M1Family life, does it get better?

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by litgirl346, Jan 6, 2019.

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  1. litgirl346

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    My husband is an M1 and we have a 1 month old. I’m having such a hard time
    adjusting to the new changes in less than 1 year (school, no employment, a baby). However, the hardest part has been the school time demand. He does try hard to spend time but it is always so “scheduled”. He once tried to give more family time but failed a test. I rather not let him know that I am exhausted and need more help with our 1 month. I know if I let him know how I feel, he will study less and help more but I fear he will fail the year. I would just like to know if this gets better, the loneliness is so hard? I am honestly so close to moving in with my parents for extra help for at least a month..
     
  2. Matthew9Thirtyfive

    Matthew9Thirtyfive Class of 2023!
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    Moving to Spouses and Partners.
     
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  3. getdown

    Physician 7+ Year Member

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    Hi, I'm sorry to hear you guys are struggling. I know how hard it is to take care of a newborn without help. I was in your shoes a little over a year ago. That being said I'm gonna be very truthful about it and it may not be what you want to hear.

    1. It's going to get worse before it gets better. The first 2 years of med school is hard because of all the study your husband needs to do. It's only going to get worse as an M2 and STEP1 preparation. That test pretty much will be a big determiner of what specialties your husband can even think about applying to. The more competitive the specialty the higher his score will be. Even as a single person, the studying for that test was brutal and pretty much took morning till night for at least 4-6 weeks. Then M3 rolls around and his time is now no longer his. He will be required to be at the hospital early and stay late and take night float call. M4 year will be much more relaxed but he'll have interviews and possibly away rotations. Residency will also be quite demanding depending on the specialty but by that time your child will be at least 4 years old so much easier than a newborn.

    2. He's a lucky person to have such a thoughtful wife that can see and recognize the demands and stressors of medical school. Do you guys have family or friends nearby that can help? At least one of your parents can come to help for the first 4-5 months as that is really the crucial part. Once you get them somewhat sleep trained they start sleeping through the night and that's a big plus.

    I think you moving in with your parents for a couple of months would be a huge help. At least you'll have people to take care of your child while you rest and recover. With regards to the loneliness issue, unfortunately it'll get worse before it gets better and then worse again during residency. That being said, I would encourage you to be open and honest with your husband. Explain your concerns and thoughts so that he can try to help and accomodate when he can. Don't let it just fester as that can lead to resentment on your end. You knew going in that med school will be a big challenge so you don't want to make your husband choose between his future career and his family. It can be done just that it requires sacrifices on both ends but it'll be much better when he's done.
     
  4. wanderingorion

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    I was the husband in this scenario last year, when our son was born in April. The first 3 months are very difficult, as the baby is demanding, and the both of you will be exhausted. I too failed a test after he was born, as the adjustment period is so difficult. It gets easier, I promise. You should definitely talk to him about this. You can only do so much, and need his help.
     
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  5. J ROD

    J ROD Watch my TAN walk!!
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    If you cannot get help from family or friends or pay for help where you are then I would move in with parents until child is older. It will get worse before it gets better. M1 is easier than M2. M3 is hardest of all. M4 is the best but have to travel for interviews. Sounds like you need a break he cannot give at the expense of his medical career. My wife and I have made it through 7/8 years so far but it is not easy. You have to communicate and understand you are #2 for now. Just the way it is.........
     
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  6. Matthew9Thirtyfive

    Matthew9Thirtyfive Class of 2023!
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    Since your other thread is getting more responses, closing this one. Please refrain from posting the same topic in multiple locations.
     
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