Keeping your name?

[mustangsally65]

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I will always remember this substitute teacher at my high school who was probably in her fifties and who was mercilessly teased behind her back by most all of the students because of her last name. I do not want to be this person, so that will figure in when I get married. I also am a white, fair skinned blonde blue-eyed girl, so if I marry someone with an Asian name or other name that is definitely not my heritage, I"m sure it will be confusing. That's another reason to consider keeping my name.

By the way, for those of you who are interested, the name of the sub teacher was Mrs. Fagg. No joke. I always felt so sorry for her, because it was her married name, so she'd obviously married a Mr. and taken his name, so she was in no way gay, but everyone made fun of her. And let me add that I am not making fun of gays or anybody who has an embarrassing names. I just remember how awful it was, and thought it was another good reason not to change my name.

 

[LadyJubilee8_18]

If you'll let me jump in here, my sentiments exactly.



Because that's the way it's been done for centuries. Why change a tradition that makes identification of family easy through time? Why do something that distinguishes you from other members of your family? Why even appear to be freakish in some ridiculous attempt at a powergrab? (which is what it is). Are you claiming you're better and more sensitive than those who came before you, somehow more understanding? Because that's a pretty shallow concept of sensitivity. You can argue that my adherence to cultural traditions is shallow if you want, but I do think there is very much a meaning behind each act, one that holds its own duties, honor, and expectations (I know, concepts all but vanquished from most arenas of society today).



It appears I (and several other people on this thread) put a greater emphasis on tradition and family in my life than you. I would like to think of my name as a gift bestowed on the one woman I will hold dearest and above all others for as long as I shall live. I would hope that when I find the woman I marry, her hangups over her last name won't matter so much that she takes takes it as an insult and an inconvenience to bear my name, but does so with honor.

And it will, afterall, be her hangup. It's common knowledge that this is the way things have been done for centuries. The very fact that you would want to change this suggests you somehow believe you're better/different than those who came before you.

Why?

And don't give me this garbage about suffrage or women in the workforce. Those are very much issues of rights. This is one of tradition. It is also one of uprooting a tradition for nothing more than selfish motives. It is either you saying that you are better than the traditions of those who came before you or you making yourself into a victim. Take your pick.

I'm trying to get through this whole thread, so forgive me for responding to a post from page 5 or 6.

I just wanted to say that just because something has been done for centuries, does not mean it should continue to be done. Slavery was around for centuries, but I'm damn glad someone decided to stop it. Women were property for centuries (and are still considered to be property in many cultures) but I'm damn glad someone decided against tradition in this country. Many people are highlighting the ideal symbolism behind a woman taking a man’s name without talking about the darker side of the tradition. For CENTURIES a woman was considered property that was simply passed from her father’s house to her husband’s house. Marriage was not about love and honor, it was often a financial or political decision. The concept of marrying for love only became popular a little after the Great Depression (around the time when Vaudeville came out and comics became popular). I don't think you can write someone's belief system off as, "shallow garbage" just because they don't think "tradition" fits their situation.

 

[MoosePilot]

I'm trying to get through this whole thread, so forgive me for responding to a post from page 5 or 6.

I just wanted to say that just because something has been done for centuries, does not mean it should continue to be done. Slavery was around for centuries, but I'm damn glad someone decided to stop it. Women were property for centuries (and are still considered to be property in many cultures) but I'm damn glad someone decided against tradition in this country. Many people are highlighting the ideal symbolism behind a woman taking a man’s name without talking about the darker side of the tradition. For CENTURIES a woman was considered property that was simply passed from her father’s house to her husband’s house. Marriage was not about love and honor, it was often a financial or political decision. The concept of marrying for love only became popular a little after the Great Depression (around the time when Vaudeville came out and comics became popular). I don't think you can write someone's belief system off as, "shallow garbage" just because they don't think "tradition" fits their situation.

First off, I really wish slavery had never happened. 99.9% is wish it had never happened because of the horror that slaves had to endure. 0.1% I wish it had never happened because now it's an excuse to condemn tradition and discrimination when they have nothing to do with slavery.

A lot of people would say marriage in general should be discarded due to this sordid history. Same group that thinks sex = rape and men = bad. Most of our mothers did all right with the same last name as our fathers, so I don't quite understand your point about history, because recent history still included women taking the same name as their husbands and families all having the same name despite nobody owning anyone else.

 

[abraxas]

Personnally i wouldn't have a problem with taking the last name of my wife, then i could guilt trip her hehehehhe.... uhhmmmm i mean it would be very romantic...

 

[SpeedRacer]

"If men cannot cope with women in the medical profession, let them take a humble occupation in which they can."
Emma Hart Willard, 1853

 

[LadyJubilee8_18]

First off, I really wish slavery had never happened. 99.9% is wish it had never happened because of the horror that slaves had to endure. 0.1% I wish it had never happened because now it's an excuse to condemn tradition and discrimination when they have nothing to do with slavery.

A lot of people would say marriage in general should be discarded due to this sordid history. Same group that thinks sex = rape and men = bad. Most of our mothers did all right with the same last name as our fathers, so I don't quite understand your point about history, because recent history still included women taking the same name as their husbands and families all having the same name despite nobody owning anyone else.

I was responding to a post that suggested that a woman's want to keep her name was a shallow power grab because she was going against tradition. He was also trying to relay the historical reason for women taking men's names without telling the whole truth. This tradition did not stem from a want to convey the loving union of a marriage, it was originally a way of showing ownership. The tradition has been seen in a new light since love has become the accepted reason for marriage. Just because something happened traditionally does not mean it should continue to happen. That being said, I do not look down upon women who take their husband's names but I also do not disregard women who do not feel obligated to change their names. The decision should be a personal one and tradition should not be a valid reason for changing one's name without question.

 

[MoosePilot]

I was responding to a post that suggested that a woman's want to keep her name was a shallow power grab because she was going against tradition. He was also trying to relay the historical reason for women taking men's names without telling the whole truth. This tradition did not stem from a want to convey the loving union of a marriage, it was originally a way of showing ownership. The tradition has been seen in a new light since love has become the accepted reason for marriage. Just because something happened traditionally does not mean it should continue to happen. That being said, I do not look down upon women who take their husband's names but I also do not disregard women who do not feel obligated to change their names. The decision should be a personal one and tradition should not be a valid reason for changing one's name without question.

Nothing should be done without question.

I still think it's a shallow power grab. The history is really your reason? Well, never let a guy open a door for you. The history behind chivalry is truly dirty and not nearly as romantic as made out...

 

[criminallyinane]

Nothing should be done without question.

I still think it's a shallow power grab. The history is really your reason? Well, never let a guy open a door for you. The history behind chivalry is truly dirty and not nearly as romantic as made out...

Funny, I always thought that holding doors open for people is just plain common decency... hmm...

 

[clumpymold]

Why does this have to be about religion at all? I like my name, I've been married for three years and I'm keeping it. That's all there is to it. My husband loves me for being myself, and doesn't care at all.

On a side note, wow, Hakashi, you freak me out. Please tell me you haven't actually been accepted somewhere. I'd love to know what school supports intolerance, sexism & narrow-mindedness just to name a few. I was actually taken aback by your posts. Your father might be a surgeon that makes over a million dollars a year, and you might someday too, but that does not make you a good person. I would be scared as hell to have you as my physician.

I know he's been banned already but wow. I never really thought people as ignorant and closed-minded as him exist on these forums. I'm speechless.

It's funny how he claims GPA and his young age mean so much. He's only 18. He'll learn more as he grows up. Maybe he'll soon realize that religion is mostly a hoax. 😛

it's not entirely males vs. females. there are plenty of males (like me) who would support the view that the female has the right to choose. tradition isn't always best.

why people would respond to someone like Hakashi is beyond me? this is some little kid trying to get a rise out of everybody (and he succeeded). i think it's pretty safe to say that, if this is his true personality, med school will not be an option for him.

I agree. Tradition is NOT always the best. I would respect my wife if she chose to keep her last name. I don't think I'd change my name to hers though but if she kept hers, I'd be okay. I even think it's odd how we automatically assume our children's names will take on the husband's/father's name. Why is that? Is it simply tradition? To simplify things? Why not be some hybrid? Isn't that what they are?

Hey Hakashi,

1. Please don't go into OB/GYN.

2. Christianity should have NO say in government, nor should any other religion.

3. You're f***ing weird.

4. You do realize that these religious quotes you state are over 2000 years old, and have little if any modern meaning?

5. Academically, you may be ahead of most pre-meds, yet moldy cheese has more maturity than you.

6. Your ego is awesome, please explain to the rest of us how you got head so far up your a** - its a medical marvel.

👍 Yep, that about sums it up. I always figured there weren't that many religious premeds or doctors out there. The higher up in education one goes, the less religious they are. I believe that's doctrine now. So, with that said, Hakashi will soon realize his dire mistake in being so faithful.

 

[clumpymold]

Ouch. Please don't generalize religion and say that one's religious beliefs will be their downfall. In Hakashi/Masamune's case it's his arrogance, not his beliefs that cause people to dislike him. There are probably others that share similar beliefs about women as him, but are much more humble than to force it on others that don't share that belief.

Religion might be a hoax to you, but for others, it's what gets them through their lives.

Have a good day.

True, good point. But it's Hakashi/Masamune's arrogance based on his beliefs that make him the way he is. Not JUST his arrogance.

And, yes, I agree. Religion is what helps MANY get through their lives (my mother is one).

But I just can't help "blame" religion for many people similar to him. I hardly ever find non-religious people doing this. I dunno though.