I will post no more forever

[birchswinger]

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This is my last post; I actually came on to say as much the other day when I saw I had been banned.

I wanted to let you all know that I came here because when you seek advice from a psychiatrist or from NAMI about cutting edge treatments--such as the few I mentioned--you cannot get information. As I said, I simply thought med students would be a good source of cutting edge information.

After a history of psychiatric induced drug addiction from 15 years of age until now and suffering abuse at the hands of a psychiatrist, I opened myself up and posted a serious question regarding research into benzodiazepine withdrawal and the use of l theanine. To those who suggested I seek other psychiatrists or NAMI, I have. I doubt you will believe me, but I have had to explain to my psychiatrist how benzodiazepines work and why you cannot withdraw from them safely in a week's time. I have literally been told that psychiatry is not a science but an art. And it is the same with all the psychiatrists I have seen. They don't recognize the value of Valium in a crosstaper withdrawal because they say it's dirty and has too many metabolites without recognizing that it being a less potent drug and having dirty metabolites that hang around are exactly what makes it a better drug for coming off an addiction, also that a 4 mg equivalent of what I take now in Ativan works out to 40 mg of Valium which can easily be split into smaller portions. I wasn't seeking specific medical advice but for information into researching benzodiazepine withdrawal information that is cutting edge. I wanted to learn more than I already have as I continue to seek a doctor to work with me. I never make any changes without a doctor knowing.

So, I opened myself up here. I feel like a person who long ago stopped believing in a religion but has to keep going to church to survive. I make no qualms about disagreeing with *most* of psychiatry, but I would likely die without Ativan. I wish to God I had only ever been put on an SSRI so I could easily get off. (And I"ve done that before, I know it's not that easy, but easy enough.)

So, when I saw my thread was shut down, and I saw how many other people were posting medical questions, I felt again hurt by this field. I felt it personally, which is what I sometimes do. And I know it was insanity to keep posting, but I wanted get my hand in. I never considered medicine as a career for myself because I was worried I might accidentally hurt someone. But I wonder really now how psychiatry could have hurt me anymore than it has.

I'm not sure what I wanted--maybe credit for my knowledge, maybe an apology that I will never get from the psychiatrist who addicted me to Ativan as a child. My friends from high school are becoming doctors now, and I don't have anything to show for my suffering at this point; I both detest psychiatry but also am jealous of the power and prestige the people who hurt me hold and I transfer those feelings and confuse them with the success of my friends as well. I was a very successful student on a very high path toward success when my anxiety and undiagnosed tourette's forced me to leave college and really not do much of anything for the last 7 years.

I don't understand your terms of service, anyhow. When I signed up I actually did look to see if it said only for students and doctors and it doesn't, and it even says in the terms of service that everyone here should be considered a non-medical professional. And I agree with that. It is troubling to think doctors would take advice assuming that an anonymous person responding to them online is a medical doctor. The only other thing I was told when I tried logging on was that I was banned for "facing off" with other users. I was called junk and a Scientologist by another user here who I think may have self identified himself as a psychiatrist. I don't recall that I ever personally attacked anyone.

As I said before, I would be foolish to take medical advice from anyone online, and I was looking for leads--not prescriptions. No one on here can prescribe online anyhow or prove they are a doctor. And I'm very stubborn. If I get information I cross check it every way I can. I hope that those of you getting medical advice on behalf of your patients believing the other posters are doctors would do the same.

I know that I criticized tenants of psychiatry, and no one responded to those criticisms except by making personal attacks, and maybe that is a recognition I need to have on my part: that it is possible that the patient knows more than the doctors of the world. Maybe I am scared to throw out my beliefs and not have them challenged because they actually are valid. And maybe it's insanity on my part to think psychiatrists would ever admit fundamentals flaws in their science. And I guess I never wanted to come to that conclusion, but as I mature, it may be one I have to make, and make allowances for the idea that being a doctor does not mean a person has to be friendly, intelligent, or curious. And so maybe my beliefs out there hoping they could be challenged and was scared to see that no there isn't much there, I am kind of on my own, and maybe you all actually are threatened by these criticisms rather than laughing them off. To think that I could be the one frightening a psychiatrist rather than vice versa is a new reality. And to think that doctors are not authorities and can know so little, well it's frightening but also frustrating in that doctors--including my friends of whom I am jealous--are the ones receiving adulation, praise, authority, and money. I was afraid to be the person I believe hurt me, but my friends who are now becoming doctors are getting the praise and success I want.

I'm not sure what I want from my life, it's certainly much more than I have. My talents have been kept away from a place where they could be put to use, and a place where I could receive the validation for them, the adulation, the praise, the credit that I have been missing ever since I had to leave college. I went through a similar phase when my high school friends got their bachelor degrees. Anyhow, what I believe hasn't changed, but my tone has. I feel like Tyler Durden when he said you met me at a strange time in my life.

And on other strange notes, I will leave with the strangest presidential interview ever, a quote from Barbara Walters when she interviewed President Elect Jimmy Carter, "be wise with us, Governor. Be good to us." (supplant governor with doctor, on behalf of patients) Even if you disagree with my disagreement of most tenants of psychiatry, I hope you can at least learn from the mistakes made on me regarding benzodiazepines, for example.

 

[whopper]

I'm going to respond to you because I do think you are on a track where you still have a lot of unanswered questions, and if you are true to what you are saying, a lot of people in your situation would. I am going to be careful & not offer medical advice for your specific situation.

literally been told that psychiatry is not a science but an art.

Wrong. Its a science and an art. The art should only begin after the science. There are several unanswered questions in the entire field of medicine, that's where the art begins. That being said, there is a plethora of evidenced based treatments.

I mentioned this before, but if you were given bad treatment, we cannot address that here. If you have, then I would be frustrated as well. In fact I know several people that did receive bad treatment at the hands of several doctors--across all fields of medicine whether it be psychiatry, surgery, medicine, Ob-Gyn, what have you.

But again, we're not the people that can help you in you frustration, or your need for answers over what happened. That's not because I don't want to help you--in fact I do want to help. Just that by the rules that bind all doctors--again whether it be a psychiatrist, IM, surgeon, what have you, I cannot do so over the internet because that would be considered substandard care, and thus unethical care.

And that is why I told you to try to seek help through the appropriate channels, even ask for a consumer advocate to help you out. Like I mentioned before, I would like any bad doctor to be pointed out. I too have suffered & have seen others suffer at the hands of bad doctors.

I applaud you for reading up on psychiatry, and is evidenced by your posts. Anyone receiving treatment should have full access to education, and have good involvement with their doctor. Their doctor should be encouraging that the patient receive as much educational data as possible about their situation & should work with their patient on this.

As for people PM-ing you and giving you insults, if that indeed is the case-well, listen, this is an internet forum. Anonymity in any forum causes people to do this type of behavior and act immaturely. You have several thousands of people who venture into SDN, several of them trolls, people throwing an insult as a joke, etc. You know I haven't done that to you. Another thing that may have invited this unfortunate behavior is several of your posts are rather one sided and blaming the entire field for what you claim is the fault of the person that treated you. Tit for tat.

I hope you believe me in that I wish you the best of luck & good fortune in the future. I was sincere in my referral for you to seek help, and do hope that others can help you in the way you need it. We cannot do it here, no more than I can help a guy in California needing a psychiatrist while I was in NJ. We can only refer you to the other sources you need to go to for help.

Now I will have to formally state that I will end my communcation to you because I can't do anything else other than repeat myself. Again, I really do wish the best for you and that you reach your full potential and peace with what has happened.

 

[notdeadyet]

Beautiful post, whopper...

 

[Anasazi23]

Closing.