Meeting someone

Started by Iridescent
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MiaMia14 said:
It works better when the other person also has a career they are working on and who is independent enough to not get upset when you have to work/study late.
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It's probably case by case, very individual. I met many doctors who unfortunately got divorced because their spouses were also very career oriented. Marriage/ dating is a lot about compromising and sacrifices. So in that case who makes sacrifices and whose career is more important? That's when tension arises I feel like. I personally think it works better when one person in the relationship is actually more family oriented and not so career seeking.
 
NonTrad16 said:
That may be true for you and your SO. But the majority of people do not make 100k as a couple, let alone an individual. The draw of becoming a physician is impressive to the general public. (Perhaps it's just more tangible than "I'm going to become a VP of a midsize company someday!")

People see the end, not the middle. The people I work with are already jesting about discounted exams and prescriptions, my SOs parents had no idea the cost/admissions requirements (both financial folks in a big city), and my parent MD had no idea what typical tuition was. Even very smart people close to me haven't the slightest idea the raw dollar cost (or time), but are already talking about the big house I'll have. (As much as I say "pump the breaks! I haven't even applied...")

Is it really hard to imagine people you meet around town will have little understanding of the financial baggage, time requirements, etc?

OP: the only folks I known in med school (more than 1, less than 10) didn't end with another med student. They came out single or hooked to someone outside medicine. Personally, it seems better to not mix the two. Depending on where you end up, there may be lots of other ambitious individuals invested in their future who are more understanding.
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The reason that medical students date each other is because they spend so much time around one another. For me I rather spend time with someone outside of the medical profession.

I was mentioning my girlfriend's income to highlight that she is not dating me for my future earning capacity, but that she is successful and patient with the idea of dating a medical student who is on financial aid and not currently earning money. I am also not dating her because she is doing well.
 
Seth Joo said:
When you are a student you have no money and no power, you are a student training to become something. Once you are an actual doctor then you are earning money. I prefer not bringing my work home with me after a long day, that is why I would never get involved in a personal romantic relationship with a fellow student.

My girlfriend is not in the medical profession but we have a wonderful level of understanding, she knows its a big commitment and a lot of work, as far as earnings, when I become an attending, she will probably be a Vice President at her company and will earn as much and most likely more than I will earn. She is not dating me because I will make a lot of money in the future. She already makes a near six figure income, I feel lucky that despite the fact she is well into her career, she has the patience to understand my situation.
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they know youre gonna be a doctor sooooo...unless they completely lack long term thinking i dont think this will be an issue. I agree with the next sentence however, but finding a person like that imo is going to be difficult. Ive dated dozens of people and none of them truly understood the time committment. I'm sure i am not the only person who's experienced this problem.
 
asdf123g said:
they know youre gonna be a doctor sooooo...unless they completely lack long term thinking i dont think this will be an issue. I agree with the next sentence however, but finding a person like that imo is going to be difficult. Ive dated dozens of people and none of them truly understood the time committment. I'm sure i am not the only person who's experienced this problem.
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Well there are plenty of students at my school who date one another, some eventually marry. Some people are comfortable with this, but I personally am not, I prefer to seek my social life outside of school. Its not as hard as people think to accomplish this, but many people do not manage their time well.

I really believe a lot of people that date in medical school do so out of convenience and a lack of other options, since they spend so much time together in school, they get to know one another very well. Medical students in my experience tend to be socially conservative, so many assume a good significant other would be working in the same field would be a good partner. My logic differs on this matter, I want to be with someone who has a different kind of life experience and perspective.
 
j4pac said:
This statement is absolutely untrue. I use to believe that people married for love. Not that simple. Security in this world is a significant driving force for our decision making. I'm willing to bet is a huge reason why people also go to med school.
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Agreed. When I was younger I used to look down on girls who wanted to marry a guy for his money...but now not so much.

Granted, that can't be the sole reason you get married, but now that I'm older (mid-30s) I've come to realize that marriage is simply a business agreement and people, especially females, want to feel secure.

I might get blasted for saying this, but it simply goes back to DNA. For thousands of years men have been the providers, both physical and financial. And while we certainly see an influx of women who are now the breadwinners (nothing wrong with that in my opinion), it is still engrained in the female psyche to want to be taken care of by the male of the species.
 
mathnerd88 said:
In my experience, this happens a lot, especially the physically attractive ones.
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True. Women who are extremely attractive don't need to get married, because they can often get what they need/want without the commitment.

lyana said:
I would not generalize everybody, but this is just sad.
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I should note that I'm not endorsing my comments, haha. I think it's pretty sad too and wish it wasn't this way, just stating the facts.
 
FutureDrB said:
Granted, that can't be the sole reason you get married, but now that I'm older (mid-30s) I've come to realize that marriage is simply a business agreement and people, especially females, want to feel secure.

I might get blasted for saying this, but it simply goes back to DNA. For thousands of years men have been the providers, both physical and financial. And while we certainly see an influx of women who are now the breadwinners (nothing wrong with that in my opinion), it is still engrained in the female psyche to want to be taken care of by the male of the species.
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Wow. Don't let them see you when you're walking on the glass ceiling lol.

I don't see my marriage as a business agreement. I think the "magical card" I got before my wedding (like 10 mins before) from my wife said "Alright! A best friend you can have sex with." I say "magical card" because I didn't know we were supposed to get each other cards (thanks wedding industry). So I gave her one of the broken suspended buttons we were trying to furiously hammer back onto the best man's pants with the message "you'll get it when you read the card." That bought some time for me to get a card at the airport.

Just look for someone you want to hunker down with in a foxhole. When the shooting starts, make sure you have her back and she will get yours. That's what it's all about: being a team.

Then you have kids. You could be juggling flaming machetes while blindfolded, but the kid puts food all over his face (not in his mouth like he was trying) and he's a gd Leonardo! And you don't care because your kid is a Leonardo and you love it. And the team is happy.
 
RoadNurse33 said:
Wow. Don't let them see you when you're walking on the glass ceiling lol.

I don't see my marriage as a business agreement. I think the "magical card" I got before my wedding (like 10 mins before) from my wife said "Alright! A best friend you can have sex with." I say "magical card" because I didn't know we were supposed to get each other cards (thanks wedding industry). So I gave her one of the broken suspended buttons we were trying to furiously hammer back onto the best man's pants with the message "you'll get it when you read the card." That bought some time for me to get a card at the airport.

Just look for someone you want to hunker down with in a foxhole. When the shooting starts, make sure you have her back and she will get yours. That's what it's all about: being a team.

Then you have kids. You could be juggling flaming machetes while blindfolded, but the kid puts food all over his face (not in his mouth like he was trying) and he's a gd Leonardo! And you don't care because your kid is a Leonardo and you love it. And the team is happy.
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Your post kind of made my point. Maybe I should've worded my original comments in a different way.

Marriage is an agreement...an agreement that you're going to financially (and emotionally) take on the world with someone as a 2-person team. (Just as you would with a business partner.)

The romantic aspect is nice in theory, but as I'm sure you know, marriage isn't all lovey dovey, skipping through fields of daisies.

People should leave the farfetched concepts of what marriage is at the door. This is why so many marriages fail now. (This goes to the root of my original point.) People have unrealistic views of what a successful marriage entails. They get married on emotion (ie. love, but more-often infatuation), not logic. As soon as the novelty wears off, so does the interest in being married.

They didn't get married for the right reasons...the agreement.

P.S. - I didn't get the glass ceiling reference... Are you suggesting that my original comments were in any way saying that a woman MUST depend on a man and therefore cannot rise to a males level of success in the workplace?
 
FutureDrB said:
Your post kind of made my point. Maybe I should've worded my original comments in a different way.

Marriage is an agreement...an agreement that you're going to financially (and emotionally) take on the world with someone as a 2-person team. (Just as you would with a business partner.)

The romantic aspect is nice in theory, but as I'm sure you know, marriage isn't all lovey dovey, skipping through fields of daisies.

People should leave the farfetched concepts of what marriage is at the door. This is why so many marriages fail now. (This goes to the root of my original point.) People have unrealistic views of what a successful marriage entails. They get married on emotion (ie. love, but more-often infatuation), not logic. As soon as the novelty wears off, so does the interest in being married.

They didn't get married for the right reasons...the agreement.

P.S. - I didn't get the glass ceiling reference... Are you suggesting that my original comments were in any way saying that a woman MUST depend on a man and therefore cannot rise to a males level of success in the workplace?
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I think part of this is because, as someone mentioned earlier, people just date for convenience now-a-days. You really gotta date around to find a good match imo.
 
genericpremedstudent said:
rule #1 of dating is "don't **** where you eat." school, work, whatever. I can't imagine dating someone in med school, only to have things go south and make for an extremely uncomfortable situation when I see them every day in class. Plus it opens up the possibilities of sexual harassment. Just avoid.
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This is why you should never bring your work home with you, and why its best not to get personal with people with whom your relationship is professional. It might sound kind of cold, but unfortunately its true that when you get into such relationships it could end very badly.
 
genericpremedstudent said:
rule #1 of dating is "don't **** where you eat." school, work, whatever. I can't imagine dating someone in med school, only to have things go south and make for an extremely uncomfortable situation when I see them every day in class. Plus it opens up the possibilities of sexual harassment. Just avoid.
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While there have been many successful relationships in my class thusfar, there have been a couple absolutely nasty disasters. Play at your own risk- have to risk big to win big.
 
Mad Jack said:
While there have been many successful relationships in my class thusfar, there have been a couple absolutely nasty disasters. Play at your own risk- have to risk big to win big.
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Its not as hard to meet people outside school as most people might think, but you need to manage your time well to do it.
 
One of my closest friends in med school complained that all of his cute classmates were taken ahah :laugh:
 
That seems to be a common trend. Everyone is older in grad/professional school. The more attractive people generally have found long term relationships
 
j4pac said:
Once you are a doctor...things change. You will see that things even change in med school. I would find a significant other before the prestige and relative wealth. Residency is harder than med school. Make time for it.
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j4pac said:
I had three random girls try to date me from out of town through facebook in medical school. In internship, tons of nurses flirting with me. I never had random girls ACTIVELY searching for me in undergrad.

Generally...your confidence increases the further you go along in training...and your prestige increases as well. It's a recipe for attractiveness. There is nothing wrong with girls going after doctors...but it becomes more difficult to sort out the underlying intentions of those interested in you. You really want someone attracted to you for reasons other than your profession. The allure of being a med student or docs girl wears off. Find someone who loves you for you.

I'm married to my undergrad best friend...she cared about me before I became a physician...and the day I give up doctoring to teach or do something else with my life (if that day comes)...she won't bail on me.
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Money/prestige/status add 2 points to your attractiveness. But keep in mind not everyone is strictly looking to marry and settle down if they are also aware of the fact that other options are present.
 
cabinbuilder said:
About 15 couples from my med school class got married. Hard to find someone after the fact who isn't out for your wallet.
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The vast majority of women aren't out for your wallet. Gold digging is uncommon and usually happens in a direct way.

ChrisMack390 said:
1. Download Tinder.

2. Take a pic of yourself in a white coat.

3. You know what 3 is.
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Never tried but definitely hasn't worked for my friends. Good looking pics > anything else on online dating.
FutureDrB said:
Agreed. When I was younger I used to look down on girls who wanted to marry a guy for his money...but now not so much.

Granted, that can't be the sole reason you get married, but now that I'm older (mid-30s) I've come to realize that marriage is simply a business agreement and people, especially females, want to feel secure.

I might get blasted for saying this, but it simply goes back to DNA. For thousands of years men have been the providers, both physical and financial. And while we certainly see an influx of women who are now the breadwinners (nothing wrong with that in my opinion), it is still engrained in the female psyche to want to be taken care of by the male of the species.
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I've seen high income guys get rejected by struggling single moms. It isn't nearly as common as you think.
 
Hustler101 said:
I've seen high income guys get rejected by struggling single moms. It isn't nearly as common as you think.
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I don't doubt that and you raise an interesting point. I think the "rules of dating" go out the window when you talk about single parents.

If I may get philosophical...

A single mom is most-likely looking for a good father figure for her child/children (depending on their age), and is not necessarily concerned with dating someone based on his income. More-likely, since she is a single mom, she is used to making it on her own (and probably rightly-proud of doing so).

I'm a single dad and raised my daughter alone since she was two. (She just turned 16.) So I can give you the male single-parent perspective on dating if you want. Haha.
 
Mad Jack said:
Unless you went to a high school full of wildly attractive people, the women in your medical school will likely be more attractive, on average, than the people you went to high school with.
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i hope that's true. But the whole 15,000 student college thing might have ruined me in that regard.
 
Iridescent said:
i hope that's true. But the whole 15,000 student college thing might have ruined me in that regard.
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They're more attractive on average, but there's less of them. Also, be careful, cause dating more than one person within your class can turn ugly fast, so choose wisely to avoid cranking the drama to 11 in preclinical.
 
Mad Jack said:
They're more attractive on average, but there's less of them. Also, be careful, cause dating more than one person within your class can turn ugly fast, so choose wisely to avoid cranking the drama to 11 in preclinical.
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Yea, I could see that being an issue. I went to very big schools. Now going to a 200 per class size will be very very different.
 
Mad Jack said:
Unless you went to a high school full of wildly attractive people, the women in your medical school will likely be more attractive, on average, than the people you went to high school with.
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Iridescent said:
i hope that's true. But the whole 15,000 student college thing might have ruined me in that regard.
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I hear that. The school I attended (see avatar) was ranked something like 1st or 2nd for the hottest college girls in the nation by Playboy. Easy to believe too just walking around campus.

I should note...hot doesn't equal datable. Plus they were 18-21 and I was 30, so I always felt like the old guy.
 
Medicine tends to attract well rounded (and often well off) women. No question that my medical school had more attractive women than my high school. And more importantly...medical school had a significantly higher percentage of datable girls. I would say that about half of the women in my med school class were datable. I would compare that to about 5-10% in high school. My undergrad probably had 20-25% datable girls. For more details review the hot-crazy matrix on YouTube for more details.

You will never find a better collection of attractive and datable people than medical school.
 
bro, all you gotta do is become proficient at OMM, and then learn some french
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j4pac said:
You will never find a better collection of attractive and datable people than medical school.
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FutureDrB said:
I don't doubt that and you raise an interesting point. I think the "rules of dating" go out the window when you talk about single parents.

If I may get philosophical...

A single mom is most-likely looking for a good father figure for her child/children (depending on their age), and is not necessarily concerned with dating someone based on his income. More-likely, since she is a single mom, she is used to making it on her own (and probably rightly-proud of doing so).

I'm a single dad and raised my daughter alone since she was two. (She just turned 16.) So I can give you the male single-parent perspective on dating if you want. Haha.
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Yea but that's just one case too. Gold diggers are almost always very direct... and women make their own money anyway. Being broke/unemployed will turn women away but all you need financially for dating success is an average income. The rest is just a bonus and increases your odds of success in your own league.
 
Mad Jack said:
They're more attractive on average, but there's less of them. Also, be careful, cause dating more than one person within your class can turn ugly fast, so choose wisely to avoid cranking the drama to 11 in preclinical.
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But are they single? lol... dont think so.
 
j4pac said:
Medicine tends to attract well rounded (and often well off) women. No question that my medical school had more attractive women than my high school. And more importantly...medical school had a significantly higher percentage of datable girls. I would say that about half of the women in my med school class were datable. I would compare that to about 5-10% in high school. My undergrad probably had 20-25% datable girls. For more details review the hot-crazy matrix on YouTube for more details.

You will never find a better collection of attractive and datable people than medical school.
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maybe i just went to schools with really attractive people like someone else mentioned. I still have my doubts about what you said...ill have to see for myself!
 
Mad Jack said:
Simple solution: only date people that make more money than you to pull the gold digging factor out of the equation.
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Kinda hard when you are the woman with the 6 figure income and everyone out there in the wilds where I work barely makes ends meet. Hard for me to find someone who regularly bathes, doesn't smoke, and isn't hairy let alone a guy who wants to be with me for me. Maybe it's different for guys but I am seriously struggling here. Granted that I don't care if someone is poor, I have been there myself. But I don't want someone clinging to me just for the trips and loans I can give them.

Heck I had my ex- sister in law (I divorced her brother 14 years ago) text me today for a personal loan. Dang, go to the bank already. I have my own bills to pay.
 
cabinbuilder said:
Kinda hard when you are the woman with the 6 figure income and everyone out there in the wilds where I work barely makes ends meet. Hard for me to find someone who regularly bathes, doesn't smoke, and isn't hairy let alone a guy who wants to be with me for me.
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Please clarify. Most men I know are pretty hairy. Haha.
 
cabinbuilder said:
Kinda hard when you are the woman with the 6 figure income and everyone out there in the wilds where I work barely makes ends meet. Hard for me to find someone who regularly bathes, doesn't smoke, and isn't hairy let alone a guy who wants to be with me for me. Maybe it's different for guys but I am seriously struggling here. Granted that I don't care if someone is poor, I have been there myself. But I don't want someone clinging to me just for the trips and loans I can give them.

Heck I had my ex- sister in law (I divorced her brother 14 years ago) text me today for a personal loan. Dang, go to the bank already. I have my own bills to pay.
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Yeah, that's a tough situation to be in. Even in the city it's tough for a successful woman to find a decent guy. Plus so many guys get all insecure with a woman that's more educated or higher earning than they are. Have you considered just being vague about what you do initially? Then once you know they're not into you for the money be like, surprise, I'm a doctor?

If I were single I'd probably go with the vague, "oh, I do some things for the hospital. You know, nothing exciting, lots of paperwork, blah blah." Until I knew someone was legit, then I'd share a bit more about my work. Still, that's a harder thing to do as a woman, since it can flip the relationship right in its head for many guys.

In any case, good luck CB, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for eventually.
 
Hustler101 said:
But are they single? lol... dont think so.
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If they don't have a ring on their hands, they're still available. :naughty:
Mad Jack said:
If I were single I'd probably go with the vague, "oh, I do some things for the hospital. You know, nothing exciting, lots of paperwork, blah blah." Until I knew someone was legit, then I'd share a bit more about my work. Still, that's a harder thing to do as a woman, since it can flip the relationship right in its head for many guys.
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MJ, one of the reasons you're one of my fav SDNers is because you and I think alike. Whenever someone asked me what do I do for living, I told them that I'm a drug dealer -- write prescription drugs (in the future). Alright alright alright.
 
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