Why?
Because the family told me they wanted her transferred and because the surgeon gave me no grief about the transfer.
Cowardice on my part? I was at a job in a small town where the goal was no patient/family complaints at all necessary costs. I could just hear the complaint letter "Dr. Kevorkian there hated old ladies and wanted our loved one to die rather than treat her like a human being."
Cowardice on the part of the family? We are a compassionate society who judges themselves most critically on how they treat their elderly. How many people have the confidence in their own decision-making capacity and can say without equivocation, "My family and my Mom know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her, and letting her die is the best thing right now."
Perhaps the comments by Birdstrike's most recent article are relevant. We haven't as a society, even began to approach the issue of cost being relevant to medical care. Until people and elderly patient's have some skin in the game, their default decision is always going to be " @#!*% the torpedoes, full speed ahead." Until the government stops reimbursing for ambulance rides to the ER for demented, bed-bound nursing home patients, families will refuse to make hard decisions like when to go for comfort care.
I admitted a demented 80 year old bed-bound patient to the hospital a couple of months back. She was DNR/DNI. The paramedics walked up bagging her emaciated, lifeless, GCS of 3 body, because she obviously wasn't protecting her airway, or breathing adequately. Everyone involved, including the paramedics were thinking, "What the heck is this?" "What are we doing?" Strangely, the son continued to insist, oblivious to my strong encouragement, that he wanted us to give antibiotics for her obviously septic state. Until that ***** has to go mortgage his home, sell his car and beg other family members for money in order to keep her rotting corpse alive another couple of months, he will continue to think that prolonging life is always the compassionate thing to do.
Death used to be part of life. Grandma pooped her pants in the corner for several years, wasting away until she got sick one day, slipped into that merciful oblivion of delerium and then died a few days later of dehydration. Half of the kids died in childhood. Child-bearing was truly life-threatening. Bed bound elderly people were true burdens on their families and welcomed death. Compassion was defined as helping that transition to death be as comfortable as possible. I'm not advocating a return to this practice, but our society has gone to the opposite extreme.
I took care of a stage 4 colon cancer patient who was clearly dying. He got a bowel obstruction. When I told the wife he had a twisted bowel, she looked at me with uncomprehending horror, "How could that happen?" I wanted to say, "Maam, he is like the sinking Titanic, enjoy him for a few more minutes/days/weeks, ponder on the wonder and grandeur of the memories he helped you create, but embrace the idea that he won't be there very, very soon."