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AllIveGot

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I am a regular on the boards, but I've been dealing with issues that I'd like to remain separate from my other user name. I am one of the very fortunate people to have received an MD acceptance already, and I couldn't be happier. However, with the good follows the bad. My mom, a huge reason why I decided to pursue medicine, is now struggling with Stage IV breast cancer. I took this year off to spend it with her, knowing that this may be the last year I have with her. On top of this, my boyfriend of 4 years is attending medical school at a place very much out of my reach. Our hearts are set on starting a life together. We haven't gotten engaged because we want to know we can physically live together before doing so. Basically I wanted feedback on the following idea.

Is it an awful idea to refuse a medical school acceptance in order to become stable in my personal life? Stability would entail being at peace with my family situation, whether that being my mom getting better or the other inevitable possibility 🙁 Also, I don't want to spend more time away from my boyfriend, and so stability would also mean starting my life with him and waiting until after he starts his residency (2010) to reapply to medical school. I am very worried about 2 things...
1) I received a 32R on my MCAT. This was my second time taking it. If I reapply in 2010, will my score still hold up? I keep seeing the average MCAT go up, and I can't stand the thought of having to take that test again.
2) It would be my third time applying if I took this route... I'm sure that doesn't look very good.
3) How will turning down a possible acceptance look to other schools?

I haven't completely ruled out the idea of deferring my acceptance for a year, however, I know that happiness would mean being with my family or being with my boyfriend... neither of which is possible with my current acceptance option. If anyone wants to tell me I'm not passionate enough about medicine, save your breathe. I love medicine, and will never let go of my dream, but I realize that in order to attain it, I need to stay true to myself and those I love most.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.
 
AllIveGot said:
I am a regular on the boards, but I've been dealing with issues that I'd like to remain separate from my other user name. I am one of the very fortunate people to have received an MD acceptance already, and I couldn't be happier. However, with the good follows the bad. My mom, a huge reason why I decided to pursue medicine, is now struggling with Stage IV breast cancer. I took this year off to spend it with her, knowing that this may be the last year I have with her. On top of this, my boyfriend of 4 years is attending medical school at a place very much out of my reach. Our hearts are set on starting a life together. We haven't gotten engaged because we want to know we can physically live together before doing so. Basically I wanted feedback on the following idea.

Is it an awful idea to refuse a medical school acceptance in order to become stable in my personal life? Stability would entail being at peace with my family situation, whether that being my mom getting better or the other inevitable possibility 🙁 Also, I don't want to spend more time away from my boyfriend, and so stability would also mean starting my life with him and waiting until after he starts his residency (2010) to reapply to medical school. I am very worried about 2 things...
1) I received a 32R on my MCAT. This was my second time taking it. If I reapply in 2010, will my score still hold up? I keep seeing the average MCAT go up, and I can't stand the thought of having to take that test again.
2) It would be my third time applying if I took this route... I'm sure that doesn't look very good.
3) How will turning down a possible acceptance look to other schools?

I haven't completely ruled out the idea of deferring my acceptance for a year, however, I know that happiness would mean being with my family or being with my boyfriend... neither of which is possible with my current acceptance option. If anyone wants to tell me I'm not passionate enough about medicine, save your breathe. I love medicine, and will never let go of my dream, but I realize that in order to attain it, I need to stay true to myself and those I love most.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.
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Defer for a year and get your life in order.

A lot of people have long distance relationships in med school. Trust me, any relationship in med school is difficult and in ways a long distance relationship is easier.

A friend of mine in my class is attending school in Va while her husband is in a totally different state. They dont have a problem with it. Anyway, why rush into marriage. You can always do away rotations at his hospital 4th year and test the waters then. People end up getting married most often between 3rd and 4th year or right before residency. You still have time.
 
Why can't you defer? That seems the best option, bar none. You'll probably have to re-take the MCAT, and your chances of getting in on your third application cycle are probably rather grim.
 
Almost every medical school will let you defer for at least a year if you have a good reason, and it sounds like you have a very good reason.
 
My $.02:

Defer for your mom. Don't worry about the b/f. My wife and I spent 4 of our 5 year pre-marriage relationship long distance. Not only did she go to college over a thousand miles away, but my unique "college" experience meant that at best I could see her every few months. We made it work, and now life kicks ass. Bottom line: if you all have been together for 4 years and you know you want to marry him then you can handle a long distance relationship. If you can't, IMO you would've gotten divorced down the line anyway and finding out now is better than a decade and 1.5 kids later. Talk to your mom about it, then probably take the year off for her and then get your ass into fulfilling your dream. Good luck. 🙂
 
I am sorry to hear about your mom, I hope that works itself out in the best way possible, whatever that might be.

My advice is to not give up your acceptance to medical school. You have already stated that you don't want to let go of the dream because you are passionate about medicine. I understand how hard it is to live apart from your boyfriend as I had a long distance relationship for quite sometime before my husband and I got married. You are lucky that you have gotten the acceptance to an MD program. Just start the program and before you know it you will be done with it and moving on to residency. I think giving up your acceptance in hopes that once you and your boyfriend live together you will move forward to the engagement step is very risky.

Also, even though both you and your boyfriend are a couple of years out of sync in your studies the difference is not as great as it will be when he is in residency and you are just starting medical school. If you go with medical school now then you will be in your 3rd year when your bf is starting residency in which case you can try to coordinate the location where he does his residency and where you do your clinical rotation.

Last but not least, as time passes it does get harder and harder to go back to what we want to do because life continues to happen, so again don't give up your dream you are this close, don't decline your acceptance.
 
Perrotfish said:
Almost every medical school will let you defer for at least a year if you have a good reason, and it sounds like you have a very good reason.
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Agreed. Defer a year to spend with your mom.

As for your boyfriend? Long distance sucks, but look at it this way: if your relationships can't endure a few years of long distance, there is no way that it would endure a marriage.

Family >>> Med School
Long distance lovin' >>>> Rolling the dice a 3rd time
 
My only concern is that your bf's moving onto residency won't solve your relationship/location problem. It is very likely that you would not get accepted to the same school's program, or even to programs in the same state, so you would still face this issue later on. As far as your mother, I think it's important for you to defer for a year so you could spend some more quality time with her, and to provide much-valued support to her and your family members who are undoubtedly also affected. It sounds like a year's break is indeed what you need. However, the romantic relationship issue will not go away no matter what you do - the only way it would is once your boyfriend graduates from residency and is more or less flexible in terms of employment location...but do you really want to put your career on hold for some 8-odd years? Also, consider what your relationship will be like once he'd in medical school and you are not. I've heard med school is tough on SOs/spouses and not all long-term relationships survive. It sounds like you're ready to sacrifice things for him...but is he? Would he consider giving up his top school acceptance and possibly moving onto a lower-ranked school to be with you, if you don't believe you are competitive at his institution? It sounds like it might be a better option for everyone - both of you still get to go to med, and are able to stay together.
 
While I would love to say enter medical school and everything will be ok, I understand that can't be the correct answer.

Although I believe everyone on SDN means well... the most important people's opinions to take to mind are the ones who matter the most: your mother and boyfriend.

With that being said, here is my answer, and things you may want to keep in mind:

1. Will you be able to devote enough time and energy to medical school? I'd hate to see your grades suffer, and your entire medical school experience and memories because your mind was somewhere else.

2. One of my best friends left college to go home and be with her mother during her final year of fighting brain cancer. The friend never regretted it-- she just graduated from college at age 23 rather than age 22. Are you still young enough that holding off a year or two to attend med school wouldn't matter in the long run? (Well, actually at any age 1-2 years shouldn't matter).

3. The deferral sounds like a good idea, as far as spending time with your mother is concerned-- maybe look further into it?

4. A 32R is a solid MCAT score-- I doubt you'd have to retake it, and actually the time you wait until 2010 could be spent doing extra volunteering / clinical time.. which could only help another admissions cycle.

5. Turning down the possible acceptance -- for reason of your mother -- LOOKS FINE. Any admissions office would understand why you did what you did.

Now, in regards to your boyfriend....... this is trickier. But I feel I can speak on it b/c my boyfriend is a captain in the Army and I'll be attending med school nowhere near him (aka long distance). This issue of seperation could very easily be why he hasn't proposed. With that being said, here is my opinion:

Whenever there is a couple with 2 dominant careers, its very hard to work things out logistically. Sacrifices will be made. But both he and I are willing to do so, because the end result will be great. He knows if I chose to not attend med school, just to remain in the area with him as an "army wife," that I would resent him. I'd resent him for holding me from my dream. Which wouldn't be fair to him or I. Therefore, I knew I needed to pursue med school, and just believe that cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason."

Also, yes your boyfriend enters residency in 2010, but what is to guarantee the med school you enter then will be in the same city? You might run into the same problem now... still needing to be separate.

So, in totality (of my loooong post)-- I think its most important to consider what your mother and boyfriend think of this issue. I wish you the best of luck.🙂

AllIveGot said:
I am a regular on the boards, but I've been dealing with issues that I'd like to remain separate from my other user name. I am one of the very fortunate people to have received an MD acceptance already, and I couldn't be happier. However, with the good follows the bad. My mom, a huge reason why I decided to pursue medicine, is now struggling with Stage IV breast cancer. I took this year off to spend it with her, knowing that this may be the last year I have with her. On top of this, my boyfriend of 4 years is attending medical school at a place very much out of my reach. Our hearts are set on starting a life together. We haven't gotten engaged because we want to know we can physically live together before doing so. Basically I wanted feedback on the following idea.

Is it an awful idea to refuse a medical school acceptance in order to become stable in my personal life? Stability would entail being at peace with my family situation, whether that being my mom getting better or the other inevitable possibility 🙁 Also, I don't want to spend more time away from my boyfriend, and so stability would also mean starting my life with him and waiting until after he starts his residency (2010) to reapply to medical school. I am very worried about 2 things...
1) I received a 32R on my MCAT. This was my second time taking it. If I reapply in 2010, will my score still hold up? I keep seeing the average MCAT go up, and I can't stand the thought of having to take that test again.
2) It would be my third time applying if I took this route... I'm sure that doesn't look very good.
3) How will turning down a possible acceptance look to other schools?

I haven't completely ruled out the idea of deferring my acceptance for a year, however, I know that happiness would mean being with my family or being with my boyfriend... neither of which is possible with my current acceptance option. If anyone wants to tell me I'm not passionate enough about medicine, save your breathe. I love medicine, and will never let go of my dream, but I realize that in order to attain it, I need to stay true to myself and those I love most.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.
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erica31 said:
1. Will you be able to devote enough time and energy to medical school? I'd hate to see your grades suffer, and your entire medical school experience and memories because your mind was somewhere else.
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Good point. MSI sucks you dry timewise. It would be hard enough carving out time to think of your mother, let alone spend quality time.
erica31 said:
4. A 32R is a solid MCAT score-- I doubt you'd have to retake it, and actually the time you wait until 2010 could be spent doing extra volunteering / clinical time.. which could only help another admissions cycle.
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Oh, I'd tread very carefully with this one. This individual didn't get in the first time they applied and got in this round. Deferring is one thing. Reapplying a third time a year or two down the road is dangerous ground. A 32 was very slightly above average for matriculants when I applied last year and could very well be the average for matriculants this year. The odds of it being just slightly under average in a couple years time is very realistic.
 
erica31 said:
While I would love to say enter medical school and everything will be ok, I understand that can't be the correct answer.

Although I believe everyone on SDN means well... the most important people's opinions to take to mind are the ones who matter the most: your mother and boyfriend.

With that being said, here is my answer, and things you may want to keep in mind:

1. Will you be able to devote enough time and energy to medical school? I'd hate to see your grades suffer, and your entire medical school experience and memories because your mind was somewhere else.

2. One of my best friends left college to go home and be with her mother during her final year of fighting brain cancer. The friend never regretted it-- she just graduated from college at age 23 rather than age 22. Are you still young enough that holding off a year or two to attend med school wouldn't matter in the long run? (Well, actually at any age 1-2 years shouldn't matter).

3. The deferral sounds like a good idea, as far as spending time with your mother is concerned-- maybe look further into it?

4. A 32R is a solid MCAT score-- I doubt you'd have to retake it, and actually the time you wait until 2010 could be spent doing extra volunteering / clinical time.. which could only help another admissions cycle.

5. Turning down the possible acceptance -- for reason of your mother -- LOOKS FINE. Any admissions office would understand why you did what you did.

Now, in regards to your boyfriend....... this is trickier. But I feel I can speak on it b/c my boyfriend is a captain in the Army and I'll be attending med school nowhere near him (aka long distance). This issue of seperation could very easily be why he hasn't proposed. With that being said, here is my opinion:

Whenever there is a couple with 2 dominant careers, its very hard to work things out logistically. Sacrifices will be made. But both he and I are willing to do so, because the end result will be great. He knows if I chose to not attend med school, just to remain in the area with him as an "army wife," that I would resent him. I'd resent him for holding me from my dream. Which wouldn't be fair to him or I. Therefore, I knew I needed to pursue med school, and just believe that cliche phrase "everything happens for a reason."

Also, yes your boyfriend enters residency in 2010, but what is to guarantee the med school you enter then will be in the same city? You might run into the same problem now... still needing to be separate.

So, in totality (of my loooong post)-- I think its most important to consider what your mother and boyfriend think of this issue. I wish you the best of luck.🙂
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I'm just offering a different perspective, but maybe the best thing that will bring a smile to her face is to see her daughter attend medical school and to see that she has "succeeded" in raising you? Ask her what she thinks.
 
Since you started this with an inequality, let me put it in an inequality as well:

Accompanying ailing mother>>medical career>>>>>>>>>>>accompanying a 4-year boyfriend.

Also, it's not just "medical school", it's your career.

Defer a year for your mother and go for your dream 👍
 
Virgil may be right, and even if you want to defer, absolutely don't give up the acceptance. i think, for most mother's, knowing that you gave it up BECAUSE of her would crush her emotionally (even if you didn't tell her that was the reason, I doubt she'd believe you). If you personally want the year off, and by all means I would as well, then get the deferment.

I would not give up the acceptance, i think your b/f would also be quite upset to think you did it for him (I would as him); if its meant to be, you will work at it and succeed.

Think of how much resentment you'd hold if if didn't work out AND you lost your seat.

On a last note; I'm really sorry about your mom. I do hope things work out for the best. Stay strong
 
This is a tough situation.

The only way I could recommend you reject the offer or defer is if you KNOW that dealing with both of these things at once, particularly with your mother, is going to render you incapable of performing to standards that are acceptable to you in medical school. This sounds callous, but you are already taking off an entire year to spend with your mother--while I realize she is a huge part of your life and this is a awful and scary time, the possiblity of her passing cannot paralyze your life. It's something that you will eventually come to terms with, and if you've allowed it to paralyze you, you could come to regret it--like you've mentioned, it could mean that you will have either created a significantly more difficult path towards your dream career or will have obliterated the path altogether. Honestly, I don't know how defering for a year would fix this either, as there's no way to know how things are going to go for your mom.

The boyfriend situation, to me, is a lot easier. I strongly believe that you should not reject an offer of acceptance because you'd be away from a significant other. On one side, a close friend of mine who had dated a guy for 5 years, got engaged the spring of senior year, and began medical school this fall, ended up breaking up with him in October. I realize how serious your boyfriend and you are and how dedicated to spending your life with him you likely are now, but relationships can change. Your relationship, though it may very well end in years and years of happy marriage, is no exception. On the other side, as was said above, long-distance relationships tend to be much more successful after college than after high school. If you were to wait until 2010 to reapply, who's to say his residency would even be where you get into med school?--you'd have the same problem all over again.

My advice would be to matriculate in 2008. Your relationship would be long distance for 2008 and 2009, and at that point, your boyfriend/fiance could commit to getting a residency near your medical school. Again, I realize it's a great challenge to overcome this amount of adversity, but you need to be strong instead of allowing yourself to be paralyzed, and I believe you can.
 
DO2012 said:
I am sorry to hear about your mom, I hope that works itself out in the best way possible, whatever that might be.

My advice is to not give up your acceptance to medical school. You have already stated that you don't want to let go of the dream because you are passionate about medicine. I understand how hard it is to live apart from your boyfriend as I had a long distance relationship for quite sometime before my husband and I got married. You are lucky that you have gotten the acceptance to an MD program. Just start the program and before you know it you will be done with it and moving on to residency. I think giving up your acceptance in hopes that once you and your boyfriend live together you will move forward to the engagement step is very risky.

Also, even though both you and your boyfriend are a couple of years out of sync in your studies the difference is not as great as it will be when he is in residency and you are just starting medical school. If you go with medical school now then you will be in your 3rd year when your bf is starting residency in which case you can try to coordinate the location where he does his residency and where you do your clinical rotation.

Last but not least, as time passes it does get harder and harder to go back to what we want to do because life continues to happen, so again don't give up your dream you are this close, don't decline your acceptance.
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Very, very well said.
 
Again, this is callous-sounding of me, but to those who recommend deferring a year to spend with her mother, in her first post she said that she is already spending this year reapplying with her mother. Deferring would make it two. I think people above are correct when they say that your mom wouldn't want you to take that amount of time toward pursuing your career for her.
 
Bond8204 said:
Again, this is callous-sounding of me, but to those who recommend deferring a year to spend with her mother, in her first post she said that she is already spending this year reapplying with her mother. Deferring would make it two. I think people above are correct when they say that your mom wouldn't want you to take that amount of time toward pursuing your career for her.
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What's the big deal about deferring an extra year, if she has the financial capabilities to do it? It's a tough situation, but I have to agree with the people who said defer to spend time with your mother, but don't wait longer just to reapply to wherever your boyfriend gets residency.
 
KeyzerSoze said:
What's the big deal about deferring an extra year, if she has the financial capabilities to do it? It's a tough situation, but I have to agree with the people who said defer to spend time with your mother, but don't wait longer just to reapply to wherever your boyfriend gets residency.
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I guess my point is that I don't know if deferring a year will fix anything. Losing a parent is tragic, I know. But taking two years out of your life because of it seems unnecessary to me.
 
Bond8204 said:
I guess my point is that I don't know if deferring a year will fix anything. Losing a parent is tragic, I know. But taking two years out of your life because of it seems unnecessary to me.
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Were you hatched?
 
notdeadyet said:
Were you hatched?
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This is getting out of hand. Though both my parents are living, I have close friends who have lost a parent to cancer. It was devastating, but they were able to move on. I'm simply stating that because she's already taking the year off to spend with her mom, I don't know that she necessarily should take another year to do the same, unless she's sure she wouldn't be able to perform in medical school because of it. Beginning medical school in 2008 might actually be a step in the right direction for her.
 
Bond8204 said:
This is getting out of hand. Though both my parents are living, I have close friends who have lost a parent to cancer. It was devastating, but they were able to move on. I'm simply stating that because she's already taking the year off to spend with her mom, I don't know that she necessarily should take another year to do the same, unless she's sure she wouldn't be able to perform in medical school because of it. Beginning medical school in 2008 might actually be a step in the right direction for her.
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Please note that the OP's mother is still alive, and it seems rather heartless to imply that the OP should move on from her mother's possible impending death, don't you think?
 
KeyzerSoze said:
Please note that the OP's mother is still alive, and it seems rather heartless to tell the OP to move on from her mother's possible impending death, don't you think?
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I'm not saying that. I'm saying it might be healthier for her to spend the rest of this year with her mother and then matriculate to medical school in the fall. Matriculating to med school does not = moving on.
 
I'm gonna go with the consensus here. Defer for mom, then go and do the long distance thing.
 
And for the record, bond is not being heartless or inappropriate.
 
You will never be able to get back that time with your mom. I have a personal experience distantly similar to this, and it really touched me to read your story. If you can keep your acceptance and still have the extra time with your mother, do so. I can't imagine any humane school denying you a year of deferment for such a compelling reason.

I agree with not being concerned about the b/f issue. That's not a good reason to wait.

My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I hope you have a strong personal support system to sustain you. Best wishes to you and your family.
 
To the OP.

What would your mother do if it were you in her shoes?

I think you must take another year off to be with her. There will be no way you can handle medical school with this in the back of your mind. If your mother takes a turn for the worst, you risk a nervous breakdown, knowing you could've been there with her. You are not giving up on medical school , you are simply delaying it. Eventually you will be a doctor, there is no rush...especially when it comes to compromising the few extra moments you may have with your mom. Now more than ever she needs you. This will only make you a better doctor in the long run.

As far as your bf goes- I wouldn't give it too much attention. It is not a life & death situation with him. There is an old spanish saying "Lo que es pa ti, nadie te lo quita" (What ever is meant for you, no one will take away). If your relationship is true, it will survive this- especially under these circumstances, where your mom should have the spotlight.

Take the year off to be with your mom, if not you will certainly regret it.
I wish you and your family on the best of luck...
 
notdeadyet said:
Agreed. Defer a year to spend with your mom.

As for your boyfriend? Long distance sucks, but look at it this way: if your relationships can't endure a few years of long distance, there is no way that it would endure a marriage.

Family >>> Med School
Long distance lovin' >>>> Rolling the dice a 3rd time
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^^^ agreed 100%

Defer for a year and spend it with your mom. I've had close relatives struggle with Cancer - I know how you feel - you've got a gift - use it to help those in similar situations later on (that's how I see my pursuit of medicine).

Goodluck and hope you make the right decisions!

And I agree don't let the relationship with the bf control your decision...if it will for sure be ever-enduring, it will work through long distance. If it wasnt meant to be or wont work out long distance, then it wasn't worth the giving up for.

👍 Stay strong
 
notdeadyet said:
Agreed. Defer a year to spend with your mom.

As for your boyfriend? Long distance sucks, but look at it this way: if your relationships can't endure a few years of long distance, there is no way that it would endure a marriage.

Family >>> Med School
Long distance lovin' >>>> Rolling the dice a 3rd time
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Most definitely. Reapplying a THIRD TIME is just asking for rejection, and I know a lot of people who have gone through long distance. My wife and I were away for four years during college, and some of my med school classmates are in long-distance marriages or were for first year.

Spending one more year with your mother is quite a different story. I can't imagine many med schools would refuse to let you take a year off for that.
 
Defer for a year. Moms across the board have a lot of pride in their children. She will probably not be satisfied with you giving up your acceptance for her. Moms are selfless. That being said, she would be extremely satisfied to spend what time she has with you and know that her daughter is a success (not that you wouldn't be by declining the acceptance, of course). As far as the long distant relationship, your boyfriend should be able to understand, he has been through this process. You have been given three gifts as of now, a mother, acceptance, and SO. That being said:

Mom>Acceptance>SO.

Defer for a year.
 
Take a step back and realize that there are things more important than med school. Family certainly comes first -- med school will still be there when your life settles down.
 
Not very many med student perspectives, so here's one more: defer, don't reapply. Best thing to do for your education and your relationship with your mom. I'm an MS1 and I live within ten minutes of my parents, and I very rarely get a chance to spend quality time with them that doesn't involve laundry.
 
Here's another Med student position: Defer.
 
PeepshowJohnny said:
Here's another Med student position: Defer.
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Here's a fourth medical student concurring. Defer, spend this next year with your mom, and go to med school the following year, but don't decline your acceptance. I can't imagine any school not letting you defer in this circumstance. As for the boyfriend, just be careful what you give up for him until and unless you have that ring on your finger. Good luck with everything, and I hope your mom pulls through.
 
My mom is a breast cancer survivor (stage II) and she would kill me if I declined an accept for her, even if she were quadripelegic and I was the only person in her life (she's sitting next to me as I type). I'd say ask your mom, but she'll probably tell you just to go next year, forget the deferral. Mine forced me to continue with my plans to study abroad one week after she was diagnosed, with an "it'll be fine" and "you need to go" and lots of white lies on the phone when I called from overseas. It was, bar none, the most awful semester ever. I finished my program and came home in time for her last round of chemo, and was there through the radiation treatments.

Do you have siblings you could talk to? Or an older relative, does she have a sister, or a close friend you could talk to? You should be talking to people who are close to your mom, and thinking about what's the best fit for your situation. Failing that, you should consider talking to someone who counsels families living with cancer, either via ACS or her treatment center. On the one hand, you want to be there for her, but on the other hand, sometimes people are bothered by having relatives hover (vulture like).

Some schools have a decelerated program for their 1st year to make it 2, see if your accept school does. Maybe, if you still need time in 1+ years, you could do a decelerated program. In any case, you should be calling your accept school now, explaining the situation, and asking for their help. I had a really hard time asking for help while my mom was in treatment, because someone just saying "how are you?" made me want to cry. My mom was mostly irritated that everyone seemed to think she was going to die, even though it was obvious to her that she could. Looking back, both of us should have tried harder to ask for help and to let people help us.

A 32 is fine, the score is good for 3 years, so do the math from your date. Don't let SDN paranoia freak you out.
 
I would agree with most of those who have already posted, and I'll add a few things. There is a large difference b/t Stage II and Stage IV breast cancer in terms of prognosis, care needs, etc. You need to do what feels best for you. I would defer.

Second, I would be careful about declining a med school acceptance to be with your partner. It may be difficult to explain it in interviews if you reapply. I have to admit that it would definitely raise some questions if I were on the adcom. Medicine is a field in which you often have to sacrifice time or proximity with loved ones for the sake of your training. In situations of illness, such as with your mother, most will be very sympathetic to a deferral/refusal. However, wanting to be near a boyfriend, when both of you are healthy enough to travel, is another story. If you manage your time well, you should have ample opportunities for weekend visits in the first two years.
 
Since when did medical school become prison? You can still see her even if you attend, albeit not every waking moment.
 
TheProwler said:
Hmmmm, "Status: Pre-Medical"


Ah. A little tact would be nice, you know.
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Ah hello god, so kind of you to come down from medical school and grace us with your presence (sarcasm).

The OP asked for opinions and that is my opinion. You don't have to like it.
 
I agree with the mom>med school>SO posters. You may never get that time again with your mom and obviously she is very important to you. Med school will still be there; defer a year. I know I couldn't get through MS1 yr in that situation, and surely schools will understand. But don't decline acceptance b/c you may not get in reapplying a 3rd time and that may mean giving up your dream altogether which you don't want. The SO situation seems not as problematic to me-he is in the same career and should also understand. Good luck with everything🙂
 
I'm sorry that your mother is not doing well. I've had to go through that as well.
You should definitely defer if you have to get things in your life in order first. I wouldn't refuse the acceptance. They will see that on your next application, and they may not take the time to look any closer than that. Deferring is your best option. Good luck, and god bless you and your family in this difficult time.
 
I'd defer, and I am sorry to hear about your mother.

I think it's an easy decision. I don't think that putting your life on hold to spend time with immediate family is something you would ever regret.
 
WinterLights said:
Ah hello god, so kind of you to come down from medical school and grace us with your presence (sarcasm).

The OP asked for opinions and that is my opinion. You don't have to like it.
Click to expand...
Capitalize my name next time, junior.
 
AllIveGot said:
I am a regular on the boards, but I've been dealing with issues that I'd like to remain separate from my other user name. I am one of the very fortunate people to have received an MD acceptance already, and I couldn't be happier. However, with the good follows the bad. My mom, a huge reason why I decided to pursue medicine, is now struggling with Stage IV breast cancer. I took this year off to spend it with her, knowing that this may be the last year I have with her. On top of this, my boyfriend of 4 years is attending medical school at a place very much out of my reach. Our hearts are set on starting a life together. We haven't gotten engaged because we want to know we can physically live together before doing so. Basically I wanted feedback on the following idea.

Is it an awful idea to refuse a medical school acceptance in order to become stable in my personal life? Stability would entail being at peace with my family situation, whether that being my mom getting better or the other inevitable possibility 🙁 Also, I don't want to spend more time away from my boyfriend, and so stability would also mean starting my life with him and waiting until after he starts his residency (2010) to reapply to medical school. I am very worried about 2 things...
1) I received a 32R on my MCAT. This was my second time taking it. If I reapply in 2010, will my score still hold up? I keep seeing the average MCAT go up, and I can't stand the thought of having to take that test again.
2) It would be my third time applying if I took this route... I'm sure that doesn't look very good.
3) How will turning down a possible acceptance look to other schools?

I haven't completely ruled out the idea of deferring my acceptance for a year, however, I know that happiness would mean being with my family or being with my boyfriend... neither of which is possible with my current acceptance option. If anyone wants to tell me I'm not passionate enough about medicine, save your breathe. I love medicine, and will never let go of my dream, but I realize that in order to attain it, I need to stay true to myself and those I love most.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.
Click to expand...

If it were me... i would never turn it down.
 
AllIveGot- It's worth noting that every person who answered you who goes to medical school has advised you to not rush off to medical school, but take the time to be with your mother.

Obviously, only you know your particular circumstances, but from those of us currently in the medical school you worked so hard to get into, trust us: there is nothing here worth missing precious time with a parent fighting a very hard fight. Defer. It'll still be here a year from now.

Good luck to your mom and what I know is a tough decision to make.
 
Defer a year then go to school. Don't reapply for some man, fight the powerrr.
 
just go work at MacDonald's, support your mom, marry your boyfriend
 
AllIveGot said:
I am a regular on the boards, but I've been dealing with issues that I'd like to remain separate from my other user name. I am one of the very fortunate people to have received an MD acceptance already, and I couldn't be happier. However, with the good follows the bad. My mom, a huge reason why I decided to pursue medicine, is now struggling with Stage IV breast cancer. I took this year off to spend it with her, knowing that this may be the last year I have with her. On top of this, my boyfriend of 4 years is attending medical school at a place very much out of my reach. Our hearts are set on starting a life together. We haven't gotten engaged because we want to know we can physically live together before doing so. Basically I wanted feedback on the following idea.

Is it an awful idea to refuse a medical school acceptance in order to become stable in my personal life? Stability would entail being at peace with my family situation, whether that being my mom getting better or the other inevitable possibility 🙁 Also, I don't want to spend more time away from my boyfriend, and so stability would also mean starting my life with him and waiting until after he starts his residency (2010) to reapply to medical school. I am very worried about 2 things...
1) I received a 32R on my MCAT. This was my second time taking it. If I reapply in 2010, will my score still hold up? I keep seeing the average MCAT go up, and I can't stand the thought of having to take that test again.
2) It would be my third time applying if I took this route... I'm sure that doesn't look very good.
3) How will turning down a possible acceptance look to other schools?

I haven't completely ruled out the idea of deferring my acceptance for a year, however, I know that happiness would mean being with my family or being with my boyfriend... neither of which is possible with my current acceptance option. If anyone wants to tell me I'm not passionate enough about medicine, save your breathe. I love medicine, and will never let go of my dream, but I realize that in order to attain it, I need to stay true to myself and those I love most.

Any and all advice would be appreciated.
Click to expand...


I think you already said it in the title of this post (life > career) I truly believe that in our final retrospective reflection, we will realize the most important aspect of our lives: the relationships w/ the ones we love. This is obviously a critical time for you and your family. In the grand scheme of things, how significant are a few years?

It seems that many of the previous posts give great advice, so I won't repeat there ideas. ...and as far as the MD acceptance goes...this is a great accomplishment. What makes you think you could not do it again? You are obviously very capable of achievng high academic scores, which many cannot do. You obviously have dedication and a caring heart, which many do not have. All of this would shine through in your next application cycle.

Now is the best time to do this soul searching, b/c I doubt the MS1 school year will be very forgiving. Keep the time constraint of this upcoming endeavor in mind.

Much can be done in a few years for personal, familial, and professional growth. I think stability is the foundation for achievement and may be the necessary object to tackle.

Prayers for your Mom and your decision. 🙂

-Derek
 
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