Here is a valid source (It's from Michigan State University's Chem website):
http://www.cem.msu.edu/~reusch/VirtualText/benzrx1.htm
If you scroll down about half-way, you will see a list of Activating and Deactivating substituents. It clearly shows that ester (CO
2R) is a DEACTIVATING group.
As for the whole thing about oxygen being the first element, you have to look at the substiutent attached to the ring. For instance, all of these elements will have oxygen directly attached to the ring:
OH
OR
OCOCH3
However, these are all ACTIVATING because the oxygen is partially negatively charged due to the polarity difference. This negative charge will donate electron density to the ring, and therefore they are activating.
Again, don't make things more complicated than they have to be:
-If you see that the element directly attached to the Benzene ring is negative (either full or partial negative charge), it will be an ACTIVATING group.
-If you see that the element directly attached to the Benzene ring is positive (either full or partial positive charge), it will be a DECTIVATING group.