Leaving my BS/MD program

[KnightDoc]

I didn't say a school will be devastated by someone not matriculating. Remember it's a sellers market Equating BS/MD candidate dropping out early in UG and applying to same SOM to Reapplying to same SOM after rejecting A previous cycle thru traditional point is silly. We know BSMD is 5% of total MD admissions and dropout rate is very less. Anyway, time to move on to other threads

I think you overselling the point that BSMD programs will be devastated if they have occasional dropout. Lot of programs have varying number of students each year (into BSMD), some get more than they expected (higher yield) and some get less (schools like Pitt only offer to 10 students with no WL) and they adjust their traditional path intake based on number of BSMD matriculating into SOM that year.

Anyway, given that OP is not sure about medicine and extreme unhappiness about UG school, it's better for them to take sometime off, get some counseling and decide whether to go back to same school or transfer to another school and decide their career path later.

My argument is I don't believe they shut the door purely based on the fact OP withdrew during UG especially a public school. May be OP can write a killer essay about how they escaped from shackles of helicopter parents by transferring out, discovered themselves and came back as stronger candidate than the candidates who cruised thru UG part of BSMD programs with merely checking the boxes required?

Dropping out is dropping out. Yes, there is life after a BS/MD program, just not at the school associated with the BS/MD program. Most programs go to great lengths to make sure their students succeed. Dropping out is not a trivial matter. The comparison is not silly. You are correct -- dropping out is a relatively rare occurrence. Applying to the same school after doing so is even more rare.

Why you think all would be forgiven, in a seller's market, is just baffling. I just hope nobody takes this advice. At the end of the day, you are talking about making an accommodation for someone who did not know what they were doing when they made a commitment, which they later broke, which denied some other candidate a very valuable opportunity. This had very negative real world consequences for the next person on that WL for that program that year. I am reasonably certain anyone taking this advice would just be throwing away money on a secondary, and would never have the opportunity to explain themselves, either in person of virtually.

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[KnightDoc]

Let's not pretend a 3.6 511 is super easy to achieve. With those scores you can most likely get into a med school somewhere else. If you don't like your school, then transfer

Actually, no one is pretending anything, other than you should realize that a TON of people with stats higher than 3.6/511 are rejected every year, so a conditional A contingent on those numbers is nothing to take for granted.

 

[LunaOri]

This seems like a pretty good idea. Not sure what place would accept my transfer after that gap year though, lol...

You might decide to return to your original program after a gap year. If you decide that medicine is not your calling, you can transfer to any college that will accept your credits (usually easy to do within a state system).

 

[Damson]

@cydron47
Like opinions you get from your parents, friends, and advisors, take advice from people online with a grain of salt

Whether or not quitting your BS/MD program will result in the MD school to "kiss you goodbye" in the future if you apply traditionally, is dubious.

@Goro ?

 

[LunaOri]

Hmm--it's a commuter school, so it's a bit of a hit or miss, most people leave school at 4 and go home. The extracurricular situation is a bit dead, except for pre-med/ethnic clubs. I am not sure what else I could consult on campus, I'm not sure how counseling would help exactly, I'm willing to try but why is our society getting 19-year-olds on Prozac and speaking with mental health professionals...? something feels off, so I figure maybe I should just do what others are doing and get a normally-social college exp.

Not medications, Cydron. Counseling! Therapy! Speaking with a professional who has the experience and empathy to help you find your path. Your responses to us are demonstrating qualities like apathy, indecisiveness, and lack of hope, which may be suggestive of depression.

 

[Goro]

@cydron47
Like opinions you get from your parents, friends, and advisors, take advice from people online with a grain of salt

Whether or not quitting your BS/MD program will result in the MD school to "kiss you goodbye" in the future if you apply traditionally, is dubious.

@Goro ?

I've already spoke with OP at length about his.

 

[Hopeful101]

Actually, no one is pretending anything, other than you should realize that a TON of people with stats higher than 3.6/511 are rejected every year, so a conditional A contingent on those numbers is nothing to take for granted.

maybe not for granted, but it's hardly a generous offer.

 

[KnightDoc]

Yea but they are unsure if med school is even for them and they are unhappy at their school. I meant to say that getting these scores may be harder to achieve than they think if they are not happy with their situation. Getting through this process is long, and you need to be in a good mindset to get through it. We forget about this sometimes.

Of course 3.6/511 is not a guaranteed acceptance, that's not what I meant either. I was just saying if this is what they have to do at their school right now, what's stopping them from getting those scores at a different school they are happier attending. If everything else on their app is in line, they should have a decent chance with these scores.

Yes, OP needs to figure things out. To your point, though, while nothing is stopping OP from receiving a 3.6/511 at another school they are happier attending, the overall 43% admit rate might prevent that from being enough to result in an A absent the guarantee.

 

[KnightDoc]

maybe not for granted, but it's hardly a generous offer.

Really? You probably shouldn't say that to anyone on SDN with numbers at or above that level who are sitting on zero As today!

Also, given that AAMC reports that 64.6% of applicants at or above 3.6/510 receive an A, it objectively seems pretty damn generous to me.

 

[KnightDoc]

I've already spoke with OP at length about his.

For the benefit of the rest of us, speaking in the abstract, what is your view of the receptiveness of a med school to an application from a candidate who withdrew from its associated BS/MD program? DOA? Just like any other applicant? Something else?

 

[mdng2017]

OP has mentioned that he wanted to get out of engineering to some other major like CS. Can he not accomplish this at the current engineering school bs/md program ?.

 

[cydron47]

OP has mentioned that he wanted to get out of engineering to some other major like CS. Can he not accomplish this at current engineering school and continue the status-quo without transferring while working on his/her issues and seek professional help. Is CS not an acceptable major for BS/MD at the current school ? OP can do a minor in CS in the current engineering school. Almost all engineering schools will have a CS program.

yes that would be a prudent option but a) I have had counseling in the past, and it did not help and b) I hate being here and want to have fun at least in a better social environment, IDK. I am not sure the guarantee is worth this sacrifice if it requires me to get a 3.6 GPA and 512 MCAT... I have this strong feeling that getting life experience and leaving will motivate me, it’s this really strong stubborn feeling, not sure if I’m just stupid or what. Maybe I should let go of medicine. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been going through this depressed mood for 2+ years and everything just seems futile at this point. Not sure how to shake this here, I know I will need to make changes if I do leave but... I’m just so indecisive right now. I just want to have a happy life, I feel like I’ve been on a sinking trajectory for a while now. If I stay I’ll feel awful but may have an easier time getting in but if I go what if screw up? What if I resent myself for not getting into medicine, which I might not? I hear follow your gut, then I hear stay that’s smarter, then I hear it’s totally fine if you leave...

 

[mdng2017]

yes that would be a prudent option but a) I have had counseling in the past, and it did not help and b) I hate being here and want to have fun at least in a better social environment, IDK. I am not sure the guarantee is worth this sacrifice if it requires me to get a 3.6 GPA and 512 MCAT... I have this strong feeling that getting life experience and leaving will motivate me, it’s this really strong stubborn feeling, not sure if I’m just stupid or what. Maybe I should let go of medicine. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been going through this depressed mood for 2+ years and everything just seems futile at this point. Not sure how to shake this here, I know I will need to make changes if I do leave but... I’m just so indecisive right now. I just want to have a happy life, I feel like I’ve been on a sinking trajectory for a while now. If I stay I’ll feel awful but may have an easier time getting in but if I go what if I **** up? What if I resent myself for not getting into medicine, which I might not?

It seems you are not sure about engineering or cs or medicine. You have a very good GPA 3.8 at present. A MCAT score of 512 is achievable if you do a good preparation. Know some one who scored much higher than this in a recent MCAT with nearly 3-4 month preparation while taking a full-load of UG classes . Please take care and do what you think is best for you.

 

[cydron47]

It seems you are not sure about engineering or medicine. You have a very good GPA 3.8 at present. A MCAT score of 512 is achievable if you do a good preparation. Know some one who scored much higher than this in a recent MCAT offerings with nearly 2-3 month preparation. Please take care and do what you think is bets for you.

I kind of gave up on engineering. It’s interesting how when you’re too perfectionistic, sheltered, and have no idea what to do opportunities just kind of fold away from you. Not sure what I’m missing anymore. Oh well. Hopefully I can decide this by Friday. I’ve been thinking about this for months, it’s such a fixation. Thanks for the response though, have a nice one.

 

[TigerKing123]

yes that would be a prudent option but a) I have had counseling in the past, and it did not help and b) I hate being here and want to have fun at least in a better social environment, IDK. I am not sure the guarantee is worth this sacrifice if it requires me to get a 3.6 GPA and 512 MCAT... I have this strong feeling that getting life experience and leaving will motivate me, it’s this really strong stubborn feeling, not sure if I’m just stupid or what. Maybe I should let go of medicine. I don’t know what to do, I’ve been going through this depressed mood for 2+ years and everything just seems futile at this point. Not sure how to shake this here, I know I will need to make changes if I do leave but... I’m just so indecisive right now. I just want to have a happy life, I feel like I’ve been on a sinking trajectory for a while now. If I stay I’ll feel awful but may have an easier time getting in but if I go what if screw up? What if I resent myself for not getting into medicine, which I might not? I hear follow your gut, then I hear stay that’s smarter, then I hear it’s totally fine if you leave...

To be real with you I think people on this thread have offered some great insight into both options, which has likely given you a lot to think about. Any option you choose will have risks and there will ALWAYS be what ifs in literally any scenario. Not just with this decision but any decision you will have to make in life. You just have to choose the risks that seem worth it for you personally and then deal with anything that comes with that decision in the best way you know how. The coping that comes with that is what therapy or counseling can help with. Perhaps it didn’t work the first time you tried but it may be a good idea to give it another shot when you can, whether it’s before or after you’ve made your decision. I’m a strong believer that everyone, regardless of whether they’re currently having a tough time or not, should get some counseling at some point in their life! I hope everything works out for you!

 

[cydron47]

To be real with you I think people on this thread have offered some great insight into both options, which has likely given you a lot to think about. Any option you choose will have risks and there will ALWAYS be what ifs in literally any scenario. Not just with this decision but any decision you will have to make in lifYou just have to choose the risks that seem worth it for you personally and then deal with anything that comes with that decision in the best way you know how.

Yeah, thanks guys ^_^, thanks to you too. I like the way you worded this.

 

[Goro]

For the benefit of the rest of us, speaking in the abstract, what is your view of the receptiveness of a med school to an application from a candidate who withdrew from its associated BS/MD program? DOA? Just like any other applicant? Something else?

At my school, we would not consider him DOA, and for other schools, it will depend upon how far along the candidate was in the process.

 

[windmillwendy]

Hey guys, hope all is well--

I just finished my freshman year at a state medical school's BS/MD program on the east coast. The program basically "guarantees" your admission to my state's medical school, given a 3.6 GPA and a 511 MCAT. I was very apprehensive about doing this program because of the requirements, but I was quite depressed my senior year and my parents pushed me to do this for "safety" reasons. I would say I had a pretty awful experience there, and do not really want to go back next year. It's a commuter school, and I don't know what it is, but I've been struggling with sexuality issues, physician parents putting pressure on me to do medicine (which I've never been sure about), and just still feeling like a kid (I've always been very sheltered/agreeable). I am very negative towards myself and I don't see any of this changing by the time medical school comes--I feel like I'll still be in this depressed mood. I applied to my state flagship to transfer, and need to decide by the end of this week whether I'll transfer or not. It seems like a really nice school to go to. I've been struggling with this question for literally months, and have kind of become depressed--COVID hasn't helped. Plus my dad is basically blackmailing me into staying here... everything seems so emotionally inflexible. It's like, some of my friends here at home tell me to go, do what you want to do! and then my parents (and myself) are like, well realistically you're not going to get in anywhere! Makes me hate my life, I'm so fixated on this.

I guess I'll do a pros and cons list (of transferring out) so maybe I can make it clearer so that you guys can help me make a decision.

Pros:
fresh start - this seems really important to me, returning to that school sounds awful
non-commuter school experience
push me out of depression - have to fend for myself
I want to have a more risky life, I feel deeply dissatisfied with myself, I'm so boring
Not 100% sure about medicine, so maybe I will be forced to explore other things
better school overall

Cons:
would be harder to get into medical school, worried this might be a red flag, at the mentioned state medical school esp.
would have to go through the application process (which a bunch of people are going through anyway)
I could make some changes (switching out of engineering) that could make me feel happier

I seem dead set on transferring but also have this inner hesitancy since it seems "irrational" but I don't know if I can take it emotionally going back there. I made a few "friends" but I've cut off contact with them, I just feel so "fake" and denigrated and like I'm putting on an act. I don't know if I'm ready to have a highly structured life for the next 7 years when I'm this unhappy. Add residency onto that, and I feel like my life will be a disaster and I wish I'd have my parents to blame over myself... I would like to say I'm sure about not doing medicine but I'm afraid my agreeable personality makes it a good choice for me. I'm also considering dentistry as "my ticket out" as well as CS. I think being a teacher sounds nice as well.

Thanks guys -- sorry it's a bit of an essay but I hope that you wouldn't mind helping me make a decision! I need to decide by this Friday >.>

TL;DR Would hate to go back to my BS/MD program, but I'm scared of what will happen, need help deciding! I've had replies from "definitely stay" to "definitely go" so idrk what to do!

Hey there. I don’t have the exact same experience but I relate to this in a lot of ways, and that’s why I am 30 years old applying to medical school.

In the meantime, I did get an MS in Forensic Psych.

I had a lot of issues to sort out before pursuing something that requires so much of you emotionally and physically.

The only advice I can give, whatever you do, is to make sure you are in a solid place with yourself. You have to feel like an emotional support to yourself, like you are in a good place. I may be biased because of my degree but fully recommend therapy. There is no shame in that and I think a lot of people could benefit even if they don’t think they have “problems”. Therapy doesn’t fix anyone, but it operates as a sounding board that I think a lot of people need. You work and talk through your own stuff while being guided by someone who (should) know how to listen.

 

[fawnou]

I think you need to determine if pursuing medicine is for you or not. This might mean taking classes outside of medicine, etc. It wouldn't help to continue pursuing medicine in a bad mental state either, so a break is definitely warranted! I would take the transfer. Pursuing medicine via the traditional route might bring you back into the field in a better light.

 

[nycheartdoc]

Angela Aki, a Japanese singer, has a song called “Letter to my 15 year old self”:

Hello, I wonder where you are and what you’re doing as you read this letter

Right now I’m 15 and there are things worrying me that I can’t talk to anyone about

I thought that if I wrote a letter to my future self
I could tell you all the things that I’ve kept bottled up inside me

Right now I feel like I can’t win, like I want to cry, like I’ll just disappear
Who am I supposed to trust to get me through this?
I’ve only got one heart and it’s been broken apart so many times
I’m living in the painful present
I’m living in it now

Hello, my 15 year old self, thank you for writing. There are things I want you to know

If you keep asking yourself what you’re aiming for and where you’re going, eventually you’ll figure it out

The stormy waters of adolescence are tough to navigate through
But turn your ship of dreams towards the shores of tomorrow

Right now don’t give up, don’t cry. When you feel like you’ll disappear
Listen to your own voice and keep moving forward
I’m an adult, but I’ve still been hurt and there are nights I can’t get to sleep
I’m living in the bittersweet present

Everything that happens in life has a meaning, don’t be scared to follow your dreams
Keep on believing

Right now I feel like I can’t win, like I want to cry, like I’ll just disappear
Who am I supposed to trust to get me through this?
Oh, don’t give up, don’t cry. When you feel like you’ll disappear
Listen to your own voice and keep moving forward
No matter how old you are, you can’t get through life without some sadness
Let everyone see you smile and go on living
Go on living

Hello to the person reading this letter
I wish you all the happiness in the world

 

[Adrenaline_Junkie]

I’d love to, this COVID thing is an issue and the time frame is a bit tight by the deadline unfortunately. I know I have to deal with issues myself but you don’t think a different UG experience/lack of guarantee will push me to action/independence? I wish I could be like some other people in my life and check all the boxes, but I’m not sure what I’m missing to make me feel so unhappy...

There isn't a timeline on your mental health. Whether or not you get an appt before you need to make your decision is irrelevant. You will still benefit from therapy in the long run (as I think most people would).

I still see my therapist during covid, she takes virtual visits. Look for someone in your area who accepts your insurance, is accepting new patients and doing virtual visits. You'll thank yourself later.

 

[MedSchoolB]

That's the thing... I'm worried that I don't actually want to be an MD, but I'm just "going along with it", I'm so dang indecisive, and am not sure why. All I know is that leaving feels better than staying. I want to ignore this feeling, but I feel like maybe I'm unhappy because I've ignored it too much.

It seems like you're still young and trying to figure out life and that's not a bad thing at all! You have a lot of family/external factors clouding your judgement right now and I think taking care of your mental health/well-being should be the utmost priority. I always keep this in mind: If you can't take care of yourself, how will you take care of others (as a physician)? I say that not to be mean but because there will be more challenges that you'll face and this is just one to overcome. If you're truly passionate about medicine, you'll find your way back to it if you decide to step away from it for now. I'm not sure what the requirements are for BS/MD programs, but I'm sure it's a lot and you've already proven yourself in academics for that part. But I think you need more reflection of why you truly want to go into medicine. Is it because you do not want to disappoint your parents/yourself, etc.? I agree with another person's comment above. Do what truly makes you happy and it sounds like you want to explore Chinese or learning a new language...You can't put a price on happiness. You are still young with a lot ahead of you. It will never be too late to get into medical school if this is really want you want to do. Best of luck to you!

 

[Fawna]

I hope so! I might try contacting them about delaying enrollment. I don't mean to be ignoring that advice, I'm just not sure how a professional would help at this point, is there that much wrong with me? Like not everyone can commit to doing an American MD (all that money, residency, etc.) let alone at 18!

You're not sure how a professional will help, but you think moving to a larger school will push you to do things? I think it would likely do the opposite. Bigger school, easier to get lost, plus depression probably leads to where you are now, not motivated and unhappy. And then, no small safety net program.
You said you were depressed in high school and at your undergraduate school, so I don't think it is the school...

 

[Sharingan001]

511 MCAT and 3.6 gpa will definitely get you into a medical school somewhere in the country anyway (especially if you consider DO schools), granted maybe not ur state/ preferred school. Might as well try exploring other things too, you don't want to resent yourself or parents for not giving due diligence/ experimenting with other passions in life. If you truly can reach those stats, you're bound to get in somewhere anyway. You have plenty of time to figure out your career, don't rush into something you'll be working in for 35 yrs of your life. That's what leads to low job satisfaction/burnout. Plenty of people take a more roundabout, "nontraditional" path to medical school by taking like 3-5 years off/ in other careers, which gives them a more mature, enriched, and well-rounded perspective to life. You will appreciate your job more if you know it truly is what you wanted compared to other paths in life. You don't need to fast track it. It's your life. You have time. Tell your parents to chill.

 

[cydron47]

You're not sure how a professional will help, but you think moving to a larger school will push you to do things? I think it would likely do the opposite. Bigger school, easier to get lost, plus depression probably leads to where you are now, not motivated and unhappy. And then, no small safety net program.
You said you were depressed in high school and at your undergraduate school, so I don't think it is the school...

Just not sure what the option is here I guess. Either way rushing myself into an MD isn't good, and the social experience there is probably better than at my non-trad undergrad filled, commuter school anyway? I've never heard anything bad about the school I would be transferring to, UW-Madison. Only heard happy things about it. Academics are pretty damn good, got tons of clubs, it's not far from home -- just not sure what my options are if I'm in this situation next year. Honestly would've been ideal if I'd gone somewhere like ND, applied to better schools. Oh well.

I just don't really understand what could be wrong with me so much that having some friends wouldn't fix? What can a counselor do? I already saw one, and we just talked about "self-love" and such. I don't think he was a bad one either. I haven't had a super-traumatic childhood -- my mom was depressed for a lot of it, and my dad was pretty absent. But it's always been comfortable. and they love me. I feel like my problem is a lack of experience, attachment to my parents. There's something itching at the back of the mind, that I should give myself a bit of time to get out of here, live on my own, explore, and then make a decision. I would just feel awful if I looked back in 2 years and realized this was awful... I wanted to transfer earlier, so I could still go for an MD if I end up wanting that next year or something. Best case scenario, I would take a break for a year, work, think about what I want to do. But I'm caught up in the system, if you catch my drift. My program makes me enroll for 12 semester hours per term at the least, at my current school. Oh did I screw up.

 

[cydron47]

511 MCAT and 3.6 gpa will definitely get you into a medical school somewhere in the country anyway (especially if you consider DO schools), granted maybe not ur state/ preferred school. Might as well try exploring other things too, you don't want to resent yourself or parents for not giving due diligence/ experimenting with other passions in life. If you truly can reach those stats, you're bound to get in somewhere anyway. You have plenty of time to figure out your career, don't rush into something you'll be working in for 35 yrs of your life. That's what leads to low job satisfaction/burnout. Plenty of people take a more roundabout, "nontraditional" path to medical school by taking like 3-5 years off/ in other careers, which gives them a more mature, enriched, and well-rounded perspective to life. You will appreciate your job more if you know it truly is what you wanted compared to other paths in life. You don't need to fast track it. It's your life. You have time. Tell your parents to chill.

Yeah, that's my thinking too. Not really considering DO though.

edit: sorry D:

 

[cydron47]

It seems like you're still young and trying to figure out life and that's not a bad thing at all! You have a lot of family/external factors clouding your judgement right now and I think taking care of your mental health/well-being should be the utmost priority. I always keep this in mind: If you can't take care of yourself, how will you take care of others (as a physician)? I say that not to be mean but because there will be more challenges that you'll face and this is just one to overcome. If you're truly passionate about medicine, you'll find your way back to it if you decide to step away from it for now. I'm not sure what the requirements are for BS/MD programs, but I'm sure it's a lot and you've already proven yourself in academics for that part. But I think you need more reflection of why you truly want to go into medicine. Is it because you do not want to disappoint your parents/yourself, etc.? I agree with another person's comment above. Do what truly makes you happy and it sounds like you want to explore Chinese or learning a new language...You can't put a price on happiness. You are still young with a lot ahead of you. It will never be too late to get into medical school if this is really want you want to do. Best of luck to you!

Thanks for this. I absolutely agree... I don't want to be that awkward kid in medical school, who ends up a mediocre doctor and never really explored outside of his comfort zone - never took risks in his life. I'm not sure exactly how to work on my mental health, though -- I used to see a therapist, for a period of about 6 months, last year -- never really helped. I don't think he was a bad therapist either, my mom's therapist recommended him. I think it's more that, there's only so much you can tell to a 19-year-old about "self love" and such... I feel like my issue is a lack of experience, sheltering, kind of an introversion that needs to be broken by a change?

 

[Allosteopath]

Either
A) You complete it, and you live (potentially) not knowing if it was the right decision.
B) You leave, (have some revelations) then pursue medicine later on, confident that it is the right decision.
C) You leave, and find out that you have a passion for something other than medicine.

For me, B was what ultimately happened. While my situation is not exactly identical, it does highlight when people push you to do things you haven't personally decided to do.

Personally, my father was a physician and my mother worked in healthcare. By the end of high school, the way I saw it was that medicine literally killed my father and robbed me of time with him growing up. He had passed when I was 15 away while working overnight at a rural ED, and I had never had really matured enough to understand the person my father was. Despite this, my mom pushed me towards medicine, the bitter aftertaste still fresh in my memories. She told me to work and pay rent or go to university, and of course I took the path of least resistance at the time (going to university taking premed courses). I did terribly, not passionate or excited about the prospects of pursuing an arduous journey that I had no happiness thinking about. It took dropping out of university, pursuing something different, new experiences, meeting/talking to people before I started to understand what it meant to be a physician and why I wanted to pursue it. I know now that medicine is my calling, and I don't think that I would know that unless I made the decision on my own. (Or at least not until X years down the line)

You cannot let your parents make the decision to pursue medicine for you. If you don't want to feel like a kid "agreeable and sheltered" you need to speak with them, as an adult. Lay down the law and stand up for yourself, they may even respect you for that. Tell them if you want to pursue medicine, it will be on your own terms. You could even make a list of the points you want to cover, and go through them one by one. Will they be thrilled? Probably not, but its your life. When its all said and done, is there a chance that maybe they were right that you should have stayed in the BSMD program? Yes, but you will not have grown to have the experiences which allowed you to see this.

 

[Premedinhs]

Be careful what you wish for. You may get it.
Please think twice before giving up your BS MD seat and fully understand its consequences.
If you are "losing" your BS MD seat due to academic underperformance, please know that you can recover from this temporary setback through hard work and perseverance.

 

[mdng2017]

Just not sure what the option is here I guess. Either way rushing myself into an MD isn't good, and the social experience there is probably better than at my non-trad undergrad filled, commuter school anyway? I've never heard anything bad about the school I would be transferring to, UW-Madison. Only heard happy things about it. Academics are pretty damn good, got tons of clubs, it's not far from home -- just not sure what my options are if I'm in this situation next year. Honestly would've been ideal if I'd gone somewhere like ND, applied to better schools. Oh well.

I just don't really understand what could be wrong with me so much that having some friends wouldn't fix? What can a counselor do? I already saw one, and we just talked about "self-love" and such. I don't think he was a bad one either. I haven't had a super-traumatic childhood -- my mom was depressed for a lot of it, and my dad was pretty absent. But it's always been comfortable. and they love me. I feel like my problem is a lack of experience, attachment to my parents. There's something itching at the back of the mind, that I should give myself a bit of time to get out of here, live on my own, explore, and then make a decision. I would just feel awful if I looked back in 2 years and realized this was awful... I wanted to transfer earlier, so I could still go for an MD if I end up wanting that next year or something. Best case scenario, I would take a break for a year, work, think about what I want to do. But I'm caught up in the system, if you catch my drift. My program makes me enroll for 12 semester hours per term at the least, at my current school. Oh did I screw up.

What did you decide about transfering to UW-Madison from east coast bsmd program in the engineering school ? Please let us know. Both engineering and medicine are tough to do. Find something you enjoy to do, that will bring happiness in life.
You mentioned in your very first post.
"I just finished my freshman year at a state medical school's BS/MD program on the east coast. The program basically "guarantees" your admission to my state's medical school, given a 3.6 GPA and a 511 MCAT. "
" I applied to my state flagship to transfer, and need to decide by the end of this week whether I'll transfer or not. "

 

[KunoichiDoc]

Hi

Please take care of your mental and emotional well being. If you really want to become a physician you can still make it happen later. It doesn't have to happen with only your current program. You can explore your other interests. If you decide to still pursue MD you can explain your journey. Please address your depression and self esteem, insecurity issues. I wish you the best.

Hey guys, hope all is well--

I just finished my freshman year at a state medical school's BS/MD program on the east coast. The program basically "guarantees" your admission to my state's medical school, given a 3.6 GPA and a 511 MCAT. I was very apprehensive about doing this program because of the requirements, but I was quite depressed my senior year and my parents pushed me to do this for "safety" reasons. I would say I had a pretty awful experience there, and do not really want to go back next year. It's a commuter school, and I don't know what it is, but I've been struggling with sexuality issues, physician parents putting pressure on me to do medicine (which I've never been sure about), and just still feeling like a kid (I've always been very sheltered/agreeable). I am very negative towards myself and I don't see any of this changing by the time medical school comes--I feel like I'll still be in this depressed mood. I applied to my state flagship to transfer, and need to decide by the end of this week whether I'll transfer or not. It seems like a really nice school to go to. I've been struggling with this question for literally months, and have kind of become depressed--COVID hasn't helped. Plus my dad is basically blackmailing me into staying here... everything seems so emotionally inflexible. It's like, some of my friends here at home tell me to go, do what you want to do! and then my parents (and myself) are like, well realistically you're not going to get in anywhere! Makes me hate my life, I'm so fixated on this.

I guess I'll do a pros and cons list (of transferring out) so maybe I can make it clearer so that you guys can help me make a decision.

Pros:
fresh start - this seems really important to me, returning to that school sounds awful
non-commuter school experience
push me out of depression - have to fend for myself
I want to have a more risky life, I feel deeply dissatisfied with myself, I'm so boring
Not 100% sure about medicine, so maybe I will be forced to explore other things
better school overall

Cons:
would be harder to get into medical school, worried this might be a red flag, at the mentioned state medical school esp.
would have to go through the application process (which a bunch of people are going through anyway)
I could make some changes (switching out of engineering) that could make me feel happier

I seem dead set on transferring but also have this inner hesitancy since it seems "irrational" but I don't know if I can take it emotionally going back there. I made a few "friends" but I've cut off contact with them, I just feel so "fake" and denigrated and like I'm putting on an act. I don't know if I'm ready to have a highly structured life for the next 7 years when I'm this unhappy. Add residency onto that, and I feel like my life will be a disaster and I wish I'd have my parents to blame over myself... I would like to say I'm sure about not doing medicine but I'm afraid my agreeable personality makes it a good choice for me. I'm also considering dentistry as "my ticket out" as well as CS. I think being a teacher sounds nice as well.

Thanks guys -- sorry it's a bit of an essay but I hope that you wouldn't mind helping me make a decision! I need to decide by this Friday >.>

TL;DR Would hate to go back to my BS/MD program, but I'm scared of what will happen, need help deciding! I've had replies from "definitely stay" to "definitely go" so idrk what to do!