Interviews w/ baby (+ int'l applicant)

[Ulla]

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Hi everyone!

I'm in a strange situation, and would really appreciate any advice that you may have for me. I tried to search for a related post, but could not find anything quite like this...

I am currently residing in Canada, and am applying to 14 different clinical psych programs, all of them in the U.S., none of them within driving distance.

I also have a (very cute!) 4 month old daughter that I still breastfeed, which means that I can't leave her for more than, say, 2-3 hours at a time. That also means I would probably have to bring my husband (which = extra $$).

The timing was perfect, I was able to take a year off after completing my B.A., and the kid will be old enough for day care by the time I start my grad program.

As the title of the post implies, my problem lies with the interviews, and I have a few questions that I hope you can answer for me:

+ Under these circumstances, are departments usually willing to do phone (or perhaps video conference) interviews? If so, would that put me at a serious disadvantage?

+ Interviews seem to often be full-day, or even two-days affairs. How would it be seen to leave the group every few hours to go give the little one a drink?

+ How forward should I be about my situation if/when I receive a phone call asking me to come for an interview?

As you can imagine, this is quite stressful, so thanks a lot! I really appreciate any comment you may have, and I'm sorry for the long post.

Ulla

 

[PsyDr]

you gotta do what you gotta do.

1) phone interviews would put you at a disadvantage. the programs are in a buyers market: they have 200 people wanting in for very few positions. they pick the ones that make their life easier (i.e., smart, willing to do whatever they say, publishes extensively, likely to get an APA internship, etc). being on a phone sort of lowers you on that scale. sorry.

2) it depends on who is interviewing you.

3) i would want to be seen as honest and forthright.

 

[SigmundJung]

How about trying to pump some milk before going and store up a few days worth of food for the little one, this way you wouldn't have to bring your husband or the baby. If worse comes to worse you could supplement your daughters nutrition with some formula. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt if it was just for a meal or two.

As far as doing a phone or video interview, I can only tell you what I read in another post, from a PhD in the (Ask a Professor thread). Phone and video interviews cannot replace a face to face and while they *shouldn't* hurt you, they most likely will.

As far as being honest, if this situation is something that will affect your ability in grad school as a student then I would be straightforward about it. If not, then I would maybe mention it in passing, but don't identify it as a problem.

Hope this helped! Good luck!

 

[rollomayfan]

Agree with SigmundJung -- it will put you at a huge disadvantage. And he's right, it's only for a few days, so a breast pump or (if worse comes to worse) formula ought to work in the interim.

You may be focused on your baby, but you also have to think about how your short-term actions will affect your long-term future. Not showing up to interviews could mean you simply don't get a position that you would have otherwise, and then all of that time you spent in the applications is wasted.

Treat every interview like gold. It is a precious opportunity, and should never be sacrificed.

I know I'm grateful I came out to the interview at my school (which is in a more remote area). A lot of students choose to do phone interviews, but I didn't. Of course, there are a lot of factors that go into the decisions made by faculty, but I truly believe that my attendance made the difference. Now I'm in a clinical PhD program that I love.

If you're truly dedicated to this, you've got to attend the interviews. Period.

 

[orthogonal]

I agree with everyone's comments, and also want to add that a lot of sites view your interview as a reflection of the type of graduate student you will be (e.g., willing to go the extra mile, drop everything when more important things arise, time management, dedication, organization, personality characteristics). By not showing up, you are starting in the negative and it would be an uphill battle to climb out of...I am doing a few phone interviews for internship interviews and I already know that they are considering me less than the applicants that are going in-person....The only difference is that I am also going to 10+ interviews in person so I felt okay with that decision. You simply cannot do all interviews by phone - maybe 1 or 2 but not all.

 

[psybee]

I agree with everyone's comments, and also want to add that a lot of sites view your interview as a reflection of the type of graduate student you will be (e.g., willing to go the extra mile, drop everything when more important things arise, time management, dedication, organization, personality characteristics). By not showing up, you are starting in the negative and it would be an uphill battle to climb out of...I am doing a few phone interviews for internship interviews and I already know that they are considering me less than the applicants that are going in-person....The only difference is that I am also going to 10+ interviews in person so I felt okay with that decision. You simply cannot do all interviews by phone - maybe 1 or 2 but not all.

just curious--what are your plans for while you're in g-school that 1st year? i go to a school where lots of the candidates have infants and small children, but many also have family nearby that help out. even so i am humbled by thier ability to be moms and students and do so well.

 

[Ulla]

First of all, thanks to all those who posted. You mostly confirmed the feeling I had, and I will definitely make the extra effort to attend any interview I am lucky enough to get.

As I am the primary caregiver and she is very young, I am still wary of leaving her for extended periods of time. 4-5-6 hours if ok of course, but 48 hours (including flight and overnight stay) is too long for me (and her). We will just have to organize for the whole family to go if I get invited anywhere.

@psybee: When I start the first year, she'll be old enough to be sent to day-care from 9-to-5, M-to-F. Also, the plan is for the husband to get accepted (he's also applying to grad school, but in another discipline) in the same geographic area as I. We would then both have relatively flexible, yet heavy, schedules. If it works out like that, we should do fine. (Yes. Being accepted to the same place is a true long shot. We will have to actively think about plan-B). Also, having a baby somehow really improves your capacity for efficient use of free time.

Thanks again for all the input!

If anyone else has anything to say about how adcomms see the baby issue, I would be very interested to hear it.

Good luck with your own applications!

Ulla

 

[orthogonal]

If anyone else has anything to say about how adcomms see the baby issue, I would be very interested to hear it.

I would say it depends on the committee....some may view it negatively. But there are several places where people have a family, kids, the whole shebang and so they are very understanding about the whole situation. 🙂 My advice is to get a sense from the graduate students about how the program views that so that you can choose a place that will benefit your lifestyle.

 

[psychmama]

Ulla,

I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to send a word of support. I have three kids who were 5,8, and 11 when I applied to grad school. Now I'm applying for internships and facing the familiar feeling of wondering if the decisionmakers will view me as less serious or committed because of my family.

It's a tough balancing act, as you noted. I've made it work somehow, and I bet you will too. Some adcomms will be more understanding than others. I would make every effort to attend the interviews in person. While I think everyone's advice about leaving your baby for a couple of days is perfectly sound, I understand your reluctance to do this. I remember when I was working (in another field) and had to go on a 2-day business trip when my oldest was just 6 months old. It was really hard to make that separation for me (although I did it, because I had little choice). If you have the option of taking Dad or someone else along on your interviews, that's great. Maybe you can make it into a little family vacation and squeeze in some fun time for yourselves? That way everyone feels like they get something out of it -- despite the expense.

Anyway. Good luck! Lots of us mothers have made the grad school thing work, so you're in good complany.🙂

 

[LM02]

Can you bring your partner or a family member with you and the babe? Stay at a hotel, and (s)he can watch the baby while you are at the interview. If you can swing this, I would do it and bring a pump with you. (S)he can give your baby pumped milk while you are at the interview day...

And if you get too "full" while you are on campus, you could bring a small hand pump with you and do a quick pump in the ladies room to "take off the edge." 😉

(And yes, if you're wondering, I also have a baby!)

 

[Ulla]

Thanks again for the advise and encouragement, I really appreciate.

I think what I will do then (if I get any interviews, I am getting a bit anxious...) is bring my husband who will take care of our baby for most of the day. I will probably not be able to spend a whole day away from her, but at least I will get to meet profs face to face. To make things harder, the baby is currently refusing the bottle altogether, but I hope this can be fixed in time...

And like many of you said, I think I should be honest about my situation. Besides, I would not want to work with a prof who is completely inflexible on student's personal matters.

The baby is also complicating the waiting stage of the process as I don't dare to answer the phone if I am alone with her 😛 (she will need something before the conversation would be over, and I think that would leave a bad impression). At least this should give me time to prepare myself before I return the call...

 

[CheetahGirl]

If she refuses the bottle, you're in a different situation because I suppose there is necessity in being excused to nurse. But, if the baby's okay with the bottle (give her time, she'll adjust), I would pump a couple bottles in advance, bring someone along to stay with the baby in the hotel room, bring a pump (hand pump or electric pump), and focus on getting into a program on interview day. To me, asking for a private spot to pump seems much more acceptable than asking to be excused to actually feed your baby - separate the two.

Believe it or not, I was in the same situation during an interview. In between the interview and the tour, I went to my car, plugged my electric pump into my car cigarette lighter converter, and covertly pumped away. The schools interviewing me never knew about my "personal situation." After all, it was none of their business, and I never had to give my baby formula.

Good luck!

 

[Ulla]

thanks CheetahGirl!

It's encouraging to hear that you were in this situation and it worked out fine. I am working hard at the bottle thing, so hopefully I will be able to do what you did.

 

[WaitingKills]

I don't know if this will work or not...

But you can alway bring your hubby and baby with you. You will probably know a bit about the schedule (eg. when lunch is) before you go. Find a spot on campus that is easy for you to duck away to and get your hubby to meet you there for a certain time (with some flexibility for if you are early or late). Feed your little one quickly, then get back.

If all else fails, pump and get a sterilized eye dropper or similar contraption and your hubby will be able to get something in her even if she won't take a bottle (my brother was sick when he was a baby and my mom had to do something similar for a while). It's time consuming, but at least she'll eat and you won't have to supplement.