Married Med. Students: When to have kids?

[robrobbberts]

Hi there. So I am a non-traditional student that will be starting medical school this coming fall. My wife and I have been trying to figure out when the best time would be to have our first kid. Thinking about the stress levels throughout the 4 years, and my ability to actually spend the most time at home, when would it be best? I am assuming that maybe over the summer after 3rd year, or early 4th?

Anyone have experience with this, or know people that have?

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[Mr hawkings]

Hi there. So I am a non-traditional student that will be starting medical school this coming fall. My wife and I have been trying to figure out when the best time would be to have our first kid. Thinking about the stress levels throughout the 4 years, and my ability to actually spend the most time at home, when would it be best? I am assuming that maybe over the summer after 3rd year, or early 4th?

Anyone have experience with this, or know people that have?

Theres an old thread on this that was pretty informative. You should do a search for it. Its was asking the exact same question you you're asking

 

[robrobbberts]

Theres an old thread on this that was pretty informative. You should do a search for it. Its was asking the exact same question you you're asking

Thanks, I did search old threads, but I was only able to find people discussing the difficulties of marriage and having kids while in school. Do you have a link to the thread you are talking about?


Why was this moved to the pre-med forum? This has nothing to do with pre-medical issues and everything to do with medical school problems faced by current students. In fact, you don't have to be a 'non-traditional' student in order to be in a similar situation.

 

[McMD]

Theres an old thread on this that was pretty informative. You should do a search for it. Its was asking the exact same question you you're asking

And for a short answer....between 3rd and 4th year. But I guess search for the old thread.

 

[Mister T]

Hi there. So I am a non-traditional student that will be starting medical school this coming fall. My wife and I have been trying to figure out when the best time would be to have our first kid. Thinking about the stress levels throughout the 4 years, and my ability to actually spend the most time at home, when would it be best? I am assuming that maybe over the summer after 3rd year, or early 4th?

Anyone have experience with this, or know people that have?

Personally, I would have sex without a condom and get a girl pregnant about 8-9 months before the last year of residency.

Residency is even harder than medical school and I would do it at a point where I have a little more free time than usual. I mean, I'd want to be there to be around with the kid during his/her formative years (0-10), but that's just me.

Now my dad had me when he was 40, which is pretty old, practically a grandfather in many cases, but he was an immigrant and needed to be financially secure before having sex with my mom.

Now that I think of it, I think I'll have a kid at like 33, yeah that sounds good.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

I'm a non-trad student. I supported my wife through medical school. Now she's out and supports me through medical school.

We had kid #1 between her M3 and M4 year, #2 between her PGY2 and PGY3 year, and #3 between my M1 and M2 year. So we've tried kids in preclinical years, clinical years, and residency.

Here's the scoop: it doesn't matter. One is not better than the other, and one is not worse than the other. Each has its own upsides and downsides.

The summer between M1/M2 is open so you won't have any conflicts or have to move/reschedule anything. Flipside is M3 year is likely to be a rude awakening for your spouse -- you start putting in doctors hours away from home. A toddler in that mix does add stress.

Between M3/M4 was pretty convenient, too. She basically deferred starting M4 for a while and then came back to a research block followed by a path block -- i.e., easy hours. Flipside is residency interviews are coming up and you'll be traveling a bit, finishing up your Step 2s, and preparing to move.

PGY2/PGY3 was hardest simply because of the demanding schedule, but she ended up just taking FMLA and extending her residency by a few months.

 

[Scottish Chap]

I'm a non-trad student. I supported my wife through medical school. Now she's out and supports me through medical school.

We had kid #1 between her M3 and M4 year, #2 between her PGY2 and PGY3 year, and #3 between my M1 and M2 year. So we've tried kids in preclinical years, clinical years, and residency.

Here's the scoop: it doesn't matter. One is not better than the other, and one is not worse than the other. Each has its own upsides and downsides.

The summer between M1/M2 is open so you won't have any conflicts or have to move/reschedule anything. Flipside is M3 year is likely to be a rude awakening for your spouse -- you start putting in doctors hours away from home. A toddler in that mix does add stress.

Between M3/M4 was pretty convenient, too. She basically deferred starting M4 for a while and then came back to a research block followed by a path block -- i.e., easy hours. Flipside is residency interviews are coming up and you'll be traveling a bit, finishing up your Step 2s, and preparing to move.

PGY2/PGY3 was hardest simply because of the demanding schedule, but she ended up just taking FMLA and extending her residency by a few months.

Agree with this. Daughter was born 12 days before MSII. Son was born during my intern ICU rotation. It didn't make a difference. Just be aware of the financial constraints, and don't put your life on hold just because you're still in training.

 

[7starmantis]

and don't put your life on hold just because you're still in training.

I think this is very wise advise.

 

[robrobbberts]

Thanks for the advise. This has been incredibly helpful. I appreciate it.

 

[dragonfly99]

4th year of med school might be the best...otherwise maybe 1st or 2nd year. Don't do it 3rd year because you'll never see the kid...

 

[QofQuimica]

Thanks, I did search old threads, but I was only able to find people discussing the difficulties of marriage and having kids while in school. Do you have a link to the thread you are talking about?

I'm not sure if this was what the others were referring to, but here is a good thread on this topic from the Women's forum. You wouldn't have found it if you only searched this forum rather than doing a site-wide search.

I think I'll add that link to the FAQs. I'm sure other people would be interested too....

 

[riverjib]

Thanks, I did search old threads, but I was only able to find people discussing the difficulties of marriage and having kids while in school. Do you have a link to the thread you are talking about?


Why was this moved to the pre-med forum? This has nothing to do with pre-medical issues and everything to do with medical school problems faced by current students. In fact, you don't have to be a 'non-traditional' student in order to be in a similar situation.

I think it was moved here because it's more likely to be answered here. Plus, more non-traditional students who didn't ask this question but were thinking it (like me) will probably get something out of it in this forum. The pre-allo forum is so heavily inundated by really general questions that this thread is much less likely to be bumped enough for anyone to see it.

Anyway, I'm glad you asked this, and so many people have provided their insight. I'm 30 and applying to med school, so this is at the top of the list of my concerns AFTER I get accepted!

EDIT: I just realized that you meant that this thread was moved from allo to pre-allo, and I'm not sure why that was. Still, I'm glad you posted it

 

[riverjib]

I'm a non-trad student. I supported my wife through medical school. Now she's out and supports me through medical school.

We had kid #1 between her M3 and M4 year, #2 between her PGY2 and PGY3 year, and #3 between my M1 and M2 year. So we've tried kids in preclinical years, clinical years, and residency.

Here's the scoop: it doesn't matter. One is not better than the other, and one is not worse than the other. Each has its own upsides and downsides.

The summer between M1/M2 is open so you won't have any conflicts or have to move/reschedule anything. Flipside is M3 year is likely to be a rude awakening for your spouse -- you start putting in doctors hours away from home. A toddler in that mix does add stress.

Between M3/M4 was pretty convenient, too. She basically deferred starting M4 for a while and then came back to a research block followed by a path block -- i.e., easy hours. Flipside is residency interviews are coming up and you'll be traveling a bit, finishing up your Step 2s, and preparing to move.

PGY2/PGY3 was hardest simply because of the demanding schedule, but she ended up just taking FMLA and extending her residency by a few months.

Thanks so much for your input, Captain Fantastic!! My fiance is graduating PA school in 2011 and I'm (hopefully) starting MS-1 after he graduates. It's really great that you and your wife supported each other through your respective training!

I was hoping to have my first between M1/M2 or M3/M4 at the latest. He's fully prepared for what my life is going to be like (PA school is no walk in the park, either!) and is ready to take on the responsibilities of being the primary caregiver in some respects. This should be an interesting ride...

 

[kristieb1]

Hi there. So I am a non-traditional student that will be starting medical school this coming fall. My wife and I have been trying to figure out when the best time would be to have our first kid. Thinking about the stress levels throughout the 4 years, and my ability to actually spend the most time at home, when would it be best? I am assuming that maybe over the summer after 3rd year, or early 4th?

Anyone have experience with this, or know people that have?

Well it kind of depends on your wife. My husband is a trucker. He is gone for 7 to 14 days at a time (and only home for 1 to 3 days). I just gave birth to our first child in November. I've pretty much been taking care of her by myself from day 1. When he is here he is a huge help, but he isn't here that often.

Can she handle taking care of a child by herself? Is she confident in her abilities? Or is she very needy and emotional? Unlikely to be able to handle the stress? Because believe me, it's not easy to do it on your own. I am not technically a single parent, but it sure does feel that way at times.

I think this has more to do with how your wife feels than with how you feel - since you won't be the primary caregiver.

But I also agree with what another person said. Don't put your life on hold because "it's not the right time." It's never the right time. You have to find the time and make it work.

 

[NTF]

Since you're the guy I would say for the next 7-10 years there is no "good" time. So just have 'em. With women it's way trickier and the "planning" doesn't always go according to plan. From informal polls this is what I gather the "good' times are:

1)Summer between M1/M2
2)(after interviews) M4 to before PGY-1
3)After PGY-2

I know some who had kids right after Step I. I don't recall them feeling it was ideal to be 35+ weeks and studying for Step I, but they did make it through.

But like I said there is no "good" time. You just can't prepare what's going to be going on with your kid after the birth and how it will take over your life. You may have a kid at a "bad" time but if the kid is an easy baby it won't even scratch the surface of how hard your life will be if you have a colicky, sensitive baby at a "good" time.

 

[MiniMoo]

I know this thread mainly addresses the best time for the guy to have kids. But what about for a woman? I know people have mentioned between 3rd/4th year or during 4th year as possibilities, but how difficult would it be to run around during clerkships, pulling in crazy hours while preggo? I'm not married and nowhere close to having kids, but I'd imagine being pregnant is pretty tiring and rotations + pregnancy would be hell.

 

[Old Grunt]

I'm a non-trad student. I supported my wife through medical school. Now she's out and supports me through medical school.

We had kid #1 between her M3 and M4 year, #2 between her PGY2 and PGY3 year, and #3 between my M1 and M2 year. So we've tried kids in preclinical years, clinical years, and residency.

Here's the scoop: it doesn't matter. One is not better than the other, and one is not worse than the other. Each has its own upsides and downsides.

The summer between M1/M2 is open so you won't have any conflicts or have to move/reschedule anything. Flipside is M3 year is likely to be a rude awakening for your spouse -- you start putting in doctors hours away from home. A toddler in that mix does add stress.

Between M3/M4 was pretty convenient, too. She basically deferred starting M4 for a while and then came back to a research block followed by a path block -- i.e., easy hours. Flipside is residency interviews are coming up and you'll be traveling a bit, finishing up your Step 2s, and preparing to move.

PGY2/PGY3 was hardest simply because of the demanding schedule, but she ended up just taking FMLA and extending her residency by a few months.

Great post.

 

[DitchDoc73]

My wife and I are planning on having our 2nd around the break between M1/M2. IMO it seemed like the best time for us!

 

[cafeconleche]

My wife and I are both 4th years, although we both took an extra year off between 3rd and 4th year, so technically we're 5th years. we had our daughter (now 7 months) in June of 4th year. Our 4th year schedule is fairly flexible, so we have been able to basically cover for each other the entire year. Interviewing was interesting...and took a lot of planning to make sure we werent scheduled for the same day, but it worked out. I'm happy we did it this way. At times i've thought longingly of the easy 4th year i would have had if we had waited a little longer, but i would make the same decision again...and one nice thing is that our daughter will be almost a year when she goes into day care at the start of internship...

 

[CATrtb]

We have a 6 and 5 year old girls. I will be starting M1 in early August. My wife is due July 17th with our third (it's a boy!). I'm freaked out, but at least I'm not the one who is pregnant. God bless women. Anyway, this will be the last one and I am glad I had kids and a family life before med school and it will be an adventure having one during med school.

Go ahead and have kids anytime, they are a blessing.

 

[Crelal]

We started this journey with a 6, 4, and 2 year old, and will now be adding our final family member at the beginning of MS II. The school I attend has an option to split either of the first two years into two years instead of one, which I am going to do. So I will take two years to complete second year, add some research in the second of the two years, and graduate a year later.

Having kids in medical school is no joke. It is fun, and I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in my class, but you have to be organized and on top of your game. And there is no margin for error/emergency. You need a supportive partner, one who is supportive not just in words, but actions. You need a good daycare and back up daycare system. You need to have everything preplanned as far as potential obstacles.

Your child will get sick the week before exams. 104 fever, puking, no sleep sick. That will suck.

But at the end of your day, when you get home, nothing beats the hug/kiss/smile that meets you at the door. Instant uplift in your mood and decrease in stress, guaranteed.