cthrowaway
Full Member
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2020
- Messages
- 14
- Reaction score
- 65
Do you remember The Simpsons episode where Marge tried her hand at being a Realtor? If not, do you remember the Billy Joel lyric about rock magazines "aimed at your average teen?" Writing about music is, of course, a little bit like dancing about architecture. And, mentioning that reminds me to thank Frank Zappa (or Martin Mull) for pointing out I should always be circumspect when listening to the "experts," but especially when they are selling me something.
What do these obscure references have to do with anything anesthesia-related?
Not much, other than they hint that a specific set of sales-pitch gargon that, like with job listings for anesthesia positions, requires a little bit of translation to understand.
For instance, Marge knew that "cozy" was a better word than 'tiny' or 'cramped' and "rustic" was better than 'dilapidated' in the same way that "vintage" sounds way better than 'embarrassingly outdated.'
Similarly, when you read that a band is "raw," you can be pretty sure they lack talent in the usual sense; you can almost substitute 'out-of-tune guitars' or 'off-pitch singing' and the sentence will be more accurate. "Like a gut punch" means the group's drummer is their best musician. On the other extreme, "polished" and "accessible" typically mean 'auto-tuned and radio-friendly pop confections.' "Creating soundscapes" typically means 'meandering noodling,' 'reminiscent of pre-Gilmour Floyd,' or 'introductory filler that leads nowhere'--but occasionally means: 'the closest thing we can come to 'praise' for The Edge's substitution of effects and delays for actual guitar skill.'
There are a couple of similar terms in anesthesia job postings that you should be aware of--not because they are lies or even exaggerations, but because the sooner you know the implied meaning, the less time you will waste "kicking the tires."
"Seeking a team player." This usually means they want hungry, young recruits who want to take all the call--which usually works out great for both parties--but it can also mean they are warning you that they have been in the anesthesia business for a long time, and they don't need a new upstart telling them about the latest anesthesia trends, nor pointing out to them the way their administration or surgical colleagues are taking advantage of them. They aren't auditioning for a new lead singer to take the group to the next level, they want a competent member of the rhythm section to play the notes exactly as written.
"Group has positions on key committees." These groups realize that if you don't have a seat at the table, you are on the menu. And while that is certainly a selling point, it comes with many downsides. Best policies have a way of being adopted naturally if they are, truly, best policies. The so-called best policies that need committees, clipboards, and memoranda to propagate are usually only "best" in the corporate interest, and not "best" in the patients' interests. Sitting in meetings listening to suits drone on rarely--if ever--makes you a better clinician. Additionally, if the committee participation is valuable, you can be sure that the senior partners are going to assign themselves to those positions (and cut into your clinical income to pay for their administrative time outside the OR). If the committees are a waste of time--as most are--they are going to assign them to the new team players.
"Group has great administrative support." This one sounds good. It really does. And, given the choice between a group with great administrative support and one constantly fighting with administration, take the well supported one; no question. But the real message they are trying to convey is this: we do the cases we are asked to do when we are asked to do them. Yes, we are all aware of guidelines and recommendations. But our recommendation is this: do the cases you are assigned exactly when you are assigned precisely with the equipment and drugs presently on formulary.
"Rare opening." I have yet to see this used accurately. It strikes me as the kind of marketing ploy used by mattress stores. People only rarely replace their mattresses, so they have a way of ignoring all the promotions until they are in need of a mattress. And only then do they realize their good fortune that Presidents' Day, Spring, Easter, May Day, Mother's Day, End-of School, Inventory Reduction, Pre-Independence Day, Independence Day, or Post-Independence Day...or anything else just happens to coincide with when they have entered the mattress buying market. Same thing with looking for anesthesia jobs. Most people only do it once or twice in a career. If you don't regularly check out Gaswork just for kicks, you might think that "rare opportunities" are really rare. It's all sales-pitch. 100%. "Rare" opportunities on Gaswork are like the mythical dreamgirl of the Crazy Hot Matrix--they exist only in the Unicorn Zone. Good jobs are filled by word-of-mouth. "Decent" or "Merely okay" jobs comprise no more than the top 5% of Gaswork ads. The rest of the jobs advertised on Gaswork suck. Jobs that require a recruiter to fill are even worse.
"Enjoy excellent relationships with our surgeons." Again, that is an unalloyed good. The message they want you to hear is "the surgeons want what we want--uncomplicated cases that finish on time, leaving our evenings to be spent with our loved ones." But, more often, the message is "So long as you treat the surgeons' evenings and weekend non-emergencies as emergencies, everybody will be one big happy family. Capisce?"
"Oversee experienced nurses." This means you are not to question the CRNAs, nor upset the apple cart. Sign charts. Get paid.
"Transparent." This is a bare-bones necessity. If the ad doesn't say this, run the other way. Be especially wary of "you will be compensated fairly." If they are proud of their numbers, they will lead with them. If their compensation is low or they aren't fair, they will be evasive. If they make you feel uncomfortable about asking, that by itself is a red flag. They have all sat in the interviewee's seat; they know that nobody is doing this for charity; the only way to compare two or more positions is to start with price per labor hour. They should invite the discussion. If you have to broach the subject, they should apologize for having not addressed it earlier. This is a job. You expect to be paid. If they wanted you to work for nothing, they'd be calling your position a fellowship.
"Growing group." Of course, that sounds great. Unfortunately, it is mostly used when the group has picked up a handful of scattershot assignments that they hope will someday mature into stable, reliable rooms. Until then, it typically means lots of miles on your car, lots of downtime between cases, and lots of Workers' Comp and governmental contracts.
"National group." This is the rare time they are being completely honest and the literal meaning is the same as the implied meaning. This will be Envision, NAPA, USAP, Somnia, or one of the other AMCs. Run away.
"Signing bonus." This means trouble with a capital T. No decent group wants to offer a signing bonus. Only the worst groups have to.
"Insert jargon here." If the ad mentions "operational initiatives," "quality measures," "patient satisfaction," "peri-operative," "aligned with," "tools necessary," or any other business-speak run away. Real life, flesh and blood anesthesiologists don't talk like that. Only suits do. Run away before you turn into that dopey domesticated dog from The Farside cartoon.
And with that obscure pop-culture reference, I believe this public service announcement has come full circle. Thank you for listening to my TED talk.
What do these obscure references have to do with anything anesthesia-related?
Not much, other than they hint that a specific set of sales-pitch gargon that, like with job listings for anesthesia positions, requires a little bit of translation to understand.
For instance, Marge knew that "cozy" was a better word than 'tiny' or 'cramped' and "rustic" was better than 'dilapidated' in the same way that "vintage" sounds way better than 'embarrassingly outdated.'
Similarly, when you read that a band is "raw," you can be pretty sure they lack talent in the usual sense; you can almost substitute 'out-of-tune guitars' or 'off-pitch singing' and the sentence will be more accurate. "Like a gut punch" means the group's drummer is their best musician. On the other extreme, "polished" and "accessible" typically mean 'auto-tuned and radio-friendly pop confections.' "Creating soundscapes" typically means 'meandering noodling,' 'reminiscent of pre-Gilmour Floyd,' or 'introductory filler that leads nowhere'--but occasionally means: 'the closest thing we can come to 'praise' for The Edge's substitution of effects and delays for actual guitar skill.'
There are a couple of similar terms in anesthesia job postings that you should be aware of--not because they are lies or even exaggerations, but because the sooner you know the implied meaning, the less time you will waste "kicking the tires."
"Seeking a team player." This usually means they want hungry, young recruits who want to take all the call--which usually works out great for both parties--but it can also mean they are warning you that they have been in the anesthesia business for a long time, and they don't need a new upstart telling them about the latest anesthesia trends, nor pointing out to them the way their administration or surgical colleagues are taking advantage of them. They aren't auditioning for a new lead singer to take the group to the next level, they want a competent member of the rhythm section to play the notes exactly as written.
"Group has positions on key committees." These groups realize that if you don't have a seat at the table, you are on the menu. And while that is certainly a selling point, it comes with many downsides. Best policies have a way of being adopted naturally if they are, truly, best policies. The so-called best policies that need committees, clipboards, and memoranda to propagate are usually only "best" in the corporate interest, and not "best" in the patients' interests. Sitting in meetings listening to suits drone on rarely--if ever--makes you a better clinician. Additionally, if the committee participation is valuable, you can be sure that the senior partners are going to assign themselves to those positions (and cut into your clinical income to pay for their administrative time outside the OR). If the committees are a waste of time--as most are--they are going to assign them to the new team players.
"Group has great administrative support." This one sounds good. It really does. And, given the choice between a group with great administrative support and one constantly fighting with administration, take the well supported one; no question. But the real message they are trying to convey is this: we do the cases we are asked to do when we are asked to do them. Yes, we are all aware of guidelines and recommendations. But our recommendation is this: do the cases you are assigned exactly when you are assigned precisely with the equipment and drugs presently on formulary.
"Rare opening." I have yet to see this used accurately. It strikes me as the kind of marketing ploy used by mattress stores. People only rarely replace their mattresses, so they have a way of ignoring all the promotions until they are in need of a mattress. And only then do they realize their good fortune that Presidents' Day, Spring, Easter, May Day, Mother's Day, End-of School, Inventory Reduction, Pre-Independence Day, Independence Day, or Post-Independence Day...or anything else just happens to coincide with when they have entered the mattress buying market. Same thing with looking for anesthesia jobs. Most people only do it once or twice in a career. If you don't regularly check out Gaswork just for kicks, you might think that "rare opportunities" are really rare. It's all sales-pitch. 100%. "Rare" opportunities on Gaswork are like the mythical dreamgirl of the Crazy Hot Matrix--they exist only in the Unicorn Zone. Good jobs are filled by word-of-mouth. "Decent" or "Merely okay" jobs comprise no more than the top 5% of Gaswork ads. The rest of the jobs advertised on Gaswork suck. Jobs that require a recruiter to fill are even worse.
"Enjoy excellent relationships with our surgeons." Again, that is an unalloyed good. The message they want you to hear is "the surgeons want what we want--uncomplicated cases that finish on time, leaving our evenings to be spent with our loved ones." But, more often, the message is "So long as you treat the surgeons' evenings and weekend non-emergencies as emergencies, everybody will be one big happy family. Capisce?"
"Oversee experienced nurses." This means you are not to question the CRNAs, nor upset the apple cart. Sign charts. Get paid.
"Transparent." This is a bare-bones necessity. If the ad doesn't say this, run the other way. Be especially wary of "you will be compensated fairly." If they are proud of their numbers, they will lead with them. If their compensation is low or they aren't fair, they will be evasive. If they make you feel uncomfortable about asking, that by itself is a red flag. They have all sat in the interviewee's seat; they know that nobody is doing this for charity; the only way to compare two or more positions is to start with price per labor hour. They should invite the discussion. If you have to broach the subject, they should apologize for having not addressed it earlier. This is a job. You expect to be paid. If they wanted you to work for nothing, they'd be calling your position a fellowship.
"Growing group." Of course, that sounds great. Unfortunately, it is mostly used when the group has picked up a handful of scattershot assignments that they hope will someday mature into stable, reliable rooms. Until then, it typically means lots of miles on your car, lots of downtime between cases, and lots of Workers' Comp and governmental contracts.
"National group." This is the rare time they are being completely honest and the literal meaning is the same as the implied meaning. This will be Envision, NAPA, USAP, Somnia, or one of the other AMCs. Run away.
"Signing bonus." This means trouble with a capital T. No decent group wants to offer a signing bonus. Only the worst groups have to.
"Insert jargon here." If the ad mentions "operational initiatives," "quality measures," "patient satisfaction," "peri-operative," "aligned with," "tools necessary," or any other business-speak run away. Real life, flesh and blood anesthesiologists don't talk like that. Only suits do. Run away before you turn into that dopey domesticated dog from The Farside cartoon.
And with that obscure pop-culture reference, I believe this public service announcement has come full circle. Thank you for listening to my TED talk.
Last edited:
