- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Messages
- 788
- Reaction score
- 1
Dear Office of Admissions at [insert school]:
I hope that you, your family and your friends are doing well. It is past May 15 and it is my understanding that you can now make a final decision on my application. As you embark on the thankless task of perusing through dozens of applications, I hope that you will stop on mine and offer me an acceptance off the waitlist. You may notice that I printed my secondary application on glossy paper for easy retrieval. I have been notifiied that I am on the alternate list. I am still very hopeful that I will obtain an opportunity to attend, and I was wondering if there is anything I can do, (short of fellatio or
subjecting myself to corporeal punishment) in the next few minutes or
seconds to improve my chances of obtaining a spot in the class in the
event that seats become available.
From my previous emails, phone calls, voicemails and text messages, you may remember that I am still very interested in attending your school. I am running low on ideas to convey to you that if offered acceptance, I will accept. Of course, I realize that this comes as no surprise to you―you already know that I would give my left testicle for the chance to attend―and so as a token of my continued interest I offer my right.
I understand that there are only a limited number of seats, but as I said before, I am quite willing to bring my own. Perhaps even a folding chair will suffice. For discounted admission, I may even consider standing room only.
I hope that my past experience with [insert school] is not hindering my chances of gaining acceptance. Again, I apologize that my only science recommendation, written by my lab partner, was not printed on letterhead. I apologize for misinforming the other interviewees that their interviews were canceled. I sincerely apologize for using the term booby doc while articulating my interest in plastic surgery. And finally, I apologize for applying as an under-represented minority. In my defense, however, I was unaware that extremely low GPA didn't qualify as an under-represented minority in medical school.
Now that the past is behind us, I would like to let the Committee know that I am thrilled that [insert school] added a new [insert disease] research lab. I read a few articles on [insert disease] and, quite frankly, I have developed a strong passion to learn more about [insert disease]. [Insert disease] is affecting the health of [insert number] worldwide, and it is clear that aggressive action must be taken against [insert disease]. It is truly touching to see that we are both aligned in our interest to eliminate [insert disease].
I am also very fond of [insert school]s desire to promote diversity. I would like to let the committee know that I have friends, who play many different types of instruments, speak multiple languages and come from many different backgrounds. They have also been accepted to many different medical schools. People that used to copy my Econ problem sets and Bio labs have gone on to accomplish great things. I also know a guy whose cousin got a 40 on the MCAT.
Please note that since submitting my application, I have gained a great deal of clinical exposure through hospital tours during interviews. The application process has truly strengthened my resolve to become a physician
Finally, I would like to let the Committee know that that I am willing to take out the maximum possible loans at the worst possible interest rate so that you get no less than 3 times the normal tuition out of me. I will follow that up by buying every required book, every non-required book, and each and every publication that shows up as a reference in any of these books at the full campus bookstore price. I may have mentioned this before, but please be reminded that I contribute heavily to the alumni associations of all the schools that I have previously attended.
I wish the Committee the best during the next few weeks of the application process.
Thank you, I appreciate your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you bitches.
Sincerely,
Public Enemy
[Enclosed is a picture of me once when I was standing next to somebody of a different ethnicity. My fingers form the letter W―the man in the picture uses this to indicate that he is from the Pacific region of the United States. This, and many other experiences this year have increased my cultural competence.]
I hope that you, your family and your friends are doing well. It is past May 15 and it is my understanding that you can now make a final decision on my application. As you embark on the thankless task of perusing through dozens of applications, I hope that you will stop on mine and offer me an acceptance off the waitlist. You may notice that I printed my secondary application on glossy paper for easy retrieval. I have been notifiied that I am on the alternate list. I am still very hopeful that I will obtain an opportunity to attend, and I was wondering if there is anything I can do, (short of fellatio or
subjecting myself to corporeal punishment) in the next few minutes or
seconds to improve my chances of obtaining a spot in the class in the
event that seats become available.
From my previous emails, phone calls, voicemails and text messages, you may remember that I am still very interested in attending your school. I am running low on ideas to convey to you that if offered acceptance, I will accept. Of course, I realize that this comes as no surprise to you―you already know that I would give my left testicle for the chance to attend―and so as a token of my continued interest I offer my right.
I understand that there are only a limited number of seats, but as I said before, I am quite willing to bring my own. Perhaps even a folding chair will suffice. For discounted admission, I may even consider standing room only.
I hope that my past experience with [insert school] is not hindering my chances of gaining acceptance. Again, I apologize that my only science recommendation, written by my lab partner, was not printed on letterhead. I apologize for misinforming the other interviewees that their interviews were canceled. I sincerely apologize for using the term booby doc while articulating my interest in plastic surgery. And finally, I apologize for applying as an under-represented minority. In my defense, however, I was unaware that extremely low GPA didn't qualify as an under-represented minority in medical school.
Now that the past is behind us, I would like to let the Committee know that I am thrilled that [insert school] added a new [insert disease] research lab. I read a few articles on [insert disease] and, quite frankly, I have developed a strong passion to learn more about [insert disease]. [Insert disease] is affecting the health of [insert number] worldwide, and it is clear that aggressive action must be taken against [insert disease]. It is truly touching to see that we are both aligned in our interest to eliminate [insert disease].
I am also very fond of [insert school]s desire to promote diversity. I would like to let the committee know that I have friends, who play many different types of instruments, speak multiple languages and come from many different backgrounds. They have also been accepted to many different medical schools. People that used to copy my Econ problem sets and Bio labs have gone on to accomplish great things. I also know a guy whose cousin got a 40 on the MCAT.
Please note that since submitting my application, I have gained a great deal of clinical exposure through hospital tours during interviews. The application process has truly strengthened my resolve to become a physician
Finally, I would like to let the Committee know that that I am willing to take out the maximum possible loans at the worst possible interest rate so that you get no less than 3 times the normal tuition out of me. I will follow that up by buying every required book, every non-required book, and each and every publication that shows up as a reference in any of these books at the full campus bookstore price. I may have mentioned this before, but please be reminded that I contribute heavily to the alumni associations of all the schools that I have previously attended.
I wish the Committee the best during the next few weeks of the application process.
Thank you, I appreciate your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you bitches.
Sincerely,
Public Enemy
[Enclosed is a picture of me once when I was standing next to somebody of a different ethnicity. My fingers form the letter W―the man in the picture uses this to indicate that he is from the Pacific region of the United States. This, and many other experiences this year have increased my cultural competence.]
