Is it abnormal to not feel connected to your class?

[welp18]

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I'm an MS1 who generally feels like an alien in my class. I can do the small talk and the smile when I'm on campus but by and large I feel mostly nothing for the majority of my class. I haven't wanted to be a doctor since I was a fetus and haven't spent every moment of my life salivating over and working towards becoming a doctor. The singular focus on the idea of being a doctor and obsession with concrete metrics that med students seem to love so much really doesn't jive with me at all. I just don't feel like I belong in med school. My feelings for most people in my class range from meh to dislike. I also get the feeling that a lot of med students are fundamentally broken people who want to be doctors to fill some fundamental void in their lives...hence all the performative arrogance, immature cliquishness and general need to one up other people. It's weird. Anyway, I know there are nice, decent people in my class. Anyone else just not feel super connected to their med schools? Why does everyone seem like they love school so much? Is there something wrong with me for not liking med school?

 

[Lnsean]

I'm an MS1 who generally feels like an alien in my class. I can do the small talk and the smile when I'm on campus but by and large I feel mostly nothing for the majority of my class. I haven't wanted to be a doctor since I was a fetus and haven't spent every moment of my life salivating over and working towards becoming a doctor. The singular focus on the idea of being a doctor and obsession with concrete metrics that med students seem to love so much really doesn't jive with me at all. I just don't feel like I belong in med school. My feelings for most people in my class range from meh to dislike. I also get the feeling that a lot of med students are fundamentally broken people who want to be doctors to fill some fundamental void in their lives...hence all the performative arrogance, immature cliquishness and general need to one up other people. It's weird. Anyway, I know there are nice, decent people in my class. Anyone else just not feel super connected to their med schools? Why does everyone seem like they love school so much? Is there something wrong with me for not liking med school?

I feel that you're projecting too much on others. Have some faith in humanity and people around you. I'm sure there are bad apples in any setting, not just medical school. I'd say less judgement on others and just do you. Don't force it but try to be present at social events that the class throws, study at your school sometimes, sit next to people in lecture...create opportunities for yourself and others to connect. To be honest, I feel the same way you do because I'm a bit older than most of my classmates but I feel there are a few people in my class that are on similar wavelengths. While I'm not best friends with any of them, my classmates tend to be very friendly and encouraging. Don't feel like you have to make a life connection with people in your class...if it happens great...if not that's okay too. By your 3rd and 4th year, I'm sure everyone is off doing their own thing and before you know residency. I'm blessed to have a few life long friends outside of med school and from my previous career, but I can understand the pressure to feel connected and to belong. I still feel it.

 

[welp18]

I feel that you're projecting too much on others. Have some faith in humanity and people around you. I'm sure there are bad apples in any setting, not just medical school. I'd say less judgement on others and just do you. Don't force it but try to be present at social events that the class throws, study at your school sometimes, sit next to people in lecture...create opportunities for yourself and others to connect. To be honest, I feel the same way you do because I'm a bit older than most of my classmates but I feel there are a few people in my class that are on similar wavelengths. While I'm not best friends with any of them, my classmates tend to be very friendly and encouraging. Don't feel like you have to make a life connection with people in your class...if it happens great...if not that's okay too.

You're probably right about the projection and judgment. I think I tend to be more judgmental in med school because the overriding culture just feels so not my thing sometimes and judging others is a convenient defense mechanism. It doesn't help that there are a lot of super immature, cliquish people in my class and a certain portion of the class is always blowing up facebook to let everyone know how awesome they are and how much their clique is so cool. Ok, gotta stop being judgmental. It gets lonely sometimes when you're going through the slog of reading millions of powerpoint slides and you look up and realize almost all of your med school relationships are superficial and the connections just don't feel very important or meaningful. But maybe things will change. Part of that probably starts with me.

 

[Lnsean]

You're probably right about the projection and judgment. I think I tend to be more judgmental in med school because the overriding culture just feels so not my thing sometimes and judging others is a convenient defense mechanism. It doesn't help that there are a lot of super immature, cliquish people in my class and a certain portion of the class is always blowing up facebook to let everyone know how awesome they are and how much their clique is so cool. Ok, gotta stop being judgmental.

Definitely, there will be cliques. All you can do is kinda just be more open and let things fall where they fall. If you stay open minded, eventually you'll come across people that are like you and maybe have a connection. If you close yourself off then it makes it even harder. That's how I've met a couple of my best friends from my last degree. I'm more introverted and have struggled with this myself...so trust me when I say it....you're definitely not a lone. There are plenty of us out there.

 

[Groy]

I think these disconnected feelings you have are more common than you think, especially among nontrads and especially among older students. I wouldn't necessarily assume the whole bit about them choosing medicine to fill a void. Remember that the "doctor since I was a fetus" students have had to claw and fight all their lives against others just as neurotic and competitive as themselves in order to stand out, so now that they're in med school, that battle continues. Also, many of them are fresh out of undergrad and will eventually mature out of the "immature cliquishness". I don't blame them.

I say "them" because like you, I was never a med school from day 1 person. I was a completely nontraditional student: spent time working, research, etc, etc.

Just give your classmates a chance, you don't wanna go 4 years without having some people to reach out to. Best of luck!

 

[hello lady!]

I'm an MS1 who generally feels like an alien in my class. I can do the small talk and the smile when I'm on campus but by and large I feel mostly nothing for the majority of my class. I haven't wanted to be a doctor since I was a fetus and haven't spent every moment of my life salivating over and working towards becoming a doctor. The singular focus on the idea of being a doctor and obsession with concrete metrics that med students seem to love so much really doesn't jive with me at all. I just don't feel like I belong in med school. My feelings for most people in my class range from meh to dislike. I also get the feeling that a lot of med students are fundamentally broken people who want to be doctors to fill some fundamental void in their lives...hence all the performative arrogance, immature cliquishness and general need to one up other people. It's weird. Anyway, I know there are nice, decent people in my class. Anyone else just not feel super connected to their med schools? Why does everyone seem like they love school so much? Is there something wrong with me for not liking med school?

I was the same way - I couldn't stand most the members in my med school class. You'll make a handful of friends and you will stick with them.

 

[takeurmeds02]

This is like 15th thread talking about the same thing in the last 3-4 months months - what's going on?

 

[welp18]

This is like 15th thread talking about the same thing in the last 3-4 months months - what's going on?

It's my therapy. Sometimes I feel so unhappy in med school and a significant part of it seems to be related to not feeling like med school people are my people. And I guess I just want to know if this is really abnormal or if you can get through this process and come out the other side happy even if you don't feel much affection for your peers. Yeah, I should stop posting the same thing. But it helps me in a weird way.

 

[theonlytycrane]

I first let the cliques form and observed which ones were the most popular before joining.

I am now part of the swaggy crew, turn up squad, music interest group, and low-key gunners.

Using the power of observation and strategy, I am now one of the coolest kids at my school. I recommend that you execute a similar plan.

 

[MSTPlease]

This is like 15th thread talking about the same thing in the last 3-4 months months - what's going on?

Last 3-4 months represents end of first semester/beginning of second semester. About half of med students are in a new environment for the first time in 4 years and forget that relationships take time to build.

 

[Habilitate23]

I don't really feel too connected with my class either, all anyone wants to talk about is medical school

 

[Cath Up]

I first let the cliques form and observed which ones were the most popular before joining.

I am now part of the swaggy crew, turn up squad, music interest group, and low-key gunners.

Using the power of observation and strategy, I am now one of the coolest kids at my school. I recommend that you execute a similar plan.

What specific characteristics distinguish the swaggy crew from the turn up squad?

I will need to know, for when my time to choose comes.

 

[zero0]

I first let the cliques form and observed which ones were the most popular before joining.

I am now part of the swaggy crew, turn up squad, music interest group, and low-key gunners.

Using the power of observation and strategy, I am now one of the coolest kids at my school. I recommend that you execute a similar plan.

 

[takeurmeds02]

It's my therapy. Sometimes I feel so unhappy in med school and a significant part of it seems to be related to not feeling like med school people are my people. And I guess I just want to know if this is really abnormal or if you can get through this process and come out the other side happy even if you don't feel much affection for your peers. Yeah, I should stop posting the same thing. But it helps me in a weird way.

Make enough connections for the networking of it all but the honest truth is that you'll likely forget half their names and won't see a large majority of your classmates ever again or at least not in a meaningful way.

I wish we didn't have this mindset that we're supposed to be forming life-long relationships with people just because we were all put in the same cage. It's definitely nothing to shy away from if it happens but it's not college where we're all in our raw, formative years.

As a non-trad, I came to medschool to work on my career, not necessarily make friends. I'm cordial with everyone and I have a few that keep me sane but I belong to no clique or group in my class. I put more of my energy into maintaining relationships outside of medical school (friends, family, etc).