Meeting your significant other during residency?

Discussion in 'General Residency Issues' started by NRAI2001, Nov 13, 2005.

  1. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    How difficult is it to go out and meet people (girlfriend or boyfriend potentials) while your doing your residency? Does it happen a lot. Do residents have time to go out to bars, clubs,....etc?

    For some reason i got this image of doctors basically putting their entire social life on hold durign the years of their residency, am I accurate?
     
  2. EctopicFetus

    EctopicFetus Keeping it funky enough
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    No this is not true. It is VERY dependent on what field you enter. IIRC you are still pre-med, so dont worry about it. There are plenty of people who hook up in med school too. I think we have like 7-8 med school couples who will get engaged or got married in med school. Thats like 8-9% of our class. pretty impressive.
     
  3. CTKN2

    CTKN2 Member
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    I think it depends on what program you go into...some programs leave you with more free time than others. That being said, I've seen people in more time-consuming residency programs such as surgery or ob-gyn who have been able to make time to go out and have a good time. I think it's important to ask if the residents go out and hang out when interviewing for residency. A program that has more intense residents or residents who are more homebodies are not likely to go out...

    and if you're still pre-med then you've definitely got a lot more time and can find the right people to go out and party with...
     
  4. (nicedream)

    (nicedream) Fitter Happier
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    I recommend finding undergrads at your associated institution, or a nearby one. They're probably more fun and hotter (and impressed that you're going to be a dr).
     
  5. EctopicFetus

    EctopicFetus Keeping it funky enough
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    I doubt they would be impressed but they are prob hotter. The other good bet is a PA. They tend to be smoking hot! FYI I am married and met my wife in undergad!
     
  6. njbmd

    njbmd Guest
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    Hi there,
    One makes time for things that are important. There is plenty of opportunity to get out and let off some steam even for us general surgery types! ;) Residency is not equivalent to joining the convent or monastery.
    njbmd :)
     
  7. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    I am still a premed, but I am applying to med schools for next year. Never really had a serious relationship in undergrad. The girls at my school were very wierd and from friends I hear that med school only gets worse.
     
  8. pillowhead

    pillowhead Senior Member
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    Yes, well, with that attitude, I'm sure you'll have a very easy time meeting the woman of your dreams in med school/residency.
     
  9. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    Are you being sarcastic?
     
  10. Sanman

    Sanman O.G.
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    Yes, I think he was being sarcastic. I do have to admit that your comment about the girls at your school being weird did have the distinct feeling of "Eww, girls are icky" to me. No offense intended just how it seemed by the way you worded it.
     
  11. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    I dont mean they re icky, i m not 12. But i think people who went to really competitive/science focused schools like berkeley, MIT, Cal tech...etc would understand me better. The girls at berkeley (the guys also) are very different and are very wierd in some sense. Its difficult to pin point how so, but there is just something about them. Most of the people here were nerds in high school. Majority continue to be nerds here, few are actually "normal" genuine people. Some know that they were/are nerds and try to over compensate by pretending they weren't/arent.

    I have met people from other schools and they are generally much cooler, laid back, interesting, and generally nicer. Berkeley is a competitive place and people become mean and cynical quite quickly.
     
  12. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    Enough about undergrad though. What about med school? Do people date with in their class? Date with in their residency program? Date with in their hospital?
     
  13. usnavdoc

    usnavdoc Senior Member
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    I’m at a loss to understand this...What’s the deal with wanting to only date within your med school class, residency, or hospital? You have a huge city out there get the hell out and have some fun. Of course some date within class/residency. But do you want to talk shop all the time?

    If you are in study mode all the time then you have only to blame yourself for not dating. Med school is not just about learning it is also about prioritizing. And sometimes (quite often for some) the priority is to go out and have fun and meet people.

    Besides who wants to date another doctor.....teasing....Kinda
     
  14. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    No i m not limiting myself to people only with in class, residency, hospital. I m just wondering if people actually have the time to go out and meet people.

    The way people describe residency to me is that residency is your life for its duration. You have no real time to leave it and do other things. The only people you really interact with are people in the hospital. That other people who are not in the medical field just are not able to understand the commitment that medicine requires and that this causes many problems.

    Do people actually MEET and date poeple outside of medicine? I emphasize MEET bc i m sure many people carry over previous relationships into medical school and residency with people not in medicine.

    I would rather not date another doctor because it would be fun to experience other fields with someone else.
     
  15. CTKN2

    CTKN2 Member
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    i don't know about residency but i know that plenty of my med school friends, including myself, have met people to date both in and outside of med school. meeting people is not a problem - you just have to be willing to go out and meet them whether it's through your classmates'/friends' friends or through coffee shops or on-line dating.

    you might be surprised to find that a lot of med school students meet their significant others online - and that's because they don't want to date other med students/doctors and because it's easier to meet someone who is more suited for you this way (same level of education, religion, etc. vs. random person in a bar, etc)...you just have to screen for the weirdos.

    but at any rate, a lot of my friends met their significant others while they were in med school, and now we're all in long-term relationships. So, there's definitely hope...

    p.s. i am from Cal as well - it's such a big place that you're bound to meet non-weird people...just go outside your major (I'm guessing MCB)...but maybe things have changed since i was there...
     
  16. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    When were you here? I m doing intergrative bio and public health. There are less wierd people outside of the bio, chem, and other science majors, but it seems like there still remains a large number compared to other schools.
     
  17. EctopicFetus

    EctopicFetus Keeping it funky enough
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    There is a ton of poon in med school. i would say there are at least 7-8 serious couples in my class that met at my school. There are benefits to this but IMO it is much better meeting someone who isnt in med school. This way you can discuss things that are different from your every day bs.
     
  18. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    Yea its fun to be around people who are interested in a field other than your own. I have many friends who are doing anthropology and poli. sci. They re always a good time.

    Have you met any girls outside of your class?
     
  19. (nicedream)

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    Most are totally impressed - the 18yr olds love it. This is all assuming you're not a dork.

    I highly recommend going for the younger girls. I met an undergrad and started dating her, and it has been a great thing for me because I can do my studying and then be totally distracted from all that crap by her (whereas it seems all my classmates talk about is school-related stuff).

    As far as within medschool, there are lots of couples that formed during school. There was also tons of hooking up at the beginning. Girl medstudents are horny.
     
  20. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    :thumbup:
     
  21. KingDong

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    He's right, girl med students are horny, but that's because nobody (except dork med students/residents) would date them.

    I don't get it - why date a girl in your class when you have pharm, dental, nursing, PT/OT, psychology, etc. at your disposal at health science centers. And don't forget undergrad a$$.

    Another note, people will look down on you on these boards for slinging the "I'm in med school" line at women. Ofcourse, the tools that only have med school going for them, fail reapetedly with this line (the girls aren't impressed).

    My point - work out/be athletic, go out/socialize, dress nice, and be confident. Add those things plus "I'm in med school" and watch what happens...life is good my friend.
     
  22. emidesu

    emidesu Senior Member
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    I met my fiance in the neighborhood pizza shop- stay open to meeting new people anywhere...
     
  23. chicamedica

    chicamedica 1K Member
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    Are you saying students at berkeley, MIT, Cal tech, etc aren't genuine? That's quite a generalization you're making.
     
  24. jeffsleepy

    jeffsleepy Senior Member
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    Yeah, honestly. If you haven't found a serious relationship in a school of 10,000 or so girls, it's much more likely that it's you instead of them.
     
  25. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    What undergrad did u go to?
     
  26. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    Whats your definition of genuine?
     
  27. jeffsleepy

    jeffsleepy Senior Member
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    Well Cal of course, and despite what you said, I don't think feel like I understand you better because of it. The school is much bigger than MCB/engineering.
     
  28. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    What major are u? Did you meet your significant other here?
     
  29. jeffsleepy

    jeffsleepy Senior Member
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    EECS major. Met my girlfriend the first week of school freshman year in Japanese 1A and it's been >4 years since. If you think bio is bad in terms of girls, EECS is ten times worse. Anyways, don't forget to come out of the premed isolation every once in a while and see what the rest of the world is up to.
     
  30. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    GEECS major hahahahha. Look guys its a GEECs major :laugh: sleepyjeffs a GEECS majorhahahah:laugh:

    Thats funny that a GEECS major would make fun of anyother major. Good one Jeff, you ve given us all a good laugh :thumbup:
     
  31. jeffsleepy

    jeffsleepy Senior Member
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    :laugh: I love my computers... but now it's medicine full time. :thumbup:
     
  32. sophee

    sophee Member
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    Hey,
    who says that the guys in medicine are cute..........give me a break, and what about personality none,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,all they can do is read......there are exceptions..........but good luck with that..........so any one outside the medicine is perfectly fine with me.............
     
  33. Annoyances

    Annoyances Member
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    You don't have much time during intern year since there is too much stuff to do in general and u are getting out at weird hours and constantly on call. When u are not on call on average u just want to sleep. I hear in later years and in med school is the best time to meet your significant other...
     
  34. orientedtoself

    orientedtoself resident
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    NRAI,
    If you want to be dating someone, I suggest you do it now rather than holding out for residency. Meet people. Go to parties. Put your profile up on dating services. Get set up by friends. So log off SDN and ask someone out. That's how it starts.
     
  35. floweree

    floweree Member
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    i think my hubby would be pissed if i did
     
  36. Winged Scapula

    Winged Scapula Cougariffic!
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    Like everything else in life, you have to make priorities. If you're new to the town in which you do residency, it may be especially important to make time for socializing. Not just to find a S.O., but socializing with your fellow co-workers really helps strengthen your bond...besides it gives you someone else to complain to besides your S.O.

    I met my S.O. my first month of internship...our eyes met across a crowded SICU... :love:
     
  37. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    I plan to do it now, just wondering though :thumbup:
     
  38. backontop

    backontop Member
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    He's right, girl med students are horny, but that's because nobody (except dork med students/residents) would date them.

    I don't get it - why date a girl in your class when you have pharm, dental, nursing, PT/OT, psychology, etc. at your disposal at health science centers. And don't forget undergrad a$$.

    Another note, people will look down on you on these boards for slinging the "I'm in med school" line at women. Ofcourse, the tools that only have med school going for them, fail reapetedly with this line (the girls aren't impressed).

    My point - work out/be athletic, go out/socialize, dress nice, and be confident. Add those things plus "I'm in med school" and watch what happens...life is good my friend.





    Yes! exactly!

    If you can't date quality women (read hot) because of your degree or degree to be, then you need to work on your game/communication skills. You also do not necessarily have to be attractive if you are a guy looking to date hot women (although it certainly helps). You need to have the image that you have or will have $$.

    Try this next time you are at a bar: grow some balls and go up to a girl you are attracted to. Start talking to her by asking some crap like "whatcha drinking" (make sure her drink is full; ur not buying her a drink). Then just give your name and ask her crap about her job, where she lives, etc. (just let her talk about herself in other words). Pretend to be interested. Inevitably the question will come up "what do you do". Ha! now you have let her play your trump card! nice! Now if you are still afloat, and it's been 10 minutes or so you can actually buy her a drink. Your goal is more so to get her number than to sleep with her that night (that kinda stuff only happens rarely; you can't make it happen) But if she gives you her # with a smile, there's a good chance you could later achieve your goal (be it relationship or just sex) After you sleep with her, laugh with your buddies about the whole thing then repeat! good luck!

    NB - Do not try this with intelligent/advanced degree women. Often this can be avoided if you only talk to the most attractive women in the bar. If she says she is a med student also, politely say that you have to go to the bathroom and move on to a real victim!

    NBB- I'm an MD, and yes, life is good my friend........
     
  39. zzz1

    zzz1 Member
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    How to project this image of $ when you are just an MS 1, 2, or 3 and years away from making it big time and 100k in debt, driving a beata honda?
     
  40. p54

    p54 Member
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    spend all your money on nice clothing and make sure you always have a nice haircut, and nice shoes, nice cell phone
    buy your self a $100+ pair of jeans that you wear when u go out and a few expensive shirts...that is how u do it, yes it will cost you a few hundred dollars, well maybe a grand or so to look nice, but in the context of 100 K debt that is really not much more money in debt
     
  41. ccthedoc

    ccthedoc Junior Member

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    Hi! I had to smile when I read the line in which you wonder "if people actually have the time to go out and meet people." I found it entertaining because I remember fearing the same thing before I started residency a year and a half ago. I remember going to a movie with some friends in June before I started my program and thinking that it was the last movie I would see in a crazy long time! I remember thinking that I would probably only have time to do fun things on my vacation time, but that is really not the case. I know it varies quite a lot depending on the program you join, but I'm a peds resident and I have quite a bit of free time. Much more than I imagined anyhow.

    Some months (like inpatient service) are busier than others, of course, but I always have at least one day per week free and one completely free weekend per month. Basically, I work one Friday, one Saturday, and one Sunday call during the month and have one weekend totally without any call. Plus as an intern we get three weeks of vacation plus a week at either Christmas or New Year's and as second and third years the vacation time increases to four weeks per year, plus time at the holidays.

    Also, in response to your comment about dating people from other professions... it can be both good and bad. I have done both. It's refreshing to date people outside of medicine because they help bring other interests and a different spin on life. On the other hand, fellow residents definitely understand your life better and can be more empathetic when you hate your current rotation or you had a horrible day. People outside medicine generally don't understand what you are going through as well and tend to put more pressure on you for time and energy that you don't always have to give to the relationship, depending on your work load and hours that particular month.

    Whatever you do... choose someone who has a comparable education level and a lot of patience.

    And don't worry... there will be time for fun... and love :love: ... in residency! I'm still hopeful!

    Best of luck,
    CC :luck:
     
  42. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    :thumbup:
     
  43. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    :laugh: Nice
     
  44. masterMood

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    marry a dentist, make life much easier for you.
     
  45. medchick

    medchick Junior Member
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    :laugh:

    nice to see how the minds of my fellow med students work..


    which is why i am married to a non medical guy.

    honestly it seems that med school guys just want some vacuous trophy wife--doesn't that get old after awhile. what happens when she becomes fat and ugly would you go after the hot young nurse on your service--i see this behaviour from disgusting old surgery attendings all the time..

    and i agree that men in medical school are on the uglier side--give me a hot wall street type in sexy suits any day of the week..

    :laugh:
     
  46. darrvao777

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    haha...i'm sure there are lots of specialities out there (probably the ones with 40-50 work weeks) that provide plenty of time for dating/socializing/etc... etc...
     
  47. NRAI2001

    NRAI2001 3K Member
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    Let me let you in on a secret................thats how all guys think. :laugh:
     
  48. irrka

    irrka Senior Member
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    There BETTER be time next year to play! I'm moving to NYC so who CARES that i'm starting a surg prelim? you've gotta do what you've gotta do. just get your priorities straight, really!
     
  49. marsupial

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    I am an intern, and during internship I'm taking three light classes for fun and having a great time with the significant other I met during medschool, who was a friend of a friend (not in medicine). You socialize, you meet. You have to be involved in something outside--hang out with alums from your undergrad, volunteer, take classes.

    Plus the protocol in med school is that everyone dumped their longtime significant other and started sleeping with each other. It was crazy.
     
  50. CTSballer11

    CTSballer11 Senior Member
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    I find it hard to believe that many of the bookwormy premeds who never went out and partied, all of a sudden became sexually promiscuous. The premeds i meet cannot hold a convo with an attractive women. Do u go to school in Miami?
     

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