Is it possible to maintain a relationship in med school?

[zempa]

A long distance relationship?

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[cleothecat]

Be realistic. Med skule is rigorous, not punitive.

Maintaining relationships depends of your social skills and commitment, not your choice of profession.

In med skule my relationship survived 1 year lomg distance, 3 years in town marriage,1 year overlap spouse in med skule (me in residency), one year pregnancy (wife's 4th year med skule).

After med skule 3 more kids (2 with both of us residents), combined 2.5 residencies(7 years consecutive post-grad training), over 40 years combined practice, and one additional degree (MBA).

 

[Vvandenn]

Skule.

 

[tremulousNeedle]

Be realistic. Med skule is rigorous, not punitive.

Maintaining relationships depends of your social skills and commitment, not your choice of profession.

In med skule my relationship survived 1 year lomg distance, 3 years in town marriage,1 year overlap spouse in med skule (me in residency), one year pregnancy (wife's 4th year med skule).

After med skule 3 more kids (2 with both of us residents), combined 2.5 residencies(7 years consecutive post-grad training), over 40 years combined practice, and one additional degree (MBA).

Exactly. If two people can put in the commitment, then it can most definitely work. It is school, not prison.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Be realistic. Med skule is rigorous, not punitive.

Maintaining relationships depends of your social skills and commitment, not your choice of profession.

In med skule my relationship survived 1 year lomg distance, 3 years in town marriage,1 year overlap spouse in med skule (me in residency), one year pregnancy (wife's 4th year med skule).

After med skule 3 more kids (2 with both of us residents), combined 2.5 residencies(7 years consecutive post-grad training), over 40 years combined practice, and one additional degree (MBA).

That's been my experience this last year as well. I feel like going long distance doesn't kill relationships, but it will expose any problems that are already there but that you've just been able to ignore for the time being. Ergo, if your relationship is strong and is going to be able to last, you will find a way to make it work.

 

[mspeedwagon]

Definitely. I'm an example. I had known my gf a few months before she moved back to upstate NY to start medical school (I'm in CA). She's now completing her second year and we are still going strong (we see each other about every other month, and talk every day).

Relationships should be independent of life events for the most part (an exception probably if one of you ends up in prison). It's looking more and more likely that she will start her residency the year I start medical school and we are both looking forward to it (we have our fingers crossed we'll end up in the same state, but if not we'll continue distance until she finishes up and can move closer to me or vice versa).

Good luck.

A long distance relationship?

 

[RELAX11]

I purposely stayed away from a relationship because it is not fair IMO for your significant other. I find it selfish. I can wait at least till rotations or even post residency if I feel it is necessary.

 

[Narmerguy]

I purposely stayed away from a relationship because it is not fair IMO for your significant other. I find it selfish. I can wait at least till rotations or even post residency if I feel it is necessary.

Eh, I feel like if it's a relationship that's meant to last that something like this wouldn't be selfish so much as practical.

 

[auburnO5]

I purposely stayed away from a relationship because it is not fair IMO for your significant other. I find it selfish. I can wait at least till rotations or even post residency if I feel it is necessary.

You only got one life to live, seems like a long time to be putting off a relationship just for the purpose of school imo

 

[armybound]

My relationship is going just fine. It's less than ideal to be long-distance, but it's not impossible.

 

[Evergrey]

Life is short and beautiful. Live now. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't live your life the way you want to (MOST of all yourself).

I have made a few brash decisions that might have impacted my future negatively, but I did them because they would make me happy. And everything has been turning out great so far.

 

[mmmcdowe]

Definitely doable, often not done. You will find many people in relationships rapidly be out of them during medical school and often in new ones soon enough. However, it seems to me that those that stick through it in those first turbulent months often last. Long distance relationships are in some ways actually better for medical school. I talk to my girlfriend an hour a night on skype and then spend a week here and there with her during breaks. It's, from a pragmatic standpoint, very low cost in both time and money with the same emotional benefit of a companion and someone to be close with when things get rough. I think what the biggest problem in medical school relationships is adjusting to the time commitment changes. If you are in a relationship with someone who can't deal with you skipping friday night date night here and there it might be a little rougher.

 

[tom1504]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

 

[mfrizzo3]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

+1 to the divorce column

 

[tremulousNeedle]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

Life is short and you have to take care of yourself first. Medical students and residents aren't these magical people that devote 24hr/day, 7days/week to the study of medicine. Doctors are people and people need relationships, especially intimate ones. I guess relevance is dependent on the individual; however, many people who get to the end of this road alone are not very happy with their lives.

As an aside, your presumptions are kind of insulting. I take great pride in ensuring that I have a healthy marriage as well as become an excellent physician, to me these are equally relevant. Also, having a significant other while in medical school has nothing to do with "leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace."

 

[psipsina]

Relationships can definitely survive. I think it depends entirely on the people in the relationships, how co-dependent they are and how willing they are to adjust to the time suck that is medschool and residency. Its also important for the medstudent to prioritize the relationship. I'm heading into my fourth year with a marriage entirely intact but I can't say that there haven't been rough moments for each of us on this journey. Communicating and being flexible are key. I think that long distance would definitely have its downsides but not impossible.

 

[armybound]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

says the pre-med? ok.

there's more to life than your career. I hope you realize that some day before it's too late.

 

[Daniel565]

Is it possible to maintain a relationship in med school?
A long distance relationship?

no

PS. (jk)

 

[MilkmanAl]

says the pre-med? ok.

there's more to life than your career. I hope you realize that some day before it's too late.

Took the words right out of my mouth. It's exceptionally depressing to see people so slavishly devoted to only one thing, especially when that one thing is a job.

Relationships can absolutely stand up to med school, but it's going to take a ton of extra effort and understanding on both sides. Your workload will put a huge strain on both of you. Do the best you can to budget time with your SO, and make sure you put in the effort to explain your workload. As they say, medical education is never going to fully make sense to anyone not going through it, but that doesn't mean you can't prepare for the worst. Sit him/her down and say, "I have this much to do, and it's going to take me this amount of time." It's not a panacea, but being forthright and filling your sweetie in on what you're doing will go a long way towards bridging that understanding gap.

 

[randombetch]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

The end goal of college is to get into medical school and graduate, so I guess nothing else matters. And then obviously I can't do anything in med school but focus on becoming a resident. And then during my residency, I can't do anything but focus on becoming a full-fledged doctor. And then when I'm a doctor, the end goal is to help as many patients as I possibly can, so I guess I can't do anything but work all the time until I retire. And of course, the end goal of retirement is to die, so I guess I should put all my efforts into ending my sad, miserable life as swiftly as possible.

 

[searun]

Absolutely it is possible for a relationship to survive a long distance relationship in med school. Most do not, but some do. So it sorts itself out the way it should sort itself out.

My long distance relationship was over at Christmas of my first year. But the following summer, I met a fantastic girl, and we are together and thinking long term. So things work out the way they are supposed to work out and you end up with the right person in the end, hopefully, check back in 40 years. I am an optimist and going for it.

But, yeah, long distance relationships in med school are very tough and problematic, but some people do it. Many of these relationships fail, and folks move on and start new relationships. Life, life is good.

 

[mmmcdowe]

+1 to the divorce column

 

[libraryismyhome]

Man, I had hard time maintaining relationship during my early premed year. I was getting too competitive with my gf. Though she was older and understood my immaturity. She is in med school now though.

 

[tom1504]

haha i guess i didn't express myself clearly. what i meant to say was that if relationships happen and last during med school then that's awesome, but the possibility of it ending should not influence your decision to attend medical school. if the person you're with truly appreciates you for who you are, then he/she will understand how important med school is for you and will support you throughout your career (provided you provide some support in return!). in any case, this question came a fellow pre-med - so now i'm intrigued: why are you worrying about whether or not your relationship will last before you even get into medical school? get into med school first, and deal with the relationship stuff as it comes! i'm a big fan of taking things one step at a time

also, i wanted to say that in no way did i mean to offend anyone. i think it's great that some of you have made it work. i think it can be very difficult to balance school with personal relationships, and i do believe that finding that balance is quite an accomplishment. i obviously failed at it, and part of the reason was because i just didn't feel like compromising.

which bring me to mfrizzo's "+1 to the divorce column" comment: HAHAHA dude you are absolutely right. i'm probably going to ride the wave like larry king (what is it - the seventh divorce by now i think?). i'm completely ok with that though. besides, what's life without a little pimping?

 

[slowbutsteady]

A long distance relationship?

No.

 

[metallica81788]

we're going to medical school to become physicians. whether or not relationships last during our schooling is irrelevant. the end goal of a medical education is to become a physician, not to become married or keep a relationship alive. i'm always a fan of leaving the personal quirks of life out of the workplace.

Someone is going to end up alone...

Just read your follow-up. But that was my initial reaction.

 

[tom1504]

Someone is going to end up alone...

Nothing wrong with that - I'm perfectly happy on my own. I have amazing friends and a very supportive family. In my experience, relationships bring too much trouble. I think part of the reason for this is that I'm still young (I hope! haha) and that most people my age are still struggling to decide what they want to do with their lives. Living in New York City might also have something to do with it - people here are generally less inclined to date (for reasons that are beyond this post).

Relax11 posted a few posts ago that he/she would wait until after residency, and I completely understand and agree with this. Some people are able to balance relationships with school and work, and some people (like me) aren't willing to put in the effort required to maintain a healthy relationship for now and rather wait until work is a little more settled. I'm assuming that Medical School and Residency are two very hectic and difficult periods of a physician's career. Speaking for myself, I rather focus on those two things and then think about relationships. Re-reading the last few posts, it seems that whether or not relationships can last during Medical School comes down to personal priorities.

I'm sure that at some later point in my life I will be more willing to consider getting involved with someone. But like I said, if I end up alone that's ok too. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship to be happy. There is indeed more to life than Medicine, as some of you have noted, but there is also more to life than dating.

 

[armybound]

The good thing is that a healthy relationship doesn't require a lot of work to keep it going. It's also work that is fun to put in -- going out for drinks, having a nice dinner, having sex, etc. My wife is one of the main things keeping me same through medical school. I'd hate to face 5-10 years of medical school and residency without a support system.

I would hope that some day you do get to experience a good healthy relationship. It's like nothing else. I remember the day I got into medical school. It was a great feeling. Finishing undergrad and my Master's was nice. But my wedding day was the best day of my life. Even an average day with my wife makes me happier than acing an exam or any of the other little victories med school has to offer.

edit: I will say though, trying to START a new relationship in medical school.. doesn't seem like fun. That would probably require a ton of work that, depending on the other person, may be too much trouble.

 

[wagmanager]

you know what ,like a previous poster said it is school not punishment. what happens when you get married and one of you loses a job and someone falls gravely ill, and maybe another kid is having problems at school. Relationships can be maintained and even flourish in med school as long as the two parties involved are mature and not codependent. Some people need someone to gaze into their eyes every minute of the day and recite a litany of (insert person's name here) if this is you then no , long distance will not work, hell even shacking up with the person may still not work.

 

[justinbaily]

I certainly hope so. It's probably best if you have a strong foundation going into school.

 

[ThaliaNox]

I purposely stayed away from a relationship because it is not fair IMO for your significant other. I find it selfish. I can wait at least till rotations or even post residency if I feel it is necessary.

Some of the sentiments on here are ridiculus. Who really puts off life for the at least seven years of medical training? We're student doctors, not automotons. Saying you're purposely waiting until after residency to seek a long term relationship is foolish. Relationships happen or they don't.

 

[Neurocentric]

I think it all depends on the people and how independent you both are.

For instance, my boyfriend and I have been going out for a while, and even before we started dating and were just friends he's known I've wanted to be a doctor. I start school in the fall, and he knows full well that I'm going to be busy as a pre-med, and even busier once medical school comes. We've talked about it.

He also knows that even though I might be busy, my relationship with him is still the most important part of my life. I will still love him and care for him and everything despite the fact that I might be ripping my hair out some days. He supports me and I can't thank him enough for that. He also is aware that just because I'm a pre-med, HE is not a pre-med. If I can't call because I'm busy, he doesn't need to wait by the phone. He can live his life, because he still has one. I, however, will be trapped by books.

I think that if you're in a relationship, you need to sit down and talk candidly about what's going to happen in both of your lives in the coming years - because it will affect the both of you. But if you both really want to make it work, then you can. And you will.

 

[NickNaylor]

Anyone have any experience with BOTH partners being medical students? This will most likely be my situation.

My SO and I have been dating long distance for three years, but I'm sure the med school environment is going to kick it up a notch.

 

[armybound]

A lot of your classmates will date each other. Are you going to be doing long distance and both in med school?

 

[NickNaylor]

A lot of your classmates will date each other. Are you going to be doing long distance and both in med school?

There's still a chance that we'll end up going to the same school, but yes, we would both be med students at different schools. Obviously it would be ideal to go to schools in the same area, but since she's a year younger that's a bit difficult to do.

 

[armybound]

There's still a chance that we'll end up going to the same school, but yes, we would both be med students at different schools. Obviously it would be ideal to go to schools in the same area, but since she's a year younger that's a bit difficult to do.

At least you guys will understand what the other is going through. If you have a chance to see each other regularly, if your relationship is strong (e.g. good communication skills, not jealous, committed to each other) and you both put effort forth, it should be fine.