writing 100+ tear-jerking and soul-piercing essays, but in the end it is worth it. Search your school/state data bases of scholarships and I sure you can field a few thousands of dollars. (I am speaking from experince, as this year's school has been paid in-amlost-full by 8 different scholarships for me).
If no family friends available to help you out, contact your state/county childcare progams, SNAP (food stamps) program and a state sponsored health insurance for your child. IMHO, there is no shame is reclaiming your atx dollars in times of dire need. As a college student with a child you will be eligible for food assistance in most states and (if you work/go to school full time) child care vouchers (which limit your monthly full time day care costs to $100-$200 depending on a state you live).

As soon as you enroll, ask at your school about discount day-care or (if they have it) reciprocal day-care when you watch a group of children in return for a full time daycare services for you wee one.

[Sorry about the grammar, I am coming off a 22 hour shift]

 

[vc7777]

There is also another single mother, recently accepted to medical school, who has posted on the Non-Trad forum. Her name is vc777 or something close to that.

I assure you that I am neither a mom, single, or a woman!

No worries - it is still surprising to me how often I confuse gender/stories/etc. on SDN.

You're close - My very dear friend Ejw5075 is who you are thinking of. She was just accepted to an MD school and is a wonderful example of how it can be accomplished. All at age 20. I can honestly say she is someone I greatly admire.

However, I would like to think members of our forum are strong advocates of parents who return to medical school. Personally, wife gave birth just after college graduation to our first child, so I'm afraid I may not be of much help in that regard.

 

[vc7777]

I know you said "nowhere near" but a little more detail may help us help you: how many semesters have you completed? How old are you (not as relevant - but helps us paint a clearer picture)? What's you living situation, degree you are seeking currently? What institute? When do you hope to apply?

Not sent from my cell phone

 

[ejw5075]

Monquin, congrats on the new baby! My good friend just gave birth on Saturday, what a wonderful Xmas gift.

When you say continue your path, where exactly are you on that path? What state are you from/What universities are in your area?

I do not personally know of any programs for single parents, though another member pinkzebra was posting about one that allowed her to finish her education with her child in daycare at the institution. Maybe she can be of some assistance in that regard.

As for childcare, my daughter has been in day care from ~5 months, which was a struggle for me because I had a guilty conscience about not taking care of my own child. Today, I couldn't be happier with that decision because she is extremely well adjusted and very eager to learn, from being around other children in a learning environment. This day care has been 100% on my own tuition wise, and working 25+ hours as a pharmtech was sufficient. There is something called Title 20 which helps low income parents afford child care. You fill out the paperwork, get on a waiting list, and enroll in an accredited day care (in PA it's called keystone stars). Another option is church day cares (if you have a specific religious institution) are often much less costly. And finally, your undergraduate institution. Mine personally had nothing for the first 2 years because they weren't used to having parents in need of care (small commuter campus). In my final year, my daughter is in a daycare at my university, one of the best in the country (hers, not mine), and I pay under $100 a month, when the tuition is over $1000. That being said, you must be a full-time student at a certain GPA.

Many people would disagree, but for me, being in school full-time and working part-time with an infant was much easier than a 3 1/2 year old. You will have to be extremely focused and manage your time effectively, but it can be done. When my daughter was 12 weeks old, I had to take her into my high school to take my finals in order to pass my junior year. You'll find people are very flexible when need be.

If this is what you truly want, it is possible. Just realize what you will be going through, and honestly, giving up. Your baby will be 4, possibly 5-6 when you finish your bachelors, 8-10 when you finish medical school, there will be many times that you simply cannot go to school functions, soccer games, etc. Now, I'm sure this is the same with every profession or educational path. You will have people judge you, question your parenting skills, and flat out belittle you, because they are either intimidated, or uncomfortable with the situation. I actually had an interviewer ask me why I felt 'entitled' to go to school and do things such as volunteer, with a child at home. Then I was accepted?

A good friend of mine has recently become a single dad, the single part, been a father for 2 years and is co-parenting with his ex, who is also in college. If you have any type of support system, that is key. Although my family is over an hour away, and my daughter's father is unavailable to stay with her when she is sick, or day care closes, etc. I think just knowing that people care and support you, makes a world of difference.

I wish you luck, and don't forget your dreams just because circumstances aren't perfect.

 

[ejw5075]

I know you said "nowhere near" but a little more detail may help us help you: how many semesters have you completed? How old are you (not as relevant - but helps us paint a clearer picture)? What's you living situation, degree you are seeking currently? What institute? When do you hope to apply?

Not sent from my cell phone

It matters, to an extent. When I had my daughter I was much less focused and constantly felt guilty for not being home with her. I am not sure if that had to do with being younger and less mature, or not realizing that it wasn't detrimental for her. Not that age and maturity go together for all people, but it is more likely that one would be able to handle the stresses of school with a child at a more mature point in their life. I was at seventeen what many people become at twenty seven, maturity wise.

 

[pinkzebra]

first of all, do not give up hope! let me share my story with you for some inspiration...then i will give you more info if you wish

i had my daughter at 17 years old. i got pregnant during my junior year of high school, finished quickly to graduate early, then had her during the winter (christmas day actually) of what would have been my senior year. i was living in arizona at the time. my daughter's biological father was not ever really a part of her life. he is still not to this day.

i moved across the country to boston to begin a single parent program at a gorgeous, private liberal arts college. it was tough to leave my family behind but i did it - when my daughter was 8 months old, i traveled to boston with her by myself and began school.

the college's program allowed me to live on campus with my daughter in apartment-style accommodations with a roommate and her child. i have made some of my best friends in the program. they also paid for childcare expenses at a childcare facility of my choice in the area. the college was $37k per year - with the grants i received through the program, i never paid more than $5k.

i met my now husband there as well. i was a freshman with my infant daughter (last thing i was looking for, trust me!) and he was a junior. the parent apartments are actually situated in a regular dorm that holds 200 (10 parents, 200 students in that dorm). my now-husband was a junior at the time and lived on the same floor as me! we met through a couple mutual friends that i had in one of my classes. he has been such an amazing father figure to my daughter and an incredible husband to me. one of the other girls in the program met her now-fiance at school as well.

this program allowed me to have as genuine of a college experience as possible - by paying for childcare, i had my daughter attend during my class hours. being a biotechnology major and pre-med was definitely tough as a single parent, especially because the classes were difficult and demanding. BUT YOU CAN DO IT! i graduated this past may magna cum laude with my BS in biotechnology and am taking 2 years off to work in research, which i love - i am going to take my MCAT this summer and apply summer of 2012.

long story short...if you want ANY information about this program, please message me and let me know. i am currently a mentor of the program to some of the other students. applying to enter this next year would be ideal because they have FIVE graduates this may and will not have any for several years. you first have to apply to the school and then there is a separate application for the program, but i can literally walk you through it and talk to the people in charge for you if it sounds like something you are interested in.

here is the school's website:

http://www.endicott.edu/servlet/RetrievePage?site=endicott&page=Home

here is the program's link:

http://www.endicott.edu/servlet/RetrievePage?site=endicott&page=SingleParProg



please let me know if i can be of any help dont give up, GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[pinkzebra]

If this is what you truly want, it is possible. Just realize what you will be going through, and honestly, giving up. Your baby will be 4, possibly 5-6 when you finish your bachelors, 8-10 when you finish medical school, there will be many times that you simply cannot go to school functions, soccer games, etc. Now, I'm sure this is the same with every profession or educational path. You will have people judge you, question your parenting skills, and flat out belittle you, because they are either intimidated, or uncomfortable with the situation. I actually had an interviewer ask me why I felt 'entitled' to go to school and do things such as volunteer, with a child at home. Then I was accepted?

SO TRUE!
one of my professors said to me on the first day, "you should really just drop the 'med school' thing and become a NP. much better for family life."

i have gotten negative feedback from others as well.

you just cant let it get to you!

 

[Valvool]

This past year in medschool, I had my childcare provider notarize a statement regarding the amount I pay in childcare, and I received that much more in loans--it amounted to nearly twenty thousand dollars extra, or about $300/week. There are federal guidelines regarding these things, you have to follow all the rules and deal with extra forms, etc., but the means exist for those of us determined to go to medschool after having children.

 

[monquin]

"Nowhere near" means I only have 15 hours worth of credit toward a bachelor degree...heh.
I am 24 years old.
My living situation will change this weekend so I am going to tell you what it is going to change to...
I will be living with my best friend and her boyfriend in Durham, NC.

I am currently attending a community college, but I am looking to transfer to a university sometime soon...hopefully next fall.
I am currently only taking elective classes.
I will be living near Duke University. That's a dream university to attend, really. I don't know if I will be accepted or not. I need to make time to shadow and volunteer. I would love to be accepted to Duke to obtain a bachelor degree, but if I can't do that I would like to at least attend Med school there.

I know you said "nowhere near" but a little more detail may help us help you: how many semesters have you completed? How old are you (not as relevant - but helps us paint a clearer picture)? What's you living situation, degree you are seeking currently? What institute? When do you hope to apply?

Not sent from my cell phone

 

[monquin]

This sounds great! I would love to attend a place like this!
Do you happen to know if there are any other universities like this one in the US?

first of all, do not give up hope! let me share my story with you for some inspiration...then i will give you more info if you wish

i had my daughter at 17 years old. i got pregnant during my junior year of high school, finished quickly to graduate early, then had her during the winter (christmas day actually) of what would have been my senior year. i was living in arizona at the time. my daughter's biological father was not ever really a part of her life. he is still not to this day.

i moved across the country to boston to begin a single parent program at a gorgeous, private liberal arts college. it was tough to leave my family behind but i did it - when my daughter was 8 months old, i traveled to boston with her by myself and began school.

the college's program allowed me to live on campus with my daughter in apartment-style accommodations with a roommate and her child. i have made some of my best friends in the program. they also paid for childcare expenses at a childcare facility of my choice in the area. the college was $37k per year - with the grants i received through the program, i never paid more than $5k.

i met my now husband there as well. i was a freshman with my infant daughter (last thing i was looking for, trust me!) and he was a junior. the parent apartments are actually situated in a regular dorm that holds 200 (10 parents, 200 students in that dorm). my now-husband was a junior at the time and lived on the same floor as me! we met through a couple mutual friends that i had in one of my classes. he has been such an amazing father figure to my daughter and an incredible husband to me. one of the other girls in the program met her now-fiance at school as well.

this program allowed me to have as genuine of a college experience as possible - by paying for childcare, i had my daughter attend during my class hours. being a biotechnology major and pre-med was definitely tough as a single parent, especially because the classes were difficult and demanding. BUT YOU CAN DO IT! i graduated this past may magna cum laude with my BS in biotechnology and am taking 2 years off to work in research, which i love - i am going to take my MCAT this summer and apply summer of 2012.

long story short...if you want ANY information about this program, please message me and let me know. i am currently a mentor of the program to some of the other students. applying to enter this next year would be ideal because they have FIVE graduates this may and will not have any for several years. you first have to apply to the school and then there is a separate application for the program, but i can literally walk you through it and talk to the people in charge for you if it sounds like something you are interested in.

here is the school's website:

http://www.endicott.edu/servlet/RetrievePage?site=endicott&page=Home

here is the program's link:

http://www.endicott.edu/servlet/RetrievePage?site=endicott&page=SingleParProg



please let me know if i can be of any help dont give up, GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[monquin]

What do I need to do in order to get this amount of aid?
Do I just get a quote from a childcare provider and present it to the financial aid department?
Does my child have to already attend a childcare facility or can I just choose one and find out how much it costs and then present it to the fin aid dept?

This past year in medschool, I had my childcare provider notarize a statement regarding the amount I pay in childcare, and I received that much more in loans--it amounted to nearly twenty thousand dollars extra, or about $300/week. There are federal guidelines regarding these things, you have to follow all the rules and deal with extra forms, etc., but the means exist for those of us determined to go to medschool after having children.

 

[pinkzebra]

just wanted to also let you know, in response to your question, that endicott college's single parent program is part of the higher education alliance for single parents. here is their website:

http://www.singleparentcollegeprograms.org/

this website will tell you about all the other parent programs in the US.

PLEASE TAKE CAUTION, though!

read all of the information about the program first before applying. some of them are a lot better than others. in my opinion (after reading about them extensively), endicott's is by far superior to the others. some of them have really terrible living situations...having tiny rooms that you and your child have to share...having a communal fridge for 8+ parents/kids...some of them are definitely not as developed as others.

endicott's is wonderful.

you have gorgeous apartments right on campus. the school, itself, is just great. it is right on the water and has three private beaches just for its students! it is a small school so there is a LOT of support from teachers, etc.

i just think that being a single parent is so stressful enough..definitely wouldnt want to be in a situation that added even MORE stress, ya know?

 

[ejw5075]

Let me tell you how much fun it is to share a room with a toddler....

just wanted to also let you know, in response to your question, that endicott college's single parent program is part of the higher education alliance for single parents. here is their website:

http://www.singleparentcollegeprograms.org/

this website will tell you about all the other parent programs in the US.

PLEASE TAKE CAUTION, though!

read all of the information about the program first before applying. some of them are a lot better than others. in my opinion (after reading about them extensively), endicott's is by far superior to the others. some of them have really terrible living situations...having tiny rooms that you and your child have to share...having a communal fridge for 8+ parents/kids...some of them are definitely not as developed as others.

endicott's is wonderful.

you have gorgeous apartments right on campus. the school, itself, is just great. it is right on the water and has three private beaches just for its students! it is a small school so there is a LOT of support from teachers, etc.

i just think that being a single parent is so stressful enough..definitely wouldnt want to be in a situation that added even MORE stress, ya know?

 

[tigress]

I haven't read all of the replies thoroughly, though I see they have lots of good advice. I just want to give my support! I'm a single mother (widowed) of 3, and I'm halfway through my first year of med school. It absolutely can be and has been done! My oldest son is 4.5 and my twins are 2.5. They go to preschool with early drop and after-school care every weekday from about 7:30 am to 4:30 PM. On the days I have to be late (which hasn't been that many, really), one of my parents picks them up--although they can stay in after-school care until 6, which is a good thing to have as backup. Also, my parents usually take them for most of a day during the weekend, and then before tests family members help out to provide more care. When I get to 3rd year it will obviously be a lot more time-consuming on my end, but I am lucky to have a large extended family locally who are happy to help. I feel secure knowing that my children are with people who love them when they aren't at school. My kids are honestly thriving, and I'm very happy as well. I started med school after staying home with the kids for 4 full years! So this has been a big change for all of us.

Financially it is difficult. In my case, we get Social Security every month, which helps a lot, and we had a small amount of life insurance which is getting steadily used. In the case of divorce, you should get child support to help. Many states have daycare assistance programs for the needy (unfortunately my state doesn't have enough funding to provide this support for many people who need it). My kids are on Medicaid, so that helps. And they qualify for free lunch at school. My parents take some of the burden as far as groceries (their almost weekly Costco runs always include supplies for us). It works out. Next year my oldest will be in kindergarten, and although my ideal school choice is a local alternative private school, reality is that he will have to be in public school because of the cost.

So from my perspective, the key is to have a lot of support--ideally family, but at least close friends. I am not sure if I could do this without my family around. I think I probably couldn't. Family is the reason I only applied to one school, and the reason I'll almost definitely be pursuing a residency locally as well.

Oh, and kids teach time management--I'm not at a disadvantage compared to my classmates, because I know that when I have time to study, I have to use it to study. And I have an excuse to take one full day off every week and truly enjoy being a mother. So it works out.

If you want to be in touch, send me a message. And good luck!

 

[StudyShy]

Oh, and kids teach time management--I'm not at a disadvantage compared to my classmates, because I know that when I have time to study, I have to use it to study. And I have an excuse to take one full day off every week and truly enjoy being a mother. So it works out.

That is so true!