daact

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i am currently in a serioius relationship right now..and i am going to start DO school in August (2004)...when do you think is the right year in medical school to get married? thanks
 

Seaglass

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Being married and at the end of the med school thing I would say 1st year or 4th year. IMHO a marriage takes some work in the first year and to do it you need to be around (ie. not in the hospital 24/7 like in 3rd year).

C
 

joedogma

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I got married between my first and second year and it went off without a hitch. Since my wife was also in professional school at the time, we both understood the horrible lifestyles we would have for the first few years...
 
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StringBean

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I was also married between 1st & 2nd year. I think this is the best time. I am currently finishing up second year and getting ready for the boards and I can't imagine having to deal with the stress of wedding stuff right now. We are both in medical school and it's been working out PERFECTLY! Wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck & congrats on finding THE one!

~Bean :love:
 

Doctor Peloncito

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Hey,

I've been married for a while, so my story won't help any, but I do have a lot of classmates who are getting married this summer. Also, lots of the second years were married over the summer and they seem to be doing fine.

Good luck,

WBDO
 

DrDad

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personally I could not imagine getting married during school..... too much to learn about each other
just my .0002cents
 

Claymore

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Definitely, the most popular time (and most convenient) is the summer between first and second year. A few people in my class, however, including myself, got married during winter break of second year. We got 2 weeks off at the end of Dec/early Jan, which was plenty of time for me to get married and go on a week-long honeymoon. While this is probably not the ideal time (everyone is busy around the holidays) it can work and actually was perfect for me. I have not heard of anyone trying to get married during MS-3, but depending on your school's vacation policy you might be able to squeeze it in during fourth year. Good luck!
 

dylan19

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I'm finishing up my first year and I'm getten married this summer, not stressed at all, excited actually. I also know about four other medical students getting married between year I and II. It must be the time of the season.
 

sophiejane

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...not to be a downer, but the odds are really against you if you get married in your early 20s (something like 70% of these marriages fail, as I have been told by a psychotherapist). Add that to the odds against your marriage for being a medical student (four divorces so far in our class this year), and it doesn't look good.

I say this from experience--from that of my own as well as a good number of my friends and acquaintances. I would say of the people I know in my age group now (mid-30s), more than half are or have been divorced. Quite a few are on marriage #2.

There is a lot of growing and changing that happens in your 20s and it is very hard to make a new marriage work when you are that young and that busy. I know that at 22 you FEEL like you are grown up and know yourself and what's best for you, but it can be a tumultuous time--especially being a medical student on top of all that.

If you are older than your early to mid 20s, your odds are a little better, but I'd still say wait a few years if you can, or at least until residency-application time.

Good luck.
 

Seaglass

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sophiejane said:
...not to be a downer, but the odds are really against you if you get married in your early 20s (something like 70% of these marriages fail, as I have been told by a psychotherapist). Add that to the odds against your marriage for being a medical student (four divorces so far in our class this year), and it doesn't look good.

I say this from experience--from that of my own as well as a good number of my friends and acquaintances. I would say of the people I know in my age group now (mid-30s), more than half are or have been divorced. Quite a few are on marriage #2.

There is a lot of growing and changing that happens in your 20s and it is very hard to make a new marriage work when you are that young and that busy. I know that at 22 you FEEL like you are grown up and know yourself and what's best for you, but it can be a tumultuous time--especially being a medical student on top of all that.

If you are older than your early to mid 20s, your odds are a little better, but I'd still say wait a few years if you can, or at least until residency-application time.

Good luck.
I'd say that your statistics seem a little off, and that you're ssample may be a bit biased. For example, there have not been any divorces in my class (where a significant # of people were married in year 1) over 4 years.

C
 

DrDad

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your stats are likely a bit high.... and more likely stats of such would be too biased to be worthwhile....
 

sophiejane

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I stand corrected...this is for new marriages (a bit old, and divorce rates HAVE declined a bit since then):

"65% of new marriages fail."
Teresa Castro Martin and Larry L. Bumpass, "Recent Trends in Marital Disruption", Demography 26 (1989): 37-51

I couldn't find anything correlated with age, but I've heard it more than once that there is a positive correlation between youth and divorce rates and between medical professionals and divorce. Many people are successful--but many more are not...just a word of caution before making such a big life change at an already stressful time. If it's really right between you, the wedding can wait. If it's not, you'll save yourself major stress and headaches (and lawyers) if things fall apart before you are settled into your career.

Hope all turns out for the very best for all the newlyweds.
 

gioia

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Well, in defense of L'amore...

I have been married 13 years and married young. I love my spouse and I love my life.

Certainly, statistics abound. However, are you the mean - are you average? Or are you an outlier?

Statistics in some areas are meaningless to me because I'm not 'average'. Statistics are merely indicators.

Your criteria should be your own knowledge of yourself; your motivations; your personality; and whether you can play board games with each other without getting into a fight...

:love:
 
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sophiejane

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obviously, these statistics imply averages of a huge sample of people (this one was nationwide).

There are certainly many who are successful, as I said. But it is a fact that health professionals and people who marry young are subject to more stresses on their marriages and it is truly the "above average" marriages that survive. The problem is, when you fall in love, you don't know if your marriage will last...no matter how much you love someone, people change, circumstances change...I think a lot of people take it for granted that if they have found "the one" that THEY won't get divorced--that's for other people. But the statistics tell us that there are a LOT of "other people".

I applaud those who are successful at marriage. It can be a real challenge.

Gioia, you will be thankful for a strong, time-tested marriage when you start medical school next year (next year, right?). Best of luck.

Sorry for the digression--carry on with the discussion, wedding planners! :)
 

DrDad

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gioia said:
Well, in defense of L'amore...

I have been married 13 years and married young. I love my spouse and I love my life.

Certainly, statistics abound. However, are you the mean - are you average? Or are you an outlier?

Statistics in some areas are meaningless to me because I'm not 'average'. Statistics are merely indicators.

Your criteria should be your own knowledge of yourself; your motivations; your personality; and whether you can play board games with each other without getting into a fight...

:love:
Thank You so much for your post.... I agree... Married for 7 years and we are definetly not the norm.... in any way.... further, I agree with most statements, yet I would like to say.... long term marriage is not about falling-in-love but rather choosing-to-love.... the man/woman you married will at some time be close to the most obnoxious person you have ever met.... Love, the kind that is patient, kind, non-envious, non-jealous, and sturdy is not something that is fallen into but rather build from the ashes of life...
Atleast this is the way that love for many couples I know have stated as well as myself and wife included... Dont get me wrong attraction is necessary but more important is commitment....!!!

Hope this helps in some way!
 

Baditude

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Well my story is probably a little different than what will help you but ......
I got married at 20 and this October it will be 14 years I have 2 kids (8 &12) and I will be starting medical school this fall. I NEVER could get through this without my husband, who even though he has a learning diability and has a dislike of school because of it, has been my biggest supporter, cheerleader and he has kept me from giving up my dream more times than I can count. He is even willing to move anywhere in the world that we need to go so I can goo to the best school that will accept me which will mean job changes for him.
So in my opinion if you have a good steady relationship getting married in med school should be a good thing.... it adds to your sense of stability and it is always great to have additional support.

Best of luck to you
 

sophiejane

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Goofyone said:
That's beautiful, just beautiful. :oops:
Choosing to love is great if both of you choose it. Problem is, that's not always the case.

OK, enough. I will let the love-birds nest where they will...:)

(by the way--I am now in a really wonderful relationship with someone who is perfect for me, so in many ways the divorce that ended my first marriage was a gift--though it didn't feel that way at the time...I just can't imagine how my currently-divorcing classmates are coping with all that and medical school right now...)
 

DrDad

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SJ,

Keep your faith, and May God Bless You in your relationship now....!!!!

God Bless

DrDad

p.s. My comments apply both individually and corporately for a relationship....!!!
 

r90t

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From my experience, med school will either make or break a marriage.

In my experience over the 4 years, one friend had what appeared to be a solid marriage fell apart with kids involved. Many engagements were postponed or called off. About 5 marriages during school, then a burst after graduation.

In my work environment, the majority of the "kids" that get married in the late teens, early 20s end up in divorce. In a group of 8 couples that were married in 1994, only 2 remain. Many of these had kids and shuffle them between homes.

Go for it, if you think you can make it work out. Be aware, that yours will need extra work because of your schedule and you will have to decide to put marriage or medical education first at some point in your career.
 

Cuthbert

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Daact,

If you both are ready for marriage, I would say between 1st and 2nd year. I would say either that or when your four years are over. If you do it next summer, then you have the rest of this summer to plan. Otherwise, if you do a different year, you may not be able to help as much as you would like to with plans and preparations. If you do plan to have it between first and second year, I would plan it a few weeks after 1st year is over. There is a lot to do in those couple of weeks before the wedding, give yourself enough time.

You've recieved a lot of info from people here. As you can see, opinions vary. You are a unique person, and the two of you are a unique couple. The stats do not matter if you are preparred to both work at the relationship. However, you must be honest with each other about what you are preparred to handle.

Advice helps, but ultimately you and you fiance must decide together. Communication is the key. Some may say that it's overstated, but it is so true!

Best of luck to you both! I hope this helps. That is a big decision.
 

sweetbuns

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I think all of you warning against being married in medical school either married the wrong person and it wouldn't have mattered who you married, or you've never been married and have no experience to base your decisions on. Having a spouse during school is just one more source of emotional support. Make time to ask them about their day everday, and go out to dinner once a week and you should be fine. Also, choose a school that provides benefits for your spouse. DMU and KCOM have great opportunities for spouses.
 

DrDavesWife

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daact said:
i am currently in a serioius relationship right now..and i am going to start DO school in August (2004)...when do you think is the right year in medical school to get married? thanks
My fiancee is just finishing his first year at LECOM in their PBL program. Considering this is the only summer he'll have off, we would have preferred to have gotten married this summer. Since we were unable to do so, we've decided to get married during the 4-week period he'll have off during his clinical rotations in the 3rd year.

If you are part of a more traditional program, I'd recommend between 1st and 2nd year.

Best of Luck...........It's not as hard to maintain your relationship as everyone might tell you! :love:
DrDavesWife
Celeste Surinck
 

H0mersimps0n

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I'm an LDPer at LECOM and I'm going to try to get my 4-weeks off toward the end of my 3rd year and get married then. Can't propose until summer 05, long story :)

Either way, if that goes through my girlfriend and I will have been dating for more than 5 years, 2.5 undergrad, 1 living together in Erie and the last 2 apart while she's at medical school in MD. I figure that if we survive all that we can survive anything.

The other thing to consider too, if there is no rush, then don't rush it. I understand some people may have certain religous issues to contend with but if not, then wait. Remember if you get married during medical school and your partner decides to take off they automatically are assumed to have helped you pay for medical school and get half of everything you own AND reimbursed for half of your total medical school tuition. Yep, know people that's happened to and the wife never gave a penny toward the education... She had a good lawyer.

Take it slow, enjoy life...
 
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