My husband and I are starting a long distance marriage next month when I start my residency 3000 miles away. He is in the military and was deployed for 9 months so we've been apart before. He's been supportive but lately we've been fighting a lot. I think it's the stress and fear that is causing tension between us right before my big move. If you've been in this situation how do you handle your relationship and vacation time? There will be a 3 hour time difference too.
Long distance marriage
- Thread starter fairydoc
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LDR's are always tough. I was in one for 6 months with my fiance (now husband). The only thing that made mine bearable was having a defined ending date. If you know when the distance will end, it gives you something to look forward to. If not, plan visits so that you have something positive in your relationship to look forward to, instead of constantly focusing on the negative aspects of distance. A few other things that helped us:
-Schedule a time to talk every day. Use texting to set up a time so you can avoid the frustration of phone tag.
-Talk about what worries you specifically and how you can deal with it, e.g. "I'm worried that the time difference will make it impossible for us to talk every day--how about talking every other day and emailing or texting in between?"
-When you do communicate, remember to include positives and things you are grateful for. It is easy to get mired in the day-to-day crap that bothers everyone, but focusing on the positive makes conversations something to look forward to as opposed to endless rant-fests. This is especially hard to do in LDR's because if you talk at the end of the day when you're frazzled, you give them the leftovers. It is important not to get sucked into that trap.
-This can be a time to work on your friendship. My husband and I sent each other funny videos, care packages, and letters. Without that physical element, we truly became great friends and it has served us well.
Best of luck in your residency program and remember to be kind to each other during this tough time.
-Schedule a time to talk every day. Use texting to set up a time so you can avoid the frustration of phone tag.
-Talk about what worries you specifically and how you can deal with it, e.g. "I'm worried that the time difference will make it impossible for us to talk every day--how about talking every other day and emailing or texting in between?"
-When you do communicate, remember to include positives and things you are grateful for. It is easy to get mired in the day-to-day crap that bothers everyone, but focusing on the positive makes conversations something to look forward to as opposed to endless rant-fests. This is especially hard to do in LDR's because if you talk at the end of the day when you're frazzled, you give them the leftovers. It is important not to get sucked into that trap.
-This can be a time to work on your friendship. My husband and I sent each other funny videos, care packages, and letters. Without that physical element, we truly became great friends and it has served us well.
Best of luck in your residency program and remember to be kind to each other during this tough time.
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My SO and I were together for six years before becoming LD for the first time when I went 1200 miles away to school. We got married a few weeks ago but I don't expect the relationship to change much, especially while I'm away at school. This is my last "free" summer since rotations start next summer, so we're making the most of it - spending lots of time together, doing fun stuff, seeing friends, etc.
While I didn't experience it personally, I don't think it's abnormal to start feeling a strain before you go away. I would check yourself and do your part on your end to make sure you aren't picking fights or blowing things out of proportion with him when it's really the stress and heartache of moving apart that is causing your feelings. Find time to do things together that are low stress that you can both enjoy, even if it's as simple as taking a walk after dinner. And as always, communicate!
While I didn't experience it personally, I don't think it's abnormal to start feeling a strain before you go away. I would check yourself and do your part on your end to make sure you aren't picking fights or blowing things out of proportion with him when it's really the stress and heartache of moving apart that is causing your feelings. Find time to do things together that are low stress that you can both enjoy, even if it's as simple as taking a walk after dinner. And as always, communicate!
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My lady friend and I have been dating for 6 years. The first 2 were in high school, and the last 4 we've been at different colleges. LDRs are tough like everyone says, but with the right amount of give and take (and a huge amount of love), you can do it. 
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The key word to me here is "been". Sounds like he was fine with the long distance when he was the one behind the long distance. Now, that you are the reason for the long distance he is getting upset.
Hate to say it.......once you leave..........he will probably get lonely and start having relations with someone else.
I think you are more supportive than he.
My SO is 2K miles away
-We use Skype a lot. Even if both of us have something to work on and we aren't actually talking... We just see each other doing randomness around the house. Of course we do actually use Skype to videochat as well though. Lol
-I agree it's important to talk about the positives more than ranting... It's so easy to rant, but it's tiring to listen to.
-We see each other every 4-6 weeks. We set dates (like someone mentioned before) to build short-term anticipation... That helps him more than me.
My SO starts fussing about simple stuff when he misses me. Sounds like that's what your husband is doing too. It's important to reassure them that the distance is temporary and that you will do everything you can to maintain your marriage. Definitely send each other tokens of appreciation too!
It's tough, but doable.
-We use Skype a lot. Even if both of us have something to work on and we aren't actually talking... We just see each other doing randomness around the house. Of course we do actually use Skype to videochat as well though. Lol
-I agree it's important to talk about the positives more than ranting... It's so easy to rant, but it's tiring to listen to.
-We see each other every 4-6 weeks. We set dates (like someone mentioned before) to build short-term anticipation... That helps him more than me.
My SO starts fussing about simple stuff when he misses me. Sounds like that's what your husband is doing too. It's important to reassure them that the distance is temporary and that you will do everything you can to maintain your marriage. Definitely send each other tokens of appreciation too!
It's tough, but doable.
