Medical Ebonics

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Originally posted by FoughtFyr
In Chicago we name our highways with eponyms; "The Kennedy", The Eisenhower", "The Bishop Ford", etc. and all landmarks for traffic reports are similarly cryptic. God help the tourist listening to a traffic report!

- H
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Everyplace I've lived with named freeways uses the definite article. I don't think it's unique to Chicago. Not doing so would be odd, I'd think.
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I have to agree with this, everyone on Long Island (where I am from) uses the definite article when speaking of highways/parkways/bridges/tunnels. Some examples are:

The Southern State = Southern State Parkway
The Belt = Belt Parkway
The Grand Central = Grand Central Parkway
The Meadowbrook = Meadowbrook Parkway
The L.I.E = Long Island Expressway
The Conduit = Northern or Southern Conduit
The Whitestone = Whitestone Bridge
The Throgsneck = Throgsneck Bridge
The Lincoln = Lincoln Tunnel
The Midtown = Midtown Tunnel
The Island = Long Island (If you live their) Or Staten Island (If you live in the boroughs of the city)
Etc...
 
Southern Californians often refer to the Pacific Coast Highway as "The One", which is a little weird when you think about it. Very Matrix-esque.
 
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...when I lived there it was PCH until you left socal, then it became "the one"
 
more ebonics please...
very funny.

a'ight?
 
All from patients of various colors, all in rural NC.

"I got the blood". This could mean anything from high blood pressure, anemia, or the STD of your choosing.

"I got the pain in my hands." Usually osteoarthritis. Especially common when I was doing arthritis research.

"I was walking down the street minding my own business when some dude jumped me." Uh, right. There has to be a warrant out for the fearsome duo of "Some Dude" and "This Guy". They need to be stopped from attacking people who are innocently walking/stumbling down the street at 3am.

"I take the red pills." It's soooooooooo hard for me to resist making a "Matrix" joke when patients say that!

Churches are dangerous...people fall out of them all the time.

And my all-time EMS favorite:
"I woke up dead but I'm feeling better now"
 
I heard an interesting one today: A lady told me "I have an oriental tract infection."

:confused:

:laugh:
 
Originally posted by Sweet Tea
Churches are dangerous...people fall out of them all the time.

And my all-time EMS favorite:
"I woke up dead but I'm feeling better now"
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You are so right! The "FOIC" - "Fell Out In Church"...totally.

And, of course, the "2 dudes syndrome", with the attendant "some guy syndrome" - as a friend said, when she was doing an EM block in Fresno (so it goes everywhere) - "I was just minding my own business, and some guy stabbed me in the chest!".

"Up north", though, "woke up dead" was the "morning DOA". Y'all must do it better down here!
 
Originally posted by Apollyon
You are so right! The "FOIC" - "Fell Out in Church"...totally

"Up north", though, "woke up dead" was the "morning DOA". Y'all must do it better down here!
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My favorite acronym was FDGB...fall down go boom. This usually refered to large people in small spaces.

And every time I heard "I woke up dead but I'm feeling better now" (or some variation of that), I had an almost incontrollable urge to quote Monty Python. But I didn't...I was (usually) a good little EMT. ;)
 
Things you should never be caught doing:

1) Walking down the street or just sitting on the porch
2) Minding your own business

Because if you do, for sure "These Two Dudes" are gonna jump you. Guaranteed. Everybody I've met in the ER who was walking down the street and minding their own business was jumped by "These Two Dudes." I'm assuming that "These Two Dudes" specifically target people who walk down the street or sit on their porches minding their own business. They sure do get around a lot, though.
 
Trauma surgeons everywhere would have starving children if it weren't for those two dudes.
 
Originally posted by anonymousEM
Trauma surgeons everywhere would have starving children if it weren't for those two dudes.
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Not really. In most states, personal assaults are generally "self-pay" which of course means "no pay". The high yield patients for trauma surgeons are car accidents, which are the bulk of their business. Most of them have either health insurance or at least auto insurance which covers liability (by law).
 
Absolutely - "minding your own business" is so dangerous, it should be illegal. It HAS to be the most dangerous thing to do in the entire country.

My attending last night was saying how she was doing international work in New Guinea. A man comes in to this ED with an arrow sticking out of his back. When asked what happened, he says, "I was walking home from the prayer meeting, just minding my own business, and someone shot me in the back with an arrow."

No matter where you go...
 
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What about "prostrate" cancer? Said to me by a white guy ...
 
Originally posted by woolie
What about "prostrate" cancer? Said to me by a white guy ...
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he was lying
 
Maybe he was just prone to exaggeration?
 
hmm, i'm leaning towards flat out b.s.
 
Everyone has heard the story of the dude who got a blank script pad and took this prescription to the pharmacist:

"1 pound mofine"
 
In my ER, we have three catagories for Trauma activation (Trauma STAT, Trauma ALERT and Trauma ALERT RED, all varying degrees of severity) and they all have set criteria (blunt abdominal trauma, systolic b.p. <90 etc). We came up with a fourth, Trauma LIGHT (half the calories, all the fun!) and it has the following criteria (if any or all of these are met):

1) CC begins, "I was walking down the street and these two dudes..."

2) Positive Mullet sign (the Mullet can be graded, just like Spleen lacs, severe Mullets are known to show up on radiographic studies)

3) Inverted tatoo-tooth ratio

4) Foreign object in rectum (I'm constantly amazed at what gets stuck up there!)

5) 911-Taxi utilization (the numebr of the cab company here is 231-TAXI, so 911-TAXI is using EMS as a cab...)

6) Patient entering at 3 am with back pain that they've had for " 'bout 6 months."

Anyone have additional criteria they think should be added?
 
I like when multiple family members accompanying the patient need to be seen on an 'emergent' basis, as well.

Y'know, 'as long as we're here.'
 
Originally posted by Febrifuge
I like when multiple family members accompanying the patient need to be seen on an 'emergent' basis, as well.

Y'know, 'as long as we're here.'
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We call that the Family Plan. A lot of families from Eastern KY will save up their complaints for a trip to the big city and all come at once. It's kind of like carpooling.....
 
Originally posted by bryanboling5
We call that the Family Plan. A lot of families from Eastern KY will save up their complaints for a trip to the big city and all come at once. It's kind of like carpooling.....
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And kinda like a vacation trip to the city.
 
So what's the record number of family plan members that you've seen at one time. I've seen five at once with a URI and 8 family members all with pink eye came to the ER two weeks ago but I'm not sure that counts since 5 of the 8 were somehow convinced not to sign in and to wait and see what I said about the three I did end up seeing.
 
Originally posted by ERMudPhud
So what's the record number of family plan members that you've seen at one time. I've seen five at once with a URI and 8 family members all with pink eye came to the ER two weeks ago but I'm not sure that counts since 5 of the 8 were somehow convinced not to sign in and to wait and see what I said about the three I did end up seeing.
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A few weeks back we had five come in, but all with DIFFERENT complaints. I guess they just all decided that they'd all make the trip together....
 
OK I have a new one that I nearly fell over laughing when this lady told me she had:

"The smiling mighty Jesus!"

Translation: spinal meningitis

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Why did I not read this post earlier!!?

So funny it warms my cold heart.

ma'am do you take any "water pills for your high blood?"
 
In fact, I'm going to print this thread out and study it...
 
make sure you comb your hair before your interview
 
I'm reviving this thread because these stories are just great! Anyone have something new to add?
 
Make sure when you use the word adhesion that you explain clearly what an adhesion is. Otherwise, your patient (and family) might think that you said lesion and next thing you know, the patient and entire family are crying and screaming.
 
Not a real big stretch, but got this one the other day:

Patient was a 5 yo kid with a rash

Me: Has he been playing outside alot? Could he have gotten into anything?

Pt.'s Mom: No, I don't think he got into no "poison Ivory"



Be careful: that 99 44/100% pure soap can give you a contact dermatitis like you've never seen!
 
My grandma likes to "enhance" stories. She often told us grandkids that our grandfather had a transplanted goat stomach, and died when it went up into his throat and choked him! From what I can tell, he had fulminant liver failure from TB.
 
I saw this one and had to write it down-mindboggling...

Dolljewerlyreaus. Don't remember the last name, but good God. Was it an attempt at Doll Jewelry something? It brought my brain to a standstill.

I have not seen it documented but have heard about Orangello and Lemonjello for a pair of twins-orange and lemon Jello. Also there is "Famale"(female) ****head(with the TH as in thing) and reportedly there is a basketball player somewhere out there named Scientific Map.

Coppertone-new name for the diagnosis of carpal tunnel. Same day I had a pt with carpal tunnel of the knee.
 
Grout= Gout

Fell out= syncope (I know we've all heard that one)!

Fell out at church= pt. got a little too much of the holy ghost

performing CPR/bagging, etc.= does he have to go to the hospital?

brains spread out over 10 foot radius= by-standers want to know why you're not helping pt. Duh???

Me: "Do you have any major medical problems"?
Pt: "no".
Me: "Why do you have 15 medications then"
Pt: "Oh I just take those cause I had a heart attack 2 months ago, I've got the sugar, the cancer, and the high blood. But after taking those pills, the high blood got cured so I don't take them anymore."

Pt: "I've got 'female' problems." (early a.m., my stomach acids are
churning, feeling nauseous, pt. stinks like she hasn't bathed in a week)
Me: "Explain" (I don't need specifics...just looking for "itching" or "yeast
infection"
Pt: "When I wipe, it's like... BUTTER" :wow: (pt. places emphasis on
butter)
Me: gag, ruined condiment

YOU GOTTA LOVE 'EM. JOB SECURITY.
 
Oetzi1286 said:
Pt: "I've got 'female' problems." (early a.m., my stomach acids are churning, feeling nauseous, pt. stinks like she hasn't bathed in a week)

Me: "Explain" (I don't need specifics...just looking for "itching" or "yeast infection")
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"Female problems" = "down there" = "my privacy"
 
Apollyon said:
"Female problems" = "down there" = "my privacy"
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Oh my god, the worst is trying to find out from an 80 year old whether she's rectal bleeding or vaginal bleeding. ("Down there.... not THERE there, but THERE there")

Just stick the speculum in.

mike
 
lawmd said:
I saw this one and had to write it down-mindboggling...

Dolljewerlyreaus. Don't remember the last name, but good God. Was it an attempt at Doll Jewelry something? It brought my brain to a standstill.

I have not seen it documented but have heard about Orangello and Lemonjello for a pair of twins-orange and lemon Jello. Also there is "Famale"(female) ****head(with the TH as in thing) and reportedly there is a basketball player somewhere out there named Scientific Map.

Coppertone-new name for the diagnosis of carpal tunnel. Same day I had a pt with carpal tunnel of the knee.
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A friend of the family was bitter as an intern and suggested "Chlamydia" as the name for a baby girl...
I mylsef have met a "Female" or two (fe-mall-lay)...

Hoping rotations won't make me as cynical!
 
I heard about this one second hand - a mother named her newborn "Meconium" because she thought it was pretty. The group consensus was that the resident should have been slapped for not telling mom she just named her baby "****"!
 
In this area ****HEAD (pronounced ****h-ay-id) is a popular name. I personally think it should be considered child abuse...
 
Scrubbs said:
In this area ****HEAD (pronounced ****h-ay-id) is a popular name. I personally think it should be considered child abuse...
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But ****al (pronounce Sheet-al) is a common Asian Indian name. It just loses something in the Indian to English translation (alphabetization).

- H
 
lawmd said:
I have not seen it documented but have heard about Orangello and Lemonjello for a pair of twins-orange and lemon Jello. Also there is "Famale"(female).
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I've heard that so many times I'm not sure it isn't an urban legend. :confused:

While rotating in Kentucky doing Hand Surgery, I often heard complaints of "drawing in ma leaders" = Dupuytren's contractures. Good thing I was "warned" about this problem before I arrived or it would have taken me ages to figure it out.

Then there's this, from my OWN FAMILY in today's inbox:

They took her to emergency and found she needed immediate surgery for a colon blocked with a hernia. They removed the hernia and 7 days later still in the hospital discovered she was not recovering. Proceeded with a scope and found her colon was bad. She now needs a colonospancy ??.

:rolleyes: I'm so embarassed.
 
The worst name I've ever heard was one patient I had some time ago, a young African-American boy. His name was pronounced "Air-yan". Can you guess how it was spelled? That's right: "Aryan". That kid is going to get the living crap beat out of him on a regular basis.

I didn't have the heart to ask the mother, "WTF were you thinking?!"
 
Ok... Forgive me doctors for I have sinned... I knocked my head into a cabinet at work the other night and later, when telling my b-friend about it, I said, "I have the biggest knot on my head... you gotta see it!" I can't believe I said that without blinking! :laugh:
 
A social worker told me that she had to work HARD to convince a young mother to change her son's name from Latrine.

And why does everyone talk about how their father had a "stint" put in his heart. I have heard this from everyone I know. Are there tons of cardiologists out there with poor pronunciation?
 
MD'05 said:
I heard about this one second hand - a mother named her newborn "Meconium" because she thought it was pretty. The group consensus was that the resident should have been slapped for not telling mom she just named her baby "****"!
Click to expand...

This actually happened in Tulsa when I was a third year medical student (three days before I began the rotation - I made the nurses show me the paperwork). And just last month, a mother who was just mean, decided to name her newborn "S**thead - after his dad." Took social services 2 days to convince her otherwise. They wouldn't give her the paperwork for a birth certificate until she relented. My fellow resident was so angry with her, she asked for the patient to be fired, but the program coordinator wouldn't agree to it.
 
in boston, everyone precedes the hospital names with the...so pretentious.

the Childrens = childrens hospital
the Brigham =Brigham and Womens
the BI = Beth Israel Deaconess
the General = Mass General
the Farber = Dana Farber
the faulkner
etc..


and nearly everything else is "OSH" (outside hospital)



InfiniteUni said:
I have to agree with this, everyone on Long Island (where I am from) uses the definite article when speaking of highways/parkways/bridges/tunnels. Some examples are:

The Southern State = Southern State Parkway
The Belt = Belt Parkway
The Grand Central = Grand Central Parkway
The Meadowbrook = Meadowbrook Parkway
The L.I.E = Long Island Expressway
The Conduit = Northern or Southern Conduit
The Whitestone = Whitestone Bridge
The Throgsneck = Throgsneck Bridge
The Lincoln = Lincoln Tunnel
The Midtown = Midtown Tunnel
The Island = Long Island (If you live their) Or Staten Island (If you live in the boroughs of the city)
Etc...
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Pilot said:
This actually happened in Tulsa when I was a third year medical student (three days before I began the rotation - I made the nurses show me the paperwork). And just last month, a mother who was just mean, decided to name her newborn "S**thead - after his dad." Took social services 2 days to convince her otherwise. They wouldn't give her the paperwork for a birth certificate until she relented. My fellow resident was so angry with her, she asked for the patient to be fired, but the program coordinator wouldn't agree to it.
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Two words: "Mandatory sterilization."
 
An attending told me about a pt he had with an itch in her "tuna tank." He tried to convince her it wasn't supposed to smell like that
 
From my experience as an EMT in rural east Texas, no one drinks more than "2 beers". I can't count the number of times I've asked a man/woman/teen reeking of Bud how much they'd had and the answer was ALWAYS, "Two beers, ma'am". The 36 empties in the floor of the cab, truck bed, and spread across the road from the wreck just magincally appeared?

Please refer to snopes.com for the orangejello lemonjello names. But I swear that I have seen these names with my own eyes: Starporn (pleasant older middle eastern man) and Concepcion Bastard (sweet hispanic woman giving birth to her 3rd child - in wedlock, of course). We used to write patients' last names on the board in L&D and one of them got PISSED that we had "labeled" some child a bastard...

And, I swear, EVERY patient I've met over 50 has pronounced it "prostrate". I'm not sure whether it is rude to correct them.

Of course, to be fair, I myself am completely guilty of mis-pronouncing or mis-naming just about everything computer related.
 
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