First of all, I will say there is a difference between being evaluated by a Psychiatrist (in office, 1 hour interview, filling out a simple questionnaire) and being evaluated via standardized testing (2 hour interview, 500 item questionnaire, surveys for family members, secondary questionnaires, and IQ testing). I also know at my University - the doctors at the student health center are not allowed to write ADD scripts - they can only be written by the staff psychiatrist.
I made it through high school and most of undergrad with very little effort. I never really studied and absorbed enough by going to class that the most test preparation I ever did was spend about an hour the night before skimming over notes until I got too bored to continue. I knew I was smart - and probably could have been top of my high school class or graduated with honors from U-grad - however, that required effort - and why invest all that time when I could not try and still pull a 3.4?
The semester I took OChem II, Biochem, and Genetics - I hit a wall. My overcompensation tactics weren't working any more. I could spend hours trying to study - only to get tests back with ugly numbers like 48, 52, and 60 on them. It didn't matter that I understood the material - that I could make connections between chemical pathways and the drugs used to treat problems in that pathway - or that I could discuss topics with my husband (a pharmacist) on his level - I was still the dumb kid who made Ds and Fs. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I had never been the dumb kid before, and looking over my graded tests to see where I went wrong only made it worse. I remember looking at one of my Ochem tests, reading an answer for a question I got wrong and saying "where the hell did that answer come from?" I didn't even remember answering it - I knew the correct answer, I just hadn't marked it. I was struggling to finish tests in the alotted time - all too often I would be about halfway done with a test and hear "10 minutes left." I started having panic attacks before tests, bad enough that my doctor prescribed beta blockers to help me chill out.
So, over the summer, I saw a psychiatrist, I spent the $600 on a formal, standardized evaluation (with health insurance). Turns out - I have a pretty serious case of ADHD, and I'm also really smart. The evaluating doctor told me "it's hard when your smart, you can always overcompensate and make good grades, so no one worries about you, you just get overlooked."
Once I started reading more about ADD/ADHD, so many things about me made sense. Socially awkward, uncommonly generous, consistently self-depreciating, easily irritated if plans changed suddenly, overwhelmed if something took more than one or two steps, anxious, always in three or four places at once mentally, prone to stomach problems, prone to taking unnecessary (and stupid) risks, and most interesting of all - having a hard time putting thoughts into words. Sometimes, I can't explain the definition of a word to someone because I only know how that word makes me feel. Sometimes I can't explain a concept to someone because, I'd just have to show them, I don't have the words.
(whew, even now, I'm totally wandering around off topic - ok, back to the point)
Starting Adderall changed my life. I'm 26 and have been on anti-depressants for the past 7 years. No SSRI has ever made me feel "ok" with myself. Now, for the first time I can remember, I can look someone straight in the eye and say "you know what, I'm ok." That's HUGE to me. Because I'm regaining my confidence, I'm more willing to put in more effort. I mean, I made the huge mistake of picking English as an undergraduate major because I was afraid of failing in math and science if I chose medicine like I wanted to. The meds definitely make things much quieter in my head - instead of focusing on (or trying to) 6 things at once, I can cut it down to 2. While I still can't pull the marathon 5 or 6 hour study sessions my classmates can, I can study now. I'm still learning how, in some ways - but I've passed every test this semester, which is a huge improvement from last semester.
Because I have standardized testing results - I qualify for accommodations at my undergraduate institution. I receive time and a half for tests and can take my tests in a distraction free environment. I don't get unlimited time, and I don't feel like its unfair. I'm just as smart as the other kids in my classes, and the extra time helps me prove it. I'm not at the top of my classes, I'm somewhere in the middle, but I'm grateful for my accommodations - I no longer have pre-test panic attacks.
It does upset me that so many people in professional programs would abuse stimulants, but as long as there are ways to get an edge, people will use them - it's just a fact. The medication helps me function like a normal person not a superhero.
ok - i've just said a whole lot and have no real idea where I wanted to go with that - so um, yeah - ADD and stuff....
