Is anyone else going through this too?

[ponies2015]

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So I just took my MCAT. I've been basically living and breathing the MCAT since I'm applying this cycle and I need to do well. I've explained this to my friend, telling her how important this is to me and that I probably won't be seeing or talking to her much because of all my studying, ECs, and work. She told me she understood. Yesterday, she blew up on me saying I was selfish and that I've been acting cold and that I take her for granted, blah blah blah and that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Is it really that selfish of me to care that much about school? I always give her the time of day and as a result my grades have suffered a bit. She's not premed and she definitely does not study nearly as much as I do. I love her and don't take her for granted but does that really make me a bad person that I became too involved in applying to med school?

I just feel really bad and conflicted....has anyone else gone through something like this? 🙁

 

[Anchwo]

I'm not friends with psychopaths

 

[giggglesngrins]

Hug! I'm sorry that your friend is behaving this way, but whatever is causing her to do so is not your fault. Take care of yourself, keep working hard towards your goals, and let her do whatever she is going to do. Either she cools off and realizes she was a jerk and apologizes or not. Work on finding people who understand the commitment that your life goals require.

BTW, congrats on finishing the MCAT!!! That's a huge milestone in this process.

 

[LilEngineThatCould]

Honestly, most real friends understand. They may stop inviting you out or taking you into account for certain things because they figure you're going to be too busy (which hurts a little but is understandable too lol). But I've never had even my best friend and boyfriend blow up on me saying I take them for granted or I'm not spending enough time with them. They're not pre-meds, but they understood how important it was to me and if anything discourage me from distractions. In this scenario, it's actually her that's being selfish by putting herself above what's best for you. In tough times you always find out who your real friends are.

 

[BeancheBlanco]

In life, you're going to have to balance commitments. Your school/work should not be dominating your life so much that the rest of your life is suffering and vice versa. You're the judge of that balance, not your friend. She might have a point and she might be totally off-base.

 

[ponies2015]

Thank you guys! I will admit studying for the MCAT this summer definitely dominated my life. I barely had free time with all the work and research I was doing. My other friends understood this, but she didn't. During the school year I do study a lot but I also have time for a social life, so I wouldn't say it was dominating factor in my normal life. But I guess she wasn't really my best friend if she couldn't understand where I was coming from. I'm hurt but a part of me is relieved because a huge distraction is gone and there's no more negative attitudes to discourage me from studying.

 

[Zelda840]

Your friend may be acting ridiculous, but this:

I always give her the time of day and as a result my grades have suffered a bit.

is a bit worrisome. Hard work is necessary for this path, no doubt. However, it shouldn't bring you to the point where you can't do anything else. I studied pretty hard core for the mcat, but I still had time to chat occasionally with friends, even if I couldn't go out all night. Do you feel like there is literally not enough hours in the day to do anything but study, or is it possible that you're too emotionally drained to invest in other people at all?

 

[Lamel]

All my friends have been understanding and supportive. That being said, I still spent time with them when I was able/wanted, but they never demanded anything of me. She's acting a bit ridiculous to be honest.

 

[EMDO2018]

I honestly think she loves you, like in a lesbian type of way.

 

[LilEngineThatCould]

Thank you guys! I will admit studying for the MCAT this summer definitely dominated my life. I barely had free time with all the work and research I was doing. My other friends understood this, but she didn't. During the school year I do study a lot but I also have time for a social life, so I wouldn't say it was dominating factor in my normal life. But I guess she wasn't really my best friend if she couldn't understand where I was coming from. I'm hurt but a part of me is relieved because a huge distraction is gone and there's no more negative attitudes to discourage me from studying.

Kind of seems like there might be an underlying issue with her, not necessarily having to do with your committments. To me it sounds like you're balancing your life well and she was overreacting (or like I said, perhaps projecting something else in the form of anger towards you)

 

[Mad Jack]

She sounds cray, you're better off. Friends don't stand in the way of real friends' dreams.

 

[Mad Jack]

In life, you're going to have to balance commitments. Your school/work should not be dominating your life so much that the rest of your life is suffering and vice versa. You're the judge of that balance, not your friend. She might have a point and she might be totally off-base.

I disagree. If you want to be a physician, it comes before everything else. Some people can maintain a healthy balance and pull it off, others have to sacrifice everything. If you want to make it to the big leagues, there's going to be a great deal of sacrifice along the way. Do what you have to do, and be ready to lose friends and loved ones along the way, because it's probably going to happen one way or another.

 

[rachel993]

one of my best friends literally did the exact. same. thing. to me. guilt tripping, making me feel dumb and "socially incompetent" because I didnt 'go out' enough. My other good friends understood, and helped to put her in her place, but yeah I totally understand how you feel. And I do get what @BeancheBlanco is saying. It IS unhealthy to completely seclude yourself from all social interaction to study, you should have some sort of balance. BUT, with something as important as the MCAT, it is necessary to become a bit skewed toward studying in that balance. from my own experience, my perspective is, yes she's a great friend and I would like to stay that way, but right now my career comes first. also--it is sad, but if I do lose her for something stupid like this, I know I will make more friends.

 

[ponies2015]

Your friend may be acting ridiculous, but this:

is a bit worrisome. Hard work is necessary for this path, no doubt. However, it shouldn't bring you to the point where you can't do anything else. I studied pretty hard core for the mcat, but I still had time to chat occasionally with friends, even if I couldn't go out all night. Do you feel like there is literally not enough hours in the day to do anything but study, or is it possible that you're too emotionally drained to invest in other people at all?

Okay I was studying hard core but I would always text her and chat with her on the phone when I could. Maybe not as often as we did before but it wasn't like I completely cut her off. And I would see her like once a week too...

 

[ponies2015]

one of my best friends literally did the exact. same. thing. to me. guilt tripping, making me feel dumb and "socially incompetent" because I didnt 'go out' enough. My other good friends understood, and helped to put her in her place, but yeah I totally understand how you feel. And I do get what @BeancheBlanco is saying. It IS unhealthy to completely seclude yourself from all social interaction to study, you should have some sort of balance. BUT, with something as important as the MCAT, it is necessary to become a bit skewed toward studying in that balance. from my own experience, my perspective is, yes she's a great friend and I would like to stay that way, but right now my career comes first. also--it is sad, but if I do lose her for something stupid like this, I know I will make more friends.

I completely agree with you! Most of the time I do have balance between studying and my social life. I do have to study a bit more and harder than most people so maybe I'm a little bit skewed but I still have a social life. I just don't go out as much as other people. However, the mcat was different. Sacrificing social time was something I felt like I had to do to be able to do well. All my friends understood but her. Now the mcat is over and my social life is back and the balance is back. She is no doubt a great friend as well and I really don't want to lose her but right now getting into med school is more important and if she can't understand that, then I guess I'm better off without her.

 

[BeancheBlanco]

I disagree. If you want to be a physician, it comes before everything else. Some people can maintain a healthy balance and pull it off, others have to sacrifice everything. If you want to make it to the big leagues, there's going to be a great deal of sacrifice along the way. Do what you have to do, and be ready to lose friends and loved ones along the way, because it's probably going to happen one way or another.

You didn't disagree with me, you misunderstood me. I'm not telling anyone how to live their lives. You can do whatever you want to do and balance your priorities however you want to. If you decide being a doctor is your only priority, that is your decision and I'm not saying it's right or wrong. But if the fact that you are losing important friends is negatively impacting you, you might consider that the way you are living isn't best for you. If social interaction is important to you, you need to make time for it. Do you have to be social all the time, right before taking the MCAT? No. It's a balance based on your current obligations. Like I said to the OP, the friend might just be being unfair. On the other hand, OP might actually be providing no input into the friendship, and so friend could be rightfully angry, and eventually stop trying to be friends.

 

[DermViser]

So I just took my MCAT. I've been basically living and breathing the MCAT since I'm applying this cycle and I need to do well. I've explained this to my friend, telling her how important this is to me and that I probably won't be seeing or talking to her much because of all my studying, ECs, and work. She told me she understood. Yesterday, she blew up on me saying I was selfish and that I've been acting cold and that I take her for granted, blah blah blah and that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Is it really that selfish of me to care that much about school? I always give her the time of day and as a result my grades have suffered a bit. She's not premed and she definitely does not study nearly as much as I do. I love her and don't take her for granted but does that really make me a bad person that I became too involved in applying to med school?

I just feel really bad and conflicted....has anyone else gone through something like this? 🙁

Wow, tough for her. She seems really needy. And no you're not a bad person. Some people are not willing to understand. You'll find other friends who do.

 

[moisne]

I hope you weren't studying for MCAT 24 hours a day and I bet there is another side of the story. It is possible that she blew up out of nowhere but more likely, in months you haven't talked to her at all. Life is about balance.

 

[deleted407021]

Extraverts be trippin'.

She's being irrational. Help her to understand that there are more important things - with drastic future consequences that require the bulk of your attention - than gallivanting about with her at this very moment.

 

[LMBLBM]

Gotta remove that toxic human from your social life.

 

[tantacles]

So I just took my MCAT. I've been basically living and breathing the MCAT since I'm applying this cycle and I need to do well. I've explained this to my friend, telling her how important this is to me and that I probably won't be seeing or talking to her much because of all my studying, ECs, and work. She told me she understood. Yesterday, she blew up on me saying I was selfish and that I've been acting cold and that I take her for granted, blah blah blah and that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Is it really that selfish of me to care that much about school? I always give her the time of day and as a result my grades have suffered a bit. She's not premed and she definitely does not study nearly as much as I do. I love her and don't take her for granted but does that really make me a bad person that I became too involved in applying to med school?

I just feel really bad and conflicted....has anyone else gone through something like this? 🙁

Unfortunately, it's hard for some people to understand the level of studying we do. If this person is an important friend, ask her why she feels that way and see if there was some miscommunication about exactly how much time you'd need to study for the MCAT.

If she isn't, she just solved the problem for you; she said she no longer wants to be friends.

Either way, you have to be a bit selfish to pursue medicine. But in the famous words of Rupaul, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"

 

[Narmerguy]

Sounds to me like she wants you two to be more than friends.

 

[ponies2015]

I hope you weren't studying for MCAT 24 hours a day and I bet there is another side of the story. It is possible that she blew up out of nowhere but more likely, in months you haven't talked to her at all. Life is about balance.

I wasn't studying 24/7 but more like 5-8 hours a day. I also have a research internship and my job that took up the remainder of my time. Whenever I had free time, even if it was for just a little bit, I would see her. I would also talk to her everyday but like we weren't texting 24/7 like we usually do. I tried to balance but there's only so many hours in a day and I felt like studying for my MCAT that was a month away was a priority.

 

[Gregor Wiesmann]

So I just took my MCAT. I've been basically living and breathing the MCAT since I'm applying this cycle and I need to do well. I've explained this to my friend, telling her how important this is to me and that I probably won't be seeing or talking to her much because of all my studying, ECs, and work. She told me she understood. Yesterday, she blew up on me saying I was selfish and that I've been acting cold and that I take her for granted, blah blah blah and that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Is it really that selfish of me to care that much about school? I always give her the time of day and as a result my grades have suffered a bit. She's not premed and she definitely does not study nearly as much as I do. I love her and don't take her for granted but does that really make me a bad person that I became too involved in applying to med school?

I just feel really bad and conflicted....has anyone else gone through something like this? 🙁

Are you going to live your life to make your friend happy, or are you going to become a Physician?