My first one in sept was 25 Q VR= 8 PS=8 BS=9
April 09 was 26R VR=6 PS=10 BS=10
How the hell did i got DOWN in VR??? What am i suppsed to do now??? I worked SO HARD for the 2nd mcat. Studied from Nov-April, using berkeley review/EK 101. I want to apply this cylce and live in chicago...really hoping to get into a chicago school.
I am so devestated and lost right now, i honestly cant stop crying and dont know what to do. My VR score literally makes me want to scream.
🙁 🙁
First of all, I relate to what you're going through. I was doing really well on verbal and then my scores started dramatically declining--right before my may 22 mcat. *groan.*
Also, i understand your feelings about it. I think it's important that we, as neurotic, type A premeds, truly learn to separate our self esteem from "performing"; i.e. grades, mcat scores, etc.
some of my fellow pre-meds are brilliant and breeze through mcats and science classes effortlessly. um, not me. i need to study. i failed college chemistry, went to rehab, and then got back up. and, unfortunately, i'm still learning how to fail. and, being a premed, i want to fail perfectly--learn exactly what i need to and never make that mistake again. lol....not so much.
you're a human being, and you have experienced a set back. I have too. "they" always tell you that michael jordan got cut from his HS basketball team. The Beatles played for seven years in crappy nightclubs before getting famous. my point is, if you and I really want to be doctors (and I am absolutely passionate about becoming one), then we have to accept that we will have to accept that mistakes are inevitable, and they don't always feel great. In the end, I know that my mistakes will make me a better doctor, and a happier person.
Life isn't black and white, and it is largely out of your control. Think about it: in the next year, you will make mistakes that will alter the course of your life forever. So will I-so will
everyone. To me, that's why life is worth living. Why the hell would I want to know how it all turned out/be able to control it all? no way man. If you're not making mistakes, you're not putting yourself out there. I'd rather have the fear of the unknown and TRY something that scares me rather than the pain and regret of never having the courage to go for what I wanted. the worse your mistake, the more opportunity to learn.
What I can relate to, and what I observe in you, is that you are choosing to beat up on yourself. Ok, please. I can't think of anyone who needs to learn how to self-loath better. not me or you or
anyone. The lesson here is to learn how to accept your mistakes for what they are, but still have self-respect and passion for doing what you love. I am not perfect at this (I definitely have days where I feel like the biggest ****** to ever try to be a doctor), but I have improved. The best thing i've ever done is learn humility: I make mistakes, and I'm really smart nonetheless, but I can still do my best to improve. Self respect and humility doesn't mean you stop working hard. It just means you know when it's coming from a place of self respect versus punishment, you know?
Don't waste one more minute on beating yourself up. It's futile. For instance, there's nothing i can do about being "stupid" or "******ed" when I get 6 on a verbal section. I have no control over these things, because they are subjective value judgments. However, I
can control whether or not I look at advice other ppl on SDN have for me, whether I do my EK verbal exercises, etc. You are doing a good job of this already by posting on SDN....keep it up.
You have no control over the past or what your scores were or how your study habits could have been better. I can almost gaurantee, however, that if you really look back and look deeply into what your real mistake was, it would involve beating up on yourself instead of taking the opportunity to learn something. I have done that so many times.... I sometimes avoided studying for certain things on the mcat, because I hated how dumb I felt compared to all the brilliant kids who have it come so easily. I think of brilliant ppl like that kinda like natural atheletes, totally attractive ppl, or fabulously wealthy types. it'd be awesome to go through life with such ease. I'd love to take the be one of those kids who studied for two weeks and got a 40 or whatver.... However, we have to work hard at it, and when we do well on it, I will feel extremely proud of my score, because it didn't take simple brilliance. It goes back to me failing chemistry and going to rehab, which took a lot of humility b/c i had to admit i wasn't in control, you know? And I've had to keep re-learning how to be humble and push through physics, even though it was like reading greek.
I see a wonderful opportunity for you to rethink some plans in your life. I know it's disappointing to have your expectations not be met, but you will live. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it might be a stepping stone to you getting into your top choice med school, or making a best friend, or whatever. It might just lead to a crappy apartment and more studying, but that's life, and it's awesome. Whatever you do, quit obsessing about your score (i.e. beating yourself up) unless you're gonna do something about it, b/c that's what's in your control. I hope I see a post in a few months about how you shook off this last mcat and you did what was necessary to reach your goal.
I'd say good luck, but it's not luck. It's what you make of it.
🙂
