marriage and name changes

[Jaluv]

I got married four months ago, and have already gone to change my social security card, credit cards, driver's license to reflect my married name (with my maiden name as middle name). However, I want to use my maiden name professionally. Do other women do this easily, or am I just making things complicated for myself? I don't really want to do the hyphenated last name.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[daria]

I got married four months ago, and have already gone to change my social security card, credit cards, driver's license to reflect my married name (with my maiden name as middle name). However, I want to use my maiden name professionally. Do other women do this easily, or am I just making things complicated for myself? I don't really want to do the hyphenated last name.

When I got married 7 years ago, I also kept my maiden name as my middle name (I don't hyphenate). I include the middle name on "professional" stuff, but not casually. A lawyer friend of mine does the same. Works fine for me. I had colleagues who tried to use their maiden name professionally and married name privately; to me that seemed a little awkward and confusing (for one thing, people who met them after they married had trouble remembering which last name applied to the husband too).

But hey, who knows... the stars do it, right? Although I guess Jennifer Aniston won't be going by Jennifer Pitt "just to her friends" much longer...

 

[::Seabass::]

I got married four months ago, and have already gone to change my social security card, credit cards, driver's license to reflect my married name (with my maiden name as middle name). However, I want to use my maiden name professionally. Do other women do this easily, or am I just making things complicated for myself? I don't really want to do the hyphenated last name.

there was a big thread on this in the 'relationship' forum. I think I remember the consensus being you have to hyphenate to legally use it professionally, middle names won't work.

as a result I'm just gonna keep my maiden name, hyphenating seems yucky. people in the community can just call me Mrs. whatever and at work I'll go by Dr. Seabass.

 

[lj1230]

I am getting married between MSI and MSII, so I am going to completely change my name to his since I haven't really established myself wtih my maiden name. I think if I had already graduated I would maybe do something different. Plus to hyphenate our names would be horrible to pronounce!!

 

[::Seabass::]

Personally I would always have wanted to use my maiden name no matter when I got married since both my parents are docs and my name means something to me.

Here is the thread I was talking about: name changes

 

[Samoa]

Like the Supreme Court, I decline to give a ruling on this matter until there is an actual case to decide.

 

[adennis]

Like the Supreme Court, I decline to give a ruling on this matter until there is an actual case to decide.

LOL This thread cracks me up.. I know it's supposed to be serious...
I started my educational career unmarried... completed it married... all of my records have maiden name.. legal name is hyphenated... Will probably go by Dr. Andrea.... last names are usually too easy to botch.. besides I want my patients to be very familiar with me.

Andrea

 

[swedcrip]

I'd defer to the show Scrubs.

Carla: Turk? If I decide to keep my last name after we get married, that's no big deal
right?

Turk: Course not baby. We'll just have one of those modern marriages where the husband and wife don't love each other.

 

[gary5]

If your hubbie is progressive, then you should just keep your maiden name. He'll live. You have your name, but your kids (later) still have his name. Everyone's happy.

 

[Elysium]

I've always had a bug up my ass about the name change thing. I'm basically categorically against changing my name, mostly because I'm 31 years old and don't feel like taking on a totally new identity in my 30's. Also, there are only girls in my family so I think it's nice that our name still exists somewhere. Also, my dad is a doc, and he's my role model (physician role model), so I think it's cool that there will be two dr. x's around. I plan on letting my kids have their dad's last name, as I sort of compromise. I would never date any dude that had some kind of major issue about his wife changing her name - it just seems a little suspect to me (just an opininon!). Personally, I think you can be a family with two last names. I know of a sh1t load of divorced people that share a last name. Don't really mean anything at the end of the day.

PS: By the time I get married I'll probably have graduated from med school. so it makes it a bit of a non-issue anyway. Also, I'm not going to be a lunatic if someone addresses me as Mrs. X in public. There are more important things to freak out about.

 

[ekimsurfer]

ah, once again we come upon the path of america's feminization...

where men are taught that it is ok to act like a woman, blow dry his hair, manicure his nails, even a touch of makeup every now and then.

just accept that an act of marriage is you submitting to your man... that's how things are supposed to be. if i was your husband/fiance, etc... and you pulled this crap i'd be like "yea it's no problem" and then after i had your family pay for everything, i stand up there on the altar and be "yea, since you're pretty much a caustic bitch who wants all the perks of a male lifestyle without actually inheriting any of the problems, i hope you enjoy your lonely self as no self respecting man will put up whit your $hit"

and until men see no alimony, child support, and they stop getting shafted with children's rights after divorces... you have no counter argument. If everyone is 'equal' then the courts and juries would have a little more even split on cases such as these.

not to mention that you can take time off of work because you got knocked up... i'd fire anyone who asked to take that much time off...

 

[ekimsurfer]

I've always had a bug up my ass about the name change thing. I'm basically categorically against changing my name, mostly because I'm 31 years old and don't feel like taking on a totally new identity in my 30's. Also, there are only girls in my family so I think it's nice that our name still exists somewhere. Also, my dad is a doc, and he's my role model (physician role model), so I think it's cool that there will be two dr. x's around. I plan on letting my kids have their dad's last name, as I sort of compromise. I would never date any dude that had some kind of major issue about his wife changing her name - it just seems a little suspect to me (just an opininon!). Personally, I think you can be a family with two last names. I know of a sh1t load of divorced people that share a last name. Don't really mean anything at the end of the day.

PS: By the time I get married I'll probably have graduated from med school. so it makes it a bit of a non-issue anyway. Also, I'm not going to be a lunatic if someone addresses me as Mrs. X in public. There are more important things to freak out about.

well let me first point out that your are 31 and unmarried... i honestly cannot imagine why.

if you don't want to change your last name then don't get married. at teh age you are at, too many people force marriage and end up getting divorced anyway. think about, an older guy doesn't want to marry a 31 year old when he can get a perky 23 year old who does have "issues" out the whazoo... not to mention that you won't probably even have enough time to raise your children adequately.

so please do us all a favor (and your future children) and just date around if you find someone you "love" just hang out with them and make a verbal agreement. You will keep your last name, he will keep all of his finances... in then end you will probably break up before a long enough time has elapsed that you are common law married and all will end happily. Seems like this is the most efficient plan of action.

 

[Janders]

Dear World,
ekimsurfer does not speak for all men of Gainesville.
Thanks,
The Management

PS I agree that parental rights and divorce agreements need to catch up to modern progressive society and its ideals, but maaaaaan...

 

[gwyn779]

Hmm, there used to be a thread on this in the Spouses forum, but I can't find it anymore.

Anyway, I got married between 2nd and 3rd year of med school and thought about this a lot. I ended up using his name as my last name but keeping my maiden name as a second middle name, so now I have 4 names. I didn't want to get rid of my maiden name since that's been my identity for the majority of my life. Hyphenating, on the other hand, gets way too cumbersome, esp. when two people w/ hyphenated names get married, somebody's name is going to get dropped no matter what. I also didn't want to get rid of my middle name because it was my grandmother's name so it has a lot of sentimental value. A big factor in my personal decision was that he has a much better last name than I did. Mine was simple, but was still always mispronounced and, well, just wasn't the best name to have, especially with Dr. So I took my husband's nice, normal last name. Now, if I'd had a better last name or had already gotten my MD when we got married, it would have been a different story.

I definitely know people who use their maiden name professionally and husband's name socially, but I do think that tends to get confusing. As for just keeping your maiden name and not bothering with the guy's name, that's become a lot more common recently so many people are used to it. The problem, of course, is what to do with kids' names and I still don't know of a good answer to that one. I've also heard of married couples picking an entirely new name and then both changing. But that gets confusing in different ways.

 

[Jaluv]

Well I went to the SS office and successfully changed my name - AGAIN - from firstname maidenname hislastname to firsname maiden-hislast. Then I went to DMV to do the same and they refused - said that I only had one opportunity to change my name, and since I used that chance already back in October, if I now want to put my maiden name back as part of my last name (instead of my middle name where it currently is) that I would have to petition a court!! It just sounds so ridiculous.

So I think I will just take my chances - as it stands now, social security now recognizes my maiden name as part of my last name, so is it really a big deal that DMV is not exactly the same?

 

[ekimsurfer]

Well I went to the SS office and successfully changed my name - AGAIN - from firstname maidenname hislastname to firsname maiden-hislast. Then I went to DMV to do the same and they refused - said that I only had one opportunity to change my name, and since I used that chance already back in October, if I now want to put my maiden name back as part of my last name (instead of my middle name where it currently is) that I would have to petition a court!! It just sounds so ridiculous.

So I think I will just take my chances - as it stands now, social security now recognizes my maiden name as part of my last name, so is it really a big deal that DMV is not exactly the same?

what is the big deal with just using his last name without the gay hyphen-yourlastname?

god what is with women these days... why must everything be such and issue and take so much more time than it has to?

 

[nala]

ah,not to mention that you can take time off of work because you got knocked up... i'd fire anyone who asked to take that much time off...

hey - there are laws against that, jack$ss...

good luck getting a "perky 23 year old" with your attitude.
I'd rather be single at 50 than married to a close-minded idiot like you

 

[kaikai128]

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I have always viewed the "changing of the last name" as a sign of the commitment you are making to the other person. Although I do not know that it will be anytime in the near future, when I find the right person--I will take his last name. I want my legal name to represent the commitment I have made to this other person; although my future career is important to me, my first commitment will be to my husband and possibly family.

The professional world has in the past in in the future will get over women changing their last names. It is expected. My step-mother was very worried about this--and it ended up being a non-issue. She simply handed out business cards that reflected both her old and new last name for a period of time until ppl got used to it.

Regardless, Lt. Kaikai...and the future Dr. Kaikai will reflect the name of Mr. IDon'tYetKnow in the future.

 

[ekimsurfer]

hey - there are laws against that, jack$ss...

good luck getting a "perky 23 year old" with your attitude.
I'd rather be single at 50 than married to a close-minded idiot like you

i don't give a rats ass if it's legal or not, i'd still do it

and as far as your marriage is concerned, once your female hormones kick in, it's only a matter of time before you "settle" with someone so that you can still have normal, healthy children... but i'm the close-minded one so don't mind my words

 

[ekimsurfer]

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I have always viewed the "changing of the last name" as a sign of the commitment you are making to the other person. Although I do not know that it will be anytime in the near future, when I find the right person--I will take his last name. I want my legal name to represent the commitment I have made to this other person; although my future career is important to me, my first commitment will be to my husband and possibly family.

The professional world has in the past in in the future will get over women changing their last names. It is expected. My step-mother was very worried about this--and it ended up being a non-issue. She simply handed out business cards that reflected both her old and new last name for a period of time until ppl got used to it.

Regardless, Lt. Kaikai...and the future Dr. Kaikai will reflect the name of Mr. IDon'tYetKnow in the future.

the problem with you is that you have too high self-esteem and you are not plagued with napolean-feminazi complex.

why can't you see that the man is holding you back and keeping you from your own choices!!! why are you so blind that your man is trying to make you conform!!! /sarcasm

the real problem is that too many women have these inferiority complexes and it is the most un-attractive trait ever. a truly attractive woman does not need to worry about nonseniscal issues as she understands that she is indeed equal and capable (the more you say you are something, the less of that something you seem).

all you girls are doing by complaining about petty nonsense is showing that you do indeed believe yourselves to be inferior. napolean had to conquer everything while the other emperors just laid back and played it pimp style.

 

[quideam]

I don't think that not wanting to change your name means you have a 'feminatzi' complex... it's true, there are definetly some women who have taken the feminism thing to an insane level, but that's not the general scenario.

Personally, when I get married, I will probably keep my last name. The reason is that, basically, I am working (and have worked) damn hard to get my degree - and I want to be Dr. Quideam, not Dr. Some other person... I do agree, with the sentiment, though - it would be nice to take the guy's name, so we'll see - I may change my mind. Anyway, point is - you don't have to be an insane feminist to want to keep your last name; ask the guys, how many of them would like to take on a new last name after having worked their butts off to become doctors.

Q

 

[ekimsurfer]

I don't think that not wanting to change your name means you have a 'feminatzi' complex... it's true, there are definetly some women who have taken the feminism thing to an insane level, but that's not the general scenario.

Personally, when I get married, I will probably keep my last name. The reason is that, basically, I am working (and have worked) damn hard to get my degree - and I want to be Dr. Quideam, not Dr. Some other person... I do agree, with the sentiment, though - it would be nice to take the guy's name, so we'll see - I may change my mind. Anyway, point is - you don't have to be an insane feminist to want to keep your last name; ask the guys, how many of them would like to take on a new last name after having worked their butts off to become doctors.

Q

i can see what you're saying, but i think doctors should be called by their first name, so to me, that is moot.

 

[ndi_amaka]

Someone's been listening to too much Lykas......

 

[babyruth]

i can see what you're saying, but i think doctors should be called by their first name, so to me, that is moot.

Wow, Troll call. Have you ever actually read Henry David Thoreau? Oh the irony.

 

[Elysium]

well let me first point out that your are 31 and unmarried... i honestly cannot imagine why.

if you don't want to change your last name then don't get married. at teh age you are at, too many people force marriage and end up getting divorced anyway. think about, an older guy doesn't want to marry a 31 year old when he can get a perky 23 year old who does have "issues" out the whazoo... not to mention that you won't probably even have enough time to raise your children adequately.

so please do us all a favor (and your future children) and just date around if you find someone you "love" just hang out with them and make a verbal agreement. You will keep your last name, he will keep all of his finances... in then end you will probably break up before a long enough time has elapsed that you are common law married and all will end happily. Seems like this is the most efficient plan of action.

Oh jesus, are you f-ing kidding me? Aren't you the guy who was posting in the residency forum about what medical speciatlity you could do and still be a surfer? Dude, you're a total sh1t heel.

I don't know what independent, intelligent woman f-ed with your head in the past, or how much your wife got in the divorce settlement, but you basically know f-all about me, or anybody else on this board. Gee, sorry I didn't feel like getting married at age 20, since statistically that's such a genius move. And, and I know this is going to come as an enormous surprise to your misogynistic lazy assed mind, but I'm actually IN a relationship with another med student who doesn't give two sh1ts about the dubious honor of his wife taking his name. So, basically, go blow yourself. Good day, Surfer/Ski/MountainClimbing/Wildcatting/Camper Dude.

P.S. are you a post-bacc or a second year? I'm terribly confused. In November you were in some SMP program and this month you're a second year. Sounds to me like you're a troll, and a totally boring one at that. I mean, the I hate women-blacks-muslims-liberals-lawyers-AA-socialized medicine routine has been done ad nauseum on these boards. At least make up a mildly interesting faux persona for yourself if you're going to take the time to do it. If this really is you, then you're just a 22 year old single guy who can't get a woman and needs to f with people on a BB to get off. Pathetic.

 

[ekimsurfer]

Wow, Troll call. Have you ever actually read Henry David Thoreau? Oh the irony.

yea, i'm such a troll because i'll be called by my first name after i've gotten my MD. "I worked so hard... i deserve to be called Doctor... and it's beyond hard so it's not Dr. (insert hubby's lastname) but rather, it's Dr. (maiden-hubby'slast)"

each has their own, and just because you have low self-esteem and were made fun of as a child doesn't mean other feel like you do. you probably want others to recognize you as Dr. Maidenname so that you can show your high school popular crowd just who the real boss is... go ahead and call me a troll, but i'm not the one with esteem issues.

 

[ekimsurfer]

Oh jesus, are you f-ing kidding me? Aren't you the guy who was posting in the residency forum about what medical speciatlity you could do and still be a surfer? Dude, you're a total sh1t heel.

I don't know what independent, intelligent woman f-ed with your head in the past, or how much your wife got in the divorce settlement, but you basically know f-all about me, or anybody else on this board. Gee, sorry I didn't feel like getting married at age 20, since statistically that's such a genius move. And, and I know this is going to come as an enormous surprise to your misogynistic lazy assed mind, but I'm actually IN a relationship with another med student who doesn't give two sh1ts about the dubious honor of his wife taking his name. So, basically, go blow yourself. Good day, Surfer/Ski/MountainClimbing/Wildcatting/Camper Dude.

P.S. are you a post-bacc or a second year? I'm terribly confused. In November you were in some SMP program and this month you're a second year. Sounds to me like you're a troll, and a totally boring one at that. I mean, the I hate women-blacks-muslims-liberals-lawyers-AA-socialized medicine routine has been done ad nauseum on these boards. At least make up a mildly interesting faux persona for yourself if you're going to take the time to do it. If this really is you, then you're just a 22 year old single guy who can't get a woman and needs to f with people on a BB to get off. Pathetic.

first this sn is serviced by both a post-bacc and a second year...

i am a second year...

so let's clarify a few points... first, you have the mouth of a sailor... second, i don't really care if you're married to an effeminate metrosexual, aside from not caring about your last name, you probably have some other qualities in common such as... blow-drying your hair, warm bubble baths, shopping for shoes, manicures?

and as far as being dicked around by women, that is not the case... i just have a disgust for this filthy feminization of america that parades under the guise of a female-equality movement. so many women these days want all the 'benefits' of being a man without taking on any of the actual responsibility.

i hope you guys grow up to have some nice feminine children that get beat on.

 

[Sweet Tea]

who wants popcorn?

 

[kem]

first this sn is serviced by both a post-bacc and a second year...

i am a second year...

so let's clarify a few points... first, you have the mouth of a sailor... second, i don't really care if you're married to an effeminate metrosexual, aside from not caring about your last name, you probably have some other qualities in common such as... blow-drying your hair, warm bubble baths, shopping for shoes, manicures?

and as far as being dicked around by women, that is not the case... i just have a disgust for this filthy feminization of america that parades under the guise of a female-equality movement. so many women these days want all the 'benefits' of being a man without taking on any of the actual responsibility.

i hope you guys grow up to have some nice feminine children that get beat on.

 

[Mistress S]

Just ignore ekimsurfer, he's obviously a troll as no one is that ******ed (although I'm sure he'll try to prove me wrong). Getting back to the original topic, I have put some thought into this, and I think the ideal solution (for me) would be for both parties to take a new name together when they get married. You could pick any name--a combination of both your original last names, a different old family name like one of your mom's maiden names, or just one you both liked, and both change your last name to that and go from there. This way, you both make the same sacrifice (if you view it that way), and I think it is symbolically nice as you start your new life and family together to take on a new name together as well. I think hyphenating is overly cumbersome, and I want everyone in my family (husband, kids) to have the same name; having grown up with a mom who went through two marriages while I was a child I've learned how difficult living in a home where everyone has a different last name can be. However, if I end up marrying my current partner, this probably won't happen as he is very attached to his last name. He wouldn't insist that I take it, but I know he wouldn't want to change his (for one thing, he has it tattooed on his back ). Fortunately, he has a cool last name and I'm not overly attached to mine (it's my dad's name, and I don't know him), so I would be okay about taking his name for the sake of simplicity. But that's just my personal preference, I think it's a personal decision and obviously won't affect the marriage in any way. It's just easier if everyone has the same name, be it his, yours, or something else entirely.

 

[Jaluv]

I wish I could find someone to tell me what needs to happen on legal documentaion - if you are hyphenated on your SS card, then are you free to use either your maiden name or his last name or are you bound to use the full hyphenated name? And from what I understand, what is on your SS card is exactly what is supposed to be on your license - is this true?

 

[njbmd]

Hi there,
I decided that if I got married before medical school ended, I would assume my fiance's name. Since I just could not fit a wedding into the four years, I have retained my name which I use professionally. It is on my diploma and professional documents and it is just too difficult to get everything changed.

My family has ten physicians and my fiance's family has only one before me so it would have been nice to have taken his name but here I am Mrs. Fiance's name for social events and Dr. My name for professional matters. It works. On my social security cards and driver's permit, I have my name.

njbmd (Mrs. njb-t)

 

[beriberi]

This is just pure speculation, but here are some thoughts about the original question.

Imagine if the poor woman who gave birth to ekimsurfer named hime Ekimsurfer Hatewomen Smallparts. As a man (who will never be seduced into changing his last name), he will finish his combined postbacc/year2 medical school program and (barring a surfing disaster) become Dr. Smallparts. Even though he insists that patients call him Dr. Ekimsurfer or Ekimsurfer-dude, many insist on calling him Dr. Smallparts. The hospital even embroiders Dr. Smallparts on all of his coats and makes him wear a badge that says Dr. Smallparts.

Realizing that marriage is no solution to this problem (despite the perky 23 year olds lining up to become the ex-Mrs. Smallparts-got-the-kids-and-all-his-money) he decides to start going by Dr. Hatewomen. It is his middle name, after all.

He gets his own coats embroidered, wears his badge backwards so no one can read the writing and is heard saying " I am Dr. Hatewomen, but Dude, call me Ekimsurfer."

What if he does a bit of research and publishes it under the name E Hatewomen? Critics of his work call Podunk U (which is now offering a combined junior high school/post-bacc/MS2 year) and they state that Dr. Hatewoman is not graduate of their program. In fact, a savvy patient (hoping to sue for the botched breast augmentation where Ekimsurfer simply carved "take that bee-atch" into her abdomen), checks on line and finds there is no Dr. Hatewoman licensed to practice medicine in the state.

My point: whether you are a man or a woman, your middle name is not your legal surname. It should not be used professionally. Your surname is what you will be licensed to practice medicine with and it is misleading to present yourself as anything other than Dr. Surname. Therefore, your legal surname should be the one you want to practice under--whether that is Dr. Maiden-Husband or Dr. Maiden or Dr. Husband. Figure out what your legal surname should be and then change ALL of your documents to reflect this.

 

[notekimsurfer]

This is just pure speculation, but here are some thoughts about the original question.

Imagine if the poor woman who gave birth to ekimsurfer named hime Ekimsurfer Hatewomen Smallparts. As a man (who will never be seduced into changing his last name), he will finish his combined postbacc/year2 medical school program and (barring a surfing disaster) become Dr. Smallparts. Even though he insists that patients call him Dr. Ekimsurfer or Ekimsurfer-dude, many insist on calling him Dr. Smallparts. The hospital even embroiders Dr. Smallparts on all of his coats and makes him wear a badge that says Dr. Smallparts.

Realizing that marriage is no solution to this problem (despite the perky 23 year olds lining up to become the ex-Mrs. Smallparts-got-the-kids-and-all-his-money) he decides to start going by Dr. Hatewomen. It is his middle name, after all.

He gets his own coats embroidered, wears his badge backwards so no one can read the writing and is heard saying " I am Dr. Hatewomen, but Dude, call me Ekimsurfer."

What if he does a bit of research and publishes it under the name E Hatewomen? Critics of his work call Podunk U (which is now offering a combined junior high school/post-bacc/MS2 year) and they state that Dr. Hatewoman is not graduate of their program. In fact, a savvy patient (hoping to sue for the botched breast augmentation where Ekimsurfer simply carved "take that bee-atch" into her abdomen), checks on line and finds there is no Dr. Hatewoman licensed to practice medicine in the state.

My point: whether you are a man or a woman, your middle name is not your legal surname. It should not be used professionally. Your surname is what you will be licensed to practice medicine with and it is misleading to present yourself as anything other than Dr. Surname. Therefore, your legal surname should be the one you want to practice under--whether that is Dr. Maiden-Husband or Dr. Maiden or Dr. Husband. Figure out what your legal surname should be and then change ALL of your documents to reflect this.

i appreciate this... it's joccund yet very much has a point.

it seems that some individuals on this network feel my behaviors are not what they would call "within the Terms of Service." I disagree. But to be fair, you ladies are type-A and i don't expect you to agree/understand anything other than your own idealized visions.

So let me digress for a moment as i talk about a topic presented in a news article i recently read where they noted that professional women (read: type-A women) were least likely among women to become married.

Many people would say "duh, that's common sense." But you know you best, and what you're doing is the right thing. In the end, most likely you will not be married, or at very least end up in a dead end marriage... but at least you'll have held on to your beloved 'maiden's name' (yet, is maiden somewhat outdated and misogynistic?)

You are not very likely to have children and maybe one child if any since there is not likely time for you to worry about taking care of them... since afterall, it is sexist to say the mother should stay home when we all know a man is capable of breast feeding and a baby is more biologically suited to love the father.

So then when it comes time to die you've realized that you've failed to pass on your genetic "flaws" as i would like to call them... and in this way, darwin will root out the type-A women. I would call it selfish, but the fact of the matter is that it is entirely unselfish... the short term selfishness is wholly outweighed by the choice to not reproduce and/or poorly raise children who will grow up to resent your decisions and only marry those willing to support his kids.

And in an ironic twist, your overzealous genetic typing will be faded out and so long with it will follow your maiden name.

call me what you like, but i have not cursed in this reply, nor does it personally attack anyone and i've had my law-student roomate read and re-read the terms of service, finding that nothing in this post violates the network's rules.

i appreciate your time, and have a swell evening.
-nes

 

[adennis]

first let me preface this by saying that I'm a type A.. married at a young age (19).. waited to have kids til I was 24 and then 26 soon to be MS1 class of 2009 person... just graduated in Dec at the age of 31.

Now.. I chose to hyphenate my name.. to myname-hisname... and here's why...
My family has never had a dr.. (at least not in our recorded history) although I didn't know that I would pursue this venture at the time I chose to get married... it's just support for it I s'pose....

I didn't want to give up my identity as who I was... and of course as all married women do.. I did to an extent.. but it still was a reminder of my life before becoming married...

women fight the battle of giving up their own selves.. the human self.. when they become married.. as hard as they fight to keep from doing this.. it does happen... giving up the name is a part of this...

it's hard to explain the rationale.. but it has a lot to do with how we define ourselves.. it's something that you may or may not already understand, depending on where you are in your quest for understanding...

it turns out that my maiden name ends with me... my brother, at least at this point has chosen not to have children... and my children have my husband's last name... so... I will be the last unless my brother chooses to have kids...

 

[Paws]

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I have always viewed the "changing of the last name" as a sign of the commitment you are making to the other person.

I don't know, I think it historically means you are now "his" and that's different than just saying: 'I love you honey.' Paws is all about marriage and love and everything, but if this statement was true, then why don't men change their names to that of their wives?



I am glad that women these days are keeping their names and just being Jane Smith and Peter Jones, or whatever. Now that's equality.

 

[gwyn779]

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I have always viewed the "changing of the last name" as a sign of the commitment you are making to the other person.

Why should only the wife make such a drastic sign of commitment and the husband have to do nothing? Does he not have to show his commitment? If it's a sign of commitment, I like the idea of both changing their name, but that will get complicated in new ways as there won't be any sort of continuity between generations. Then again, how important is that in our current society? I don't think there's any one right answer to this whole question. I also don't think there has to be. It's a name, it's your identity, you should decide what you want to do with it, not have it decided for you by someone else's convention.

 

[daria]

what is the big deal with just using his last name without the gay hyphen-yourlastname?

god what is with women these days... why must everything be such and issue and take so much more time than it has to?

What is the big deal with just letting people use whatever names they wanna use?

*** what is it with ekimsurfer these days... why must everything be such an issue and take so much more time than it has to?

Yeesh, if people love each other, they ought to be able to come to a decision that makes sense for them, and negotiate it out in a healthy way, if it's in fact important enough to either of them to do so.

One of my profs (male) hypenated with his wife; so now they're both JOnes-Hicks, as are their kids. This could get out of hand when their kids marry, but I'm sure they'll figure it out. In a pinch, they could always do like the upper-class Spaniards and append! (Jose Ignacio Chacon Rivera de Vega y Coronado y Torres y ...)

On a practical note, whatever you do, I highly suggest that you try to keep all official documents consistent - e.g., social security card, driver's license, W-2/4, etc. I dealt with about 3 years of inconsistent name change (they never could get it right at my job), which resulted in some rather annoying hassles.

Also, whether a woman changes her name or not, I suggest that couples keep a marriage cert. copy on hand; I've often had to wave mine around to get people to believe that my husband and I are married (and I DID take his name). Eg: house is under "Gabriel Chacon", car is registered to "Daria Arnold Chacon", and we need a parking permit. Following that, had to fax it to put the house under both names. Get a copy, keep it on hand the first few years especially.

 

[dmoney41]

One of my profs (male) hypenated with his wife; so now they're both JOnes-Hicks, as are their kids.

Speaking as someone saddled with such a name on their birth certificate, f*** that. Deal with your damned identity issues on your own, don't dump them off on your kids with a horrible hyphenated name. There's just no reason for it.

My mom always uses the excuse that she thought I could just pick whichever last name I wanted, but once it's on your birth certificate you're screwed. It then goes on your drivers license, passport, etc and changing it once you're 18 is a huge pain.

Summary: hyphenated names SUCK.

 

[roja]

Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I have always viewed the "changing of the last name" as a sign of the commitment you are making to the other person. Although I do not know that it will be anytime in the near future, when I find the right person--I will take his last name. I want my legal name to represent the commitment I have made to this other person; although my future career is important to me, my first commitment will be to my husband and possibly family.

The professional world has in the past in in the future will get over women changing their last names. It is expected. My step-mother was very worried about this--and it ended up being a non-issue. She simply handed out business cards that reflected both her old and new last name for a period of time until ppl got used to it.

Regardless, Lt. Kaikai...and the future Dr. Kaikai will reflect the name of Mr. IDon'tYetKnow in the future.

And your husband doesn't have to be comitted? by the same arguement, He should change his name (a commitment to you).

This is such an individual thing. I was single then married during med school. I kept my maiden name (never having intended to change it). When I asked my husband, just ot be polite, he looked at me like I'm looney... He asked me why on earth I would change my name?

My brother's ex wife still uses our last name. maybe she should be comitted.

The name means very little... its your relationship that matters.

People have done any and all versions... check with the liscensing office in your state. The changing of names is do-able but tricky.

 

[Soleilpie]

what is the big deal with just using his last name without the gay hyphen-yourlastname?

god what is with women these days... why must everything be such and issue and take so much more time than it has to?

Since it's not such a big deal to you, and assuming you're a male, I imagine you'll take your wife's last name when the time comes

 

[randomlogik]

Do the majority of females really have that big of an issue when it comes to name changes? Personally I don't have a problem with it. I think it adds unity to the family if everyone shares the same last name. I wouldn't want to have a different last name from my husband or children. Of course, you could argue that he could take my last name, but I think it's more of tradition than anything that the female takes the males last name.

 

[Paws]

Well, tradition's ok for some things, like getting together for the holidays. But it's definitely not ok when it means the guys sit on the couch watching football and the women are in the kitchen serving the meal and cleaning up. So, then some traditions ought to be changed.

Just because something has 'always been done' doesn't mean it always should be done.

 

[kem]

Do the majority of females really have that big of an issue when it comes to name changes? Personally I don't have a problem with it. I think it adds unity to the family if everyone shares the same last name. I wouldn't want to have a different last name from my husband or children. Of course, you could argue that he could take my last name, but I think it's more of tradition than anything that the female takes the males last name.

I just think that males shouldn't have "that big of an issue" when females decide not to take their name. That's all.

-kem

 

[Fif the Great]

I got married four months ago, and have already gone to change my social security card, credit cards, driver's license to reflect my married name (with my maiden name as middle name). However, I want to use my maiden name professionally. Do other women do this easily, or am I just making things complicated for myself? I don't really want to do the hyphenated last name.

When my wife and I got married a year and a half ago she dumped her entire last name, took mine, and kept her "original" middle name. She never even brought up the name-change issue so apparently she liked the idea. But she really hadn't settled in on a career path so it wasn't that big of a deal to her. It's really up to you though. If you're an established professional then by all means, keep your last name. If not, then it depends on if you're traditional or progressive. (I like traditional women )

 

[jamie]

Obviously, whatever one decides to call themselves is a personal decision, and should be respected. To be honest, I really don't give a damn what those around me decide to call themselves -- does not affect me one bit.

Regardless of what you decide, to avoid my own personal experience of a blow-up 36 hours before I walked down the aisle, be sure to share with your families what your "married" name will be ample time before the wedding to avoid any issues.

 

[45408]

Why should only the wife make such a drastic sign of commitment and the husband have to do nothing? Does he not have to show his commitment?

You must not keep an eye on diamond prices to think the husband sacrifices nothing.

 

[Fif the Great]

You must not keep an eye on diamond prices to think the husband sacrifices nothing.

Amen. Women's lib is selective sometimes. The husband can spring for the $10,000 engagement ring all by his lonesome, but God forbid she take his last name. I got the best of both worlds, Mrs. Fif the Great likes her ring and her last name.

 

[SMRT]

Hi,

It's been interesting reading this because I will likely be getting married after med school, so I think I will keep my name.

Amen. Women's lib is selective sometimes. The husband can spring for the $10,000 engagement ring all by his lonesome, but God forbid she take his last name. I got the best of both worlds, Mrs. Fif the Great likes her ring and her last name.

OK, if a guy is spending thousands of dollars he can't afford on an engagement ring then he has a few things to think about it. If your fiancee is insisting on a big ring knowing full well you can't afford it, then I would have a long hard look at the person you are marrying and what her priorities are. Remember that after you are married that all your assets (and debts!) become shared. So really it's both people's money that's being spent. If either person is not willing to share finances, then again I think you have to think about your committment to the marriage.

I don't plan on taking my future husband's name, and I also don't expect him to spend more than WE can afford on a ring.

 

[45408]

Btw, what kind of reputation are you all expecting to have? I understand if a published researcher doesn't want to lose their recognition, but does it really matter if the ER doc is Dr. Jones or Dr. Smith?