And the man and the woman were placed in a garden of many computers, and the tech said unto them. "Thou mightest buy of any computer in the garden, but of the apple computer in the midst of the garden thou mightest not buy, for in the day that the warranty expires it shall surely die."
And the serpent Steve Jobs said unto the woman. "Hast the tech said that thou mightest buy of any computer?" And the woman said, "We must not buy of the apple computers, neither shall we move the mouse of it, lest it surely die."
But the serpent Jobs said, "It shall not surely die, but it shall be like a god to thee. You shall buy of ipods nanos, and itouches, and ipads, and mac airs, and you shall download both good and evil."
Oh my brothers and sisters, take warning from this tale and touch not the accursed apples. I know that we have had many troubles and trials with microsoft. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Vista and fear many lockups, yet I know that the Bill is with me. His upgrades and his patches torment me. Let us endure with patience the many security breaches and viral backdoors. If we endure the testing then microsoft shall come forth with the gold version and then shall we have eternal costly upgrades.