Marriage status

[Cold Penguin]

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How does being a single woman in her early 30s and applying for a residency get viewed by the committee?

I am not joking. They will see that a single woman in her 30s will get married, get pregnant, need time off, and so on. I have a feeling some unwritten rule out there in the circle will do some harm. At least this is my belief, but I just want to see how this marriage status thing matters in the residency application.

Please be serious.
CP

 

[Hard24Get]

How does being a single woman in her early 30s and applying for a residency get viewed by the committee?

I am not joking. They will see that a single woman in her 30s will get married, get pregnant, need time off, and so on. I have a feeling some unwritten rule out there in the circle will do some harm. At least this is my belief, but I just want to see how this marriage status thing matters in the residency application.

Please be serious.
CP

A single woman has the least to worry about! A married woman is more likley to have kids, and some women already have kids or are pregnant during their interview. A single woman may not even get married and become a hard-working spinster, or she might be a lesbian not planning on kids, etc, etc, etc. That being said, different residency programs are supportive of doctors with families in varying ways - ask how many residents are married vs single, and look into maternity leave and benefits. Your advisor should be able to help with this...

 

[jbrice1639]

How does being a single woman in her early 30s and applying for a residency get viewed by the committee?

I am not joking. They will see that a single woman in her 30s will get married, get pregnant, need time off, and so on. I have a feeling some unwritten rule out there in the circle will do some harm. At least this is my belief, but I just want to see how this marriage status thing matters in the residency application.

Please be serious.
CP

who would marry a woman in her 30s?! 😱

that ship has sailed...welcome to terminal singlehood....

i'm kidding of course, but nonetheless, the poster who said the woman who is already married has more to worry about is dead-on. someone who already has kids or is thinking about having kids is going to have far more going on than someone who is single and may or may not be getting married in the foreseeable future.

 

[chocomorsel]

How does being a single woman in her early 30s and applying for a residency get viewed by the committee?

I am not joking. They will see that a single woman in her 30s will get married, get pregnant, need time off, and so on. I have a feeling some unwritten rule out there in the circle will do some harm. At least this is my belief, but I just want to see how this marriage status thing matters in the residency application.

Please be serious.
CP

Women in their late twenties want the same thing with marriage and kids and all you know. So I don't think that you have anything to worry about. 90% of women want this eventually sometime in their childbearing years.

 

[pillowhead]

How does being a single woman in her early 30s and applying for a residency get viewed by the committee?

I am not joking. They will see that a single woman in her 30s will get married, get pregnant, need time off, and so on. I have a feeling some unwritten rule out there in the circle will do some harm. At least this is my belief, but I just want to see how this marriage status thing matters in the residency application.

Please be serious.
CP

In general, I echo the other posters' sentiments. I think having a wedding ring on during your interviews gives married women a slight disadvantage over unmarried women. An unmarried woman has no foreseeable ties in the immediate future while a married woman may take a time off to have children, may already have children that put demands on her schedule, and may have to deal with spouse at home that still feels that his wife should be the primary caretaker of the home even if she is working 80 hours a week. All of these theoretically leads to a more stressed out resident who is just trying to get out of the door at the end of the day rather than totally devoting her life to her residency program.

That said, I still think that for most fields, some surgical stuff being the exception, I don't think it really matters too much one way or the other. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[FDoRoML]

And while they're not allowed to bring up that kind of stuff during interviews (for med school, residency, or jobs!), there is always a way to BRING it up yourself. If you are married and NOT planning on kids in the near future, there are subtle ways to get that message across-- or not so subtle, too.

If you, however, *want* to have kids in the near future, isn't it better to be certain you're picking the right program? Again, asking about maternity/paternity leave during your interview will be a dead giveaway! It would be really bad to get into a program that will make your life as a new Mom/Dad miserable.

When I applied to med school (I'm a little older and already married), I knew it could be an issue with some of the more traditional good ole boys... so I made it very obvious what my plans were. I'm sure I'll go through the same thing during residency interviews, too (especially because they will expect my biological clock to be absolutely screaming by then!).

 

[GenSurgChick]

Although they technically can't ask you those questions when applying, I was still asked on a few occasions whether I was planning to have children. The only ones who asked were older surgeons who were rather famous in their fields. You have to be prepared for how you will handle this because many of the older generation of physicians may not know (or care) that the question is illegal. And they are not people you want to offend.

Applying in general surgery, I felt like my gender was not the issue it might have been in the past. I did have several questions insinuating that I was pretty old to be starting a gen surg residency (I'm 31). Actually I think one person actually asked, "Aren't you a little old to be starting in surgery?" My answer was, "No."

Don't feel like you ever need to apologize for who you are, what your priorities are, or what your career goals are, even if they are different than the interviewer's. I think some of them just try to get under your skin to see how you react. I suspect this is particularly true in general surgery, so if you're going into pediatrics or something it may not be as much of an issue. If you want to arrange your career around having children, that's acceptable in this day and age, for men and women. People have children during residency, and they and their programs are able to work it out. Just make sure you apply to enough programs to leave yourself some options. Some places are going to be more supportive of your priorities (whatever they are) than others.

 

[Jedix123]

You go girl!


Actually balancing work and family is hard even for guys although we don't have the social stigma that girls get.

 

[Cold Penguin]

What GenSurgChick said about the old boys' club thing sounds sad but realistic. I was aware that mariage status is one of those things not to be asked during the interview, but I was wondering if it was really true. Your story once again confirms that not everyone sticks to the rule. However, you are right that one must continue walking towards the goal.

Here is another question. When people talk about a residency program that accommodates those who are planning to have children, what kind of accommodations are they specifically talking about? One thing that comes into my mind is the generous permission to be able to take off the usual three-month maternity leave and four-week vacation days together. Considering the nature of any residency program, I can't really think of other benefits that can be arranged.

Even if there is such a program, I don't feel so inclined to be in it, but being aware of those things won't hurt me, I say

Thanks in advance,
CP

 

[Baby Einstein]

Here is another question. When people talk about a residency program that accommodates those who are planning to have children, what kind of accommodations are they specifically talking about? One thing that comes into my mind is the generous permission to be able to take off the usual three-month maternity leave and four-week vacation days together.

Few residency programs will allow you to take the 3-month maternity leave. If you're lucky enough to be able to do this, you will have to make it up at the end of residency (i.e. after everyone has graduated), as well as making up calls in addition to dealing with some aggravated colleagues, probably.

And when you say "generous permission", it's obvious you haven't had a baby yet. When my baby was 3 months old I was just starting to come back to life. Any less than 6 weeks of maternity leave is insane IMO.

 

[Paws]

When I think back over the different interviews I have had in life, for different jobs, the ones where I was point-blank asked stupid a$$ questions like:

"How old are you?"
"Are you planing on having children soon?"
"Are you getting married sometime soon?"

You know, at the moment I was sort of stunned into silence. Because I was weighing the outcome. But I also realized that if someone was asking me a dumb question like that, then it was probably not the place for me to be working.

And looking back, I would agree that the jobs I DID get were wonderful and supportive, etc. Would I stuff my feelings if it was a nice residency spot at Stanford? well, I might. But would I be happy there? Maybe not. Each interview should be weighed all around and a plus and minus list made. I think we can't mess ourselves up trying to foresee the future, just do the best we can and trust that things will work out and that we will end up where we are meant to be.