Medical Ebonics

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when your patient tells you he (or she) has "the hives" don't assume they suffer from urticaria!

"the hives" often refers to HIV positivity!!!
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jen628 said:
funny, funny schtuff.

i love the way some people think ibuprofen and acetaminophen make you drowsy like narcotics.

one patient said,"Them 'profens really knocked me out."

another, when I asked if the tylenol she took helped her pain, said, "I don't know, it put me to sleep." Then the answer is YES.
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I had a RN tell me that today! You would think that a RN would know that tyl does not make one drowsy! Sad to say that she actually works on the wards here at my hospital....
 
Yeah, I've had a nurse tell me the same thing too. Is it something they teach in nursing school? :?
 
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MedicCCTRN said:
Speaking of medical colleagues that use strange terms line "sonameter" I hate it when nurses refer to the physician as "doctor" as though that is the doc's name. ie. "Doctor will be with you in a minute." "Doctor is with another pt now." "Doctor is awating her in OR." It harks back to the 1800's or something. It's just weird. How hard is it to add the doc's name?
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Ah yes, the "sontameter"...so erudite...so sophisticated.

I wonder if the same sophisticates say "I got 1 dollar and 75 sonts change at the store"...
 
Scrubbs said:
How could I forget falling out and sick as hell?!?!?!? 'Round here they're just sick as hell... so it sometimes takes a few minutes to get that their BLOOD is sick as hell.

Oh... and I've come to the conclusion that church is almost as dangerous a place as standing on the corner minding your own business.
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I had a 500+ pound White guy sit up (with assistance of course...lotttttt's of of assistance), and huff to me "I want this decapiter outta me." Sir, we need to keep you on CPAP because your sats are dropping into the low 80's. "I just want this decapiter outta me." Translation...please remove this foley catheter for me. It's making me a little uncomfortable...thanks :laugh:
 
Heard a new one last night, second hand from a classmate:

Mother describing her child's history of seizures, "He's got de seizures real bad, real bad. So bad he gets the Grandma AND the Grandpa seizures!"
 
When working in Peds im used to witnessing the 2-fers and 3-fers...but once a 5-fer came in.

The twins, presenting with URI symptoms:
Princess
Emperor

And the triplets, presenting just for the hell of it:
YR Royal Highness
YR Majesty
YR Excellence E

The mother wouldnt respond to questioning unless the nurse specifically addressed each child by the appropriate name for EACH question asked. :rolleyes:
 
3am, lg City hospital peds-ED:

2 year old and 4 yeaar old with request for immunizations and a refill on 'the Aluberols'. Questioned why this needs a $450 ED visit if it could be done on a $25 (medicaid) office visit ?

'You know, at 3 am you don't have a wait here'
 
Got a new one yesterday... metamorpin: the transformer's version of an oral hypoglycemic. I love my job :D
 
trauma_junky said:
I may have posted this one before. "When hes was 3, he got dat smilin mighty jesus." Translation= Spinal Meningitis
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Ever heard the Ween song "Spinal Meningitis"?

Smile on mighty Jesus / Spinal meningitis got me down

It's every bit as good as it is evil.
 
These 2 are courtesy of my dad (both written down by pts in their med list on intake forms)

"Neutron"
Hint - taken for diabetic neuropathy -

and "Penis." (with a period)
yes, the antibiotic ...
 
pikachu said:
Penis." (with a period)
yes, the antibiotic ...
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I've gotta ask...what was the route of administration for this?

Take care,
Jeff
 
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bryanboling5 said:
In my ER, we have three catagories for Trauma activation (Trauma STAT, Trauma ALERT and Trauma ALERT RED, all varying degrees of severity) and they all have set criteria (blunt abdominal trauma, systolic b.p. <90 etc). We came up with a fourth, Trauma LIGHT (half the calories, all the fun!) and it has the following criteria (if any or all of these are met):

1) CC begins, "I was walking down the street and these two dudes..."

2) Positive Mullet sign (the Mullet can be graded, just like Spleen lacs, severe Mullets are known to show up on radiographic studies)

3) Inverted tatoo-tooth ratio

4) Foreign object in rectum (I'm constantly amazed at what gets stuck up there!)

5) 911-Taxi utilization (the numebr of the cab company here is 231-TAXI, so 911-TAXI is using EMS as a cab...)

6) Patient entering at 3 am with back pain that they've had for " 'bout 6 months."

Anyone have additional criteria they think should be added?
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Don't forget to add the crossed ankles sign. Oh, and the "mother-f*cker" sign (number of MFs uttered is inversely proportional to severity of trauma)
 
spyderdoc said:
I had a RN tell me that today! You would think that a RN would know that tyl does not make one drowsy! Sad to say that she actually works on the wards here at my hospital....
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Well certaintly they don't *directly* induce drowsiness, but indirectly they certaintly can, say if you're unable to sleep from severe pain. As soon as that analgesia kicks in, you're out like a light. Maybe this is why some people get confused.
 
Flopotomist said:
Don't forget to add the crossed ankles sign.
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We called that "Mercer's Sign" in residency after a legendary attending.

Oh, and the "mother-f*cker" sign (number of MFs uttered is inversely proportional to severity of trauma)
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I wouldn't put much too much stock in that. I've seen a couple of those cases where they were mean, evil, combative, and called us every name in the book. Turns out they had a traumatic subdural. After a few weeks in the unit, they recovered and became completely normal people (and very apologetic when they heard what they'd said).
 
Every surgeon and nurse I know says sonameter except for one. When I first heard the term sonameter I was like wtf is a sonameter, but I just nodded and smiled.

I know a surgeon who says "meh-ZENT-ah-ree," "ab-DOH-men," and "peh-RUH-toe-nee-um"
 
Last night, I heard "Metoprolol" called "Metropolis."

Up, up and away!
 
I'm actually in pharmacy, but have two funny pt names-
twins named Roken and Rolin
 
My wife woke me up this morning and complained that she had slept on her neck wrong and now had pain going down her arm. I told her through my pillow that it sounded like cervical radiculopathy. She got mad because she was positive I said she was “surely ridiculous.”
 
"Oxycotton"

As in "I take Oxycotton for my back pain." (Oxycontin)
 
story from a fellow intern, from clinic:

intern: what is your sexual preference?
patient: blowjob
 
Fever in ma butt...

Translation: I have a bad case of diarrhea.
 
This from a college student: "The nurse said I've got tropical skin."

topical dermatitis
 
am i the only one here who has seen multiple pts, first name 'Girl' ? could very well be a TX thing, but I've seen abt 3 'Girls', and even a 'Dyslexia'. i had to play along when i wanted to burst out laughing and said, 'wow, what an exotic name!' .... Dyslexia's mother responded by saying, 'yeah, it's her grandmama's' .... i mean, come on. grandma dyslexia??
 
account90 said:
Everyone has heard the story of the dude who got a blank script pad and took this prescription to the pharmacist:

"1 pound mofine"
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:laugh: I love that one. I thought it was mofeen though. :D
 
Sessamoid said:
The worst name I've ever heard was one patient I had some time ago, a young African-American boy. His name was pronounced "Air-yan". Can you guess how it was spelled? That's right: "Aryan". That kid is going to get the living crap beat out of him on a regular basis.

I didn't have the heart to ask the mother, "WTF were you thinking?!"
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Fifth paragraph down. The infamous Arian White, a Black guy who graduated from Berkeley a few years back, and a school government senator.

http://www.alumni.berkeley.edu/Alum.../Race-blind_admissions-_a_progress_report.asp

... +pity+
 
"What was the reason for your doctor's visit in February?"

"I got jacked in the face."
 
Ha, reminds me of a pt I saw in surgery clinic. CC: "I got my face kicked in."

He had a Lefort I fracture from getting the crap beaten out of him in a bar fight. Accurate assessment.
 
Yesterday in pediatric surgery clinic:"I think my son has duardnal artesia"

Yeah, that's just what I was thinking.
 
fedor said:
"I got jacked in the face."
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You know there are websites featuring pictures of that kind of thing happening to girls..... :smuggrin: :laugh: :laugh:
 
4 y/o F presented to the ED after having her face nearly ripped off by a german shepard: Snow White. Her middle name was Princess.
 
emtp6811 said:
4 y/o F presented to the ED after having her face nearly ripped off by a german shepard: Snow White. Her middle name was Princess.
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Was the dog's name "Prince?"
 
:laugh: :laugh: Dunno. :cool: The family was visiting from out of town and had just gotten in that day. The dog's owner is a city cop, and had locked the dog in a kennel in the garage. She went out to see the dog, and somehow he managed to do that through the chain-link.

This girl certainly lived up to her middle name though. A plastics specialist was called in from oncology to stitch up her face. It took him nearly four hours, and all she required was someone to hold her hand and tell her stories.

She was awesome...
 
Identical twins named Precious and Unique

If you are an identical twin you really are not 'unique' since your twin shares your exact DNA, but its the thought that counts.
 
> Identical twins named Precious and Unique

....who to make matters worse changed their first and lastnames twice during the first week of life and adding to the confusion developed the same complications, even on the same body side....
 
Funniest name I've ever encountered: a 16 y/o black asthmatic named Orangejello (he and his family pronounced it "Uh-rahn-juh-low"). I damn near pissed myself laughing. Apparently his mother decided to name him using a system she'd heard about American Indians using- name the child after the first moving non-human object you see. She seemed like a sweet woman, so I can only pray has drugs to blame for this, because otherwise it should qualify as child abuse to name your child after any food product that "jiggles".
 
We had a person call the other day saying that he had bought his girlfriend two pregnancy tests. One was generic and the other was "the real one". However, neither of them were working correctly because the box said to wait three minutes and it was positive right away. We were like, um, what did it say after three minutes?
Now come on, if you can't laugh about how stupid people can be then you'll have to take serious the fact that they are breeding at extremely high rates! As my father (being in the news media) always told me, you can never underestimate the stupidity of people! This is also why they make pregnancy tests that digitally read "pregnant" or "not pregnant". :laugh:
 
:laugh:
EMIMG said:
How about the following......referring to female patients only.

Going through the mental pause.

And the ever so popular sterilization technique the tubalization.
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I hear this all the time.
 
MedicCCTRN said:
Speaking of medical colleagues that use strange terms line "sonameter" I hate it when nurses refer to the physician as "doctor" as though that is the doc's name. ie. "Doctor will be with you in a minute." "Doctor is with another pt now." "Doctor is awating her in OR." It harks back to the 1800's or something. It's just weird. How hard is it to add the doc's name?
Click to expand...

When I first started I was nervous and I handed a chart to one of the docs and said "doctor" as in doctor, here's the chart. She took the chart and said "TECH". Then just stared at me and kept staring at me. Now that we know each other well I have to laugh about it because I didn't know what to say so i just stood there frozen for a minute staring back, finally grimaced a small smile/eyebrow raise/shrug, turned around and fled to a pt's room. :laugh:
As King Arthur from Monty Python said best "Flee. Run Away Run Away" or something.
 
spyderdoc said:
I had a RN tell me that today! You would think that a RN would know that tyl does not make one drowsy! Sad to say that she actually works on the wards here at my hospital....
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One of our old docs swore to this. She said that it made her drowsy and that it just for some reason affected certain people that way.
 
And ambernikel gets the Post Pad Award for the day with 4 posts to the same thread in one hour!

Had a patient in the peds ED the other day, mother had brought her in because she was coughing and not talking right. After much teeth-pulling and workup for 'vomiting' (aka drooling) finally decided to get a CXR. Low and behold! There's a coin there. "A what?" says mom. "A coin, you know money. We're going to call the throat doctors to come take that out for you." "Will we have to go to the hospital for that?"

On second thought this post probably belongs in the "Things I learned from my patients" thread. I'll contribute to the post padding and put it over there too.
 
USCDiver said:
And ambernikel gets the Post Pad Award for the day with 4 posts to the same thread in one hour!

Had a patient in the peds ED the other day, mother had brought her in because she was coughing and not talking right. After much teeth-pulling and workup for 'vomiting' (aka drooling) finally decided to get a CXR. Low and behold! There's a coin there. "A what?" says mom. "A coin, you know money. We're going to call the throat doctors to come take that out for you." "Will we have to go to the hospital for that?"

On second thought this post probably belongs in the "Things I learned from my patients" thread. I'll contribute to the post padding and put it over there too.
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I know I know, but I just couldn't help myself from reading the entire thread and posting when necessary. ;)
 
heard a story of a young infant named "****hayed" spelled ****head (****-head)
 
Had a patient the other day giving me a surgical hx...

Pt: "I had a vaginal microwavezation for bleeding."
Me: "A what?"
Pt: "Yeah... that's what they told me it was... a microwavezation for my fibroids."

Translation = Uterine Embolization. At least she new what it was for... never would've figured it out otherwise! :laugh:
 
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