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Hello!
As I am poised to begin second year of medical school, I want to share with the SDN community the experience I had in first year. My hope is that an incoming first year struggling with confidence will read this, and feel reassured that he/she has what it takes to get through. Because even if “get through” is all you do—even if you don’t exactly thrive in first year of medical school—you will learn anatomy, physiology, and perseverance. A few disclaimers before I tell my story. First, I realize that my experience was atypical. Second, out of respect for those who have undergone serious hardship in medical school, I realize that my struggles were comparatively minor.
I moved into an apartment a few days before orientation. A week after, my grandfather passed away. Mourning his passing and spending extra time with family took a lot away from school early on. Later that month, I began to experience strange symptoms: night sweats, congestion, fatigue, and swelling/itching extremities. I missed school while bouncing between my PCP and an allergist, who suspected that I was allergic to my carpeted apartment (dust.) He suggested I move back home immediately, which was over an hour away from the medical school. Finally, I was diagnosed with mononucleosis, but couldn’t get my lease back. I commuted for the rest of the year.
I missed over 2 weeks of school, including the first chunk of anatomy. Even after returning to school, the mono affected me. I was tired all the time. I developed a sore on my uvula which kept me from eating solid food for 1 week (I’m not kidding—my doctor looked at it with her light and cringed.) Dinner the night before my first exam was pudding. Breakfast the morning of was applesauce. Somehow, I passed.
I passed all the major exams, in fact, but was almost always below the class average. I stunk at anatomy, stunk at histology, and stunk even harder at clinical skills. I poured sweat and tears into these subjects, and began to see improvements. By the end of the year, I was scoring high on my histology exams and clinical skills evaluations. Anatomy, however, eluded me. I sought advice from professors who would always say “you’ll find a way” or “I believe in you.” But with each successive anatomy exam, I doubted them more and more. My failures embarrassed me, made me afraid to open up to classmates, and gave me a sense of inferiority. I felt underserving of my education. Side bar: if you get nothing else out of this post, remember these 2 things:
(1) If you are struggling with a subject, there is a specific, achievable solution out there. Don’t globalize your problem by thinking you’re “a bad test taker.” Don’t accept your current level of frustration by thinking your “brain just isn’t wired for this subject.” If you’re putting in tons of time and feel like you’re spinning your wheels, slow down and ask a professor to help you study smarter. Medical school should be hard, not impossible. If it feels impossible, you’re doing something wrong.
(2) Don’t ever let yourself feel inferior to your classmates. Even if you’re failing, you deserve to be here as much as the top medical student in your class. Your road to becoming a competent, compassionate physician may be windier, but you’ll get there.
Fast forward to the end of the year: predictably, I failed anatomy, and had to remediate 2 sections. Remediation is something you never want to have to do, because it cuts into your summer, and because it looks bad on your transcript. If you have to remediate, however, don’t beat yourself up. Just learn from it. I learned how to study anatomy, and wound up dramatically improving my grade. Another side bar about anatomy: anatomy is best learned in little anatomical relationships, one piece at a time. The superior gluteal artery runs between the lumbosacral trunk and the S1 nerve root. The musculocutaneous nerve pierces corocobrachialis, then travels between brachialis and biceps brachii. Don’t get overwhelmed with how much there is to know, just learn one piece at a time. Spend as much time as possible with your cadaver, and you will find that memorization becomes intuition.
To put the icing on the cake, a few days before my final remediation exam, I started to run high fevers. 2 doctors (my PCP and an ED physician) both told me it was viral and sent me home. I had to postpone my exam. Fevers above 102 continued for 9 long days until my doctor reevaluated me and sent me for a chest X-ray. Yes, I had pneumonia. I took my final exam feeling like I had half a lung, yet I performed quite well.
I’ve been waiting all year to tell you this: even if it sucks, you’ll get through. The only thing that matters is willingness. If you are willing to go through a lot of crap (hopefully you won’t have to) then you already have what it takes.
Sincerely,
A second year medical student
As I am poised to begin second year of medical school, I want to share with the SDN community the experience I had in first year. My hope is that an incoming first year struggling with confidence will read this, and feel reassured that he/she has what it takes to get through. Because even if “get through” is all you do—even if you don’t exactly thrive in first year of medical school—you will learn anatomy, physiology, and perseverance. A few disclaimers before I tell my story. First, I realize that my experience was atypical. Second, out of respect for those who have undergone serious hardship in medical school, I realize that my struggles were comparatively minor.
I moved into an apartment a few days before orientation. A week after, my grandfather passed away. Mourning his passing and spending extra time with family took a lot away from school early on. Later that month, I began to experience strange symptoms: night sweats, congestion, fatigue, and swelling/itching extremities. I missed school while bouncing between my PCP and an allergist, who suspected that I was allergic to my carpeted apartment (dust.) He suggested I move back home immediately, which was over an hour away from the medical school. Finally, I was diagnosed with mononucleosis, but couldn’t get my lease back. I commuted for the rest of the year.
I missed over 2 weeks of school, including the first chunk of anatomy. Even after returning to school, the mono affected me. I was tired all the time. I developed a sore on my uvula which kept me from eating solid food for 1 week (I’m not kidding—my doctor looked at it with her light and cringed.) Dinner the night before my first exam was pudding. Breakfast the morning of was applesauce. Somehow, I passed.
I passed all the major exams, in fact, but was almost always below the class average. I stunk at anatomy, stunk at histology, and stunk even harder at clinical skills. I poured sweat and tears into these subjects, and began to see improvements. By the end of the year, I was scoring high on my histology exams and clinical skills evaluations. Anatomy, however, eluded me. I sought advice from professors who would always say “you’ll find a way” or “I believe in you.” But with each successive anatomy exam, I doubted them more and more. My failures embarrassed me, made me afraid to open up to classmates, and gave me a sense of inferiority. I felt underserving of my education. Side bar: if you get nothing else out of this post, remember these 2 things:
(1) If you are struggling with a subject, there is a specific, achievable solution out there. Don’t globalize your problem by thinking you’re “a bad test taker.” Don’t accept your current level of frustration by thinking your “brain just isn’t wired for this subject.” If you’re putting in tons of time and feel like you’re spinning your wheels, slow down and ask a professor to help you study smarter. Medical school should be hard, not impossible. If it feels impossible, you’re doing something wrong.
(2) Don’t ever let yourself feel inferior to your classmates. Even if you’re failing, you deserve to be here as much as the top medical student in your class. Your road to becoming a competent, compassionate physician may be windier, but you’ll get there.
Fast forward to the end of the year: predictably, I failed anatomy, and had to remediate 2 sections. Remediation is something you never want to have to do, because it cuts into your summer, and because it looks bad on your transcript. If you have to remediate, however, don’t beat yourself up. Just learn from it. I learned how to study anatomy, and wound up dramatically improving my grade. Another side bar about anatomy: anatomy is best learned in little anatomical relationships, one piece at a time. The superior gluteal artery runs between the lumbosacral trunk and the S1 nerve root. The musculocutaneous nerve pierces corocobrachialis, then travels between brachialis and biceps brachii. Don’t get overwhelmed with how much there is to know, just learn one piece at a time. Spend as much time as possible with your cadaver, and you will find that memorization becomes intuition.
To put the icing on the cake, a few days before my final remediation exam, I started to run high fevers. 2 doctors (my PCP and an ED physician) both told me it was viral and sent me home. I had to postpone my exam. Fevers above 102 continued for 9 long days until my doctor reevaluated me and sent me for a chest X-ray. Yes, I had pneumonia. I took my final exam feeling like I had half a lung, yet I performed quite well.
I’ve been waiting all year to tell you this: even if it sucks, you’ll get through. The only thing that matters is willingness. If you are willing to go through a lot of crap (hopefully you won’t have to) then you already have what it takes.
Sincerely,
A second year medical student
