Impact of a relationship on choice of schools?

[rajmahal1980]

I just wanted to see if there is anyone else out there who is currently in a very serious relationship and is using that as a big decision make as to what school to go to. I will be starting dental school at 25 so I'll be getting married at some point during the 4 years hopefully. I've talked about marriage with my current gf of two years but the problem is she is working and in school in Los Angeles which basically narrows it down to USC and UCLA for me. I don't have much of a shot at UCLA with my GPA so basically its down to one school: USC.

Is anyone tied down in the same way I am? Also because I applied late I still haven't heard back from any schools including USC.

By the way does anyone know USC's current status, like how many seats are filled and also what the interview schedule is like? Any chance of getting accepted without an interview? Thanks.

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[jdcinza13]

Unless you're married already, choose where you want to go to school first, then think about the relationship.

 

[Biogirl361]

I don't know anything about california schools and all that but i know my bf will most likely be turning down his first choice school in order to go to school with me, if i do not get into that school. so I know there are others in yours and similar situations whos decisions are heavily impacted by relationships. I don't think that is a bad thing if you feel it's a relationship that has the potential for eventual marriage. either way, hope it all works out for you

 

[crazy_sherm]

I am in a similar situation and had discussed going somewhere else for school with my girlfriend. However, she's a school teacher here in the middle of getting her credential. If we were to move to another state, she would have to start over on the credential and then it wouldn't even allow her to work in California, which we planned on returning to. So as sort of a compromise, I decided to just apply for the California schools I would go to this year. Luckily, I actually got accepted and am happy with how it all turned out. If I had not gotten in this time around, I probably would have applied to more schools next year and revisit our discussion on moving to another state.

 

[pbure]

make decisions with your mind..not with your hearts. thats my advice.

 

[reLAXgirl]

My BF is at Columbia and I'm going to Iowa it looks like. I figure if it is really meant to be the sacrifice will be easy to make. Otherwise, follow your heart. If neither of you are willing to give something up maybe you aren't ready to be together. If it's meant to be, it will last. That's what I am hoping for at least!

 

[Dr.Bear]

I applied to schools that are within the northeast region of the U.S. as to not have to be tooo far from my g/f of 4 years. She is in a great position right now, and really cannot leave, (especially that we both want to come back here anyway... she would never get it back if she left) so... I applied to schools that I like, but that are also somewhat close. SB is right here on Long Island, but I have not heard from them yet. Otherwise, the school that I will be going to is only about 2 hours away... we can still see each other alot. neither one of us want the other to give up out career aspirations.. we are both really supportive of each other.. it's meant to be, and we know it will be, regardless of where I go to school. But as long as I am going to get a good education, I will attend the school closest to her.

 

[marshall]

Unless you're married already, choose where you want to go to school first, then think about the relationship.

make decisions with your mind..not with your hearts. thats my advice.

I totally disagree with both of those statements. If your significant other has any meaning to you then you will try to stay together as best you can. If you think the distance won't affect your relationship negatively then you are seriously deluding yourself.

I went through the process of where to apply to school and I skipped out on all of my state schools (CA) and narrowed my list to three. She got to apply everywhere for medical school last year and she ended up in Philly and now I will be there at Penn too (fortunately).

I would rather have taken another year off to reapply than go anywhere else. She would have done the same.

 

[nothen2do]

I totally disagree with both of those statements. If your significant other has any meaning to you then you will try to stay together as best you can. If you think the distance won't affect your relationship negatively then you are seriously deluding yourself.

I went through the process of where to apply to school and I skipped out on all of my state schools (CA) and narrowed my list to three. She got to apply everywhere for medical school last year and she ended up in Philly and now I will be there at Penn too (fortunately).

I would rather have taken another year off to reapply than go anywhere else. She would have done the same.

It def. depends on the person, but you never know how a relationship is going to end. It would really be a bummer to have "settled" for another school/location so that you can be with someone. It would be worse if you were unhappy at your school and you had the belief that your sig. other was to blame.
Don't get me wrong, my girlfriend is coming with me to whatever school I go (im very lucky). She is getting her teaching credentials in California and so I would love to stay local so we both have these opportunities.
If you were meant to be together than even if you are physically seperate the next 4 years, youll be able to make it work.

 

[JMJRDH1]

A piece of advice coming from someone in the same situation:

Before I married, my then gf knew I wanted to be a DDS someday, and said that we would work it out no matter what.

Fast forward 4 years.......married..........mortgage..........kids?...........

I am now preparing to apply for the 2006 cycle, and my wife is ready to hold down the fort financially while I am unemployed for the duration of dental school (as long as I get in!!!), If kids come along, our respective mothers are ready to help in the child care dept. My wife is willing to work more hours and do whatever it takes for "us" to make it through these tough years ahead.

If your significant other is truly the one for you, then a joint decision seems to be in order.

There is one caveat, however:

No matter how much you love a person, that love will never replace the personal/professional fulfillment of becoming a DDS/DMD/MD/PhD or whatever your chosen career path. I know someone who "gave up" medical school for a woman who thought the strain on their relationship would be too great. He is now happily married, and professionally miserable/unfulfilled in his career in business. He says that if he could go back, he would have stayed in school no matter the outcome of the relationship.

Good Luck!!

 

[Biogirl361]

No matter how much you love a person, that love will never replace the personal/professional fulfillment of becoming a DDS/DMD/MD/PhD or whatever your chosen career path.

I strongly disagree. what is the good of working all the time and having lots of money if you don't have a happy personal life and someone to spend your money with? How can some initials and a career replace the happiness of a good relationship? I can just as easily see someone looking back and saying their job wasn't worth sacrificing their relationship for. alright, i'll stop getting all sappy, my point's made anyway, it's not like you don't get to go to dental school. you just go to a different school. you'll still get to be a dentist, if you're flexible you'll probably end up liking any school enough.

 

[busupshot83]

I just wanted to see if there is anyone else out there who is currently in a very serious relationship and is using that as a big decision make as to what school to go to. I will be starting dental school at 25 so I'll be getting married at some point during the 4 years hopefully. I've talked about marriage with my current gf of two years but the problem is she is working and in school in Los Angeles which basically narrows it down to USC and UCLA for me. I don't have much of a shot at UCLA with my GPA so basically its down to one school: USC.

Is anyone tied down in the same way I am? Also because I applied late I still haven't heard back from any schools including USC.

By the way does anyone know USC's current status, like how many seats are filled and also what the interview schedule is like? Any chance of getting accepted without an interview? Thanks.

If you think the relationship is serious enough for marriage, definitely consider staying near the girl... my opinion .

 

[msf41]

People don't write love songs about teeth (or prescribing Lipotor if you're the MD type), but there are plenty of sad songs out there about love lost for petty reasons. I'm always intrigued to hear about people dating for years and still wondering if "she's the right one?" Don't you know after a year? What else can you possibly be waiting to determine? It is my opinion that if you are really meant to be together than that should be your first priority and career second.

When I got married my wife was an aspiring journalist. She graduated a year before me and wanted to get started with her career. She got a job in another state which resulted in me changing universities my senior year. The transfer ended up pushing my graduation back a extra year. It was a sacrafice for me, but we stayed together. Now she is going to sacrafice part of her career for me to go to dental school.

She is my greatest support and I can't imagine pursuing any carreer path without her.

 

[dane4695]

Similar situation -- single now. Sucks, but i think it's better in the long run. I think dental school needed to be a decision for me. I know I'll be a dentist in four years but I wasn't sure about the other aspect. Course, if you're in a hardcore, almost-married relationship, then it'll probably be a bit harder as to your decision. Good luck

 

[frogger33]

I too am in the same situation as you, but ours gets a little confusing. My BF and I have been happily together for over 6 years (I am 23 almost 24), but we do not want to get married until he is done with school settled in residency and in the same city (i.e hopefully he can get a residency where I am at dental school). He is currently in his second year of medical school and we live together right now.

When he applied to medical school, he applied everywhere. I think he really wanted to go to jefferson, but choose a good school in our home state so we could be together these last two years while I did post-grad work to finish up my pre-dental requirements (I graduated from Emory with a business degree).

Well... fast forward to now. I only applied to the two dental schools in Fl in hope to get in and at least stay in the same state. One is 2 hours away and one is 4 hours away, so they are both "do-able". However, if I do not get in this time around I will apply to many schools next year. then when it is time for his residency, he plans on trying to get as close to me as possible (hopefully the same place!!). Therefore, to me it is WORTH it to sacrafice a year to try and stay close together (and give the two schools I want to go to a second chance).

HOWEVER... It is NOT ok to sacrafice your carreer goals. You will be working for many years to come and it is so much better if it is something that you love. If it is meant to be and you really want your relationship to work out... IT WILL!! But, for a healthy relationship you really need to support eachother and want the other to acheive their goals in life. In the big picture, a few years away is not that bad. Besides... delta has cheap flights now

All that being said, I think it is ok to choose a school close to your significant other as long as you like the school. Becuase my BF and I have been together since high school we have made some sacrafices for eachother along the way, but always make sure that if you were to break up tomorrow, that you would still never regret the choice you made.... That has been our little rule of thumb.

Good Luck and sorry for the novel!

 

[StL_to_Boston]

I am getting married in May and I'm starting dental school in fall '05.

My fiance and I live in Boston now but we are BOTH ready to leave the New England area. When I chose what dental schools I wanted to apply to, I strongly considered where he would be able to find work in his field. When I was accepted to multiple schools, we discussed where WE would like to live TOGETHER. Our bottom line was, we would save a lot of money going to Kansas City because of tuition and also the low cost of living.

If this relationship is serious, take the other person into account. Only you know how serious it really is.

 

[Literati81]

Hah. Here's a convo that occurred between my bf and I (of nearly 2 yrs),

Me: I'm going to UCLA.
Him: I want to go to a NY medical school.
Me: But that's so far away.
Him: Yeah, so? ((fiddles with PS2 controller))

And that was the extent of our conversation about "our future."

 

[gryffindor]

Unless you're married already, choose where you want to go to school first, then think about the relationship.

I noticed a lot of my classmates came to dental school with non-married significant others who didn't live nearby. Seemed like a lot of those relationships were over by the end of first year. By the time senior year rolled around, many of those people were seriously involved with someone else. There were also several "class-cest" relationships by graduation time, with at least 3 of the couples engaged.

I hope your relationships all work out as you would like in dental school, but I guess you have to be realistic about it when you factor in where to attend school.

 

[JMJRDH1]

I strongly disagree. what is the good of working all the time and having lots of money if you don't have a happy personal life and someone to spend your money with? How can some initials and a career replace the happiness of a good relationship? I can just as easily see someone looking back and saying their job wasn't worth sacrificing their relationship for. alright, i'll stop getting all sappy, my point's made anyway, it's not like you don't get to go to dental school. you just go to a different school. you'll still get to be a dentist, if you're flexible you'll probably end up liking any school enough.

Hey Biogirl,

I was not saying that a successful career can replace a good relationship, or vice versa. My point is that these things are like apples and oranges, they are not interchangeable. I just believe that you should not have to choose a career over a relationship. If the significant other in question is truly "the one", they will do whatever it takes for the other to succeed, no matter their goals.

IMHO, no matter how wonderful your wife/husband is, an career goal abandoned because of a relationship can only serve to cause resentment later. And as guys go, I am fairly sappy!

 

[JMJRDH1]

I noticed a lot of my classmates came to dental school with non-married significant others who didn't live nearby. Seemed like a lot of those relationships were over by the end of first year. By the time senior year rolled around, many of those people were seriously involved with someone else. There were also several "class-cest" relationships by graduation time, with at least 3 of the couples engaged.

I hope your relationships all work out as you would like in dental school, but I guess you have to be realistic about it when you factor in where to attend school.

I also think that it is common for people to use things such as school and job changes to get out of relationships. It is much easier to break up with a person when they are no longer around!