residency dating/long distance

[icegirl33]

solved

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[DarkBluMage]

Don’t waste your energy worrying about him. He wants to play the field and keep you on the back burner as a safety net. Take it as a dodged bullet and focus on school.

 

[Putkernerinthehall]

I think you can do much better. And I'm not convinced that you going to see him on weekends would have been good for you. You seem to be a very caring and thoughtful person and I'll bet that someone (maybe in your own class or in your own residency down the road) will be over the moon to date you. Hang in there.

 

[Kierkegaard's Bud]

 

[Tenk]

You dodged a bullet. Move on.

 

[la flame]

As a guy, he definitely sounds like he wants to "mess" around as an intern while also knowing he can rely on you in case he gets "bored" or needs attention. And we all know what he means by "still willing to see you"....lol. Best thing you can do is stop worrying about scenarios that could have saved your relationship, stop viewing his social media/stories and get back in the dating game. It's gonna be hard for the next couple of days trying to forget about him but that's how the game goes. Eventually, you'll think about him less and less and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt at all.

 

[GoSpursGo]

he told me that he wants to be with someone closer but still wants to keep the door open between us. He said he would be willing to see me but when i asked to be exclusive he said no.

Sorry, this is all I needed to see.

Nothing wrong fundamentally with him not wanting to do long distance. But Put bluntly—he is asking you to be his side piece. That is disrespectful to you. From a professional standpoint, you should NOT make your own rank list based on trying to match close to a dirtbag like this. Regardless of what you think you have seen from him, it is not real or he is not yet mature enough to be in a serious relationship. Someone who cares about someone else does not ask to see other people 6 months into a relationship. Either the relationship is worth the trouble, or it’s not, and it’s a joke that he doesn’t have the courage to just outright end it if he thinks it isn’t worth working for.

Sorry you are going through this. But you’ll see this as a bullet dodged someday.

 

[icegirl33]

I am just so confused on why he invested so much into this to begin with. Is there a possibility he will come crawling back?

 

[theoceanman]

If your romantic partner at the time makes you feel this upset that you have to go out of your way to consult anonymous users on the internet for advice, from which we are not “dating experts” relatively speaking, then he’s not worth your time at all.

Although it’s upsetting to let go of someone you have been seeing for months and felt so heavily invested in, it’s not healthy not worth your efforts to pursue this matter further, especially if he wants to put you on the back burner and treat you like a side piece, as objectifying as that may make you feel.

You’re going into your fourth year or seems like it, and you’ll be able to meet so many more people during your medical journey, especially those who put the best of your interests to heart. Stay strong and I’m sure you’ll be happy that you let him go in the future.

 

[theoceanman]

I am just so confused on why he invested so much into this to begin with. Is there a possibility he will come crawling back?

Maybe so, maybe not. Either way, someone who treated you as a burden rather than a priority or was unwilling to make compromises shouldn’t be worth your time.

The only time people come crawling back are when they know you’re doing well for yourself. Succeed in your last year of medical school, go through your residency as best as possible, and be happy and fulfilled to have a better life, one with someone that treats you better

 

[icegirl33]

As a guy, he definitely sounds like he wants to "mess" around as an intern while also knowing he can rely on you in case he gets "bored" or needs attention. And we all know what he means by "still willing to see you"....lol. Best thing you can do is stop worrying about scenarios that could have saved your relationship, stop viewing his social media/stories and get back in the dating game. It's gonna be hard for the next couple of days trying to forget about him but that's how the game goes. Eventually, you'll think about him less and less and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt at all.

Is it that easy to mess around in residency? I thought residency was busier than medical school? Almost feels like this man is looking at residency with rose colored glasses

 

[GoSpursGo]

I am just so confused on why he invested so much into this to begin with. Is there a possibility he will come crawling back?

It’s possible. Would you really want him back knowing what you know now?

No matter who he has been up until now, I can’t overstate how disrespectful his asking you to become non exclusive at 6 months is. That’s showing his true colors. Maybe he will become more mature with time, but you should not sit around hoping it will happen.

 

[GoSpursGo]

Is it that easy to mess around in residency? I thought residency was busier than medical school? Almost feels like this man is looking at residency with rose colored glasses

N=1 I found my future wife while dating in residency. Frankly, it’s a lot easier to start a relationship with someone local than to maintain a long distance relationship.

 

[pierty]

It’s possible. Would you really want him back knowing what you know now?

No matter who he has been up until now, I can’t overstate how disrespectful his asking you to become non exclusive at 6 months is. That’s showing his true colors. Maybe he will become more mature with time, but you should not sit around hoping it will happen.

This is context-dependent. Everyone has different preferences for their relationships. Generationally, younger (Gen Z/late millennial) are more receptive to open relationships. In the right context, if both partners are receptive and using strong communication, a conversation like this can be bridged, even if the relationship started monogamously.

While I do not personally prefer this lifestyle (and I have seen it end badly for others), think we should be careful in immediately dismissing the situation callously, and evaluate where our personal biases may be coloring our perceptions.

I am just so confused on why he invested so much into this to begin with. Is there a possibility he will come crawling back?

Is it that easy to mess around in residency? I thought residency was busier than medical school? Almost feels like this man is looking at residency with rose colored glasses

It sounds like you are very invested in him, likely more than he is in you, and that you are waiting for him to open a conversation to mend things. Unequal relationships like this are usually unsustainable in the long-term, unless one or both partners change. Hoping for that change in a partner who is not showing signs of it usually leads to prolonged hardships for both parties that ultimately ends with a lot of difficulty (especially for the "pining" partner).

Personally, I would avoid the compulsion to immediately mend/seek for them to "come back and change." Focusing on yourself is hard in the immediate aftermath, but will help to return you to a baseline. "Closed doors" in relationships are usually not closed forever, and you can re-evaluate this when you feel less of the immediate emotional fallout. You will be in a much better place then.

 

[DarkHorizon]

Let it go… don’t get dragged into “still wants to see me non exclusively”. That’s a pain train. Give it some time and take care of yourself. Don’t contact him at all. Don’t be friends with him. If he does come back, let him know you’re looking for an exclusive relationship. Don’t settle for less.

 

[Lupercal]

As a guy, he definitely sounds like he wants to "mess" around as an intern while also knowing he can rely on you in case he gets "bored" or needs attention. And we all know what he means by "still willing to see you"....lol. Best thing you can do is stop worrying about scenarios that could have saved your relationship, stop viewing his social media/stories and get back in the dating game. It's gonna be hard for the next couple of days trying to forget about him but that's how the game goes. Eventually, you'll think about him less and less and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt at all.

I cannot reiterate this enough. The only thing I am going to add is that it might be a little longer than a few days. It might be a month or two. It really just depends on how much you like the guy. But it will get better. He will pop into your head less and less and the negativity will come less and less. But one day you will wake up and it won't hurt anymore. That day will come.

 

[GoSpursGo]

This is context-dependent. Everyone has different preferences for their relationships. Generationally, younger (Gen Z/late millennial) are more receptive to open relationships. In the right context, if both partners are receptive and using strong communication, a conversation like this can be bridged, even if the relationship started monogamously.

While I do not personally prefer this lifestyle (and I have seen it end badly for others), think we should be careful in immediately dismissing the situation callously, and evaluate where our personal biases may be coloring our perceptions.

Fair enough in principal, but that usually comes either in the setting of a) a new relationship where both partners are still feeling things out, or b) an already committed relationship.

In any event, it only works if both partners are open to it, and the OP clearly isn’t.