Med

[bstomd]

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[readmypostsMD]

Was in something of a similar situation as you

I’m an MD student now

don’t give up!

 

[FluffyCat1212]

From a fellow older applicant here! Remember that the past is out of your control. Now the only thing you can control is the future.
There's no magic trick to confidence, but you can just take things one step at a time. You scheduled an MCAT, so that's a great start. Having a set date may help with the motivation.

And you're not being a drama queen at all. I can tell you that I've been in your shoes. I have several friends who just matched into residency, and others who have stable careers. I've looked at all my friends who are getting married, getting their PhDs, or buying houses and thinking...what on earth am I doing with my life?! But here's the thing, it's not a race. In 40 years, it won't matter if you went to med school next year or four years ago. You'll be a doctor and that's it. You're not inferior to your friends; you're just investing your time and resources into something different. We're making a great investment in the long run, but it's going to be a little harder in the short term.

And the last thing- NEVER apologize for showing emotion. In pre-med, I think we're all so conditioned to be afraid to show vulnerability. That fear perpetuates this toxic culture that we're so notorious for. Showing emotions is a sign of strength, and honestly I'm so glad you reached out. You don't have to do this alone.

Take a deep breath and keep moving forward. Your future does not have to be defined by your past. If you really want to do medicine, then for the love of all that is good and holy, go pursue medicine. If you're not sure, maybe take a short break after your mcat and see how you feel.

 

[Dr.K124]

Hello everyone, Any insight that might help me think clearly is highly appreciated. I am sorry this will a little long but I just want to get things off my chest.

I am confused, depressed, anxious and lost. I have always been a premed. I excelled in highschool and the first 3 years of college. I was a 4.0 as a junior in college in 2014. I took my mcat back then without the right preparation and I scored horribly. I was discouraged and I was never the same student after that. At the same time I was a shy and insecure guy, I was told that I was good looking but I had no experience with girls and I was easily intimidated by people. fast forward to 2015, I started partying and getting drunk, dropped all my science classes, received a bunch of Bs and a C in the following semester and never attempted to study for the mcat. in 2016 I managed to complete my coursework and graduated with 3.7, I never studied for the mcat, barely studied and wasted months simping over a girl and overthinking. I did not attempt to change majors because I thought that I will get back on track eventually. I graduated, got a job but turned it down so I can move the city and live with friends and eventually study for the mcat instead of working. I moved, wasted time, spent long hours in depression and overthinking, partied a little and at that point I wasn't a shy boy anymore, I was more outgoing and better looking.

I eventually left the US for 9 moths and lived with my parents in my home country because I thought that I will study. I spent months and hours upon hours in coffee shops " studying", but in fact I was thinking, meeting new people and doing everything except for studying. In the end I was depressed and decided that it was time to go back to my undergrad school city. This time I got a part time job as tutor, working 20 hours/week with the hope that I will use the extra time to study for the mcat. I worked on uber for 3 months but I stopped because I did not want to damage the car. Guess what happened, yes, I wasted the last 3 years (end of 2017,2018, 2019, 2020) wasting time at coffee shops, sitting there, getting bursts of motivation for a month, studying hard, then stopping for 2 months, then starting over. if I add up everything I studied, I can say that I finished everything, but I do not recall anything because it was spread out and more importantly I did not have a dedicated time where I sat down for 3 months and did tons of practice.

I feel like a loser yet I know that I would love to be a doctor. I lost all the motivation. I feel left out. my friends are all MDs now, I did better than all my friends in college, I accumulated more than 1000 hours of volunteer work and extracurriculars, research, etc.. BUT i quit, I was weak, I am a 27 years old loser. I regret not finding something else to do, I have the intellectual ability, I excelled in a very competitive program, but I lacked the drive, the discipline and the work ethic. Moreover, I want to be a physician, I think it is a noble career, i love applying sciences, interacting with patients and giving back even on a small scale. I am typing right now as I am "studying". I know, doing the same thing expecting different results. I keep giving myself chances and opportunities than things will get better and I will finish eventually, but here I am, 6 years after my first mcat and I am still the same guy, with extra debt, no career, just a dream that remained a dream.

I want to make money as well, I feel like at 27 I should have at least had a good career going on if im not in medicine. I am 27 and if everything goes well now I will start medicine at 29 and be done at 33 then 36-37 for residency. This is the best case scenario. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid that I will not take the mcat in the first place. I feel old and behind. I have no savings, I ruined my relationships and I am still doing that part time job. I just could not think of anyone who's more of a loser than myself. I have friends are 22 and making 90k and 100k, friends my age are either in residency or making 6 figures and have families. I have nothing. I keep thinking about the past, and worrying about the future.

I got accepted to a masters program in business analytics, I have friends who got good jobs and it is something that I see myself doing. It is intellectually stimulating. But every time I think about it, the fear kicks in, I am too old to even start, I will not get a good job, I do not have connections to get a good job, what if I regret my decision at 35 by me saying that I could have been a doctor, I would love to be a doctor, etc.. I applied as a plan B yet I am scared. I have wanted to be a doctor ever since highschool, I am sad that I did not even try to retake the test, but when I think about it I get scared that I will fail and even if I get in I will regret not getting a corporate job instead of ruining my mental state with years of torture. I was very confident in my capabilities in the first 3 years of college, I have zero confidence in myself now.

I am studying for the mcat seriously now, the test is in january, the problem is that I keep stopping because I keep getting the above thoughts. I didn't even talk about my relationships and how much I overthink it and how I pushed away a great girl because I was insecure and I was waiting until I finish my test. I never finished.

I apologize for the rant guys, any advice or insight is truly appreciated. I just could not think straight and perhaps I am being a drama queen. I apologize for the grammatical errors and typos.

Firstly, I understand this must have been hard to post and type up. I think you did the right thing talking to someone about all of this. Humans are social creatures. We are not meant to rely only on ourselves.

On that note, I promise you that you are not a failure. Very few people have their life together, whether they're 20, 30, 40, or even 50. And the truth is, even the most stable and ambitious people run into roadblock after roadblock. All your friends making 6 figures who seem to be the happiest people ever with perfect lives? I promise you it's a facade. Life is like the stock market. Up down up down up down. Moreover, those friends making $90k and $100k at 22 are outliers by definition. In fact, for 22 year-olds they are the 97th and 98th percentile respectively.

But in truth, all of the above about other people does not matter. Your value as a person is not based on how you compare to your friends. You are not worth less because you got lost in the labyrinth of life for a few years. While you may not be at your peak right now, you clearly are a very capable individual, getting a 4.0 with 1000 hours of volunteering in 3 years of college. That's a lot more rare than you'd think. You are smart, and you are interested in medicine for the right reasons.

Ultimately it's up to you whether or not you're willing to delay gratification for another decade. There are other jobs that help people, pay well, and stimulate someone intellectually. But no matter what you choose, just know that you are not a failure.

 

[Crayola227]

Consider getting professional mental health

 

[bstomd]

Consider getting professional mental health

thank you, I will consider it

 

[mitch90]

Hello there! First and foremost, this is an EXTREMELY common feeling to have in your twenties. I was a career-changer non-trad, and I felt like I was behind. It was rough seeing all of my friends start law school and med school while I was just starting out as a pre-med. And then I started my pre-med career-changer program at 22, and I quickly realized that I was the youngest person in my cohort. I had classmates that were 29 and were just starting their PRE-REQS. You're not too old. You're not even halfway done with your life.

One of my favorite quotes goes something like this: "Every winner, at some point in their life, was a loser. That's what made them a winner." I don't mean to get all corny here, but seriously, it's the truth. I had a friend in high school who's mother was a receptionist at an optometry clinic for 15 years- and then the mother decided that she wanted to become an optometrist. She started optometry school as a single mother in her forties. She used to study in her car while waiting to pick up her kids. I asked her how she how she had the motivation and energy while raising two kids- and she told me she would think back on how much anger and regret she felt towards her perceived lost potential, and how many years she spent feeling like she had failed, and that was the fire that drove her. It was such an open, honest, and scary answer, that it stuck with me for years. When I read your post, it really reminded me of that conversation. I truly hope that you take the emotions you are feeling, and channel them into motivation to succeed in life-whether it be in business, medicine, or anything you decide on.

Lastly, I'm sure you already know that comparison is the root of all misery. There is ALWAYS going to be someone better looking, smarter, younger, more successful, and more talented. Just don't do it. Also, stop studying in coffee shops. It's full of distractions. I suggest the pomodoro method, where you study for 20 minute intervals and take breaks. I wish you the best and rest assure that things will work out. You have so much of your life ahead of you, I promise you

 

[Goro]

Hello everyone, Any insight that might help me think clearly is highly appreciated. I am sorry this will a little long but I just want to get things off my chest.

I am confused, depressed, anxious and lost. I have always been a premed. I excelled in highschool and the first 3 years of college. I was a 4.0 as a junior in college in 2014. I took my mcat back then without the right preparation and I scored horribly. I was discouraged and I was never the same student after that. At the same time I was a shy and insecure guy, I was told that I was good looking but I had no experience with girls and I was easily intimidated by people. fast forward to 2015, I started partying and getting drunk, dropped all my science classes, received a bunch of Bs and a C in the following semester and never attempted to study for the mcat. in 2016 I managed to complete my coursework and graduated with 3.7, I never studied for the mcat, barely studied and wasted months simping over a girl and overthinking. I did not attempt to change majors because I thought that I will get back on track eventually. I graduated, got a job but turned it down so I can move the city and live with friends and eventually study for the mcat instead of working. I moved, wasted time, spent long hours in depression and overthinking, partied a little and at that point I wasn't a shy boy anymore, I was more outgoing and better looking.

I eventually left the US for 9 moths and lived with my parents in my home country because I thought that I will study. I spent months and hours upon hours in coffee shops " studying", but in fact I was thinking, meeting new people and doing everything except for studying. In the end I was depressed and decided that it was time to go back to my undergrad school city. This time I got a part time job as tutor, working 20 hours/week with the hope that I will use the extra time to study for the mcat. I worked on uber for 3 months but I stopped because I did not want to damage the car. Guess what happened, yes, I wasted the last 3 years (end of 2017,2018, 2019, 2020) wasting time at coffee shops, sitting there, getting bursts of motivation for a month, studying hard, then stopping for 2 months, then starting over. if I add up everything I studied, I can say that I finished everything, but I do not recall anything because it was spread out and more importantly I did not have a dedicated time where I sat down for 3 months and did tons of practice.

I feel like a loser yet I know that I would love to be a doctor. I lost all the motivation. I feel left out. my friends are all MDs now, I did better than all my friends in college, I accumulated more than 1000 hours of volunteer work and extracurriculars, research, etc.. BUT i quit, I was weak, I am a 27 years old loser. I regret not finding something else to do, I have the intellectual ability, I excelled in a very competitive program, but I lacked the drive, the discipline and the work ethic. Moreover, I want to be a physician, I think it is a noble career, i love applying sciences, interacting with patients and giving back even on a small scale. I am typing right now as I am "studying". I know, doing the same thing expecting different results. I keep giving myself chances and opportunities than things will get better and I will finish eventually, but here I am, 6 years after my first mcat and I am still the same guy, with extra debt, no career, just a dream that remained a dream.

I want to make money as well, I feel like at 27 I should have at least had a good career going on if im not in medicine. I am 27 and if everything goes well now I will start medicine at 29 and be done at 33 then 36-37 for residency. This is the best case scenario. I am afraid of failure, I am afraid that I will not take the mcat in the first place. I feel old and behind. I have no savings, I ruined my relationships and I am still doing that part time job. I just could not think of anyone who's more of a loser than myself. I have friends are 22 and making 90k and 100k, friends my age are either in residency or making 6 figures and have families. I have nothing. I keep thinking about the past, and worrying about the future.

I got accepted to a masters program in business analytics, I have friends who got good jobs and it is something that I see myself doing. It is intellectually stimulating. But every time I think about it, the fear kicks in, I am too old to even start, I will not get a good job, I do not have connections to get a good job, what if I regret my decision at 35 by me saying that I could have been a doctor, I would love to be a doctor, etc.. I applied as a plan B yet I am scared. I have wanted to be a doctor ever since highschool, I am sad that I did not even try to retake the test, but when I think about it I get scared that I will fail and even if I get in I will regret not getting a corporate job instead of ruining my mental state with years of torture. I was very confident in my capabilities in the first 3 years of college, I have zero confidence in myself now.

I am studying for the mcat seriously now, the test is in january, the problem is that I keep stopping because I keep getting the above thoughts. I didn't even talk about my relationships and how much I overthink it and how I pushed away a great girl because I was insecure and I was waiting until I finish my test. I never finished.

I apologize for the rant guys, any advice or insight is truly appreciated. I just could not think straight and perhaps I am being a drama queen. I apologize for the grammatical errors and typos.

That's a lot of baggage and what concerns me is how a single poor performance on the MCAT didn't merely derail your career, but actually came close to destroying you. It definitely triggered a lot of self-sabotaging behavior which continues to this day, as evidenced by your inability to fully prepare for the MCAT.

As such, you need to get your mental health issues under control first. Medical school is a furnace, and I've seen it break even healthy students. The #1 reason my school loses students to withdrawal, dismissal or LOA is to unresolved mental health issues.

The MCAT is a high stakes, career deciding exam. Do NOT take it until you are 100% ready for it.

 

[FluffyCat1212]

@Goro has a really good point. Don't give up on becoming a doctor, but you have a little bit of work to do first. There also might still be a little flexibility in MCAT scheduling due to COVID. Scratch my advice and consider whether or not you will be able to do your best on the MCAT in .January with how you're feeling. But still remember that you're not alone. I'm cheering for you.

 

[M&L]

when i was 27 the person i thought i was gonna marry left, my friend died from cancer, and i was working as a server in a really crappy place. All my friends had great jobs, great relationships, and i felt like a loser who wasted all this time. I felt like everything i had crumbled down, and i had nothing at all left. I realized that i could not live like this anymore, and something had to change. So i changed EVERYTHING. I joined the Army (for me that was the best solution), started taking classes, one step at a time. Got out, got another degree in biochemistry (because i wanted a backup), got all those experiences needed for medical school, and now I am an M2. I am happier than ive ever been in my life. Now, looking back, i realize that if i got married to that guy i wouldve never gone to medical school. All those experiences that happened gave me that feeling of "no return". Like, i had nowhere to return to. So i had to keep pushing forward.

all you have to do is decide that you dont want to live like this anymore. And it is not too late for you to do that.

 

[M&L]

attention, - two threads have been merged (identical posts in two forums).

 

[Med201821]

As such, you need to get your mental health issues under control first. Medical school is a furnace, and I've seen it break even healthy students. The #1 reason my school loses students to withdrawal, dismissal or LOA is to unresolved mental health issues.

Ain't that the truth.

I was very similar to OP. Applied to medical school at 26. Also had my first mental health episode at 26. Matriculated at 28. My biggest fear going in was that I was going to have a mental health episode like the first one I had. Its so important to keep it together. Even if that means studying less and providing time for self care. I hate to sound so new age and wishy washy. But its the freaking truth. Med school can kill you if you let it.

 

[jhmmd]

Ain't that the truth.

I was very similar to OP. Applied to medical school at 26. Also had my first mental health episode at 26. Matriculated at 28. My biggest fear going in was that I was going to have a mental health episode like the first one I had. Its so important to keep it together. Even if that means studying less and providing time for self care. I hate to sound so new age and wishy washy. But its the freaking truth. Med school can kill you if you let it.

It's all about balance. Maybe take 15 mins a day for yoga or meditation or something. You don't have to spend hours de-compressing, IMO. Just know that when you're stressed, there are ways to de-compress. Not to sound like a hard a$$ but you don't want to get behind with your studies, either.