Love Vs. Career . . .

[bahraini]

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Wow, I just discovered this forum after I went on to Google, and typed in 'MSTP Rejects', because I wasn't feeling to good about all of my rejections. It was nice to see an interesting community ...

So I have finally taken the courage to ask a few questions to you all . .

1. First and foremost, is there anyone out there who (like me) has to make the decision between staying in one location for a loved one, versus moving to another location for a better MSTP?

2. When do Sinai and Yale f***ing get back to us?

3. Any potential neuro mdphds thinking about going to Southwestern?

I guess thats all I can rough up now . . I am excited to hear back from you guys.

bahraini . .

 

[isidella]

Originally posted by bahraini

1. First and foremost, is there anyone out there who (like me) has to make the decision between staying in one location for a loved one, versus moving to another location for a better MSTP?

Um, yes. I have a pretty yucky delimma. I can stay put with my friends (MUSC), move near boyfriends family (UVM), go home to be with my own relatives (KU) or try something totally different (UIC or Utah). They all have research labs I am interested in (I woudn't have applied there in the first place if there wasn't). I guess if I were to go on prestige alone-since that is so f-ing important to most people-MUSC wins because it is the only MSTP in the bunch.

So yeah, you are not alone. What is your delimma and where are you considering if you don't mind me asking?

By the way, welcome to SDN!

 

[bahraini]

My girl and I are both seniors at NYU, and she is going to NYU for an MD, where I want to do the big MDPHD, and schools in the tristate area that I applied to so far, have not been very receptive with my application . .

So thats my situation . . oh well. I am curious, though - do you think that prestige is not important? I don't mean to start a fight, but it seems as if my life became worse after the US news rankings - now, I am just focussing on the school with the highest ranking . . and I am not sure if thats a good or bad thing . .

 

[surge]

Originally posted by bahraini
2. When do Sinai and Yale f***ing get back to us?


3. Any potential neuro mdphds thinking about going to Southwestern?

Sinai should be within the next week or two and Yale March 25.

I was actually VERY seriously considering Southwestern. Their faculty, clinical training and funding are hard to beat. Is that the place you're considering?

 

[isidella]

Originally posted by bahraini
I don't mean to start a fight, but it seems as if my life became worse after the US news rankings - now, I am just focussing on the school with the highest ranking . . and I am not sure if thats a good or bad thing . .

Nope, you can't start a fight with me about this; you are entitled to your opinion. Here is my personal take on the matter (I posted this before in another thread):

"The MSTP elitist attitude I am starting to see from my mudphud peers is a little bit disheartening.

I think this is a very noble route regardless of where you matriculate. I think the fact that all of us are bothering to go the extra mile for deeper understanding is outstanding.

Isn't it all about finding the best fit? I still think so.

It doesn't matter to me if you go to the "best" or the "worst" program, I still think you are all awesome. I don't mentally rank any of you or the programs higher based on your credentials.

As my future colleagues, I hope you will do the same for me and not assume that I am less of a scientist or person because I chose to go to a smaller, less-established MD/PhD program."

I think it is a nice guideline to go where you feel you will be the most satisfied, intellectually and physically and to let US News continue to rank and ruin. IMHO, you can do a great PhD anywhere there is a good mentor you feel you can work with. Doing Nobel caliber work is such a great fantasy for me, (and it may well happen for some of you), but my first goal is to learn how to "think" like a scientist and how to ask a good question.

 

[bahraini]

Well surge, I may have to choose Southwestern due to bad response from other schools. Its not a traditional neuroscience school, but because of some exceptional faculty like Nestler, Sudhof, etc. I am potentially considering it .. did you withdraw from Southwestern? I remember you saying something about withdrawing from 12 schools . .

 

[surge]

Um... Southwestern is among the few I'm still holding on to, but it's probably a matter of time. I feel bad doing it because I loved the people and the school. At least they don't have a waiting list, so I'm not holding anybody's spot.

No, seriously UTSW is awesome. As you said, with Nestler, Sudhof, Parada and a bunch of great new young faculty craving students to make them into superstars, I think UTSW is an up and coming neuroscience powerhouse. They also brought in the new head of neurology from Mass General, they are building up their neurosurgery deptartment... And with the size and organization of the MST program - especially with Mike Brown and Ross Perot behind it, you can't go wrong. It was my top choice, until I got weak and charmed by some 'other' program....😳

BTW, have we met at the finals?

 

[bahraini]

You are absolutely right - Dallas seems to be an excellent place for an MSTP because of the tremendous resources that are available for expansion. Nestler, Sudhof are all amazing . .

But location, location, location . .

It seems like its sort of isolated from the other east coast major ivy high powered institutions . . BUT, thats the one reason why Wash U is doing so well now, I think - because its away from Yale, Harvard, MIT, JHU, etc. . (geographically), and so the scientists are not swayed in their direction.

PLUS, (I was at finals btw, I made the remark about my experience with a certain UPENN colleague), did you see the size of neuro interested people at Southwestern Vs, other schools?

Neuro at Southwestern would be a unique experience for that matter - versus some other school like Wash U.

 

[phar]

You guys make me sick!
I did not apply to any of those elite schools...harvard, yale and so on. My first choice in the MD/PHD 'mad sceintist' is Upstate though i am not so sure if i will attend there. If i do pursue it, i could be the director of your research dept. 😛
Nevertheless, i would not make so called "love" an issue in deciding which school to choose. Education has always been first for me and girls just come and go. I don't want to go into the gender equality crap as i know girls who are "players". This paragraph may not pertain to your question but i just wanted to share it either way.
So, choose what is best for you and regardless of where a loved one wants you to stay. Who is going to run your life, you or your loved one?

 

[MPS]

I've faced similar dilemmas myself. If things are really serious, and you've both applied to a number of programs, you could possibly reach a compromise that doesn't push your relationship into "geographically impossible" territory. This, of course, depends upon the flexibility of your ?girl? and where you?ve both been accepted.

Regarding the prestige issue: I think that Isidella?s comments are spot on. There is certainly a ?halo effect? associated with Harvard/Yale/Oxford/Cambridge and some other well-known universities, but this doesn?t mean that you?ll be better off studying at these places. When it comes to undertaking a PhD, you should find the best supervisor possible (i.e. they should be prolific, agreeable and supportive). As for taking a medical degree at a prestigious institution; it?s a double-edged sword. I can safely say that I?m sick of my lecturers harping on about all the Nobel laureates Cambridge has generated.

 

[tuckp]

#1, Isadella, have I told you lately how awesome you are?

#2, I too have a love and MSTP struggle, although not quite as final/difficult/absolute. Sig other is (luckily) have computer/internet career, will travel. They have pledged to go with me to my next destination, where-ever that may be. However, the same thing was said before we traveled to our current home, now of one year. While no complaints have been made, it has been a much less than stellar place for sig other's career and earning power, and great for mine... I do not fear that blame will be laid, the choice is his to come or not -- but I can't help but sense my choices and oppinions are guided by where I think he will be happy. I struggle to place proper emphasis on factors important to me, like institutional fit, caliper (ugh, spelling) of curriculum, availability of yoga classes. 🙂

In sum, I think it's true that everyone has other life factors influencing their instution choice, whether to a greater or lesser extent. It all comes down to the weight you choose to place on each piece of your life. And frankly (here's my controversial statement) I think the younger or less experienced we are with life, the more we tend to place more emphasis on career and less on personal and happiness than is appropriate.

 

[pathdr2b]

I hesitated repsonding to this thread for a week because I didn''t want to offend anyone. So much for that.............

I don't think ANY of you should make a career decision based on a loved one unless a ring has been exchanged or a question has been asked.

So pardon me, I 'm 36 years old and I'd hate to see some of you repeat my mistakes. Believe me, if you're a decent enough person(and I personally believe the people on this thread are the best), then love will find you wherever you go. And you won't have to look hard for it either...............................

 

[Andrew_Doan]

Originally posted by bahraini
Wow, I just discovered this forum after I went on to Google, and typed in 'MSTP Rejects', because I wasn't feeling to good about all of my rejections. It was nice to see an interesting community ...

So I have finally taken the courage to ask a few questions to you all . .

1. First and foremost, is there anyone out there who (like me) has to make the decision between staying in one location for a loved one, versus moving to another location for a better MSTP?

2. When do Sinai and Yale f***ing get back to us?

3. Any potential neuro mdphds thinking about going to Southwestern?

I guess thats all I can rough up now . . I am excited to hear back from you guys.

bahraini . .

In regards to Love, this is a very difficult and completely dependent on personal preference. In my opinion, if you're married/engaged, you and your spouse/fiancee should make the decision together. If you're not either married or engaged, then don't stay for a significant other and go to the best possible program. Think about it this way. When you're done with the MD-PhD, you're not likely to stay in the same city for residency or a post-doc. You're going to move anyway. Spouses will make the move if necessary, but if significant others will not move with you now, then they'll be unlikely to move later.

 

[MPS]

Originally posted by pathdr2b

I don't think ANY of you should make a career decision based on a loved one unless a ring has been exchanged or a question has been asked.

So pardon me, I 'm 36 years old and I'd hate to see some of you repeat my mistakes. Believe me, if you're a decent enough person(and I personally believe the people on this thread are the best), then love will find you wherever you go. And you won't have to look hard for it either...............................

I hear you, and I think that you're pretty realistic. If you're going to make a commitment then it should be possible to compromise without settling for an inferior program. If things aren't serious then you're better off plumping for the best program possible.

I think that one exception to the "ring or question" rule is where neither party intends to marry, but they've agreed to spend the rest of their lives together.

 

[Angeliqua]

Everybody's situation is unique and decisions such as these should be made between the two people involved....if your significant other wants you to be happy/succesful than he or she will make concessions to make sure you are. Whether that means they move to be with you or you guys live apart for awhile.

Here is my personal situation,

I told my boyfriend a long time ago that I was going to apply to med school as if he didn't exist he completely agreed that is what I should do. I applied to places that I was most interested in and where I knew I would be happy for the next 7+ years of my life. As it turned out the programs that I liked (and that liked me) are about 2000 miles from my bf. He is in the middle of his post-doc and will not finish for 2-3 years. Therefore, we will live very much apart for that period of time. I will not deny that this is going to be very hard for both of us, but I see it as a great test of the strength of our relationship. I know a lot of couples that have survived longer (distance and time) separations and emerged from the other side the better for it. I also know couples that completely fell apart. So we are just hoping for the best and are going to do everything we can to maintain our relationship.

Love is about give and take, for most of us this is a time in our lives when we gotta do some taking, because we are talking about a decision that will impact us forever. Do what is best for YOU!

Good luck, all! 🙂

 

[jmed]

Originally posted by pathdr2b
I don't think ANY of you should make a career decision based on a loved one unless a ring has been exchanged or a question has been asked.

So pardon me, I 'm 36 years old and I'd hate to see some of you repeat my mistakes. Believe me, if you're a decent enough person(and I personally believe the people on this thread are the best), then love will find you wherever you go. And you won't have to look hard for it either...............................

I so absolutely agree with you, pd2b! I am also post-20's, and I also have seen puppy love (not to trivialize anybody else's romance) cause major regrets. If you choose to move away, you will have many new opportunities to find a wonderful partner; if you don't, you can always take up where you left off with the distant loved one at a future time if it is really meant to be, i.e. love someone set them free, if they come back, etc... In the case of rings and babies, all bets are off as far as I am concerned- they are a far higher priority than choice of schools (maybe even careers...).

Re: caliber of school, I think names are somewhat over-rated. big-name schools tend to attract a handful of egocentric wankers among the highly talented students, faculty, and staff, and I just don't have the stomach for those sorts of people. I have often heard of harvard and yale described as 'cess pools of undirected ambition' where there are students who are really not passionate about their studies, but are attracted to the fancy degree. I may turn down an elite MSTP and just go to the considerably less sexy biology program at MIT, where the students and faculty are wonderful, nerdy, and passionate 😍 (at least in my limited exposure to them!). Some ivy league attitudes really get me down.

But take everything I say with a grain of salt- I come from a considerably un-privleged background, and Harvard rejected me when I applied there for undergrad over 10 years ago...🙄

 

[tuckp]

pathdr2b, I'm really glad you chimed in!

and,

Originally posted by MPS
I think that one exception to the "ring or question" rule is where neither party intends to marry, but they've agreed to spend the rest of their lives together.

Thanks for this one too!

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by tuckp
pathdr2b, I'm really glad you chimed in!

No problem, glad to be of any help.

😀

 

[FZISHN]

posted by Phar-

So, choose what is best for you and regardless of where a loved one wants you to stay. Who is going to run your life, you or your loved one?

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hmmm...