LGBT: INDIRECT REMARKS

[Moty]

This still upsets me.

I live in an African country where, although not very common to publicly humiliate the LGBT, no one speaks up if it happens.

Last year, as part of my pre-medical necessities, I shadowed a resident in a public hospital following my interview and request to do so with the superintendent. The gentleman I was shadowing turned out to be a great man and answered all questions I had, in fact, going beyond my expectations. I become comfortable around his team and would partake in conversations pertaining to medicine and challenges doctors and medical students face.

The chief resident and friends with the one I was shadowing, began playing a popular song that references gay marriage (with lyrics to the effect of 'sissy', 'have you ever seen a man marry another' etc). Taken aback suddenly, I pretended not to have heard him. He kept using codes to insinuate that the song is about me and one other doctor who wasn't present (name mentioned) much to the effect to doctors in the room laughing, save for one who obviously felt sorry for me and was very uncomfortable. Unbeknownst to them, the mentioned doc is an LGBT acquaintance of mine.

I was so disappointed because I had so much respect for the professionals. This kind of treatment has happened before, but never in an environment where I admire virtually everyone, trust them and later made so powerless.

I could have gone to the superintendent but given the chief's popularity amongst the staff, I feared he'd deny it was in reference to me and that would have made him more funny material, and me, angrier and more powerless. I also feared upsetting the chief's friend and ending up not getting an LOR (this is the outcome despite that).

I cried about it the other day because I still don't know how to handle such humiliation if it arises again (the closer I get to medical school). My mom and sister don't quite get how something like this, having happened a year ago (July), could still make me cry.

I have been going through what I could have done differently, which is speak up ("you're being inappropriate"), and each time I end up saying something that might cost me my future in the field.
What could have been the right reaction given how he is Mr Popular, a charmer, Mr funnyman etc. who would have easily turned my complaint into another sketch?

Sidenote: I've been listening to Eckhart Tolle's teachings ever since and I believe I've gotten worse with time.

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[AttemptingScholar]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It just sucks. I don't fully understand the potential risks to your career so only you can decide this best course of action. Some potential options if something similar happens in the future:

1. Keep silent (but considering how long-lasting the effects are, which I understand may not be an option your whole life. Maybe just until you are an established doctor?)
2. Directly confront them on being insensitive. It sounds like, given the culture, this might not be effective.
3. Confront them on a tangent, like how you expected professionalism or less juvenile and immature behavior (suggesting the problem isn't the LGBT-ness of the remarks but something else. Maybe in passing, so it isn't a full-fledged complaint that would make them feel the need to retaliate, defend themselves, or escalate it
4. Make a complaint to the superintendent on behalf of someone imaginary who felt uncomfortable (either because they are imaginarily gay or else care a lot about the potential gay patients who could be getting inferior care) and confided in you, and you, though not having a complaint of your own to make, felt they cared so much you wanted to speak up for them because they didn't feel comfortable to do it themselves. If you feel uncomfortable lying, imagine the LGBT patients being treated or the LGBT doctors you will undoubtedly meet, treat, and work with over your life. You are speaking on their behalf. Heck, you're speaking on my behalf. Regardless of the competence, I wouldn't want one of those doctors to treat me!

Here in America, June is LGBT Pride month. I know the humiliation is hard to overcome sometimes, but that's the struggle. We call it Pride because that's what was taken away first. But we're all on your side, whether you choose to speak up or not.

You've got someone in your corner all the way across the sea! Happy Pride.