Keeping Maiden Name

[f_w]

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Not to be too crude about it Sara, but how many intelligent women have you brought to orgasm? Im gonna guess my 'N' for that is a tad bigger than yours...I couldnt disagree more by the way, the rough childhood/school of hard knocks type women are far more difficult to crack; fresh out of college, med school types are almost too easy. And by the way, submissiveness is not even remotely a sign of unintelligence, but I dont think this is the thread to argue that point.


When reading LAdocs posts, I can't help myself, but I just imagine some overweight, bespectacled nerd sitting at his keyboard 'breaking' women in online chatrooms...

 

[MoosePilot]

This is completely off the subject. Last names are a political issue and submissive/dominance is a sexual issue. There might some crossover, but I wouldn't bet on it without a study.

As far as sex, I believe in just being honest with what I want and letting the women I like decide if they like that.

I think intelligence and what someone likes in a relationship or the bedroom is wholly separate. I can only be what I am and look for a woman that mostly fits, then hope to grow together.

 

[GeneGoddess]

When reading LAdocs posts, I can't help myself, but I just imagine some overweight, bespectacled nerd sitting at his keyboard 'breaking' women in online chatrooms...

 

[raspberry swirl]

on a slight tangent, my sister was married to this one guy and they had a kid (actually had the kid before the marriage, but thats another story). she changed her last name. they divorced. my sister kept his last name after the divorce so she could keep the same last name as her son. so her name continues to be the same as the name of the man who used to beat the **** out of her and continues to harrass her on a regular basis. frankly, i think thats f*cked up, and if i was her, everytime i signed my name or introduced myself, i would want to vomit.

back to the main point- im not married or even engaged, but my bf and i toss this topic around from time to time, mostly because he knows it makes me incensed and he likes to push my buttons whenever possible. its an issue that i personally haven't been able to resolve yet- i want to keep my name, but it then gets confusing with the whole kid issue.

regardless, i am a little bothered by some of these comments about the viability of a marriage as being related to a woman's decision to keep or change her name. part of me hopes those of you that made those comments dont really believe that. you dont have to have the exact same opinions about everything in order to be completely compatable. democrats marry republicans. my opinion regarding my name does not change how much i love my boyfriend. and i believe that my opinion does not change how much my boyfriend loves me. im pretty sure thats all that matters. we'll work it out one way or another, when/if that day presents itself.

 

[SaraL124]

on a slight tangent, my sister was married to this one guy and they had a kid (actually had the kid before the marriage, but thats another story). she changed her last name. they divorced. my sister kept his last name after the divorce so she could keep the same last name as her son. so her name continues to be the same as the name of the man who used to beat the **** out of her and continues to harrass her on a regular basis. frankly, i think thats f*cked up, and if i was her, everytime i signed my name or introduced myself, i would want to vomit.

back to the main point- im not married or even engaged, but my bf and i toss this topic around from time to time, mostly because he knows it makes me incensed and he likes to push my buttons whenever possible. its an issue that i personally haven't been able to resolve yet- i want to keep my name, but it then gets confusing with the whole kid issue.

regardless, i am a little bothered by some of these comments about the viability of a marriage as being related to a woman's decision to keep or change her name. part of me hopes those of you that made those comments dont really believe that. you dont have to have the exact same opinions about everything in order to be completely compatable. democrats marry republicans. my opinion regarding my name does not change how much i love my boyfriend. and i believe that my opinion does not change how much my boyfriend loves me. im pretty sure thats all that matters. we'll work it out one way or another, when/if that day presents itself.

🙂!!

And by the way, my earlier post about submissiveness was not meant to be about sexuality. But apprently that's all you can think of.

 

[samenewme]

🙂!!

And by the way, my earlier post about submissiveness was not meant to be about sexuality. But apprently that's all you can think of.

I immediately thought of ballroom dancing, myself. It's an area in my life where I get to be submissive, and it's awfully restful. Went the wrong way? His fault--didn't lead well. Stepped on his foot? His fault. He put me there. All I do is turn off my brain and follow. The only sin is thinking for myself. It's a real vacation!

The maiden name thing is fraught with meaning for many people. If two people who are getting married find different meanings in the issue and feel strongly about it, then there's going to be a conflict. That's just life.

 

[MoosePilot]

on a slight tangent, my sister was married to this one guy and they had a kid (actually had the kid before the marriage, but thats another story). she changed her last name. they divorced. my sister kept his last name after the divorce so she could keep the same last name as her son. so her name continues to be the same as the name of the man who used to beat the **** out of her and continues to harrass her on a regular basis. frankly, i think thats f*cked up, and if i was her, everytime i signed my name or introduced myself, i would want to vomit.

back to the main point- im not married or even engaged, but my bf and i toss this topic around from time to time, mostly because he knows it makes me incensed and he likes to push my buttons whenever possible. its an issue that i personally haven't been able to resolve yet- i want to keep my name, but it then gets confusing with the whole kid issue.

regardless, i am a little bothered by some of these comments about the viability of a marriage as being related to a woman's decision to keep or change her name. part of me hopes those of you that made those comments dont really believe that. you dont have to have the exact same opinions about everything in order to be completely compatable. democrats marry republicans. my opinion regarding my name does not change how much i love my boyfriend. and i believe that my opinion does not change how much my boyfriend loves me. im pretty sure thats all that matters. we'll work it out one way or another, when/if that day presents itself.

I just read an article that researchers have found men and women like different internet visual styles. Women like color. I never understand that. Unless it's used to highlight it makes me think of someone using "Hello Kitty" stationery or something.

You and your boyfriend have your own relationship. The issues you decide on will be just between you. Maybe he'll give in on the name thing, but expect something I wouldn't expect from my girlfriend. That's ok.

With me, though, if my gf wouldn't change her name, it would be a serious issue. I do believe that it's an ego clash/power issue.

That's just me. I don't demand any other couple do things my way, but I have opinions on what things mean. You don't have to like them, but the point of the forum is so you can read them if you choose.

 

[f_w]

im not married or even engaged, but my bf and i toss this topic around from time to time, mostly because he knows it makes me incensed and he likes to push my buttons whenever possible.


Why would you want to live with a person wo 'likes to push my buttons' ??

 

[OzDDS]

regardless, i am a little bothered by some of these comments about the viability of a marriage as being related to a woman's decision to keep or change her name. part of me hopes those of you that made those comments dont really believe that.

I very much believe that! I'm sorry that your sister had such a horrible experience. I know that you are a bit marred by that fact too. But these are all factors that would make one more hesitant and seperate (or at least more easily seperate) from their would be future spouse should anything "bad" happen. So Yes I do think it increases the likely hood of the marriage failing. Lots of marriages fail.. as a matter of fact most do these days. Even women who do take their husbands last name. But I do honestly think that you could group not taking the husbands last name in the same catagory as signing a prenup agreement, living with each other before marriage, whatever.. as all factors that would contribute to a greater chance to seperate in the future.

 

[CoffeeMug]

I find that men who believe a woman should be "broken" by or "submissive" to her husband to be very outdated

Do you believe the wheel is outdated?

and yes, an offensive idea in our modern american world.

Fortunately the constitution of the United States of America does not gurantee freedom from being offended.

My husband never asked me to nor did he expect me to.

Did you ever entertain a thought that your husband may be a *****?

 

[raspberry swirl]

Why would you want to live with a person wo 'likes to push my buttons' ??

we dont live together. we go to med schools on opposite sides of the country. but to answer your question, for the same reason you post on sdn forums. spirited debate is fun. usually good sex after, too. 😎

 

[JohnSmith96543]

The amount of feminism in this thread is making my stomach churn. Thank God there are still sensible women in America who support traditional family values and will take my last name.

 

[jamie]

I very much believe that! I'm sorry that your sister had such a horrible experience. I know that you are a bit marred by that fact too. But these are all factors that would make one more hesitant and seperate (or at least more easily seperate) from their would be future spouse should anything "bad" happen. So Yes I do think it increases the likely hood of the marriage failing. Lots of marriages fail.. as a matter of fact most do these days. Even women who do take their husbands last name. But I do honestly think that you could group not taking the husbands last name in the same catagory as signing a prenup agreement, living with each other before marriage, whatever.. as all factors that would contribute to a greater chance to seperate in the future.

You're stating a lot of things as "fact" -- got any data to back up your statements? Last I heard, the stat was that 50% of marriages end in divorce, a weak statistic based on a very flawed study done years ago.

 

[beentherdonthat]

Entertaining discussion but I can't help but think who gives a rat's behind if you change your name or not? I've been married 11+ years and changed my last name to my husband's. I've talked to friends who hemmed and hawed and agonized about this decision. Good Lord, don't you have to go study or something? Frankly, anyone whom I care about and whom I care about, call me by my first name, not my last. I don't really care what anyone else calls me, I'll still smell as sweet.

My husband with his MD/PhD/JDD+ ya da ya da degrees prefers to be called MR. _____ not DR. Let's not get pretentious or elitist. You are not your degree, or are you?

Come on, people, do whatever you want but let's not make federal case about something that in the whole cosmic order of things will not make a tenth of a millisecond of a blip.

Put your passion to more constructive uses.

 

[OzDDS]

Last I heard, the stat was that 50% of marriages end in divorce, a weak statistic based on a very flawed study done years ago.

There are lots of sources out there covering lots of studies that have been done.. "Not just ONE flawed study done years ago."

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf

http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html here is one site with some links

Ok.. I think it was more than 50% in the early 80s. But there are also fewer people who decide to even get married these days. But premarital cohabitation as well as the creation of legal documents such as prenups have both been linked to an increase in divorce rates amont those groups. And I was saying that something else such as spouses not having the same "family name" I was hypothosing could also be linked to an increase in divorce rates because like a prenup was something that made it legally and socially easier to separate from yourself from your spouse.

 

[OzDDS]

The amount of feminism in this thread is making my stomach churn. Thank God there are still sensible women in America who support traditional family values and will take my last name.

👍

 

[TheEponine]

Take my word for it, people will harrass you if you keep, change, or hyphenate. My favorite snarky comment is: "people won't know you are married!" Umm, as long and WE know, I don't care what others think. Or "What if someone think you are a step-mom because of different last names?" Umm, did you just insult every blended family out there with that comment? Or "people won't think they are YOUR kids" Hey, I can think of times that might be good (when they are pitching a fit). To some people, it is critical that stranger know they are a family. To me, it is critical that my FAMILY knows they are my family, despite differing last names.

In some countries women can't change their names to their husband's and they have kids. I don't think it's all that important. Many of my friends don't want to change their name but for me, I am looking forward to getting a new last name...

 

[fedor]

Just look at how emasculated American men have become and how uppity American females have become.

 

[tlew12778]

Were I marrying an American I probably would have changed my name. But since we live in Italy and I cannot change my last name in Italy, I will not change my last name in the US. Personally, I don't feel like dealing with the INS every time I have to visit the US or return to Italy when my passport and visa information do not match. I honestly don't think that makes me a militant feminist. It's just practical.

FWIW, the divorce rate in Italy is around 12% vs 49% in the US (as a percentage of all marriages). Additionally, Italian law requires the engaged couple to decide how they will divvy up their goods BEFORE getting married. It's the law. So how does that explain how a prenup or a different last name is more conducive to divorce?

 

[LADoc00]

FWIW, the divorce rate in Italy is around 12% vs 49% in the US

Are you implying somehow Italians are better than us?

Let me begin laughing...

 

[fedor]

Were I marrying an American I probably would have changed my name. But since we live in Italy and I cannot change my last name in Italy, I will not change my last name in the US. Personally, I don't feel like dealing with the INS every time I have to visit the US or return to Italy when my passport and visa information do not match. I honestly don't think that makes me a militant feminist. It's just practical.

FWIW, the divorce rate in Italy is around 12% vs 49% in the US (as a percentage of all marriages). Additionally, Italian law requires the engaged couple to decide how they will divvy up their goods BEFORE getting married. It's the law. So how does that explain how a prenup or a different last name is more conducive to divorce?

Since you're Italian I would probably let it slide. You would, however, have to make up for it in the kitchen.

 

[tlew12778]

Since you're Italian I would probably let it slide. You would, however, have to make up for it in the kitchen.

Actually I'm American. I just live in Italy. But yes, I am awesome in the kitchen 😎.

 

[tlew12778]

Are you implying somehow Italians are better than us?

Let me begin laughing...

How did you come to that conclusion? Italians (and Europeans in general, where divorce rates are lower) have just as many hangups as Americans. We're talking about humans here, not races. Emotions are the same across country boarders. I am sure there are just as many cheaters, dead-beat dads, and marriage haters as in any other country. My point is that whoever originally said that prenups and different last names increase the probability of divorce would need to explain those statistics in reference to his/her hypothesis.

 

[OzDDS]

How did you come to that conclusion? Italians (and Europeans in general, where divorce rates are lower) have just as many hangups as Americans. We're talking about humans here, not races. Emotions are the same across country boarders. I am sure there are just as many cheaters, dead-beat dads, and marriage haters as in any other country. My point is that whoever originally said that prenups and different last names increase the probability of divorce would need to explain those statistics in reference to his/her hypothesis.

First of all, you’re asking someone to explain statistics without providing any real statistics of your own except your own personal observation. Secondly, Italy may really be different... it is a different country with different culture and different laws that govern them. They are a much more family oriented and inclusive society as opposed to the individualistic and capitalistic society that is the United States! You have to take all these things into consideration.

Obtaining a pre-nup as well as pre-marital cohabitation have both already been statistically shown to have a higher than average correlation with the divorce rate because they both create an atmosphere that sets the couple up to think that the marriage is easy come easy go, and that makes it easier for them to separate themselves as individuals away from their spouses. My hypothesis was that in our society of the American working man and today’s “independent woman” – Beoncye Knowles. That the idea of a woman keeping her last name does nothing but add to this idea individualism and making it easier to separate yourself from your spouse. Thus, potentially also having a higher than average correlation with the divorce rate. 😉


Maybe someone should do a double blind RCT and prove me wrong. haha

 

[Elysium]

I would not even date a man who believed strongly that I needed to take his last name. It's something I ask about pretty soon into the relationship, as I feel it's fairly indicitive of a man's overall outlook on women in general. Men who insist on having "their" woman take their last name are probably totally insecure or a complete conservative asshat. I wouldn't date a conservative either. Or someone who was anti-choice or anti-gay. Or someone who was religious (even a little religious). Thankfully, this pretty much eliminates any guys who would be bullsh1t about bucking "tradition", whatever in the hell that means. Some traditions are stupid and this is one of them. You guys really think that keeping your last name makes divorce more likely?? That is so f-ing ******ed. Since MOST women change their last name, I would say they probably make up more of the statistical pie. All of my friends that are divorced had changed their last names, not that that means anything.

I will NEVER change my name and my SO is just fine with that. He won't change his name, so why should I? I think everything will turn out just fine...

 

[OzDDS]

I would not even date a man who believed strongly that I needed to take his last name. It's something I ask about pretty soon into the relationship, as I feel it's fairly indicitive of a man's overall outlook on women in general. Men who insist on having "their" woman take their last name are probably totally insecure or a complete conservative asshat. I wouldn't date a conservative either. Or someone who was anti-choice or anti-gay. Or someone who was religious (even a little religious). Thankfully, this pretty much eliminates any guys who would be bullsh1t about bucking "tradition", whatever in the hell that means. Some traditions are stupid and this is one of them. You guys really think that keeping your last name makes divorce more likely?? That is so f-ing ******ed. Since MOST women change their last name, I would say they probably make up more of the statistical pie. All of my friends that are divorced had changed their last names, not that that means anything.

I will NEVER change my name and my SO is just fine with that. He won't change his name, so why should I? I think everything will turn out just fine...

This is the same way a large majority of the women who hold a "professional career" (med/dent) feel. Which is what this discussion is about. There is no right or wrong way. Only preferences...
Women who work hard to get to into med/dent programs and competitive residencies, etc. like yourself.. are usually more career (independent) oriented... and less likely to be interested in "taking someone else's name", having a family, and/or being a housewife.
You also have a larger proportion of men (in relation to women) in the same career fields who might prefer if their future wives took their name, and lived at home while they worked.
Plus you combine these facts with the fact that women (more so than men)are more likely to choose a partner based on power/status and earning capability (security). And men may be more likely to choose a partner based on physical beauty, fertileness, caring/supportive attitudes.

So all of this combined.. and it usually means that on average you have more women who would be open to marrying a man in our line of work. With less men open to marrying women in the same line of work.

Again.. not that there is any right or wrong way.. just preferences and on average some groups preferring widely different things than others.

There are always exceptions to the rule. But a lot of times women in med/dent careers are more likely to find marriage partners who would suit their tastes outside of our profession than in it. I think many men these days in our profession would rather just have a long term girlfriend/partner rather that getting married unless they were interested in children. 👍

 

[LADoc00]

I would not even date a man who believed strongly that I needed to take his last name. It's something I ask about pretty soon into the relationship, as I feel it's fairly indicitive of a man's overall outlook on women in general. Men who insist on having "their" woman take their last name are probably totally insecure or a complete conservative asshat. I wouldn't date a conservative either. Or someone who was anti-choice or anti-gay. Or someone who was religious (even a little religious). Thankfully, this pretty much eliminates any guys who would be bullsh1t about bucking "tradition", whatever in the hell that means. Some traditions are stupid and this is one of them. You guys really think that keeping your last name makes divorce more likely?? That is so f-ing ******ed. Since MOST women change their last name, I would say they probably make up more of the statistical pie. All of my friends that are divorced had changed their last names, not that that means anything.

I will NEVER change my name and my SO is just fine with that. He won't change his name, so why should I? I think everything will turn out just fine...

If you resemble the fat furry avatar you have, I wouldnt be so picky about dates if I were you. Youre first step should be having fun and getting laid, not passing your ACLU litmus test should youre future mate run for office.

 

[beentherdonthat]

If you resemble the fat furry avatar you have, I wouldnt be so picky about dates if I were you. Youre first step should be having fun and getting laid, not passing your ACLU litmus test should youre future mate run for office.

That was hilarious! I hadn't laughed out loud in front of the computer in a while. Thanks, and I'm not kidding!

 

[bananaface]

If you resemble the fat furry avatar you have, I wouldnt be so picky about dates if I were you. Youre first step should be having fun and getting laid, not passing your ACLU litmus test should youre future mate run for office.

CAT FIGHT!

Seriously, you are so off base. I hear her b/f is really good in the sac.

 

[Pretty POHA]

I had no idea how great a social issue the last name is!

A) Tradition means nothing if you were never taught it. Your attachment to traditionalism is a learned behavior. It is not part of you. Traditionalism doesn't define you, it is a BEHAVIOR that you choose.

B) Your last name doesn't mean jack to anyone else if it's not "Kennedy." Any attachment to your last name is purely personal. It's inappropriate for anyone to judge another person for simply having a different personal preference.

C) You wouldn't let your in-laws name your child, would you? If not, then don't let them even talk to you about your own last name. It's none of their business!!!

D) Guys who dislike "feminists" are obviously attracted to something that doesn't jive with their concept of what they think "feminism" is. Whether their dislike is spurned by ignorance or preference, it doesn't matter-- all I know is that a guy that was so repulsed by whatever it was they think defines feminism probably isn't educated enough to spark my interest.

E) And for MY choice: I'm not getting married. I see no reason to. I don't know if I'll be having children, but marriage and children are two different choices. My sense of completion isn't related to what anyone thinks of my socially. Yes, I get irritated when my "girlie" friends can think of nothing but how they'll be proposed to and how many babies they'll make. No, I don't judge them for thier priorities, I just dislike people expecting that if that's not my goal, then I'm somewhat less of a woman for that.

No, I'm not "butch" or un-feminine. I'm a perfectly "normal," beautiful, intelligent, friendly and successful young woman. I simply have found a way of feeling complete without marriage or other social norms that seem to have held up so many other perfectly "normal" people.

 

[MoosePilot]

I had no idea how great a social issue the last name is!

A) Tradition means nothing if you were never taught it. Your attachment to traditionalism is a learned behavior. It is not part of you. Traditionalism doesn't define you, it is a BEHAVIOR that you choose.

B) Your last name doesn't mean jack to anyone else if it's not "Kennedy." Any attachment to your last name is purely personal. It's inappropriate for anyone to judge another person for simply having a different personal preference.

D) Guys who dislike "feminists" are obviously attracted to something that doesn't jive with their concept of what they think "feminism" is. Whether their dislike is spurned by ignorance or preference, it doesn't matter-- all I know is that a guy that was so repulsed by whatever it was they think defines feminism probably isn't educated enough to spark my interest.

E) And for MY choice: I'm not getting married. I see no reason to. I don't know if I'll be having children, but marriage and children are two different choices. My sense of completion isn't related to what anyone thinks of my socially. Yes, I get irritated when my "girlie" friends can think of nothing but how they'll be proposed to and how many babies they'll make. No, I don't judge them for thier priorities, I just dislike people expecting that if that's not my goal, then I'm somewhat less of a woman for that.

No, I'm not "butch" or un-feminine. I'm a perfectly "normal," beautiful, intelligent, friendly and successful young woman. I simply have found a way of feeling complete without marriage or other social norms that seem to have held up so many other perfectly "normal" people.

A) It *is* a behavior I choose, just like a spouse is a relationship I choose to formalize. Big surprise that I would make my choices consistent, huh?

B) It's inappropriate to judge a potential spouse for having a personal preference I disagree with? Like heterosexuality, a desire to have kids, not smoking, not drinking excessively, not injecting heroin... I'll disagree.

D) Heck, why label it. I don't dislike feminists who define that as being strong and independent, but I'm not interested in marrying a woman who doesn't want to share my last name. I don't dislike the many women who don't, but I don't want to share my life with them, either.

E) Your choice. Good on you for being clear about your preferences and not making some man unhappy.

Normal and norms go together. You're not normal to me, because you don't match the norms I grew up with and believe in. I'm probably not normal to you, either. That's ok, I think it's just good when people know enough to avoid people who are totally incompatible, so good on ya.

 

[Pretty POHA]

Normal and norms go together. You're not normal to me, because you don't match the norms I grew up with and believe in. I'm probably not normal to you, either. That's ok, I think it's just good when people know enough to avoid people who are totally incompatible, so good on ya.

Touche-- It's perfectly okay to agree to disagree.
As long as we both recognize that there are people that disagree and think differently from what we think, we'll have no problem getting along.

 

[bananaface]

I'm not interested in marrying a woman who doesn't want to share my last name.

That's kind of a hard stance. If other professionals have grown to know someone by her maiden name, she can end up losing contact with alot of people if she changes her last name entirely. Hyphenating works well in some cases. But if her last name is already hypenated from her parents, it's not practical to add on a 3rd chunk. Of course, you could always take her last name. 😉

 

[OzDDS]

That's kind of a hard stance. If other professionals have grown to know someone by her maiden name, she can end up losing contact with alot of people if she changes her last name entirely. Hyphenating works well in some cases. But if her last name is already hypenated from her parents, it's not practical to add on a 3rd chunk. Of course, you could always take her last name. 😉

Other health professionals?? (for referrals?).. and/or patient contacts? I can understand this argument if say the woman had a already had her own well established private practice for umpteen years. But if not, I dont see this as much of a valid arguement. It's not like some chick two years out of med school in her residency is going to loose money and/or patients because she changes her last name.

If you just mean in general other people (friends) might have more difficulty looking her up.. Then this happens to everywoman (not just professionals). Also.. if they are truely friends I would think that they would have been informed about the change. 😉

I agree about the hypenation.. just silly

 

[OzDDS]

A) It *is* a behavior I choose, just like a spouse is a relationship I choose to formalize. Big surprise that I would make my choices consistent, huh?

B) It's inappropriate to judge a potential spouse for having a personal preference I disagree with? Like heterosexuality, a desire to have kids, not smoking, not drinking excessively, not injecting heroin... I'll disagree.

D) Heck, why label it. I don't dislike feminists who define that as being strong and independent, but I'm not interested in marrying a woman who doesn't want to share my last name. I don't dislike the many women who don't, but I don't want to share my life with them, either.

E) Your choice. Good on you for being clear about your preferences and not making some man unhappy.

Normal and norms go together. You're not normal to me, because you don't match the norms I grew up with and believe in. I'm probably not normal to you, either. That's ok, I think it's just good when people know enough to avoid people who are totally incompatible, so good on ya.

Good stuff! much agreed! 🙂 👍

 

[svaefinga]

It's not like some chick two years out of med school in her residency is going to loose money and/or

As long as she is only some chick to you, she shouldn't take you name, she shouldn't even consider marrying 😱

 

[OzDDS]

As long as she is only some chick to you, she shouldn't take you name, she shouldn't even consider marrying 😱

She is only some chick when she refuses to take my last name.. 😉

and around and around we go.. hahaha

 

[MoosePilot]

That's kind of a hard stance. If other professionals have grown to know someone by her maiden name, she can end up losing contact with alot of people if she changes her last name entirely. Hyphenating works well in some cases. But if her last name is already hypenated from her parents, it's not practical to add on a 3rd chunk. Of course, you could always take her last name. 😉

Losing contact? How are they keeping contact, through the phone book? A global email address list? She's not sending them wedding invitations or keeping contact with them, but just passively hoping they send her some kind of business in the future?

Read the thread. Sure, I could take her last name, but if there are any valid objections for a woman taking a man's last name, they apply that way too, plus it's weird. Almost nobody does that, it's not tradition, and it will carry a definite connotation. Why don't I buy a wedding dress for myself too? I don't want to subjugate her by putting her in an awkward garment like that 🙄

 

[bananaface]

Other health professionals?? (for referrals?).. and/or patient contacts? I can understand this argument if say the woman had a already had her own well established private practice for umpteen years. But if not, I dont see this as much of a valid arguement. It's not like some chick two years out of med school in her residency is going to loose money and/or patients because she changes her last name.

If you just mean in general other people (friends) might have more difficulty looking her up.. Then this happens to everywoman (not just professionals). Also.. if they are truely friends I would think that they would have been informed about the change. 😉

I agree about the hypenation.. just silly

I'm simply pointing out a place where Moose's line of thought arbitrarily rules out a decent potential match. Like, if someone is published with a hyphenated last name, it's not reasonable to expect that they change the name, because that is asking them to give up the ties to their work.

It was a much bigger pain to switch back to my maiden name during school than when I changing to my married name before school. It's not the laypeople that have issues understanding what goes on, it's the professionals. When people aren't expecting change, they have a hard time processing it. Once someone is a professional, they shouldn't have to give up the name that other professional people recognize them by. Pharmacists network big time. I assume that medical and dental students do as well. I don't want to have to give up my network because someone decides that it's change or dump. I could hyphenate. But, not everyone has that option.

 

[MoosePilot]

I'm simply pointing out a place where Moose's line of thought arbitrarily rules out a decent potential match. Like, if someone is published with a hyphenated last name, it's not reasonable to expect that they change the name, because that is asking them to give up the ties to their work.

It was a much bigger pain to switch back to my maiden name during school than when I changing to my married name before school. It's not the laypeople that have issues understanding what goes on, it's the professionals. When people aren't expecting change, they have a hard time processing it. Once someone is a professional, they shouldn't have to give up the name that other professional people recognize them by. Pharmacists network big time. I assume that medical and dental students do as well. I don't want to have to give up my network because someone decides that it's change or dump. I could hyphenate. But, not everyone has that option.

I don't date smokers, either. Who knows how many wonderful nicotine addicts I missed out on?

 

[bananaface]

Losing contact? How are they keeping contact, through the phone book? A global email address list? She's not sending them wedding invitations or keeping contact with them, but just passively hoping they send her some kind of business in the future?

Read the thread. Sure, I could take her last name, but if there are any valid objections for a woman taking a man's last name, they apply that way too, plus it's weird. Almost nobody does that, it's not tradition, and it will carry a definite connotation. Why don't I buy a wedding dress for myself too? I don't want to subjugate her by putting her in an awkward garment like that 🙄

I'm taking about losing casual contacts, like ppl you meet at conferences and local meetings. If you change your name you have to work your way back in. And, you aren't typically going to bump into these ppl again before you call them up and say "Hi. I met you at such and such meeting. Would you be open to me doing a rotation with you?" I'm not talking about her best friend Sally. That's about the 3rd time I've had to clarify. Maybe y'all have never had to deal with those kind of professional fringe contact relationships? They can get you things you couldn't otherwise get, but the other person has to recognize who you are. Eh, I'm telling you firsthand it can be professionaly stifling to change your last name. You can believe me or not. Whatever.

I was being sarcastic with my comment about changing your last name. I do know of someone who did that, though, because the bride was the last person in her family lineage and didn't want her name to die out. Plus the guy's last name really stunk.

 

[bananaface]

I don't date smokers, either. Who knows how many wonderful nicotine addicts I missed out on?

I suppose if you can't deal with someone not wanting to change their last name because of work issues, then they wouldn't want to date you anyway because they would find you insensitive. Perhaps it's better if you avoid each other. 😛

 

[MoosePilot]

I suppose if you can't deal with someone not wanting to change their last name because of work issues, then they wouldn't want to date you anyway because they would find you insensitive. Perhaps it's better if you avoid each other. 😛

It probably would be. I wouldn't like a woman not smart enough to say, "Remember me, I'm Banana Face. Well, when I met you I was Banana Face, but I married and now I go by Banana Bread. So, can I rotate with you?"

 

[beentherdonthat]

Is this "debate" still going on? Good Lord, women, get over yourselves. Is your identity so fragile? One of those these things that makes me sad I'm a member of the XX population.

For the last time, no one freaking cares, alright? You're just some crazy bit@# now, regardless of your last name, if you actually spend more than half a nanosecond on this issue.

 

[bananaface]

It probably would be. I wouldn't like a woman not smart enough to say, "Remember me, I'm Banana Face. Well, when I met you I was Banana Face, but I married and now I go by Banana Bread. So, can I rotate with you?"

So now bananas are too stupid to tell people their name has changed? 🙄 It's not just a matter of telling people your name has changed as you meet them or contact them.

 

[MoosePilot]

So now bananas are too stupid to tell people their name has changed? 🙄 It's not just a matter of telling people your name has changed as you meet them or contact them.

Well, that's how you put it. What is it?

 

[bananaface]

Well, that's how you put it. What is it?

If anyone knew what it was a matter of, life would be much easier for people who choose to change their name after they have started establishing themselves. That's the point. You can't get the word out to everyone. And, at least half the time when you tell people you have changed your name, they genuinely do not comprehend it, or end up forgetting later and wondering why they haven't heard from so and so and why so-and so's e-mail address isn't working. I just had to re-clarify for someone in my school office that my name and e-mail had changed, because she just wasn't thinking about it when she sent me an important registration notice. The stupid thing finally got to me after the deadline. 👎 I bet half of my classmates can't remember what my last name is even though they know it has changed, just because they learned it as something else and call me almost exclusively by my first name. People are dumb. I dunno how to fix them. But, I know how to avoid having problems. I did the professional name change once and don't really look forward to doing it again. You know my last name sucks. It's got nothing to do with liking my last name or feeling that I have to keep my own last name to keep my identity. It's just a huge pain in the ass to change names, and even with all the pains, you lose some contacts and make it complicated to deal with others.

 

[MoosePilot]

If anyone knew what it was a matter of, life would be much easier for people who choose to change their name after they have started establishing themselves. That's the point. You can't get the word out to everyone. And, at least half the time when you tell people you have changed your name, they genuinely do not comprehend it, or end up forgetting later and wondering why they haven't heard from so and so and why so-and so's e-mail address isn't working. I just had to re-clarify for someone in my school office that my name and e-mail had changed, because she just wasn't thinking about it when she sent me an important registration notice. The stupid thing finally got to me after the deadline. 👎 I bet half of my classmates can't remember what my last name is even though they know it has changed, just because they learned it as something else and call me almost exclusively by my first name. People are dumb. I dunno how to fix them. But, I know how to avoid having problems. I did the professional name change once and don't really look forward to doing it again. You know my last name sucks. It's got nothing to do with liking my last name or feeling that I have to keep my own last name to keep my identity. It's just a huge pain in the ass to change names, and even with all the pains, you lose some contacts and make it complicated to deal with others.

That is sucky. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. At the same time, I know it's important to me.

 

[bananaface]

That is sucky. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. At the same time, I know it's important to me.

Yeah. I think I will be stuck hyphenating, which really pisses me off. Or, the other option would be to make the last name a middle name and print it out fully on everything. Then someone could keep both names, not hyphenate, and keep their professional affiliations from being bamboozled. Ugh. This just makes me think more about how my last name sucks. I should have just picked a random last name when I got divorced instead of changing back to my maiden name.

Why did I not choose Anna Phylaxis? Dammit! 😡

 

[Dude wheres my car?]

Question: If I take my husband's name as my last name, but have my maiden name as my middle name, can I be Dr. Maidenname on my hospital ID badge, white coat, and hospital website? Or do they require that you put your full name, in which case I would be actually known to most people as Dr. Husband'slastnam?