- Joined
- Sep 12, 2017
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This will be a weepy post. You have been warned.
In the last two days, I've dealt with the following junk:
1. been involved in kafkaesque discussions with my lawyer in a malpractice case
2. got yelled at for prescribing controlled substances by our resident controlled substance Nazi attending - got scared about being sued again
3. got yelled at for NOT prescribing controlled substances by patient and outside PCP - got scared about being sued again
4. got yelled at by parents who can't agree on a kid's medication regimen - got scared about being sued again
5. got 10+ emotionally wrecked patients' emotions become mine, all while being expected to actually use my brain to solve problems
I often feel like patients just treat me as a dispenser of their make-my-problems-go-away substances with a person incidentally attached. Every attending has something different to say and there are no easy answers. Patients are unpredictable and make me feel abused and unsafe.
And it's only Wednesday.
I got into this business naively trying to help people. And I do enjoy solving problems and think people are fascinating. I still have a lot of respect for medicine and psychiatry in particular. In fact, psychiatry actually does pretty well compared to other specialties in trying to give us the tools to set boundaries, take care of ourselves, and navigate thorny interpersonal situations.
But it's not enough. I'm only a resident and already I wish I could retire. But I crunched the numbers and I need 5 years of an attending's salary and frugal living to save up enough to achieve FIRE (see Mr. Money Mustache). FIVE YEARS OF THIS. I doubt it will get better when I'm an attending, because then the buck will really stop with me.
I don't know what I need right now from this post. Maybe perspective? There is no one I can talk to in my residency because I've earned the reputation of being anxious, and everyone's sick of my complaining. That's probably why my PD encouraged me to take a mental health break earlier, and I want to finish my program without attracting further attention. So I have to pretend I'm ok.
In the last two days, I've dealt with the following junk:
1. been involved in kafkaesque discussions with my lawyer in a malpractice case
2. got yelled at for prescribing controlled substances by our resident controlled substance Nazi attending - got scared about being sued again
3. got yelled at for NOT prescribing controlled substances by patient and outside PCP - got scared about being sued again
4. got yelled at by parents who can't agree on a kid's medication regimen - got scared about being sued again
5. got 10+ emotionally wrecked patients' emotions become mine, all while being expected to actually use my brain to solve problems
I often feel like patients just treat me as a dispenser of their make-my-problems-go-away substances with a person incidentally attached. Every attending has something different to say and there are no easy answers. Patients are unpredictable and make me feel abused and unsafe.
And it's only Wednesday.
I got into this business naively trying to help people. And I do enjoy solving problems and think people are fascinating. I still have a lot of respect for medicine and psychiatry in particular. In fact, psychiatry actually does pretty well compared to other specialties in trying to give us the tools to set boundaries, take care of ourselves, and navigate thorny interpersonal situations.
But it's not enough. I'm only a resident and already I wish I could retire. But I crunched the numbers and I need 5 years of an attending's salary and frugal living to save up enough to achieve FIRE (see Mr. Money Mustache). FIVE YEARS OF THIS. I doubt it will get better when I'm an attending, because then the buck will really stop with me.
I don't know what I need right now from this post. Maybe perspective? There is no one I can talk to in my residency because I've earned the reputation of being anxious, and everyone's sick of my complaining. That's probably why my PD encouraged me to take a mental health break earlier, and I want to finish my program without attracting further attention. So I have to pretend I'm ok.
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