Maintaining a Long-Distance Relationship During Med School. Your Thoughts?

[pumpkinspice]

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I was wondering how others have fared maintaining a relationship back at home while attending medical school thousands of miles away.

Does it become more of a distraction based on the distance and stress of school or is it beneficial?

Has anyone successfully maintained a relationship at home while at school and what were your experiences with it?

For those where the long-distance relationship didn't work, why didn't it?

Based on the stress of school, would you recommend for or against maintaining an LDR?

 

[OncoCaP]

I was wondering how others have fared maintaining a relationship back at home while attending medical school thousands of miles away.

Does it become more of a distraction based on the distance and stress of school or is it beneficial?

Has anyone successfully maintained a relationship at home while at school and what were your experiences with it?

For those where the long-distance relationship didn't work, why didn't it?

Based on the stress of school, would you recommend for or against maintaining an LDR?

There is a woman in my lab that has a serious long-distance relationship with a med student. He's looking into transferring closer because it's difficult for both of them.

 

[Mperor]

I would recommend against it. There are a million fish in the sea and unless your SO is able to relocate to your med school's area in the near future, it will cause a lot of difficulty and added stress to a time when you won't need any more.

 

[Fannibal]

It depends on your relationship and your values. Is your gf/bf just that, or your soul mate? If its your gf/bf, then long distance might not last. And yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. However, if your bf/gf is your soul mate, then I would recommend maintaining the LDR.

Also, stress is only an issue if you feel that maintaining relationship takes away from time that could better spent studying.

I am currently with the love of my life, and consequently, I've never given much thought to how much time I spend everyday maitaining the relationship. Its part of life, and I am not willing to give up my soul mate for a few extra points in med school.

 

[Mperor]

It depends on your relationship and your values. Is your gf/bf just that, or your soul mate? If its your gf/bf, then long distance might not last. And yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. However, if your bf/gf is your soul mate, then I would recommend maintaining the LDR.

Also, stress is only an issue if you feel that maintaining relationship takes away from time that could better spent studying.

I am currently with the love of my life, and consequently, I've never given much thought to how much time I spend everyday maitaining the relationship. Its part of life, and I am not willing to give up my soul mate for a few extra points in med school.

First, off. Let me say, congrats. Love is an awesome feeling and it can truly help you get through the sturggles of life.

That said:

Considering over half of mariages end in divorce, I can't fathom the number of people who are still dating, and think they have ound "the one" and it ends up in seperation. Obviously well over half.

There is no way in hell I would risk my professional career over a long distance relationship. I've seen too many people struggle in undergrad and med school because of the time and effort they put into a LDR, only to have it dissolve a couple years in. If you are truly comitted to each other, then one should make the sacrifice to avoid the distance, because distance kills relationships.

The feeling of love is a special one, but its not unreproducable. Why sacrifice so much when you can find it again under more amiable circumstances?

 

[Sophie]

I'm in a LDR right now, and we also were long-distance during one year of my undergrad. Thankfully he's able to move to LA to join me this June. It's definitely tough, but it's worth it if your relationship is really important to you. Obviously whether you should maintain your relationship depends on how serious you guys are. We've been together for 5.5 years, are engaged, and are planning to get married in a year or so, so splitting up was never even considered.

If you do decide to do the LDR, here are a few tips that have made this easier for us:
1) Buy webcams! Even if you're both just studying in front of the webcams it makes it seem a little more like you're together.
2) Devote time every day to talking to your SO. We spend around an hour on the phone each day, and I haven't felt like it's hurt my studying. Actually, I think it helps me in med school, because he gives me pep talks and keeps me from getting too sucked into the med school mentality.
3)Visit each other. I fly to see him once a month, and he flies here once a month, so we see each other every 2 weeks. We're only ~400 miles apart, and tickets are relatively cheap, but if you're 1,000s of miles away you probably would have to make it less frequent. I've had to make a lot of budget cuts to be able to afford this, but I think it's definitely worth it.

 

[deleted77919]

It really depends on the person you're with and the nature of your relationship. I'm dating soemone I graduated undergrad with, and we are now ~600 miles apart. I'm in med school, she's in grad school. We try to see each other once a month and talk everyday on the phone. We are able to help one another de-stress, focus on what's really important, give each other weekends to look forward to etc. It's been terrific. And hard. But for me (and I think I can speak for her) the difficulty is well worth it. It really helps get through hard times when you know someone else is there to support you.

Having said that, if the relationship is based on nagging and required phone calls that you hate, etc then it has become more of a hinderance than a help. I you find yourself in that situation you have to decide 1) is there anything that can be done to change things? and 2) regardless of the answer to 1 is it worth it?

 

[kesse]

I also agree that it depends on the relationship- it takes a certain level of commitment and trust. However, an added benefit is that it helps me clearly differentiate between "study time" (when we're apart) and "fun time" when we're together.

 

[Dr. McDreamy]

i'm not in a LDR, but i can offer what i've seen around me. the people who last are the ones that make plans for the future to be in the same geographic location. if it's an undetermined amount of time that you will be apart, it probably wont last. but if you agree to move closer to each other in one year, two years, etc then it's more likely to work out.

also, there's no point in LDR unless this is your soulmate, as others have said. if you dont know if they're your soulmate, they probably aren't.

 

[Pinner Doc]

I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years (since 6 months before med school started, and I'm now in the middle of my third year). He's in northern VT, I'm in NYC. It can be done, if it's meant to be, and if you're both serious about it. Right now we're talking about moving out west together once I graduate (17 months!)

 

[Sondra]

I am in a LDR. I have been seeing my SO for over 5 years when I started med school in August. In the back of my mind I always knew that it would be a possibilty that med school would break up our relationship. Unexpectedly, it has made our relationship stronger.

We have lived together for 4 years before I moved 3 hours away to attend school. He has a wonderful job and lives in the home we made together. The last year before med school, I did a lot of traveling work for weeks at a time, so it was kind of like preparation for med school seperation.

We talk several times a day. I call him when I leave for school and at lunch. He calls when he gets off from work and around dinner time. Then we talk again before bed. Usually, these are 5-10 minute conversations. I have tests every three weeks on Monday and Tuesday. He comes to see me every weekend that isn't a test weekend. I work hard to study all week long so I can spend lots of time with him when he is in town. I go home on breaks from school and long weekends (all of my immediate family lives close to him).

He understands how stressed I am, but he gets to be removed from it. If we were living together while I was in school, it would probably hurt my studies even more than it does now because I would want to spend to much time with him like sleeping in, going out, or just watching tv. Without him around, I don't have the distractions.

He supports me, listens and gives me pep talks. One test weekend, I had to ask him to come into town for some "support duties:" clean house, wash clothes, grocery shopping, etc. He happily helped out.

I worry about his emotional state. I ask him if he is happy with our relationship every few weeks. It is hard to judge over the phone.

I couldn't think of a better arrangement for med school than the one I have.

 

[LJDHC05]

I'm another in a LDR, only a couple hundred miles, but she's a law student so basically we see eachother once a month at best.

My advice: DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Yes being separated sucks, but will it suck as much as not having that person in your life anymore?

Ultimately, my GF has been my best friend for about 5 years now and neither of us is willing to give up what we have over a 4-5 hour drive and our separate lives. A relationship where the two people cannot function independently of each other is bound for failure, especially in medicine simply due to the demands of the job where 80-100 hours is the norm for internships and several residencies.

If you're in that kind of relationship, try to match into Derm where there's no call...😛

 

[ICCONFETTI]

It depends on your relationship and your values. Is your gf/bf just that, or your soul mate? If its your gf/bf, then long distance might not last. And yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. However, if your bf/gf is your soul mate, then I would recommend maintaining the LDR.

Also, stress is only an issue if you feel that maintaining relationship takes away from time that could better spent studying.

I am currently with the love of my life, and consequently, I've never given much thought to how much time I spend everyday maitaining the relationship. Its part of life, and I am not willing to give up my soul mate for a few extra points in med school.

I agree with this post.
a long distance relationship is truly what you make of it. If you are considering one, I think you really have to be honest with each other and know exactly the other's feelings/plans for the future. Don't be afraid of commitment and discussing the future.

I think long distance is hard work, but if you truly love someone, and they love you back, i think it CAN work. True, 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 50% don't, and you have to consider the type of people those 50% divorcees are. Don't let a statistic scare you from making a commitment.

If you're even thinking about whether or not it will work long distance though, you're probably already leaning towards it not working. For my boyfriend (who is currently in med school) and I, we didn't even have to think about because we knew that we would make it work no matter the cost. Sacrifices do have to be made sometimes though. For example, i applied only to schools in the northeast because he attends school in philly. Would I have liked to have applied to more schools? Sure, but I don't even consider it an option, simply because of what we both want.

sometimes, i get a little bit worried of what it will be like with both of us in med school and the stress... but it's not worth getting out of a long distance relationship. and I'm the type of person who really believes that going through hardships together, makes you stronger 🙂

anyways, that's just my two cents 🙂 🙂

 

[ICCONFETTI]

If you do decide to do the LDR, here are a few tips that have made this easier for us:
1) Buy webcams! Even if you're both just studying in front of the webcams it makes it seem a little more like you're together.
2) Devote time every day to talking to your SO. We spend around an hour on the phone each day, and I haven't felt like it's hurt my studying. Actually, I think it helps me in med school, because he gives me pep talks and keeps me from getting too sucked into the med school mentality.
3)Visit each other. I fly to see him once a month, and he flies here once a month, so we see each other every 2 weeks. We're only ~400 miles apart, and tickets are relatively cheap, but if you're 1,000s of miles away you probably would have to make it less frequent. I've had to make a lot of budget cuts to be able to afford this, but I think it's definitely worth it.

Excellent tips. all three are a must! number 3 can vary, but webcam and conversations are a must!! 🙂 🙂

 

[shivasHeroLike]

i don't think long distance is a problem.

in my case, my girlfriend is fully supportive & actively takes interest in my academics .. at times when i'm overwhelmed & frustrated with the amount of work, she helps to put things in perspective.

sometimes you need that unconditional support to get through the day.
stress can be unrelenting & she's really good at takin that away.

AIM, webcam, phone, email .. are all must to sustain a long distance.

 

[Jamers]

I was wondering how others have fared maintaining a relationship back at home while attending medical school thousands of miles away.

Does it become more of a distraction based on the distance and stress of school or is it beneficial?

Has anyone successfully maintained a relationship at home while at school and what were your experiences with it?

For those where the long-distance relationship didn't work, why didn't it?

Based on the stress of school, would you recommend for or against maintaining an LDR?

My gf lives 1,000 miles away back in PA. We have been dating for over 5 years now, no engagment or anything though. LDR can be hard at times; anyone who says they aren't are full of shiznit. It takes two people to make a relationship work and, sometimes, one of you can't handle the seperation. If you both have the dedication to see past the distance and look to the future, it can and may work. It really comes down to the two people and how much they are willing to try and sacrifice. My $0.02.