M1 feeling so behind and uncompetitive

[Latteandaprayer]

I just made a couple posts over the last few weeks but I need to get it out one last time.

I’m an M1 at a good school. I am currently in the MSTP but I’m going to drop the PhD, I realize it’s not what I want. First semester I started a new romantic relationship outside of school and it took up a lot of my time, and my best friends were moving away so I spent a lot of time with them. Ended up not making any friends in med school. I didn’t join any clubs at all. Literally 0.

Because I’m dropping the PhD, I feel like a failure. Like I can’t even figure out what I want.

Because I’m not in ECs, I feel like a failure. It seems like everyone else is in at least a club. I’m not. My hobbies are just watching movies and reading. I did technically join a book club but that dissolved about one week into classes lol—and hasn’t been resurrected despite attempts.

They just released our scores for the semester and I’m doing just below average (generally 89% while the average is about 91%). I’m basically failing histology, but I won’t be punished because I’m passing everything else. I’ve been studying histology more and I did really well on this past quiz. But I feel like, despite not being busy, I’m still doing worse than everyone else.

Because I’m no longer doing a PhD, I feel a lot more pressed for time to do research. Our curriculum is 1 year didactic and 3 clinical. So not a lot of time left of before wards. Also, even though I’m dropping the PhD, I’m spending this summer doing lab rotations because I’m not out of the program yet and it’s required. So my 6 week break is now only 2. And the labs are unlikely to accept me as a medical student doing minor research, because they’re looking for PhD students.

I just feel like such a loser. Like I can’t do anything right. My history taking and oral presentation skills are crap. Literally below average (but again, marginally). I’ve been practicing a bit but it’s hard to without an assessor telling me how to improve.

Sorry for the wall of complaints. Thank you for listening. Back to my lectures now.

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[M&L]

M3 here . You are being way too hard on yourself . Your grades are impressive . You have plenty of time to get involved in things . And clinical skills and presentations take a while to get good at .

 

[Damson]

You're in med school. Clearly you're not a failure. What you're doing is comparing yourself against others, and you don't need to do that. Even if you do, you can dial yourself back, and say "I'm doing good work, I'll keep doing that and keep my eye out for opportunities to expand my interests"

Research is optional.

Because you are at a good school, everyone there is a star. You can celebrate that you are a star, spend your time and energy on burning bright, and choose to not spend time and energy comparing yourself to other stars. You are enough.

 

[DOVinciRobot]

My hobbies are just watching movies and reading.

I fail to see the issue with this. Club participation is worthless.

 

[Chelsea FC]

Its okay being a little behind and uncompetitive in a crop of superstars. Do you, compete against yourself and modify your expectations. You will have a happier more fulfilled life by doing that.

 

[Browns99]

You're in med school. Clearly you're not a failure. What you're doing is comparing yourself against others, and you don't need to do that. Even if you do, you can dial yourself back, and say "I'm doing good work, I'll keep doing that and keep my eye out for opportunities to expand my interests"

Research is optional.

Because you are at a good school, everyone there is a star. You can celebrate that you are a star, spend your time and energy on burning bright, and choose to not spend time and energy comparing yourself to other stars. You are enough.

"Research is optional", not necessarily true, so be careful on your advice. There are some highly competitive specialities that almost always require some level of research to land a residency spot...neurosurgery, plastics and others. I will also add that, as discussed by others in prior posts, research in any field is good, but the highly competitive fields want to see field specific research.

 

[Latteandaprayer]

"Research is optional", not necessarily true, so be careful on your advice. There are some highly competitive specialities that almost always require some level of research to land a residency spot...neurosurgery, plastics and others. I will also add that, as discussed by others in prior posts, research in any field is good, but the highly competitive fields want to see field specific research.

I have publications from before medical school in a basic science. Are these worth anything on my ERAS? Probably not worth much to derm or neurosurgery, but in general are they going to help my app?

 

[painballer27]

Nowhere in your post is there any indication that you are a failure. It sounds like you are doing fine. And oral presentations are not something to worry about at all as an M1. That will come quickly later on

 

[LunaOri]

You are doing just fine. If you feel socially isolated, you could join a club or interest group. If not, then do what you enjoy!

 

[Dr. Anonymouss]

I fail to see the issue with this. Club participation is worthless.

Amen, watch narcos or dexter. It's a good escape from the daily BS involved in the med school grind.

 

[mvenus929]

I have publications from before medical school in a basic science. Are these worth anything on my ERAS? Probably not worth much to derm or neurosurgery, but in general are they going to help my app?

A publication is a publication. Yes, it will help you. Is it going to help you as much as doing research in your field of interest? No. But you're also an M1--people don't expect massive amounts of research out of medical students (unless you're going for one of the competitive fields, then yes, everything gives you a leg-up compared to the competition). If you love pediatrics, internal medicine, family medicine, etc, you'll be fine. Study hard, pass your STEPs, impress those you work with and you'll be fine.

 

[Latteandaprayer]

A publication is a publication. Yes, it will help you. Is it going to help you as much as doing research in your field of interest? No. But you're also an M1--people don't expect massive amounts of research out of medical students (unless you're going for one of the competitive fields, then yes, everything gives you a leg-up compared to the competition). If you love pediatrics, internal medicine, family medicine, etc, you'll be fine. Study hard, pass your STEPs, impress those you work with and you'll be fine.

When you say IM, are you including the subspecialties? Like GI or card, for example? I was pleasantly surprised how much I loved those two when we covered them, but obviously I still need to have actual patient interaction to ascertain what fields interest me the most. But from an armchair approach, I really enjoyed those two the most.

I guess if I have a “gut feeling” that I’d like one of those, I should try to get more involved in those.

 

[Browns99]

I have publications from before medical school in a basic science. Are these worth anything on my ERAS? Probably not worth much to derm or neurosurgery, but in general are they going to help my app?

Absolutely, list all publications, even those during college.

 

[mvenus929]

When you say IM, are you including the subspecialties? Like GI or card, for example? I was pleasantly surprised how much I loved those two when we covered them, but obviously I still need to have actual patient interaction to ascertain what fields interest me the most. But from an armchair approach, I really enjoyed those two the most.

I guess if I have a “gut feeling” that I’d like one of those, I should try to get more involved in those.

So, fellowships are different for a handful of reasons. 1) they generally expect you to do some sort of research during fellowship, so it behooves you to do some research before that time. 2) You do the general specialty first... meaning that you have an additional 3+ years of time to get that additional research (therefore it doesn't need to be done in medical school). 3) If you don't match into fellowship, you are still a boarded physician who can practice medicine (compared to if you didn't match for residency). But doing things specific to a subspecialty doesn't necessarily give you a leg up for the base specialty

But to your original question, publications are still publications and you can still list your basic science publications from pre-med... you'll just need something more before you apply for fellowship (which is 5+ years down the road).

 

[Redpancreas]

I just made a couple posts over the last few weeks but I need to get it out one last time.

I’m an M1 at a good school. I am currently in the MSTP but I’m going to drop the PhD, I realize it’s not what I want. First semester I started a new romantic relationship outside of school and it took up a lot of my time, and my best friends were moving away so I spent a lot of time with them. Ended up not making any friends in med school. I didn’t join any clubs at all. Literally 0.

Because I’m dropping the PhD, I feel like a failure. Like I can’t even figure out what I want.

Because I’m not in ECs, I feel like a failure. It seems like everyone else is in at least a club. I’m not. My hobbies are just watching movies and reading. I did technically join a book club but that dissolved about one week into classes lol—and hasn’t been resurrected despite attempts.

They just released our scores for the semester and I’m doing just below average (generally 89% while the average is about 91%). I’m basically failing histology, but I won’t be punished because I’m passing everything else. I’ve been studying histology more and I did really well on this past quiz. But I feel like, despite not being busy, I’m still doing worse than everyone else.

Because I’m no longer doing a PhD, I feel a lot more pressed for time to do research. Our curriculum is 1 year didactic and 3 clinical. So not a lot of time left of before wards. Also, even though I’m dropping the PhD, I’m spending this summer doing lab rotations because I’m not out of the program yet and it’s required. So my 6 week break is now only 2. And the labs are unlikely to accept me as a medical student doing minor research, because they’re looking for PhD students.

I just feel like such a loser. Like I can’t do anything right. My history taking and oral presentation skills are crap. Literally below average (but again, marginally). I’ve been practicing a bit but it’s hard to without an assessor telling me how to improve.

Sorry for the wall of complaints. Thank you for listening. Back to my lectures now.

Seek help from a professional. Your negative outlook needs to be challenged and while journaling on SDN can provide temporary relief, you'll benefit more from a licensed professional (whose services likely will be free at your institution). If you don't get this help now, you'll spiral. Have you fallen behind? Maybe a little, but it's nothing compared to how far behind you'll fall if you let these negative thoughts linger into M2,3, and 4 and beyond.

I'll try to give you a few reassuring pieces of advice, but ultimately it sounds like you need help from someone closer to you with more experience:

1. M1 hardly serves as the make-it break-it year in medical school. I'm not saying you disregard it, but if I were you, I'd treat this year as a mulligan. This is reinforced by Step 1 now being P/F.
2. Find some way to channel those lab weeks into something productive. How that's going to be done is on you to find out.
3. Do your best with histology. It's all you can do.
4. Clinical skills are critical. If you think you're falling behind, now is the time to seek out help confidentially from your support system. Start with reaching out to your clinical skills faculty/small group facilitator. Even if they don't have time, there are tons of people (upper years medical students, residents, faculty) willing to coach you through these things. Ideally this should be happening organically through your courses but if you need extra help, seek it ASAP. Where you don't want to be is in M3 (which I assume is peak clerkship time) with bad clinical skills or a lack of confidence in your clinical skills.

 

[Goro]

I just made a couple posts over the last few weeks but I need to get it out one last time.

I’m an M1 at a good school. I am currently in the MSTP but I’m going to drop the PhD, I realize it’s not what I want. First semester I started a new romantic relationship outside of school and it took up a lot of my time, and my best friends were moving away so I spent a lot of time with them. Ended up not making any friends in med school. I didn’t join any clubs at all. Literally 0.

Because I’m dropping the PhD, I feel like a failure. Like I can’t even figure out what I want.

Because I’m not in ECs, I feel like a failure. It seems like everyone else is in at least a club. I’m not. My hobbies are just watching movies and reading. I did technically join a book club but that dissolved about one week into classes lol—and hasn’t been resurrected despite attempts.

They just released our scores for the semester and I’m doing just below average (generally 89% while the average is about 91%). I’m basically failing histology, but I won’t be punished because I’m passing everything else. I’ve been studying histology more and I did really well on this past quiz. But I feel like, despite not being busy, I’m still doing worse than everyone else.

Because I’m no longer doing a PhD, I feel a lot more pressed for time to do research. Our curriculum is 1 year didactic and 3 clinical. So not a lot of time left of before wards. Also, even though I’m dropping the PhD, I’m spending this summer doing lab rotations because I’m not out of the program yet and it’s required. So my 6 week break is now only 2. And the labs are unlikely to accept me as a medical student doing minor research, because they’re looking for PhD students.

I just feel like such a loser. Like I can’t do anything right. My history taking and oral presentation skills are crap. Literally below average (but again, marginally). I’ve been practicing a bit but it’s hard to without an assessor telling me how to improve.

Sorry for the wall of complaints. Thank you for listening. Back to my lectures now.

Run, do not walk to student services or your school's counseling center or a trusted faculty member or adviser.

Otherwise, I fear that you will burn yourself out. You have years to get research done!!!!!!

 

[Osminog]

It sounds like medical school has been warping your understanding of what it means to be a failure/loser, and that this has been chipping away at your self-esteem. Having your life revolve around this academic path can be toxic to mental well-being; it gives you tunnel vision and misleads you into deriving your entire sense of self-worth from academic accomplishments.

Talk to a mental health profession. Stay in touch with family and friends outside of healthcare. Try to broaden your perspective and to create reminders for yourself that there is life outside of lectures, exams, academic clubs, etc.

 

[Latteandaprayer]

It sounds like medical school has been warping your understanding of what it means to be a failure/loser, and that this has been chipping away at your self-esteem. Having your life revolve around this academic path can be toxic to mental well-being; it gives you tunnel vision and misleads you into deriving your entire sense of self-worth from academic accomplishments.

Talk to a mental health profession. Stay in touch with family and friends outside of healthcare. Try to broaden your perspective and to create reminders for yourself that there is life outside of lectures, exams, academic clubs, etc.

I already have a therapist, and my post is about not doing *anything* remotely related to school. For example, I loved theater in high school and college and my school has a theater club. I didn’t join it, though, preferring to spend my time away from the school as much as possible.

I’m not in any clubs at all. I just go home and enjoy my hobbies (reading and watching shows/movies). Everyone around me though seems to be involved in the school 🙁

 

[Osteosaur]

They just released our scores for the semester and I’m doing just below average (generally 89% while the average is about 91%). I’m basically failing histology, but I won’t be punished because I’m passing everything else. I’ve been studying histology more and I did really well on this past quiz. But I feel like, despite not being busy, I’m still doing worse than everyone else.

This should really be your priority. Make sure you pass everything. If you fail out all the ECs in the world won't help you. A guy who passes without ECs is better off than someone failing who raises $300 for diapers with the OBGYN club. This isn't premed anymore. Granted I just applied FM but no one grilled me for lack of volunteering. EDIT: Your concern is obviously research. There is still time for that and you'll be able to make more connections in clinical years for some quick and dirty projects over lab work. What speciality?

Otherwise you're beating yourself up over nothing. You're 2% lower than the class which means you're average. Lack of research or lack of a PhD is okay if you're doing well. As an M1 why should you have any history taking or oral presentation skills? You don't even know any pathology yet. Residents are still working on these skills. The people who do well at this, in preclinical, have worked prior healthcare jobs and love to make you feel like **** for not knowing what a pigtail catheter is.

If you're able to unwind with a book at the end of the day, and are in a relationship you're happy with, those are important things. Never see those as a waste of time or feel bad about them. That you're doing them is a victory for you.

 

[Dr Meow]

1. Clubs are useless.
2. You're not at med school to make friends.
3. GPA doesn't matter much- good grades is only for the sake of having a buffer early on so can chill later in the semester (unless you go for high competitive fields).
4. Research DOES matter.
5. You sounds like a regular med student

 

[International_student]

You seem to be a very social person and put a lot of weight on that. I think that’s what’s dragging your overall mood down and making you feel unfulfilled. Even if you didn’t sign up for a club, I’m sure you can still take part in their activities like volunteering. There are also class activities that you can probably take part in… That being said OP, I think you need to mature a little and value a small circle of closed friends over anything else socially. Because I can tell you’d break in a work environment where you don’t feel «embraced » which unfortunately will probably happen at some point.

 

[psyspy]

Just so you know med school social circles are generally quite fickle. I remember dedicated/step 1 alone made social circles fall apart when some students did great on step 1 and others didn’t. Some students got jealous and/or just wanted to set different goals. And yes, plenty saw/see the low scorers as beneath them. Not to mention the normal drama of 20-somethings.

You said you have old friends and your relationship. If you click with people in your class, great, but given that you have other supports, don’t feel the need to try to cultivate friendships when in 1-2 years you’re directly competing with everyone in sight for clinical grades. I do empathize with you though in that it’s very easy to feel left out when you’re starting as an M1 and don’t have friends in your class. If that’s really bugging you then give it more of a shot (eg class groups for pickup sports, hiking)

 

[psyspy]

Run, do not walk to student services or your school's counseling center or a trusted faculty member or adviser.

Otherwise, I fear that you will burn yourself out. You have years to get research done!!!!!!

Strongly disagree with “trusted faculty member or adviser.” OP is only an M1. They simply don’t have enough information to know whom they can trust in terms of school faculty. There are plenty of faculty out there with whom sharing personal shortcomings can backfire even if they seem open.

 

[SpoiledMilk]

N=1. Pre-matriculation, my school set us up into groups of 7-10 students with a faculty member who volunteered to take part in the program and with an objective of guiding us throughout all 4 years. We met as a group the very first time when the faculty invited everyone to dinner (pre-Covid), pre-matriculation. Throughout MS1 and now MS4, we've had many gatherings inside and outside of school. The faculty member is always available through text or email and has listened to our individual concerns, guided us on anything and everything associated with medschool as well as life. So it's possible to have a trusted advisor even in the first semester of MS1 depending on the particular school.

 

[Goro]

Strongly disagree with “trusted faculty member or adviser.” OP is only an M1. They simply don’t have enough information to know whom they can trust in terms of school faculty. There are plenty of faculty out there with whom sharing personal shortcomings can backfire even if they seem open.

I trust in the OP enough that they can decide that after a half a year in med school that they know who they can bring these issues to or not.

In addition, we faculty are very familiar with that cadre of students who believe that their academic performance defines their worth as human being.