Left in 1st week-feeling regret

[birder]

---

Members do not see this ad.

I left in the first week of med school on good terms. Nothing negative with my classmates or instructors. I think it mostly had to do with not choosing my living situation very well which led to some conflicts outside of school.

Leaving seems like an impulsive decision now that some time has passed. The dean offered me to take a year deferment but I didn't since I wasn't really thinking clearly-more fight or flight panic than calm, logical, decision-making.

My SO is alot happier since we left the area. but i can't help regretting i gave up on something big partly b/c we were uncomfortable with our living situation/she hated her new job in the area/didn't like the idea of moving to a new place for school, then residency/etc.

some days I think i should go back to the dean hat-in-hand and beg for that one-year deferment offer and maybe I can make long-distance work with my SO since she's happy where we live now but i'm regretting this...and other days i feel like i dodged a bullet leaving before I got too invested in the endeavor.

i also felt the same stuff other non-trads feel but are better at accepting/ignoring: annoyance at being shown "how to talk to ppl with respect" during standardized patient encounters, learning "professionalism" and how to "treat school like it's your job", hearing about my classmates' going out clubbing/bar-hopping...

Any thoughts on this situation would be appreciated.

 

[pms_testosterone]

"some days I think i should go back to the dean hat-in-hand and beg for that one-year deferment offer"

Sounds like you should try it. At least it will give you more time to think things over.

 

[QofQuimica]

It sounds like you need to decide what you really want to do with your life. There are two major issues to consider here.

1) Do you want to be a physician? If you do, then yes, you need to go back to medical school.
2) Do you want to maintain this relationship? If you do, then #1 may not be possible. But you will not know until you discuss this with your girlfriend.

I would suggest thinking about how you feel about the first question first. If you don't really care that much about being a physician, then there's no point in disrupting your (and her) life to try to figure out how to make med school happen. If the answer to question #1 is yes, and you want to stay in your relationship, then you need to talk openly and honestly with your girlfriend about your desire to re-enroll, and be prepared for the possibility that she may not be supportive. It is unfortunate, but not all relationships can survive the realities of medical training. Not being willing to move around for various stages of training is probably a deal-breaker unless you and she are willing to endure a possible LDR for 7+ years. If the two of you are not willing to accept that possibility, and she is not willing to move with you, it is better to know that now so that you can each be free to pursue what makes you happy in life (and hopefully find more compatible relationships). If you decide to proceed with medical school (with or without your girlfriend's support), then I agree with the previous poster that you should contact the dean at your med school to find out if there are any options for you to re-enroll there. If the answer is no, then you will likely need to reapply this summer.

Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

 

[birder]

Loooooong experience has taught me one thing:

Disregard females, acquire currency.

Point blank is when they win these catfights and you have no currency - either in the form of cash or the thumos that comes from doing work you enjoy - then they very often tend to...lose that loving feeling. And when you have no cash or thumos no one else wants you either. Now you got no job and no future and no girl and no prospect. Sound good?

thanks for the response! i had to look up "thumos." i like it. i was in a job field in which it's pretty easy to find work, not glamorous or amaze-a-balls pay but very steady job security, decent benefits, co-workers in this field are usually nice ppl. so i just went back to that...but yeeeaah, had another moment that reminded me why i decided to go back to school: i was sooo bored last week i found myself filing for an hour and a half (basically what it sounds like-putting folders in order in a filing cabinet), which is what the unpaid interns usually do when even they have nothing else to do, and i was like "WTF am i doing?!?!? i quit school to come back here and do this!?!?"

it's not all her fault, though. i made some bad decisions about where to live as well and things snowballed from there. She was willing to give it a go at the crappy job and she even drove around a couple times trying to find other places in the area to live, but timing seemed so screwed up-everything started off on the wrong foot. i panicked and we bailed. i feel pretty stupid about it some days. and other days i think i should just enjoy coming home from work and having absolutely nothing to do .

 

[QofQuimica]

MPB is being a bit hyperbolic, but how to handle the relationship versus the career when the two conflict depends greatly on the nature of the relationship and on how much one wants the career. The answer to this will be different for everyone. I was not willing to give up my marriage over going to medical school. It fell apart anyway, but I understood even at the time that it would not have survived medical training, and I did not go to med school until long after we had split up.

If OP were married (especially if also with dependent children), one could make a strong argument for placing his spouse (and family if applicable) first. And, depending on how badly he wanted a medical career, it would be worth considering either delaying med school, choosing another health care career instead of med school that would not require him to move, and/or giving up on a career in medicine altogether. However, given that this is not his family situation, and that it is not clear how much he really wants a career in medicine per se (not wanting to file folders at one's current job doesn't mean one ought to go to medical school!), he probably needs to be doing some more soul-searching before he can decide what option makes the most sense for him (with or without her in the picture).

 

[QofQuimica]

This is true for women.

I don't know that this is true for men - the man's career is very meaningful to the shallow aspects of his sexual market value, and for many men its also wrapped up in identity.

FWIW I'm 0/2 in choosing females over career. First time declined PhD admission to a program I liked because she threw a fit. Second time quit a sold job. Both lasted about 2 more months after I gave up career for girls.

I don't think one can say that X or Y is "true for men" or "true for women." It may be more common for men or for women, or it may be true for specific men or women. But we are all experiments of one, and there is no way to rewind and replay our lives out in various different scenarios. And although we like to generalize based upon our individual experiences, as we all know, the plural of "anecdotes" is not "facts."

FWIW, I was also not successful in choosing the relationship over the career, but I don't regret having delayed medical school for that reason. I honestly thought at the time that this was someone I was going to spend my life with, and I didn't care enough about being a physician to choose medical school over my ex.

I was in a relationship again at the time that I was applying for medical school, and my boyfriend wanted to get married. But that time I did not choose him over the career. In fact, I chose to go far away OOS to medical school, even though I had been accepted to a medical school in the city where we lived, and I had the option to stay with him AND go to medical school. He was fully supportive of my going to medical school, and he probably would have even been willing to accept a LDR or moving halfway across the country with me had I asked it of him. However, in that case, I realized that I did not envision myself spending my life with him, and I chose to end the relationship. He ultimately met someone new and married her while I was in medical school. I can't be 100% sure that I made the right decision, but I think I did. Among other things, he greatly wanted children, and I didn't. The woman he wound up marrying already had a child from her previous marriage, so when he married her, he also got to be a father like he had always wanted.

 

[gallons]

Maybe it's just me but people who are feeling great about their choices usually don't feel a need make a random post telling random strangers how great they feel. I think op is not feeling great. It's not too late, you can still do what you want. But there will be a price to pay.

 

[Mad Jack]

Let me just put it this way- should you and your SO split for any reason down the road, how would you feel about not attending medical school?

 

[birder]

MPB is being a bit hyperbolic, but how to handle the relationship versus the career when the two conflict depends greatly on the nature of the relationship and on how much one wants the career. The answer to this will be different for everyone. I was not willing to give up my marriage over going to medical school. It fell apart anyway, but I understood even at the time that it would not have survived medical training, and I did not go to med school until long after we had split up.

If OP were married (especially if also with dependent children), one could make a strong argument for placing his spouse (and family if applicable) first. And, depending on how badly he wanted a medical career, it would be worth considering either delaying med school, choosing another health care career instead of med school that would not require him to move, and/or giving up on a career in medicine altogether. However, given that this is not his family situation, and that it is not clear how much he really wants a career in medicine per se (not wanting to file folders at one's current job doesn't mean one ought to go to medical school!), he probably needs to be doing some more soul-searching before he can decide what option makes the most sense for him (with or without her in the picture).

Yes! I am currently in soul-searching mode. i didnt always want to be a physician, partly bc I just thought it was beyond my grasp/capabilities and I just didn't know enough about the field in my undergrad days and didn't bother to find out since I assumed it wasn't achievable😕 kind of self-fulfilling! Hence being a late-bloomer non-trad student. Then it was in my grasp for a second and I let it slip away. But again, on the flip side I always thought I would be single too! Then I met a nice person! 😵

 

[birder]

Let me just put it this way- should you and your SO split for any reason down the road, how would you feel about not attending medical school?

Oh, wow. Good question! I'd be pretty disappointed on both accounts. I wish there was an easy button that could fix this. I wish the first year of med school could be online! I wish all the schools were interchangeable and all taught the same stuff and that transferring to one closer to where we live now was easy....

 

[Goro]

I'm sorry for your situation, but you made some very very poor choices, and now you have to live with them. Time to move on.

I left in the first week of med school on good terms. Nothing negative with my classmates or instructors. I think it mostly had to do with not choosing my living situation very well which led to some conflicts outside of school.

Leaving seems like an impulsive decision now that some time has passed. The dean offered me to take a year deferment but I didn't since I wasn't really thinking clearly-more fight or flight panic than calm, logical, decision-making.

My SO is alot happier since we left the area. but i can't help regretting i gave up on something big partly b/c we were uncomfortable with our living situation/she hated her new job in the area/didn't like the idea of moving to a new place for school, then residency/etc.

some days I think i should go back to the dean hat-in-hand and beg for that one-year deferment offer and maybe I can make long-distance work with my SO since she's happy where we live now but i'm regretting this...and other days i feel like i dodged a bullet leaving before I got too invested in the endeavor.

i also felt the same stuff other non-trads feel but are better at accepting/ignoring: annoyance at being shown "how to talk to ppl with respect" during standardized patient encounters, learning "professionalism" and how to "treat school like it's your job", hearing about my classmates' going out clubbing/bar-hopping...

Any thoughts on this situation would be appreciated.

 

[birder]

Maybe it's just me but people who are feeling great about their choices usually don't feel a need make a random post telling random strangers how great they feel. I think op is not feeling great. It's not too late, you can still do what you want. But there will be a price to pay.

This is all true. She doesn't like the long distance idea, meaning she's willing to move around but she would just be miserable the whole time. Kind of a downer that one of us would be living his dream out and the other one would just be along for the ride.

 

[birder]

I'm sorry for your situation, but you made some very very poor choices, and now you have to live with them. Time to move on.

Thanks I will do so. Problem solved!

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Don't EVERRRRRR make a huge decision based off of some chick.

EVER.

Million fishes out there fam.

Plus... after you are done with med school and let's say lil mama bounces...


There's always some bommmbbbb nurses to go after!

😉

 

[Promethean]

This is true for women.

I don't know that this is true for men - the man's career is very meaningful to the shallow aspects of his sexual market value, and for many men its also wrapped up in identity. The rough equivalent would be if a woman had to choose between becoming staying fit or growing morbidly obese keeping her relationship.

FWIW I'm 0/2 in choosing females over career. First time declined PhD admission to a program I liked because she threw a fit. Second time quit a sold job. Both lasted about 2 more months after I gave up career for girls. The PhD admissions declining has had a huge impact on the trajectory of my life.

Your dated and kind of offensive heteronormative gender role ideology makes it kinda hard to see through to the otherwise good point that you do have to make, which could be maybe less problematically stated:

Disregard casual relationships, acquire currency.

If someone is committed to you, they are willing to go through with you those things that you need to do in order to advance your career and develop as a professional.

If someone is not so committed to you, then it is obvious that it is not worth making life-altering decisions in order to retain their interest.

To OP... you've been given great advice. Figure out what you want, what your real priorities are, and most importantly.... WHY you want those things and what makes them so important to you. Then, and only then, act. Maybe you can beg for that deferment, but don't be surprised if the offer doesn't stand. Just, whatever you do, do it more deliberately, and with a lot more attention to how it will impact your long term. There are a lot of sacrifices and major inconveniences on the path to becoming a physician. If you are the type to bolt when something isn't just right, or gets scary, maybe it isn't such a bad thing that you did it early. Maybe being bored is better than being hundreds of thousands of dollars in student debt and finding out that you don't want to be doing what you have gotten yourself into.

 

[Promethean]

This is all true. She doesn't like the long distance idea, meaning she's willing to move around but she would just be miserable the whole time. Kind of a downer that one of us would be living his dream out and the other one would just be along for the ride.

You know all that talk about sacrifices on the path to becoming a physician? Welcome. That is one of the possibilities. There are hundreds of other little downers and gosh-that-kind-of-blows along the way.

I'm not saying that it is all bad and miserable and tough. But your reasons for doing it need to be a lot bigger and brighter and more compelling than this and all those other reasons not to do it, or you will be regretful. And anyone else doing it with you needs to either be on board with the cost / benefit ratio, too... or someone is going to have to make difficult choices.

 

[QofQuimica]

Oh, wow. Good question! I'd be pretty disappointed on both accounts. I wish there was an easy button that could fix this. I wish the first year of med school could be online! I wish all the schools were interchangeable and all taught the same stuff and that transferring to one closer to where we live now was easy....

We all wish we could have every cake we wanted and eat it too. But this is a child's way of thinking, not an adult's. There is no inherent right or wrong decision regarding how you should live your life; it's something you need to wrestle with and come to a conclusion about on your own (or with your girlfriend's help, if you and she decide that you would like to build a life together).

I don't know you. But having gone through the process myself, and having mentored multiple other (trad and nontrad) trainees, I suspect that deep down, you don't really want to be a physician. If you're looking for permission to give up on medical school, you have it. Becoming a physician is not something you have to do, and it's totally OK to drop out of medical school and do something else instead (including putting this relationship first before your career, if that's what you and she want). It's also not an all-or-nothing decision where if you don't go to medical school, then the only possible alternative is that you have to remain in your current career forever. If you don't like what you're doing, check out some other career options besides medicine. It's a whole wide world out there. 🙂

 

[birder]

You know all that talk about sacrifices on the path to becoming a physician? Welcome. That is one of the possibilities. There are hundreds of other little downers and gosh-that-kind-of-blows along the way.

I'm not saying that it is all bad and miserable and tough. But your reasons for doing it need to be a lot bigger and brighter and more compelling than this and all those other reasons not to do it, or you will be regretful. And anyone else doing it with you needs to either be on board with the cost / benefit ratio, too... or someone is going to have to make difficult choices.

yes. i see where you're coming from. IRL, i've always downplayed the reasons for doing it since i thought i would never get in. didn't want to get everybody's hopes up. i'm not the most confident person, as i'm sure you all can tell by now . i don't usually bolt when things get tough especially in the workplace, but on the other hand, i have stuck it out for years in things that i probably shouldn't have (hence my being an older, non-trad). i was so surprised when i did get in. i don't think either of us was prepared. most ppl didn't even know i was trying to go back to school. it's possible if i had been more outwardly enthusiastic and deliberate as you said, she might have as well. we might have bolstered each other's confidence. who knows...we definitely have some discussing to do and I thank you all for the input.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

This is true for women.

I don't know that this is true for men - the man's career is very meaningful to the shallow aspects of his sexual market value, and for many men its also wrapped up in identity. The rough equivalent would be if a woman had to choose between becoming staying fit or growing morbidly obese keeping her relationship.

FWIW I'm 0/2 in choosing females over career. First time declined PhD admission to a program I liked because she threw a fit. Second time quit a sold job. Both lasted about 2 more months after I gave up career for girls. The PhD admissions declining has had a huge impact on the trajectory of my life.

There is really no point in you to explain this kind of stuff to women or most of the uber-left crowd on SDN. They live in a world where they think ideology overrides nature. On the other hand, the rest of us know that if you're a loser male then you're doomed.

Your dated and kind of offensive heteronormative gender role ideology ...

🙄

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

I left in the first week of med school on good terms. Nothing negative with my classmates or instructors. I think it mostly had to do with not choosing my living situation very well which led to some conflicts outside of school.

Leaving seems like an impulsive decision now that some time has passed. The dean offered me to take a year deferment but I didn't since I wasn't really thinking clearly-more fight or flight panic than calm, logical, decision-making.

My SO is alot happier since we left the area. but i can't help regretting i gave up on something big partly b/c we were uncomfortable with our living situation/she hated her new job in the area/didn't like the idea of moving to a new place for school, then residency/etc.

some days I think i should go back to the dean hat-in-hand and beg for that one-year deferment offer and maybe I can make long-distance work with my SO since she's happy where we live now but i'm regretting this...and other days i feel like i dodged a bullet leaving before I got too invested in the endeavor.

i also felt the same stuff other non-trads feel but are better at accepting/ignoring: annoyance at being shown "how to talk to ppl with respect" during standardized patient encounters, learning "professionalism" and how to "treat school like it's your job", hearing about my classmates' going out clubbing/bar-hopping...

Any thoughts on this situation would be appreciated.

Might be crass of me to say this, but your level of insecurity is the type that I think the best you could do is leave that seat available for someone who is going to take that ride. Would not be surprised that you drop out again in a year's time.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Calm yourself.

I think somewhere in midst of hysteria I can pick out something about chasing shallow relationships. That's just not the case - first was like a 4.5 year deal, second was a full year deal. Both involved all the rainbows and unicorns. But yeah, I get unemployed -> "where has the spark gone" The second was a feminist, incidentally.

People have shallow prerequisites for relationships. Its not that these are ALL that these people are about, but they just aren't interested in someone without them. Expecting romance to be perfectly idealistic and pure of any kind of shallowness or self interest is unreasonable.



OP needed straight talk, not pc tripe. Some radfem types got upset so what...pretty sure the entire purpose of science and philosophy in the minds of these people is to find excuses to get upset, and that ain't exactly the stuff of Diogenes or Montaigne.

Preach my man.

PREACCHH.

I like you.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

There is really no point in you to explain this kind of stuff to women or most of the uber-left crowd on SDN. They live in a world where they think ideology overrides nature. On the other hand, the rest of us know that if you're a loser male then you're doomed.


🙄

I got jumbled up reading the "dated and kind of offensive heteronormative gender role ideology" part.

I pictured the person posting holding onto a macchiato-espresso-coffee concoction in one hand... smirking and furiously typing her/his (don't want "assume" gender now... lol ) quite eloquent reply out at a nice local coffee shop in Berkeley.

 

[vm26]

I left in the first week of med school on good terms. Nothing negative with my classmates or instructors. I think it mostly had to do with not choosing my living situation very well which led to some conflicts outside of school.

Leaving seems like an impulsive decision now that some time has passed. The dean offered me to take a year deferment but I didn't since I wasn't really thinking clearly-more fight or flight panic than calm, logical, decision-making.

My SO is alot happier since we left the area. but i can't help regretting i gave up on something big partly b/c we were uncomfortable with our living situation/she hated her new job in the area/didn't like the idea of moving to a new place for school, then residency/etc.

some days I think i should go back to the dean hat-in-hand and beg for that one-year deferment offer and maybe I can make long-distance work with my SO since she's happy where we live now but i'm regretting this...and other days i feel like i dodged a bullet leaving before I got too invested in the endeavor.

i also felt the same stuff other non-trads feel but are better at accepting/ignoring: annoyance at being shown "how to talk to ppl with respect" during standardized patient encounters, learning "professionalism" and how to "treat school like it's your job", hearing about my classmates' going out clubbing/bar-hopping...

Any thoughts on this situation would be appreciated.

Leaving 1st week is a bit impulsive!...I was a PT before med school and had a relatively nice lifestyle and a GF (though we both knew it wasn't going to ever lead to marriage)...at age 30 I went from living in a nice sunny 1 BR apartment about 20 miles outside of Manhattan, making decent money, to a crappy dank, dark studio basement apartment located in the semi-sticks about 65 miles from Manhattan-freakn s*cked! Def wanted to quit about 4-5 weeks in...I think each of us has to be content with our career as well as our personal relationships. Like you, I was not a very confident person when it came to school, was a B/B+ student in high school (though to be fair I was a jock more concerned about my 40 time (4.5) and bench press max (320), and my public high school was probably top 10-20% in the US)...ended up in community college where I did well focusing on academics, ended up in PT school which was freakn intense and which prepped me for med school intensity...having grown up 1st generation being raised by a divorced mother, I grew up feeling obligated to fulfill my potential (e.g. the American dream), med school was a freakn b*tch, it was a struggle/sacrifice but an amazing experience, met many cool interesting peeps who were extremely intelligent. One of my professors told me that being a physician gives you a front seat in the theatre of life (so true)...guess my perspective was to 1st maximize my potential in terms of a career and then worry about finding my significant other. For me it worked out well, met my wife out in the mid-west (where I did fellowship) and am very happy with my career and current job...guess you need to weigh the strength of your relationship and desire to become a physician...good luck! pm me if you have any questions

 

[Promethean]

I got jumbled up reading the "dated and kind of offensive heteronormative gender role ideology" part.

I pictured the person posting holding onto a macchiato-espresso-coffee concoction in one hand... smirking and furiously typing her/his (don't want "assume" gender now... lol ) quite eloquent reply out at a nice local coffee shop in Berkeley.

Wow.

Stereotype much?

I was just trying to be nice. My actual response to the "men care about careers, women care about their waist-lines" drivel that your bro posted was not nearly so kind nor so eloquent.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Wow.

Stereotype much?

I was just trying to be nice. My actual response to the "men care about careers, women care about their waist-lines" drivel that your bro posted was not nearly so kind nor so eloquent.

Calling him bro is an attempt to discredit him and his point via ad hominem. I guess you need to go there when your best defense for rude behavior is that it is 4 the lulz.

And did you just assume his gender?!?!

For those that want to understand the reference: https://forums.studentdoctor.net/th...ng-for-residency.1238137/page-2#post-18562569

 

[GypsyHummus]

Loving the Red Pill Knowledge on this Forum.

OP, never sacrifice your own personal goals and aspirations for a chick. If she truly loved you, she would put up with the stuff that made her unhappy to make you happy. If she was a smart women, she would put up with all the hassles of medical school and see the 6 figure income 7 years down the pipeline.

She sounds like non of those things. Hard NEXT her dude and go back to med school. Women have literally changed their tones when I converse with them and tell them that I got into a "medical school and am training to be a surgeon" (podiatry school, but I don't add that part cuz most people don't know what that is). There will be many women who fall all over themselves trying to get a piece of that six figure income once they hit 35 and they start thinking about a family.

 

[GypsyHummus]

The task of stoic is to meet all things with equanimnity. The task of the politcally-correct is to continually find a new way to get riled up, every single day.

Seneca met a death sentence from his pupil with greater equanimnity than these millenials meet an idea they don't like.

IM SO TRIGGERED

 

[68PGunner]

OP,

What would Donald Trump say?

Money and power keep the chicks in check even if you grab them by the genitals in public. Life lesson right there.

 

[Scrizzy]

If you're already feeling regret. Go back. That regret will follow you like a stigma.
I know one graduate student who is married and his wife was in India for more than 2 years. It's hard to have a LDR, but love will persevere. If it doesn't, that isn't love.

 

[Scrizzy]

OP,

What would Donald Trump say?

Money and power keep the chicks in check even if you grab them by the genitals in public. Life lesson right there.

That's PRESIDENT Trump to you!

 

[jl lin]

I get that you were miserable with your living circumstances and so was your SO, but you leaving like this, especially after the suggestion to take a year off, well, it looks bad--looks like you were uncommitted. Just saying... Best wishes to you though, whatever you choose to do.

 

[gamieg]

it seems that a lot of responses here focus on your SO being the main reason you left. that doesn't sound like it's the case, and I find it ironic that those trying to drive this idea of "make money, get women" immediately jump to blaming your SO.

with that being said, if your SO is "holding you back," whether figuratively or literally, it's your decision of figuring out how to deal with it and being mature enough to communicate her your standards for the relationship. if your goals ultimately place your relationship at a higher level than med school, you do you. but if you decide that your main goal is med school (or to give it another shot at least), communicate that with your SO and if she's not okay with it, move on.

I think you need to get really clear on what your priorities are and understand that there's going to be potential pain and regrets no matter what. but the point is that you made the best decision you could have at the time with the resources you had, and there's no shame in that. no life is a perfect trajectory, and it's okay to trip up and flail around and try to figure it out.

but I hope you get really clear on your priorities now so you consciously know the decision you'll be making.

 

[MadLeahPeacecraft]

I don't think one can say that X or Y is "true for men" or "true for women." It may be more common for men or for women, or it may be true for specific men or women. But we are all experiments of one, and there is no way to rewind and replay our lives out in various different scenarios. And although we like to generalize based upon our individual experiences, as we all know, the plural of "anecdotes" is not "facts."

FWIW, I was also not successful in choosing the relationship over the career, but I don't regret having delayed medical school for that reason. I honestly thought at the time that this was someone I was going to spend my life with, and I didn't care enough about being a physician to choose medical school over my ex.

I was in a relationship again at the time that I was applying for medical school, and my boyfriend wanted to get married. But that time I did not choose him over the career. In fact, I chose to go far away OOS to medical school, even though I had been accepted to a medical school in the city where we lived, and I had the option to stay with him AND go to medical school. He was fully supportive of my going to medical school, and he probably would have even been willing to accept a LDR or moving halfway across the country with me had I asked it of him. However, in that case, I realized that I did not envision myself spending my life with him, and I chose to end the relationship. He ultimately met someone new and married her while I was in medical school. I can't be 100% sure that I made the right decision, but I think I did. Among other things, he greatly wanted children, and I didn't. The woman he wound up marrying already had a child from her previous marriage, so when he married her, he also got to be a father like he had always wanted.

I love it when you post, your responses are always so on point.

 

[DrBelle]

There is really no point in you to explain this kind of stuff to women or most of the uber-left crowd on SDN. They live in a world where they think ideology overrides nature. On the other hand, the rest of us know that if you're a loser male then you're doomed.


🙄

Oh really.

So I'm curious. What is the point of this statement? Is it somehow different for me since I am a female and I have ideologies different than you do?
Are we in a different timeline where its 2017 going on 1950 and we all have no worries?

Loving the Red Pill Knowledge on this Forum.

You know you lost when you think the way actual adults have to assess risk = "the Red Pill".

I'm both those things you're rolling your eyes at and I would advise OP not to drop medical school. But that has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with priorities.

OP, great partnership are hard to find. For me, one of the ways that partnership shows me its greatness in the support I receive. Can it stand this pressure? He could be great but not the right partner and as such, not able to tolerate the sacrifice required to stay with me while I do this life changing thing. That is just as valid a reason as any to stay with or leave someone, even on good terms.

You might find that you're hanging on to her for more reasons than love. For instance, you share with us here that you don't feel so confident and secure and that's ok, maybe some things to work on. Perhaps she makes you feel more secure. But people are not infallible. Sooner or later, if she is the source of that security and nothing else, you will be sent reeling. Not because she's bad but because she's human.

I personally find that I build a lot of confidence from my achievements and my abilities. My relationships are another source. The work I do on myself is another source. So to me, medical school is not something I'd be willing to give up. It's something you have to do for yourself, independent of anyone else IF, in fact, being a doctor matters to you that much. OP, you have to decide if you're willing to live with how you'd feel about yourself without the degree (the work, lifestyle, income, etc), without the relationship, without something that signifies status you care about. It's something anyone in your position would have to think about because it's a cold world. How useful are you to anyone. If you're vulnerable now, how will it be years from now if you let this opportunity go? I'm not saying that your partner is unimportant but rather, if this goal means something important to you, the right partner will be with you through it. If not, you'll be in a good position to attract someone with the stability and self-esteem you'll have with your achievement. But if it's not that important to you, you don't need to be given permission to move on with your life. It is a valid life choice as well. We are on a board with people who aspire to become physicians and as such are willing to work hard to make it happen. Our answer may not be your answer. Does that make sense?

As for you @AlbinoChicken DO

People like you are the same ones who get pissed that gold diggers only talk to you when you have your good church suit on while simultaneously perpetuating the idea that women don't have lifestyles they ought to work for, just marry into.

As far as being on the left, last I heard, we were all too out of touch bc we had money to blow so which is it? Lucrative careers or nah?

People in general have different abilities and priorities. Excuse tf out of me for not having a big swinging **** or a prosthetic like yours and believing the sacrifice for medicine is worth it. Every time I watch guys like you act like this is not something women have to worry about in this world we live in, I imagine you're just crazy sheltered with super soft hands and a tiara. You must be from a magical place where frivolity runs your life. I bet you're a survivor from Bowling Green.

Someone feeling the complete opposite from me about the scenario OP outlined isn't a "leftist woman". You never heard of a hardworking man who breaks his back in the sun, loves big trucks, and doesn't care about a thing but love and family? Give me a break.

I'm not that into these annoying topics being discussed with people who lack perspective and life experience especially not on this beloved forum but I'm a yuge fan of this new PC free America.

Isn't this the nontraditional forum? Grow up. /rant

Best of luck to you OP. If you do choose to go grovel for your deferment, keep us updated! I hope it all works out for you

 

[Chimichica]

I'm still trying to figure out why in the world did this happen. This has nothing to do the OP's SO, and everything to do with the type of person you are characteristically speaking. Your living situation. I mean were you homeless or in a cardboard box? I'm trying to understand, but I find it hard and I know everyone has their different comfort levels but what...was the area too city, not enough cushy suburban cookie cutter houses to look at. Where is your grit? I have no idea of you or your SO's personal background. But it's looking like going to med school was the whim, not leaving. If that and a grumpy GF is all it took I'm not sure what to say. There's a whole year! 1 year, between application and matriculation. Did this not come up?! Did you not bother scoping the area before hand? I'm sorry if I sound crass but honestly this sounds absolutely rediculous to me. It SOUNDS like you're making excuses and looking for a pity party. A freaking week?! Tell me how you make that kind of decision off a week?! If you like medicine go into a different field, but yea please move on.
**if there were other factors that you haven't disclosed that drastically change the reasoning then, I truly do hope you work it out.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk