Just matched but having doubts

[Hospitalist12345]

Hi everyone,
I matched into my #4 but having cold feet about starting. I know I am very fortunate and I would feel terrible wasting the spot if I do drop out. I want to do cards but my #4 is out of state and my spouse is heart broken that we have to move again. I have a sweet gig as a hospitalist in our hometown and part of me just wants to settle and keep my spouse happy. I don’t know if I would be happy as a hospitalist though. Anyone else go through this before and have any advice?

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[Egghead34]

Lol, I hope you don't get flak for this.

Nearly 30% of people failed to match this year overall. If you look at just foreign grad data from last year (both US and non US), nearly 50% failed to match. There are 400 people out there currently mulling over their future, fighting depression and feelings of hopelessness, fighting for unmatched spots, scrambling to their phones for non-accredited or research fellowships, trying to figure out what to do next. I bet any of them would happily give up their firstborns to be in your spot. I know...I was one of them last year.

Suck it up and move.

 

[nlax30]

I think it’s a valid concern and not just something that he should suck up and move without thought because there are unmatched applicants out there..... little dramatic IMHO.

That said, ideally these are decisions that probably should’ve been hashed out between you and your SO prior to applying to out of state programs.

No one here is going to be able to tell you what to do as this needs to be a decision between you and your SO. For advanced fellowship I drastically limited where I applied to as my spouse worked and we had kids in school and personally decided picking up the family and moving was not an option for us.

If you really don’t think you’ll be happy has a hospitalist in the long run then you should say as much to your spouse. I’m sure you ultimate long term professional happiness is worth 3 years of living elsewhere.

 

[Hospitalist12345]

Thank you for the reply. I know I am a jerk for considering this; so I am sorry to all the people whose spot I took. At least the spot can go to someone who didn't match if I do withdraw.

I had discussed it with my SO before ranking so I was also surprised how upset she was after finding out. I guess experiencing it is a lot different than talking about possibilities. Didn't really hit home until it actually happened.

 

[tn4596]

Lol, I hope you don't get flak for this.

Nearly 30% of people failed to match this year overall. If you look at just foreign grad data from last year (both US and non US), nearly 50% failed to match. There are 400 people out there currently mulling over their future, fighting depression and feelings of hopelessness, fighting for unmatched spots, scrambling to their phones for non-accredited or research fellowships, trying to figure out what to do next. I bet any of them would happily give up their firstborns to be in your spot. I know...I was one of them last year.

Suck it up and move.

Where can I get statistic from this match? Thank you
OP, I think you probably should sleep on it for a couple day and reconsider

 

[Egghead34]

Where can I get statistic from this match? Thank you
OP, I think you probably should sleep on it for a couple day and reconsider

They’re on the NRMP website. Google fellowship match statistics or anything similar

 

[honeycards]

Same boat me too
Have to leave my spouse and little one, less than a year old. The place I matched has no job for my spouse. May be telling your spouse this - 10 yrs down the line when you look back, none of this will matter. But do let them know how much they mean to you. Without them fellowship is meaningless, ask them if they really want you to give it up , do tell them about Onion1 statS ..show them on nrmp. They don't have stats about how hard it is if u are a hospitalist.

But don't rub that off on your spouse. This is your journey, your battle. Your spouse is upset as they will miss you, they love you too ..spend the next few months super well with them, take them on vacation, and keep them connected to you mentally if you can. No one said it's going to be easy.


Depending on the place you matched, first year can be dividided into easy and difficult rotations. The easy ones may have weekends off and you should do everything to meet to sustain the relationship, sponsor their flights or fly to them if possible.

Yes, it's really hard, not easy...can feel exactly what you feel.

@nlax30- any tips for how you managed without seeing your babies ?

 

[Piebaldi]

Hi everyone,
I matched into my #4 but having cold feet about starting. I know I am very fortunate and I would feel terrible wasting the spot if I do drop out. I want to do cards but my #4 is out of state and my spouse is heart broken that we have to move again. I have a sweet gig as a hospitalist in our hometown and part of me just wants to settle and keep my spouse happy. I don’t know if I would be happy as a hospitalist though. Anyone else go through this before and have any advice?

This type of decision has to be made by many people in medicine - ultimately you have to decide - would you be more unhappy without a cards fellowship, if you were to lose your spouse/SO over this, or would you be more unhappy without your SO ?

In other words, if you have to give up one, would you rather live without your SO or without a Cards fellowship?
So the cards fellowship is 3 years -so long time yes but not unsurmountable. I would assume that there could be back and forth travel.

But if your SO cannot tolerate this you have to decide - is your SO significant enough for you to give up your Cards fellowship? And if you two break up down the line, are you going to be resentful over this? Or if you end up as an IM hospitalist will you resent her?

All comes down to a personal decision. And is she your wife or Gf? I would say if wife, her thoughts/feelings truly matter. If gf you need to determine how serious you two are.

 

[Polypill]

I had to withdraw from the match earlier this year because of familial issues and didn't make it to my Cards interview. It turns out that most of those issues are taken care of now and I could actually start next year but it was risky to move forward at the time. So Yeah, family sometimes comes in-between dreams and what we actually can do. I want you to know that I respect your feelings and that this is is a serious matter. But it is also true that you better decide soon, as many people out there are dreaming to be in your situation and even willing to take wife and 3 kids to move long distances for Cards. Just like Piebaldi said, you need to think about the importance of your mariage while looking at it. Tough situation... but you can do it !

 

[NotAProgDirector]

You could try to apply for a match waiver, or possibly a deferral. For either you'd need to "prove" that some new issue arose between the time ROL's were due, and when the match happened. Given your story that seems unlikely, your spouse "changing their mind" isn't going to be enough. But, it's free to try and no harm can come from it. If a 1 year deferral would solve the problem, then that's probably easier to obtain.

If you simply decide not to honor the match, you'll be blocked from participating again for several years. You won't get to apply to Cardiology, or any other fellowship, for probably 2-3 years.

There isn't a right or wrong answer here.

 

[Hospitalist12345]

If I go for the match waiver, will NRMP notify the program ? Or should I talk with the program first ?

also if the waiver is approved will future programs know I matched and didn’t go? Presumably they know I matched if I was ranked right ? So either way I would not be able to match cards again?

 

[JesterJames]

I'm experiencing a very similar issue.

Does anyone know if it is feasible/possible to trade a fellowship position with another fellow prior to the start of fellowship and the logistics of such a move?

 

[Polypill]

I can imagine how stressful it is but unfortunately, the more time you take debating, the more frustrating it will be for programs to hear that you guys are not coming...which is generally not a good thing. My best guess is to contact the programs and explain your situation being honest. I don't think any right minded PD will not prefer to have a hardworking trainee vs someone who clearly said that (s)he is not interested. You could also try to swap but, I don't know how it works.

 

[gutonc]

I'm experiencing a very similar issue.

Does anyone know if it is feasible/possible to trade a fellowship position with another fellow prior to the start of fellowship and the logistics of such a move?

While "possible", it's also possible that you can become an astronaut and go live on the ISS for 6 months by the time ERAS opens again next year. The odds of both are pretty similar.

You should assume that it is not.

If you want to be a cardiologist (or whatever-ologist since this is pretty much universally true), you need to start in the program you matched into.

 

[deleted573262]

Hi everyone,
I matched into my #4 but having cold feet about starting. I know I am very fortunate and I would feel terrible wasting the spot if I do drop out. I want to do cards but my #4 is out of state and my spouse is heart broken that we have to move again. I have a sweet gig as a hospitalist in our hometown and part of me just wants to settle and keep my spouse happy. I don’t know if I would be happy as a hospitalist though. Anyone else go through this before and have any advice?

do you want to have a happy family or become a cardiologist?