Income - making more than SO/spouse

[Adogloveralways]

Hi everyone,

This is actually more of a personal question, but this is something I have been thinking about and was curious what everyone else is doing. So, as a veterinarian, I will be making significantly more than my SO (his yearly salary and he does not have any student loans). For those of you who have a higher salary than your husbands/wives/bf/gf/SO, how do you distribute the money when it comes to paying rent or a mortgage? Vacations? Do you pay the same in rent/mortgage, or pay more? Considering I have a lot of student loan debt, do you take that into consideration when determining your own salary (in which case it would be less)..

I was just curious to know how everyone else feels about this and if anyone else is in the same situation. Thanks!

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[DrinkWater95]

Hi everyone,

This is actually more of a personal question, but this is something I have been thinking about and was curious what everyone else is doing. So, as a veterinarian, I will be making significantly more than my SO (his yearly salary and he does not have any student loans). For those of you who have a higher salary than your husbands/wives/bf/gf/SO, how do you distribute the money when it comes to paying rent or a mortgage? Vacations? Do you pay the same in rent/mortgage, or pay more? Considering I have a lot of student loan debt, do you take that into consideration when determining your own salary (in which case it would be less)..

I was just curious to know how everyone else feels about this and if anyone else is in the same situation. Thanks!

I think this will vary vastly on your situation and what kinds of conversations you and your partner have already had.

Is your SO supporting you through vet school right now? My husband is supporting me 100% (including paying for school) and I told him once I get a real job, he’s free to work part time or not at all (if we can afford it).

Otherwise, a good rule may be paying your student loans, then you each paying a percent of the bills that equates to what you bring in. For example, if you bring in 60% of the money post-student loan payment, it may be reasonable for you to pay 60% of the bills.

You can also have a joint account and separate accounts. Joint accounts go towards bills and vacations while separate accounts go towards student loan payments, personal expenses etc. what you each contribute to the joint account should really be discussed between the two of you.

 

[MixedAnimals77]

Yeah I guess it really depends on how you all work and what you're comfortable with. It's definitely an in depth conversation we've had as a couple. I will be making more than my spouse but hes also supporting me right now through school. Once I'm out depending on our situation ie in a vmlrp area or not- if we are in vmlrp then we'll make the minimal payments vs if we arent we plan to live off his salary and throw most of mine at the loans. Overall plan though is throwing it in one big pot but knowing what I make vs what he makes in an excel sheet way for purposes like my loan payment and taking into account how much house we can afford if I were to ever drop down to 1/2 time if we have kids etc. Also it takes my spouse ~3-6months to get a job when we move to new places so I'll definitely be supporting us 100% until he can clear the hiring process for his new place of employment. Right now everything is seperate though for loan&school purposes to be able to keep the loan money seperate from our living expenses easily then I can repay leftovers easily. In our relationship it doesnt matter who's making more-what matters is that at the end of the day our bills are paid and our money saving goals we are working toward together so it doesnt matter to us who's check it's coming from.

Tldr it's really relationship dependent and how you guys feel about money and your spending habits. Definitely talk about it and make a plan you both are ok with

 

[JustPaws]

Sounds like maybe you and SO should do some financial counseling to decide where you both stand on these issues.

For our family, my wife and I have always "pooled" all of our money. We don't have seperate accounts and we have never discussed who needs to "contribute more." All bills need to be paid so all money goes towards that. Right now my wife is supporting me through school and the long term goal is that once I have graduated and hopefully we can eventually own a practice where she can financially manage it but otherwise no longer work. So we have discussed long term goals for our shared money but we don't "split" bills etc, even before I was in school and we both had full time jobs.

 

[KCgophervet]

I'm in the same boat as @JustPaws, but it 100% depends on your relationship with your spouse/significant other/partner/etc. We still have separate credit cards but that's more laziness than an attempt to separate finances. Otherwise all of our bank accounts are joint and the money comes and goes mostly automatically. When we were just dating we used to split some things based on our relative incomes, but honestly we didn't actually put too much effort into it. I know a married couple where one still pays "rent" to the other and they split bills.

Honestly it just sounds like you need to have a conversation with your partner and come up with a system that you're both comfortable with.

 

[JustPaws]

I'm in the same boat as @JustPaws, but it 100% depends on your relationship with your spouse/significant other/partner/etc. We still have separate credit cards but that's more laziness than an attempt to separate finances. Otherwise all of our bank accounts are joint and the money comes and goes mostly automatically. When we were just dating we used to split some things based on our relative incomes, but honestly we didn't actually put too much effort into it. I know a married couple where one still pays "rent" to the other and they split bills.

Honestly it just sounds like you need to have a conversation with your partner and come up with a system that you're both comfortable with.

Now that you mention it, we do technically have a few credit cards in one or the others name but they're just vestigial from singlehood. They also both sit locked up and are rarely used lol.

 

[battie]

Going to also agree with the idea of having an in depth conversation about finances.

I will be making 2.5-3× what my fiance makes once I graduate and that is unlikely to change. We will consider everything as "ours". My income is our income. His income is our income. My loans are our loans. His loans are our loans. Our goals will be to 1) buy our first home and 2) pay off the school loans. After that, goals will depend on where we're at in life. But it will all go into a shared account with Bill's prioritized then savings. Whatever is left over is to be put in savings or used for recreation.

Theres no sense of one contributing more to the household compared to the other. We'll be working similar hours. Hes certainly going be putting in more physical effort. I'll be bringing in the most baggage. In the end, it all evens out.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

With both my past long-term and current long-term partner, I’ve always made 2-3x more.

Shared bank account for all day to day expenses (Eg grocery, household items, repairs, and most bills) contributed to equally - yes.

We have our own separate personal checking/savings accounts that we put in to and spend how we want - that way, nobody has to feel like they need to ask for “permission” to buy themselves something if they want.

Rent/mortgage is split according to income, as usually due to mine we can afford a nicer place than what my partner can afford on their own, so I’m fine with them only paying a level of what they would pay on their own.

My loans are my own and I make all payments.

It’s a very personal decision - I would never completely combine bank accounts even with a spouse - but that’s just how my family had always been 🤷‍♀️ Everyone’s different. Combining can work. Splitting can work too.

 

[Adogloveralways]

I think this will vary vastly on your situation and what kinds of conversations you and your partner have already had.

Is your SO supporting you through vet school right now? My husband is supporting me 100% (including paying for school) and I told him once I get a real job, he’s free to work part time or not at all (if we can afford it).

Otherwise, a good rule may be paying your student loans, then you each paying a percent of the bills that equates to what you bring in. For example, if you bring in 60% of the money post-student loan payment, it may be reasonable for you to pay 60% of the bills.

You can also have a joint account and separate accounts. Joint accounts go towards bills and vacations while separate accounts go towards student loan payments, personal expenses etc. what you each contribute to the joint account should really be discussed between the two of you.

Thank you for your response! He does not currently pay for my schooling, so these loans will be mine to fully pay off. Essentially I am thinking about after graduation what will happen and just trying to think of options etc.

 

[Adogloveralways]

Yeah I guess it really depends on how you all work and what you're comfortable with. It's definitely an in depth conversation we've had as a couple. I will be making more than my spouse but hes also supporting me right now through school. Once I'm out depending on our situation ie in a vmlrp area or not- if we are in vmlrp then we'll make the minimal payments vs if we arent we plan to live off his salary and throw most of mine at the loans. Overall plan though is throwing it in one big pot but knowing what I make vs what he makes in an excel sheet way for purposes like my loan payment and taking into account how much house we can afford if I were to ever drop down to 1/2 time if we have kids etc. Also it takes my spouse ~3-6months to get a job when we move to new places so I'll definitely be supporting us 100% until he can clear the hiring process for his new place of employment. Right now everything is seperate though for loan&school purposes to be able to keep the loan money seperate from our living expenses easily then I can repay leftovers easily. In our relationship it doesnt matter who's making more-what matters is that at the end of the day our bills are paid and our money saving goals we are working toward together so it doesnt matter to us who's check it's coming from.

Tldr it's really relationship dependent and how you guys feel about money and your spending habits. Definitely talk about it and make a plan you both are ok with

Thank you for your really! It is defineltely something to discuss once I graduate especially when it comes to buying a house and what we can afford. Taking into considerations loans of course as well.

 

[Adogloveralways]

Sounds like maybe you and SO should do some financial counseling to decide where you both stand on these issues.

For our family, my wife and I have always "pooled" all of our money. We don't have seperate accounts and we have never discussed who needs to "contribute more." All bills need to be paid so all money goes towards that. Right now my wife is supporting me through school and the long term goal is that once I have graduated and hopefully we can eventually own a practice where she can financially manage it but otherwise no longer work. So we have discussed long term goals for our shared money but we don't "split" bills etc, even before I was in school and we both had full time jobs.

Thank you for your reply! I think the difference is right now he is not contributing towards my school or paying for it, it is something I am doing on my own and taking out student loans. Certain fields and jobs just don’t pay as much as being a vet ever will, so it’s just something I am trying to figure out how to distribute each fairly paying for things and how to split or if pooling like you said.

 

[Adogloveralways]

I'm in the same boat as @JustPaws, but it 100% depends on your relationship with your spouse/significant other/partner/etc. We still have separate credit cards but that's more laziness than an attempt to separate finances. Otherwise all of our bank accounts are joint and the money comes and goes mostly automatically. When we were just dating we used to split some things based on our relative incomes, but honestly we didn't actually put too much effort into it. I know a married couple where one still pays "rent" to the other and they split bills.

Honestly it just sounds like you need to have a conversation with your partner and come up with a system that you're both comfortable with.

Thank you for your reply! I have thought about having separate accounts for personal spending and a joint account for joint expenses but I am bot sure since I’ve never had either! Never been married (yet), snd with so many divorces in my family it scares me a little hit to have a joint account especially when I will be making more than him. Not saying that would ever happen but it is just the reality and i would have to consider everything and be smart about this.

 

[Adogloveralways]

With both my past long-term and current long-term partner, I’ve always made 2-3x more.

Shared bank account for all day to day expenses (Eg grocery, household items, repairs, and most bills) contributed to equally - yes.

We have our own separate personal checking/savings accounts that we put in to and spend how we want - that way, nobody has to feel like they need to ask for “permission” to buy themselves something if they want.

Rent/mortgage is split according to income, as usually due to mine we can afford a nicer place than what my partner can afford on their own, so I’m fine with them only paying a level of what they would pay on their own.

My loans are my own and I make all payments.

It’s a very personal decision - I would never completely combine bank accounts even with a spouse - but that’s just how my family had always been 🤷‍♀️ Everyone’s different. Combining can work. Splitting can work too.

I am kind of feeling the same way about this as you! I agree I don’t really want to combine all accounts which would be a first for my family and extended family (which is shocking since most are divorced so that’s why it makes me not want to combine everything). My siblings and their husbands/wives all combine everything and my parents did as well. I think it just scares me since I’ve never done that before!

 

[JustPaws]

Based on your responses it sounds like you know what YOU want. And that's great! Now you just need to have that conversation so that he knows what your thoughts are so that in a year or two or five he isn't blindsided if that's not how he imagined it. Good luck and happy future!

 

[Adogloveralways]

Based on your responses it sounds like you know what YOU want. And that's great! Now you just need to have that conversation so that he knows what your thoughts are so that in a year or two or five he isn't blindsided if that's not how he imagined it. Good luck and happy future!

It helps hearing from other people and their experiences and what they are currently doing! So it helps me see what I am actually thinking which came out from reading all of your responses! So thank you!

 

[chickenlittle]

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we've pooled our money since returning from our honeymoon and moving in together. We discussed it early on and it just seemed like the easiest and most natural solution for us. It was a no-brainer in the beginning because he didn't really have an income and he was moving into the house that I had already been paying for on my own, but I'm also the financially-savvy one in our marriage (he would tell you the same thing!) so it made sense for me to manage everything, therefore keeping everything together.

For the first 7ish years of our marriage, I was our primary income by a very large margin (often our sole income, although at times he had PT jobs bringing in maybe 10% of our household income). For the last 5 years, he had a FT job and I made ~4x what he did. Now he's changed jobs and I've dialed back on work considerably, so we're earning approximately equal amounts. In a few years, I may semi-retire and let him be the primary earner until we reach the point where we can both fully retire.

While I'll admit that I occasionally resented the income disparity in the beginning, it really has evened out over time.. and it was nice that he had the flexibility to be a SAHD with our daughter when she was young. When I'd find myself becoming frustrated/resentful, I'd try to imagine the headaches that would come with having two equal earners (or two people with equally demanding jobs/schedules)... in our situation, he was always the one took a day off if our daughter was sick, could leave work early if needed for an emergency, etc. and that was an obvious choice because not only was his job more flexible, but my job was more essential to the family finances than his. Now that we're earning equally, I take on more of the kid/house stuff because my role has more flexibility than his.

Hope that helps.

 

[Adogloveralways]

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we've pooled our money since returning from our honeymoon and moving in together. We discussed it early on and it just seemed like the easiest and most natural solution for us. It was a no-brainer in the beginning because he didn't really have an income and he was moving into the house that I had already been paying for on my own, but I'm also the financially-savvy one in our marriage (he would tell you the same thing!) so it made sense for me to manage everything, therefore keeping everything together.

For the first 7ish years of our marriage, I was our primary income by a very large margin (often our sole income, although at times he had PT jobs bringing in maybe 10% of our household income). For the last 5 years, he had a FT job and I made ~4x what he did. Now he's changed jobs and I've dialed back on work considerably, so we're earning approximately equal amounts. In a few years, I may semi-retire and let him be the primary earner until we reach the point where we can both fully retire.

While I'll admit that I occasionally resented the income disparity in the beginning, it really has evened out over time.. and it was nice that he had the flexibility to be a SAHD with our daughter when she was young. When I'd find myself becoming frustrated/resentful, I'd try to imagine the headaches that would come with having two equal earners (or two people with equally demanding jobs/schedules)... in our situation, he was always the one took a day off if our daughter was sick, could leave work early if needed for an emergency, etc. and that was an obvious choice because not only was his job more flexible, but my job was more essential to the family finances than his. Now that we're earning equally, I take on more of the kid/house stuff because my role has more flexibility than his.

Hope that helps.

Hi! Thank you for your response, this actually helps A LOT! That was something I was fearful of is feeling any resentment, but what you describe is a great compromise where he would put in more work at home and with your daughter. This helps a lot, so thank you so much for your response!