Likely Retaking First Year

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UnevenHoodieStrings

UW-Madison SVM
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I apologize in advance for the lengthy post, but I'd appreciate it very much if you stuck with me and gave me your thoughts or even experiences, if applicable.

I'm currently a first year in my first semester at Wisconsin and my grades are not looking good. As it stands (since finals aren't done and official yet), I will definitely be getting D's or worse in Anatomy and Histology. Our school's policy is that we are to get no more than 1 D in our academic career. I've met with the dean of students and she told me that plenty of students have gotten a couple D's and were not dismissed, but rather the committee had given them the option to petition against the standard policy and retake their bad year. This is what will likely happen for me, though it is always a possibility that I'll be dismissed or they allow me to go on to spring semester after considering the circumstances around my bad grades. I personally doubt I'll be able to go on to spring semester (and the dean of students has never seen it happen for someone with more than 1 D), and I'm hopeful that I won't get outright dismissed, so I guess I'm just trying to gauge what it will be like to take a semester off and restart everything over again.

My biggest issue is the emotional components, particularly shame. It was a long road to get accepted for me, and to basically fail my first semester and have to start over is just so...so humiliating. I really don't know how to tell my family because I feel I'll let them all down. As you could probably imagine, the Impostor Syndrome is stronger than ever. The logical part of my brain knows, with every fiber of my being, that becoming a DVM is something I want (so being unsure of the program is not a contributing factor), I'm grateful that I'll likely get the option to try again (compared to being kicked out), and knows that I'm capable of doing well in the program and just had too many things playing a factor this year that did not allow me to succeed....but I guess emotions aren't always logical. My friends that know and my SO have been exceedingly supportive but I just can't shake that I've let them all down and myself down.

So, is there anyone out there that has had a similar experience? How did you handle it, tell your family, and/or do with your time off? I appreciate your time and thoughts!

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I repeated my first year following essentially failing anatomy. Illinois does grades drastically different than any other school, but I'm very aware that anatomy was what took me out. The only difference between our situations is that I went through the entire school year (again, due to the weird way Illinois does grades; had I gone to a school with traditional grading schemes, it's likely I would have failed the semester). Further more, I very nearly failed second year, to the point where the dean and I had a frank conversation of where my standing was and that repeating second year (actual second year, not first year 2.0) was being offered by the academic committee (that year, I struggled with depression resulting from the death of my younger sister 2 weeks into the school year). Suffice it to say, you are not alone in this. I'll continue to reply to you here, but you're always welcome to privately message as well.

My biggest issue is the emotional components, particularly shame. It was a long road to get accepted for me, and to basically fail my first semester and have to start over is just so...so humiliating. I really don't know how to tell my family because I feel I'll let them all down.
This was rough. I did call my mom essentially immediately when I learned I had potentially failed (didn't get the official email until the day after grades came out). But telling my grandparents, all the friends that have been with me through high school/college was hard because I definitely felt I hadn't lived up to their expectations they had for me. I didn't tell my grandpa until after I got the email saying I was being allowed to repeat. I came in gunning to be high ranking/gung-ho/what have you. Spoiler alert: not the case first year 1.0, and not the case during fourth year either. Then there was the absolute mortification of telling people in my (old) class.

As far as actually telling people, it was a person by person basis, to be honest. My mom told my dad and little sister. Little sister did me a solid and told the friend group at home. I told my college friends (one of whom I had failed O chem with). And then for my friends in my old class, I straight up just said it. There was shock nearly across the board, except with my parents as my parents knew I had been struggling the whole year. No single person said anything negative to my face. If anything bad was said against me behind my back, I never heard of it.


I will say that over time, I have started to view this situation as a blessing in disguise. This change of perspective will definitely vary wildly student by student. But I did not jive well with my original class. And if I had somehow managed to pass first year and second year in my original class, I would have no doubt I would have failed third year when my sister died. I would have ended up in my current class, just much later. I love my current class and they were all extremely supportive through second year, and I don't think I would have ever had that same level of support from my previous class.

Let me know if you have any other questions! This is hard, no doubt. It is doable, however. Remember that most classes in most schools have a few repeaters that exit or enter. 3 of us went from 2020 to 2021. One from 2021 went into 2022. I'm relatively certain something like 4 went from 2019 to 2020. You are not alone in this, possibly not even in your own class. This is a bump in the road, not a dead end. You got this.
 
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I repeated my first year following essentially failing anatomy. Illinois does grades drastically different than any other school, but I'm very aware that anatomy was what took me out. The only difference between our situations is that I went through the entire school year (again, due to the weird way Illinois does grades; had I gone to a school with traditional grading schemes, it's likely I would have failed the semester). Further more, I very nearly failed second year, to the point where the dean and I had a frank conversation of where my standing was and that repeating second year (actual second year, not first year 2.0) was being offered by the academic committee (that year, I struggled with depression resulting from the death of my younger sister 2 weeks into the school year). Suffice it to say, you are not alone in this. I'll continue to reply to you here, but you're always welcome to privately message as well.


This was rough. I did call my mom essentially immediately when I learned I had potentially failed (didn't get the official email until the day after grades came out). But telling my grandparents, all the friends that have been with me through high school/college was hard because I definitely felt I hadn't lived up to their expectations they had for me. I didn't tell my grandpa until after I got the email saying I was being allowed to repeat. I came in gunning to be high ranking/gung-ho/what have you. Spoiler alert: not the case first year 1.0, and not the case during fourth year either. Then there was the absolute mortification of telling people in my (old) class.

As far as actually telling people, it was a person by person basis, to be honest. My mom told my dad and little sister. Little sister did me a solid and told the friend group at home. I told my college friends (one of whom I had failed O chem with). And then for my friends in my old class, I straight up just said it. There was shock nearly across the board, except with my parents as my parents knew I had been struggling the whole year. No single person said anything negative to my face. If anything bad was said against me behind my back, I never heard of it.


I will say that over time, I have started to view this situation as a blessing in disguise. This change of perspective will definitely vary wildly student by student. But I did not jive well with my original class. And if I had somehow managed to pass first year and second year in my original class, I would have no doubt I would have failed third year when my sister died. I would have ended up in my current class, just much later. I love my current class and they were all extremely supportive through second year, and I don't think I would have ever had that same level of support from my previous class.

Let me know if you have any other questions! This is hard, no doubt. It is doable, however. Remember that most classes in most schools have a few repeaters that exit or enter. 3 of us went from 2020 to 2021. One from 2021 went into 2022. I'm relatively certain something like 4 went from 2019 to 2020. You are not alone in this, possibly not even in your own class. This is a bump in the road, not a dead end. You got this.
Thank you so much for the reply!! I apologize I took a while - it was a bit hard to pull myself up out of the gutter with this, and it's also finals season so that's extra fun. :inpain:

It's comforting to know that someone else has gone through it and that not everyone has an ideal environment for learning, thank you so much for sharing! I am sorry to hear about the hardships you went through but I'm glad it all worked out, it gives me a little hope. I also came into school ready to kick butt, it's going to be a shock to everyone when they find out. I haven't decided who I'm going to tell in my family and class, and how, but I'm sure it'll come to me when the time is right. It's crazy that so many people every year are in this situation - this just doesn't seem to be something ANYONE talks about, and I personally never considered the possibility that I may not pass on to the next semester...or the possibility of being dismissed entirely.

I did have an added layer of complexity come up very recently in regards to this though! When I discussed my grades and study habits with my SO and friends some more, they wondered if I might have ADD/ADHD. I'd never considered it, I always just blamed my own incompetence when it came to my grades, whether it be time management, bad study habits (which I had to have changed a million times this semester, mostly unsuccessfully), or plain laziness. But when I looked into symptoms and whatnot, I discovered I can relate quite a bit and that females tend to manifest those disorders differently than what people usually think of when they visualize ADD/ADHD, and thus be underdiagnosed/not diagnosed at all! I'm currently communicating with some psychiatric wellness professionals to get assessed, so we'll see where that goes.

Other than that, I officially have 1 exam left, the Anatomy exam, before I can meet with the committee and they can decide what to do with me. I'll keep you updated! Thanks again, you've really helped me feel like I'm not alone and that I am worthy of continuing, one way or another.
 
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Thanks again, you've really helped me feel like I'm not alone and that I am worthy of continuing, one way or another.
Absolutely! I am always available if you want to talk. It isnt something highly talked about and that's why I always put it out there.

Life sucks sometimes and things happen. You just have to figure out the next step.
 
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Just wanted to add some stats from my class so that OP and others searching the thread can have some more evidence that they are not alone.

Three students that I personally know of in my class were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD during the first two years of vet school. Late diagnosis coming in vet school (or medical school, etc) seems to be pretty common, especially for women. Several other people I know were diagnosed with other things like anxiety, depression, etc. Assessment and treatment plans have allowed those people to be successful in vet school, even if a few had to repeat a year.

Also, 8 people from my class failed out, left, or recycled into a class below during the first two years. Eight! Granted, my class has been called a little bit "special" by our admin because it's more than normal for our school, but still. 1 out of every 20 students who started in my class won't be graduating with it, and a few won't be graduating at all. It's not uncommon to repeat a year; you're definitely not alone.
 
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The support and well-wishes from you guys, total strangers to me, really means a lot, ugh. Someone may be cutting onions over here!

Changing up study methods to be more active rather than passive---a suggestion often made to vet students who are having a hard time making the grade---didn't help. At the time, I assumed that my failures were due to some combination of me being lazy and just not smart enough to make it in vet school, but the reality is that I had extreme difficulty focusing and actually retaining information, even after reading/hearing it over and over and over again.
Oh my gosh, that sounds just like what I was going through!! Difficulty focusing and retaining information! Thank you so much for sharing, your story really helps me believe that it's not just me being incompetent or lazy. It seems like the more I learn and the more people I talk to about this the more I feel like I am not really neurotypical either, whether it's because of ADD/ADHD or something else. It's a hard thing to for me to come to grips with too as I haven't been diagnosed with anything before, ever, and have always been a good student. Since it's so much later in my life, it almost feels like (or rather, could be perceived as) an excuse or a cop-out, but the impacts on me and my education are undeniable. Thank you also for the well-wishes also, I'm hoping for the best since I finished my Anatomy exam earlier this afternoon.

Just wanted to add some stats from my class so that OP and others searching the thread can have some more evidence that they are not alone.

Three students that I personally know of in my class were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD during the first two years of vet school. Late diagnosis coming in vet school (or medical school, etc) seems to be pretty common, especially for women. Several other people I know were diagnosed with other things like anxiety, depression, etc. Assessment and treatment plans have allowed those people to be successful in vet school, even if a few had to repeat a year.

Also, 8 people from my class failed out, left, or recycled into a class below during the first two years. Eight! Granted, my class has been called a little bit "special" by our admin because it's more than normal for our school, but still. 1 out of every 20 students who started in my class won't be graduating with it, and a few won't be graduating at all. It's not uncommon to repeat a year; you're definitely not alone.
That's so crazy. There's just so many common things that don't get talked about. And in this time of virtual learning, there's got to be even more people that can relate! Thank you so much for sharing, it really lent a lot of perspective for me so I have no doubts it'll help countless others who will see this thread.
 
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Update, as promised!

I have met with the educational policy committee and they have officially voted to allow me to come back with the class of 2025. I'm over the moon!! Their only provisions are that I meet with them again in May/June to update them on my life and health, and that I am treated like a brand new student (so attending orientation, retaking all classes, etc, which they outlined in their policies so I was aware of that already). Altogether very understandable and doable and I'm beyond excited for this second chance. They were very kind and sympathetic, and offered me lots of resources for my mental health. Older vet students weren't kidding when they said that everyone at the school wants you to succeed. 🥰 I'm still waiting on getting officially assessed for ADHD but hopefully that comes soon too!

I'm currently re-studying my notes from fall at the same weekly pace that they were given during the semester so that I can make sure that information is solidified in my brain while making sure I keep up/stay used to the pace. In the words of one of my good friends who graduated from the same school, I'm going to "study the information until you're bored with it". I've joined some support groups on social media for academics with ADHD hoping to pick up some study/life tips and have joined a gym to get my physical and mental fitness better. I'm also hoping to get some flexible, student-friendly employment during this time off. If anyone else has suggestions for success, especially as it relates to ADHD, I'm happy to hear it!

Thank you to everyone that offered support; or if you read this and silently wished me luck, thank you to you too. <3 The imposter syndrome is still real but I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Here's to kicking vet school's butt in the fall! 💪
 
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Congratulations!!! :D
 
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Just wanted to add some stats from my class so that OP and others searching the thread can have some more evidence that they are not alone.

Three students that I personally know of in my class were diagnosed with ADD/ADHD during the first two years of vet school. Late diagnosis coming in vet school (or medical school, etc) seems to be pretty common, especially for women. Several other people I know were diagnosed with other things like anxiety, depression, etc. Assessment and treatment plans have allowed those people to be successful in vet school, even if a few had to repeat a year.

Also, 8 people from my class failed out, left, or recycled into a class below during the first two years. Eight! Granted, my class has been called a little bit "special" by our admin because it's more than normal for our school, but still. 1 out of every 20 students who started in my class won't be graduating with it, and a few won't be graduating at all. It's not uncommon to repeat a year; you're definitely not alone.
My original class started with 106 students. By the end of the first semester, we were at 88. 3 more dropped down 3rd year first semester. Now, only 85 of the original 106 are still in 2021. We're definitely an outlier as well, having lost 20% of our original class.

Some of these people dropped down to 22 and some left the profession and are doing amazing things! So it's all going to be okay, even if it seems like it won't be. <3
 
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Thank you so much for the reply!! I apologize I took a while - it was a bit hard to pull myself up out of the gutter with this, and it's also finals season so that's extra fun. :inpain:

It's comforting to know that someone else has gone through it and that not everyone has an ideal environment for learning, thank you so much for sharing! I am sorry to hear about the hardships you went through but I'm glad it all worked out, it gives me a little hope. I also came into school ready to kick butt, it's going to be a shock to everyone when they find out. I haven't decided who I'm going to tell in my family and class, and how, but I'm sure it'll come to me when the time is right. It's crazy that so many people every year are in this situation - this just doesn't seem to be something ANYONE talks about, and I personally never considered the possibility that I may not pass on to the next semester...or the possibility of being dismissed entirely.

I did have an added layer of complexity come up very recently in regards to this though! When I discussed my grades and study habits with my SO and friends some more, they wondered if I might have ADD/ADHD. I'd never considered it, I always just blamed my own incompetence when it came to my grades, whether it be time management, bad study habits (which I had to have changed a million times this semester, mostly unsuccessfully), or plain laziness. But when I looked into symptoms and whatnot, I discovered I can relate quite a bit and that females tend to manifest those disorders differently than what people usually think of when they visualize ADD/ADHD, and thus be underdiagnosed/not diagnosed at all! I'm currently communicating with some psychiatric wellness professionals to get assessed, so we'll see where that goes.

Other than that, I officially have 1 exam left, the Anatomy exam, before I can meet with the committee and they can decide what to do with me. I'll keep you updated! Thanks again, you've really helped me feel like I'm not alone and that I am worthy of continuing, one way or another.
As a veterinary student, there would be a time when I could spend hours looking at a page of notes and I just couldn't learn it. On one frustrating night, I simply put the microbiology notes aside and figured I may as well study immunology. Interestingly it was like my brain was refreshed and I was able to have a productive study hour before again I had trouble studying. I then went back to microbiology and my brain was again refreshed. I went through the rest of school going back and forth between given subjects during study time and subsequently passed all courses. Knowing what I know now having a child with ADHD, I probably had a similar problem. Stumbling across this was quite fortuitous, as I learned and subsequently graduated. That is a "trick" in studying for me that worked. Perhaps it can be of help to you. Another suggestion, if the professor says it in lecture then you are responsible for it. Do not take the attitude "it will not be on the test.". Lastly, do not worry about what your family or friends think. They are more supportive than you think. The pressures of a professional program are indeed great, do not add it by worrying what someone else will think You can do this. don't put any unnecessary pressure on your self. I wish you well. James A Coleman, D.V.M.
 
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As a veterinary student, there would be a time when I could spend hours looking at a page of notes and I just couldn't learn it. On one frustrating night, I simply put the microbiology notes aside and figured I may as well study immunology. Interestingly it was like my brain was refreshed and I was able to have a productive study hour before again I had trouble studying. I then went back to microbiology and my brain was again refreshed. I went through the rest of school going back and forth between given subjects during study time and subsequently passed all courses. Knowing what I know now having a child with ADHD, I probably had a similar problem. Stumbling across this was quite fortuitous, as I learned and subsequently graduated. That is a "trick" in studying for me that worked. Perhaps it can be of help to you. Another suggestion, if the professor says it in lecture then you are responsible for it. Do not take the attitude "it will not be on the test.". Lastly, do not worry about what your family or friends think. They are more supportive than you think. The pressures of a professional program are indeed great, do not add it by worrying what someone else will think You can do this. don't put any unnecessary pressure on your self. I wish you well. James A Coleman, D.V.M.
Thank you so much for sharing, doctor!! Now that you mention it, I do often find myself doing something similar! If something just isn't clicking, I will leave it and try to come back to it later, where it generally successfully makes sense. Usually it meant taking a break altogether from studies, which is where I would often get distracted by other things and not come back or come back much too late. Maybe it would be better for me to just pick up a different course's materials to keep my brain going and "refreshing", like you said!

For everyone who has been watching the thread and offering encouragement, I did officially receive my ADHD diagnosis a couple weeks ago. I present with a combination of inattentive and hyperactive types of ADHD, but the inattentive type dominates quite a bit. I've been prescribed medication which has been an absolute game-changer in my focus and task completion! I'm excited to see where this takes me and work on learning how to utilize this brain wiring to my advantage. :)
 
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