Look too young?! most annoying comment ever

[Padres248]

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Hey everyone,

Here to vent and wonder if anyone else has this problem.

I'm 28, a PGY-2, and people tell me every day that I look so young. Some people even say I look 10 years old which is very hurtful though most say 12-16. Someone even said I look too young to even have a girlfriend today which is the worst thing I have ever heard (and yes, I have had GFs before)! Can you believe that?!!!!

Its become too much and makes me want to quit my job sometimes. Its the most disrespectful thing ever. People never comment about someone being fat or ugly or old but somehow strangers think this is acceptable. I never heard anyone say anything about me looking young until about I turned 23-24. Sometimes I don't respond when people say I look young and sometimes I go off on them (btw, waited until I finished my work then called the clerk and blasted her for about 5 minutes which felt good.)

I'm looking for anyone else who has gone through this problem and how they have dealt with it. For those who have not experienced this, this problem is difficult to comprehend. The comment that it will benefit you when you are older may be true but right now its so frustrating.

 

[DrMom]

I get the "you're too young to be a doctor" comments pretty frequently even though I'm quite a bit earlier than you. Probably best to make a lighthearted comment. I'll say things like "I'm just really advanced" or "I'm much older than I look" and move on. Most people stop.

 

[Sneezing]

Lighten up. There is no reason for you to yell at anyone regarding that. Change your attitude.

Respond like this:
"Yeah, I am a bit young, but fortunately for you (patient) it just means I'm really smart and knew what I wanted to do with my life."
"Don't I? It really is a pain when ever I try to buy wine at the grocery store! Guess I have to thank my parents for that."
"Ha ha! How old do you think I am? You get one guess. Nope. Much older. Don't worry though, I may look young but I and my team know what we are doing and you are going to get the care you deserve."

 

[sunset823]

And here my mom gets upset if anybody thinks I'm older than 20 (I'm 25), haha. Sometimes I get the 'younger than my age' thing, but it works out fine for me since I'm still an M1 and by the time I'm practicing I'll just be looking about the right age for a resident. My old boss looks very young and often got comments about her being an intern/resident when she's actually fully licensed and several years out of residency, especially from older people in some of our offsite locations in rural areas.

To the OP, looking young is considered a compliment by many people. It may annoy you, but nobody means any harm by saying it. I'm guessing you work in a system with a lot of older people. The suggestions are above are good, but just make a humorous comment out of it, and everyone's happy.

Now, if a patient said you're fat or something, that's disrespectful, but young is just an innocent gesture.

 

[ShyRem]

Young is definitely a compliment. You'll be grateful when you're 40 or 50 and don't need Botox.

 

[medicinesux]

take the compliments while you can..... a couple more years in this industry and you will be sprouting grey hairs like weeds in an unkempt lawn, developing frown lines from all the angst, and transforming into a fat flabby mess.

 

[lowbudget]

I get it all the time & still do. But at work I'm a professional, so I try to act like one. My patients never mean any harm when they say it, they're just trying to make a connection. So, I never say anything douchebag or smart ass in return. "You look too young" is always followed by "Why thank you & so do you" (even when they look like Death). And, "You look too young to be a doctor" is followed by "Why thank you. And you look too young to be my patient." I've tried some of the above lines about being young Doogie Houser & they never work. It's pompous & a down right lie in my case. I'm an old fart of average age for my level & hardly a boy-genius. Returning the compliment usually gets some giggles, smiles, & laughs in return, which is how I want my patients to feel when they leave my office.

I know where you're coming from because it happened a lot throughout training. Part of it was because I was still a resident struggling for credibility. If you do your job well, have good clinical outcomes, & act like a professional, you will *receive* credibility from staff, patients, colleagues & faculty & will no longer feel the need to *demand* respect.

 

[Abacab]

Hey everyone,

Here to vent and wonder if anyone else has this problem.

I'm 28, a PGY-2, and people tell me every day that I look so young. Some people even say I look 10 years old which is very hurtful though most say 12-16. Someone even said I look too young to even have a girlfriend today which is the worst thing I have ever heard (and yes, I have had GFs before)! Can you believe that?!!!!

Its become too much and makes me want to quit my job sometimes. Its the most disrespectful thing ever. People never comment about someone being fat or ugly or old but somehow strangers think this is acceptable. I never heard anyone say anything about me looking young until about I turned 23-24. Sometimes I don't respond when people say I look young and sometimes I go off on them (btw, waited until I finished my work then called the clerk and blasted her for about 5 minutes which felt good.)

I'm looking for anyone else who has gone through this problem and how they have dealt with it. For those who have not experienced this, this problem is difficult to comprehend. The comment that it will benefit you when you are older may be true but right now its so frustrating.

Maybe you could sport a beard or something if you think it might make you feel better.

Or, you could try buying your clothes at Sears? Or pull your pants up really high.

Seriously though, just take it as a compliment. Personally, I feel flattered when I hear it. Nobody is implying that you are inept because you look young. Definitely don't go off on them. Just say "thanks, must be the botox."

If they say "you look too young to even have a girlfriend." Just say, "your mom didn't seem to mind last night." Just kidding, don't do that! 😀

 

[Winged Scapula]

Consider it a compliment as it is not true that patients and co-workers won't say disrespectful things. My medical school roommate was overweight and she was told, on more than one occasion, that she was too fat to be a physician. I've heard patients comment negatively about a physician's accent, supposed religion, sexual orientation, etc.

Treating patients and colleagues professionally should be your goal; to lose your temper over something so trivial is not worth it. As people age, they forget what *they* looked like at the same age, so assume you must be younger.

One of these days you will look old enough to be a physician, and then you can garner the comments about how much younger than your age you look.😀

 

[thedrjojo]

Maybe you could sport a beard or something if you think it might make you feel better.

Or, you could try buying your clothes at Sears? Or pull your pants up really high.

Seriously though, just take it as a compliment. Personally, I feel flattered when I hear it. Nobody is implying that you are inept because you look young. Definitely don't go off on them. Just say "thanks, must be the botox."

If they say "you look too young to even have a girlfriend." Just say, "your mom didn't seem to mind last night." Just kidding, don't do that! 😀

I always try to sport the calculated stubble, makes me go from looking like a freshman in college to, well, a freshman in college who doesn't know how to shave😉

If that has gotten you to the point of almost wanting to quit, I'd hate to see when something really goes wrong 😱 You gotta learn to roll with the punches and play it cool 😎

 

[dragonfly99]

I am in my 30's and still get this all the time.
It's not going to stop any time soon...and for me it's worse because I'm female and we already get no respect sometimes.

Don't come unhinged. Just act professional no matter what other people do. I think it's OK to confront hospital staff, such as the unit secretary, as long as you don't yell...but I personally wouldn't because it's not worth the aggravation and you might make him/her mad in which case they can make your life more difficult. Most patients are just trying to compliment you or are just making conversation. Since you are 28 you could just tell them your real age, and/or tell them you've been in training for 5 years postcollege to do this. At my stage I just tell them I've been doing this 9 years (counting med school, research years, resident, fellowship) and that usually shuts them up. In a couple years you'll be able to do that too.

 

[FutureDocDO]

nvm

 

[Apollyon]

take the compliments while you can..... a couple more years in this industry and you will be sprouting grey hairs like weeds in an unkempt lawn, developing frown lines from all the angst, and transforming into a fat flabby mess.

No, no, and no.

I appear "younger than stated age". However, I never got "you look too young to be a doctor". There was a Family Medicine doctor who was part of a group back where I was, and I'd spoken with him, but I'd never seen him. When I finally did, I asked myself, "Who's the kid?" Seriously, he looks like he's 15 - and he's been in practice for at least 3 years. However, his LOL patients love him.

 

[Padres248]

Thank you for your replies. It is not the patients that annoy me when they say this - they are surprised to see someone so young so i can understand their shock. It is the staff i'm concerned with - the people who i work with and who I always treat with politeness and kindness. There is no compliment in the way they say you look so young. At best, it is a backhanded compliment.

I also disagree with letting staff know that these types of comments are not welcomed. When I let them know they I do not like them saying these things, they usually apologize and act way more professional.

 

[daveyjwin]

I get this all the time as well, and I generally make a comment about my inability to grow a beard ("I haven't shaved in 3 days, can you tell?" or "I tried growing a beard once, but it didn't work").

Also, not to sound judgemental, but the way Padres sounds makes me think that he does not "always treat [his co-workers] with politeness and kindness." Chewing out people, getting upset about innocuous comments, etc. Not generally things that nice people do. Lighten up...

 

[staphaureus]

I'm a dude, I get this all the time, doesn't bother me at all... I always get the "aren't you too young to be a doctor?" or "how old are you anyway?" question. I usually play along with it. If it doesn't affect your work, then there's no reason to get upset at anyone.

 

[adam6]

I echo the comments that stress the importance of professionalism - with colleagues/staff as well as patients.

However, I feel the OP's pain as I also "suffer" from this syndrome 🙂
I will admit that I have a hard time taking it as a compliment even though I know I could. For example, I was about to perform a thyroid biopsy the other day and the patient (who I had not known previously since this was a biopsy clinic) stopped me from proceeding and asked me my age. She didn't ask about my experience (I've performed 30+ of these) but my age.

At these moments, it's hard because you feel like your competence IS being challenged. But, as other posters have discussed, I laughed it off and used some of my trusty techniques to reassure the patient (talked about my experience, years of training, asked her how old she thought I was - then stated my real age).

So... I think it is natural to feel offended (it's hard to change that). And though many intend it as a compliment, for some people it is a passive aggressive slight. However, the reality is that you cannot control everyone around you -- but you have to control yourself.

 

[Dr Magpie]

I get this often, and my usual response is something along the lines of "we're here to talk about YOU, not me" (said with a smile) and a quick continuation to the matter at hand.

 

[docB]

I've tried some of the above lines about being young Doogie Houser & they never work.

Although Doogie had a really good one that I always wished I could use:

Patient: "You're the doctor? You're just a kid!"
Doogie: "Yes but I'm a genius. If you like I can get you an older doctor who's not as smart."

 

[MCYan]

sometimes wearing glasses (without prescription lenses if you are 20/20) might help you look older and more mature - and it is a good piece of accessory to have too.

 

[fab4fan]

Thank you for your replies. It is not the patients that annoy me when they say this - they are surprised to see someone so young so i can understand their shock. It is the staff i'm concerned with - the people who i work with and who I always treat with politeness and kindness. There is no compliment in the way they say you look so young. At best, it is a backhanded compliment.

I also disagree with letting staff know that these types of comments are not welcomed. When I let them know they I do not like them saying these things, they usually apologize and act way more professional.

You should hear what they say after you leave. 😉

Do you honestly think people deliberately say this to upset you? Sometimes when you're the new guy, people don't know quite what to say at first to start a conversation, and they'll say something that comes out awkward. Just take the high road. They're not insulting your intelligence.

FWIW, I maintain that my father's doctor doesn't look old enough to shave, let alone write prescriptions. But my Dad's 70, so his choice of doc is his choice, not mine. I'd have picked an older looking doctor. Someone my age.

 

[IndyXRT]

I got the flip side of this today; I was covering for another doctor, and one of his patients liked me enough that he went on a rant about how "young doctors" often did things that annoyed him. After we talked a bit more, he realized I was one of the "young doctors" and exclaimed "why, you're not even a baby boomer!" I guess I look a few decades older than I am.

 

[Richie Truxillo]

I get that comment all the time too. Thus I grew a nicely trimmed Goatee (Circle beard). Much to my dismay, still didn't work!

 

[lipomas]

Just ignore it. Who really cares? People make ignorant and uninformed comments all of the time. Just say, "OK" and move on. If they think you're rude so what.

I get the sense you have not really experienced any real difficulty in life if having people tell you you are too young bothers you so much you want to quit. Would you rather they tell you you are incompetent? If you do your job well the comments will stop. It can be tough as a student and resident when you move around a lot to new sites and keep meeting new people, but as you progress things will level off. It's tough for everybody. Women get comments that they must be a nurse. Minorities get comments that they must be an orderly (unless they're Asian in which case everyone assumes they have no personality). Students in general get looked at with disdain. You probably do some of the same stuff to other people without noticing it. Just let it go. It makes your life easier.

If it continues to bother you, just get a button for your white coat that states your age, or wear a sign around your neck that says, "I know what you're thinking so shut the hell up."

 

[md2010sgu]

I used to get that all the time...then I started growing facial hair, and purposely looking tired when I H&P patients. Oh...and I speak really loud and confidently. Never got a comment again about age.... just about how I need to shave to keep up with professional appearances 😀

 

[roja]

I can sense your immense frustration with this, but to put it in perspective, if this is the most annoying thing someone has said or will say to you (by a patient or a co-worker), you will live a blessed life in medicine.

Obviously, this has nothing to do with that you look young; but, that you see this as an undermining of your position. Anyone can make you feel this way if you let them: it could be your race, your gender, you hieght, weight, upbringing, medical school, specialty, etc etc.

The only way to come to terms with this is to deal with your own insecurities surrounding your appearance and your professionalism. You are showing your maturity by not getting upset and acting professionally and doing your job competently will erase anyones questions.

One of my colleagues still looks about 15. He doesn't even bat an eye. He has everyones respect because of his good humor, skill and interpersonal skills. Best of luck!

 

[cangsaigon]

Happened to me too! but i usually just smile and said "Really! hm.. I'm even younger than look!! Can you tell me today's date? time? location? Your last name? can you spell it backward? and so on....

ps: Just don't do it in front of your attending.

 

[buckley]

I get that a lot too, but I just smile and say--"really, how old do you think I am?" And no matter what age they give me, I just smile and say, "That's good to know."

I understand your frustration, but as people here have noted, getting antsy about it will not help anyone.

 

[MOHS_01]

"Ummm. Yeah. You may want to check out my skin care line for yourself."

"Yeah... if that's a problem, I can just go and get you one of the kids who took several extra years to get through school."

"I think there is an old doc out in the hall who probably still develops his own plain films.... I can run and get him if you like."

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Hey -- you're only X. I would have pegged you at least 30 years older than that."

 

[Kubed]

... If it continues to bother you, just get a button for your white coat that states your age, or wear a sign around your neck that says, "I know what you're thinking so shut the hell up."

 

[coldweatherblue]

I've gotten the "you look really young" a few times.. maybe it's a weird response but I can't help but take it as *the greatest compliment someone could give me*.. I usually say "Thank you that's very nice of you", blush, and move on with the Hx/PE. probably because i'm a white guy who spends a lot of time in the ocean staring into the sun, so I know my youthful skin days are numbered.

 

[MaxPower]

I get it sometimes, too. Typically I'll just make a joke of it -

"Would you rather have someone who looks too old?"
"Yeah, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night"
"Well, you look too young to be in the hospital"
"Aww thanks, and I didn't even have time to put on my make-up today"
"Just be glad I'm not a Chinese gymnast"
"I know, call me Doogie"

Sometimes, I'll just make conversation.. "Really? How old do you think I am?"

If it's someone who I know well and know it's not really meant to imply I'm inexperienced (particularly if doing a procedure)... "Don't worry, I've watched the Youtube video and read the Wikipedia page twice".

The fact is, you are still in training. So if someone really has an issue, you can explain the whole system. If they tell me it's not because of age per se, but rather the fact that I'm a resident, I'm happy to let my attending know.

 

[UCLAstudent]

I get it all the time and I'm pretty used to it, but last week I was told that my FIRST NAME sounded too young to be a doctor. It's not my fault that I have a name that was popular in the 80s.

 

[abbaroodle]

.

 

[Cirrus83]

Hahaha I used to get that first year of medical school...and then my joints started aching and my hair turned grey and I was tired all the time (from lack of sleep) and now nobody ever thinks I'm young anymore.
Really, enjoy looking super young because you'll be real friggin' sorry when you feel old as hell that you didn't appreciate it.

 

[AbbyNormal]

Right there with Cirrus. Enjoy looking young while it lasts. I am a half century old and clerks keep offering me their senior discount. I take it. I raised a teen with oppositional defiant disorder - it's the mileage, not the years.

 

[turquoiseblue]

Let's see... even though im so much older than i look, and people are shocked im not still in high school by just my looks, i've been told im too young to be a doctor, and been called things like Doogie Howser MD, and 'baby doctor' LOL...

it truly is annoying. and yes there were somedays i wondered why i ever became a doctor with such disrespect and judgement for my looks over knowledge. but o well you get used to it and as you get older you take it as a compliment. im sure among the general public doctors are "supposed" to be old people, and old means wise, but realistically can be of any age at all and still have all the wisdom in the world! I think it is more due to a stereotype more than anything else so no worries and good luck dealing with it for however long you look too young to be a doctor!!

 

[Ashers]

I get it all the time and I'm pretty used to it, but last week I was told that my FIRST NAME sounded too young to be a doctor. It's not my fault that I have a name that was popular in the 80s.

Just so you know, I love this.

I used to get that I looked too young all the time. Then I started intern year in peds, and now, only occasionally, do parents or grandparents say it (and they're usually in with patients who are teenagers).