Im scared, and what to expect????

tinkerchick

Tinkerchick
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My husband whom we've been togeather almost 3 years has choosen to go to med school at OU.. I dont know what to expect.. All we've been doing is arguing secondary to his schooling is more important than us! I dont want to be selfish, yet I dont know what to expect...other than I know he will not be around the next 7-8 years.. I afraid we wont last...:confused: and I am scared what to expect..I just want our lives back........

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I'm sorry but I really don't understand your post.

Is OU far from where you live? Did he have any other choices? Why did he pick OU? Why can't you be with him?

You can expect him to work hard, long hours for the rest of his life. You can expect him to be very stressed out much of the time because he will be constantly under the gun and evaluated all of the time. He will constantly be fighting to get to the next step and will often not have much say as to where he has to go. You can expect him to have a guaranteed job when he's done with relatively good to excellent pay, but don't expect the hours and stress to go away.

I don't understand why you're arguing with him. He should set aside time for you, but he may not have as much time to be with you as you'd both like. If he completely ignores you that's bad of course. He needs support from you, not arguing and not being accused that school is more important than you. Is a big part of why he's going to med school to be a good earner to provide for your family?

If he's your husband and you want it to last, you will last. That's the meaning of marriage. Make the best of the situation and stop looking behind you. Do you really want him to give up medical school just to be with you? Can you both sacrifice to make things work?
 
OU isnt far...thats the problem. He stays most of the week with his parents primarily bc it saves him 45 min drive and on the weekends he locks himself in the office to study. I never expected him to give up his hopes and dreams..I guess I am just scared that either I will push him away or he will push me away.. I want things to work out yet hes isnt making it easier on me either. My husband is the type that if hes has a goal, screw everything else b/c he is 150% focused.. I know he loves me yet he cont to state if I cant hold out then leave...to me you wouldnt say that if you really wanted me to stick around. I am worried about the unknown with his schooling..the residency! We have a beautiful home and 2 dogs and I dont think it will be easy just to get up and move..it is taking 2 years for homes to sell around us! I know these next seven years arent going to be easy I just wish we both would just realize that and do what we can to make things work. He makes me feel as though he just wants me to leave him alone.....yet what the hec am I supposed to do...he is all I have. I have no friends, I work seven days a week and I do everything for him..ie laundry, dishes, clean, mow...everything. he doesnt have to do anything yet focus on school and he works the weekend ~5 hours a day to have gas money! OU isnt far probably 1.5 hours from our home..He picked OU secondary to being close and the closest DO program around. And to be honest I dont care about the money we both have physical therapy assistant degrees and we were doing just fine.. yet this is important to him! I just wish this was easier, yet I know deep down this isnt going to be a smooth ride.. thanks
 
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OU isnt far...thats the problem. He stays most of the week with his parents primarily bc it saves him 45 min drive and on the weekends he locks himself in the office to study. I never expected him to give up his hopes and dreams..I guess I am just scared that either I will push him away or he will push me away.. I want things to work out yet hes isnt making it easier on me either. My husband is the type that if hes has a goal, screw everything else b/c he is 150% focused..

It may be just that he's freaked out because he just started first year. How's he doing on his exams? He may need a reminder that the first two year's grades really don't matter very much and that there will always be something to work 150% of your time for. Then again, he may be barely passing on that studying, I don't know the situation.

Even if I tell him to chill out, he probably wouldn't listen to me. Everyone hits about second or third year somewhere and wonders why they busted their ass and stressed so hard first year, but few seem to have the foresight to listen to those above them. Med school is an intimidating, imposing thing and medicine is something that will swallow you up of you let it. You constantly hear you won't be a good doctor unless you memorize EVERYTHING (this continues through residency) and you're constantly scared you will fail the next exam (or next rotation, or next evaluation...) and fail out, but the truth is almost nobody fails out of med school and you need to make time for your life. Whether people can see that or not is another matter...

I know he loves me yet he cont to state if I cant hold out then leave...to me you wouldnt say that if you really wanted me to stick around. I am worried about the unknown with his schooling..the residency! We have a beautiful home and 2 dogs and I dont think it will be easy just to get up and move..it is taking 2 years for homes to sell around us! I know these next seven years arent going to be easy I just wish we both would just realize that and do what we can to make things work. He makes me feel as though he just wants me to leave him alone.....yet what the hec am I supposed to do...he is all I have. I have no friends, I work seven days a week and I do everything for him..ie laundry, dishes, clean, mow...everything. he doesnt have to do anything yet focus on school and he works the weekend ~5 hours a day to have gas money!

I'm so confused. You work 7 days a week and he works on the side to afford gas money. He's taking full loans right? How are you in so much debt? Yes, I know your home is beautiful and all, but you may want to sell it and move into something a lot cheaper and closer to school. Why work 7 days a week? A 2BR apartment would suit you guys just fine. There's no guarantee when he goes off to residency he'll be able to stay in the area as well. It may be worth your sanity to unload your debt, even if it leaves you a little backwards. It may not be easy, but what ever is?

OU isnt far probably 1.5 hours from our home..He picked OU secondary to being close and the closest DO program around. And to be honest I dont care about the money we both have physical therapy assistant degrees and we were doing just fine.. yet this is important to him! I just wish this was easier, yet I know deep down this isnt going to be a smooth ride.. thanks

I think 1.5 hours is pretty far. I can see why he isn't home that much. Can you get a new job closer? If so, go! That sort of distance is putting on you the verge of a long distance relationship and who wants that over a house? It's not like it's NYC--you can take your dogs with you. The distance is close enough that it doesn't SEEM that far, but that time is precious, especially when you're so both so busy, and it's obviously a huge problem. I think you guys need to go back to the student life and uproot yourselfs a bit to make things work. Don't look at it as a bad thing. Why do you need your own house? What's wrong with moving for school? It's just a necessary part of things you all have to do to make things happen.
 
He isnt doing bad in his grades but if he doesnt get that "A" he gets down on himself...He really doesnt need to work b/c I can pay for everything...without working 7 days a week yet he is scared that a car will break down or something will happen that we need all this money saved back for backup.... To be honest our home cost only a couple hundred dollars from the appt. and some are as much as our house payment. The only plus to selling is staying close.. Yet if we move then the struggle is pushed towards me..with travel and job.. I could always get a new job yet the hospital benefits where I work are great and I have insurance for both of us that helps if needed. I also work to keep my sanity..I really have nothing else to do. I work out, I work, I take care of the house, etc. You know it is really nice to get some of the frustration out..by talking/typing:laugh: I think the struggles that we encounter are going to be there and if we cant work it out.....well maybe we arent what we thought we were. Yet I am going to work my butt off to make things easier on him and on our lives togeather....hopefully it will all payoff!
 
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