I'm back!

[smalltowngirl]

I am now ready to admit that I have made a grand mistake. Last February I submitted a post about switching from anesthesia to pathology before my anesthesia residency started. I called several programs and interviewed at 3 who were willing to take make outside of the match even at the late date. However, my family (and the voice inside my head that worries what other people think) talked me back into anesthesia. I was pushed any further thoughts of switching from my mind. Then, while on the phone with my boyfriend the night before Match Day, a program director called and offered me a spot. Without hesitation I flatly turned her down, citing my reasons for staying with my current program.
Fast forward.....I am currently six months into a prestegious anesthesia program. Although I am good at what I do, let's face it--clearly I made a mistake. Most days I am bored out of my mind, freezing my hind-end off trying to stay awake. I can actually feel myself getting dumber as the monitor beeps away. Have you ever tried to study under these conditions? Impossible.
Of course, there are those cliche moments of terror. Some people interpret the decreasing tone of the sat monitor as exciting. I feel completely stressed no matter how hard I try to "reframe" the situation. I believe the Great Pumpkin mentioned in an earlier post how "gas" people are treated as underlings. My name is not "hey anesthesia!". I don't feel like a physician anymore, I feel like a CRNA. I did not get a 100, 000 dollar education to crawl on the floor and empty urine bags. I dread going to work in the morning. Anesthesia is NOT agreeing with my personality.
I really miss the first two years of medical school. Basic science is for me! In addition, I have always wanted to teach (use to TA-loved it). Intubating and starting lines was great fun for a couple of months. Now every anesthetic is the same. I need the intellectual stimulation that path offers. I need to "see" my work. I don't want to hide behing the blue drape alone any longer!! I want to use what I learned in undergrad/med school instead of putting the table up and down....
This is my battle cry !!!!!!
Just needed to rant.
I would love to switch within my institution but they basically only take Phd researcher types.
Should I check back with the program that I turned down in the spring? In my mind my argument for path is stronger.....I tried anesthesia for my own peace of mind and now know that I made the wrong choice.
I'm trying not to have a nervous breakdown about the whole thing. Some people will think I'm insane for leaving the "name" where I currently am. But I'm over it. Life is too short!
Thanks!

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[PsychMan2000]

First of all, let me just say that I think your post is fantastic, great honesty and inspiration. In terms of what you can do:
1. you can contact the PD at the school that offered you a spot, like you suggested - worth a shot.
2. you can apply throught the match at places whose dates are still open.
3. you can contact programs that go outside the match and see if they'll give you a shot.

Obviously, you'll be talking/applying to places that you spoke with before when you were gonna do path - so it's extremely important to convey your sincerity. Also, make sure you REALLY wanna switch - REALLY sure.

Best of luck.